Chapter Text
"Well, how are you feeling now? Are you relaxed?"
Gawin is asked in a deep, gentle voice, as a muscular arm wraps around his shoulders with loving care.
He feels this other, larger body next to him, nestling against him, and looks into those warm, dark eyes that so desperately want to see that he's doing better than he was two days ago.
It's just been a lot these past few weeks.
Promoting the current series, dance and vocal training for the upcoming music festival, where he and his partner Joss will be performing for the first time.
Various events, including some abroad, with fans and promotional partners, and a few charity events, including meetings regarding new opportunities, new projects, and thus new work for the GmmTV BL couple JossGawin, whose popularity is steadily rising.
Gawin has simply been in demand far too much lately, finding little time to relax with even a little music, and has had to leave his own little world-where he always feels safe and finds rest-very often.
There was no room to pause, take a deep breath, and recharge his batteries, because the more famous he and his partner Joss become, the more they must demonstrate their presence and positive connection to themselves and their work.
Now they're in the Maldives for a very special fan event. They're spending three days with their admirers, enjoying shared activities, photos, and meals, and showing an exclusive glimpse of their more private side-all under the event sponsor's logo.
It's a mix of work and vacation, but they come across as stars who are approachable and likable.
Finally, in this beautiful place, they have a little time together when the cameras are off.
Time for some fun and relaxation, time to enjoy this paradise with someone who is much more than a colleague, friend, and famous acting partner.
About two years ago, they began to deepen their connection, even in their private lives and thus independently of their work together.
They entered each other's worlds and found a dynamic between them, a symbiosis that no one else-no matter how close a relative or friend-had been able to offer them before.
Gawin feels safe with Joss, understood, supported, and valued. He gives him space for himself, laughs at his witty, sometimes endearingly crazy way of joking, draws his sensitive artistic soul into the light, and adores and protects him in a way he had never experienced before.
And Joss trusts Gawin more than anyone else, feels seen and understood, encouraged in his goals, and connected to him with such intense affection that he no longer sees any boundaries in their relationship. He believes in their partnership, no matter where it leads, and wishes for nothing more than to keep this person by his side and to find happiness together with him and his chosen and extended family.
Now they sit here on a pier, their legs dangling relaxed over the water, after sending their vacation companions off to enjoy their free time following dinner.
An incredibly glorious sunny day by the sea paints rising pastel hues across the sky just before dusk, while at the same time allowing the bright, life-giving sun to reflect so beautifully and glitteringly off the vast, deep-blue surface.
The salty sea air smells of vastness and quiet infinity out there on the endless water, so that this place is almost unnatural in its beauty and seems to exist solely for Joss and Gawin.
A gentle, pleasant breeze ruffles Gawin's hair a little, which Joss immediately smooths back into place with a tender stroke of his finger.
He just can't help himself; he has eyes for no one but this man right now.
In Bangkok, they'd barely had any time for each other for far too long now, but here, a barrier between them that had somehow kept them apart in the big city, amid all the stress, suddenly seems to have dissolved.
In this magical place, Joss can hardly resist Gawin's fascination; he constantly feels the need to touch him and be tender with him, openly expressing these unusual feelings for a friend and colleague, and feeling the urge to share with the whole world just how beautiful, funny, sexy, and important his partner is to him.
Ever since the two of them have been here, everything they do together or for each other feels so much more intense that they've now reached a point that reveals exactly which category these overwhelming feelings actually fall into-and yet neither of them has quite put a name to it yet.
It's not actually out of fear that a relationship might go wrong and destroy two careers at once if it ends badly. Their platonic bond is far too strong and enduring for that, and both know that would never happen.
No, there's another reason.
Pure uncertainty gnaws at both of them; although each is certain of their own feelings for the other, neither knows yet whether their partner feels the same way. For so long, this relationship between them was a wonderful friendship until more and more aspects emerged that expanded this particularly friendly, brotherly love so much further.
When movie kisses feel too real, when the excitement lingers beyond the role being played, and when the other person becomes almost the sole focus constantly on your mind-even when you're somewhere without that person-then you can be pretty sure it's too late to question what's obvious.
Of course, as an unfortunate twist in the currently airing series, they happen to play a couple who have exactly this problem. Friendship develops into romantic love, and one partner is ready to fully commit to it, while the other is unsure of his feelings or doesn't want to be.
Although Joss's character Arnold is completely different from how Joss would behave if he were unsure of his feelings, he shares Gawin's fear that the other person might be put off by such a misunderstanding of their friendship and then seek emotional distance, tearing a painful hole in their otherwise wonderful current relationship.
Joss's best friends, outside the entertainment industry-his self-chosen family-have so often encouraged him to just go for it with Gawin and tell him everything. They're certain that even if this love were one-sided, Gawin would never judge Joss for it or pull away from him.
Not to mention that they see things much more clearly, precisely because they have the necessary distance that Joss's intense emotions don't allow, and they are absolutely certain that Gawin would never reject Joss.
And damn it, this clarification of their relationship is truly needed right away, because something incredibly intense has been simmering between them for quite a while now, something that simply challenges both of them more and more and keeps them on edge.
Touch means so much more, conveys so much longing and desire, and has recently been pushing both of them to the limits of their self-restraint.
Neither of them wants to overwhelm the other with this need for intimate tenderness, so they try to keep it within bounds that don't go too far for the other and can still be explained as loving brotherhood.
"Yes, I really am feeling better now. I'm much more relaxed here, but that's not just thanks to this beautiful place."
Gawin smiles gently at Joss and wraps his arm around his waist.
And when their eyes meet again, it's another one of those countless moments between them that have been piling up lately.
Moments that really just need a proper conclusion to make everything perfect, but which neither of them dares to demand.
But here, on the pier, that would be far too dangerous. Too many people with cameras could be close enough to film or photograph something that was supposed to be an unobserved, very private moment.
Even if no one is visible near them right now, that doesn't mean they're actually alone.
And then, conveniently, a live video call comes in on Gawin's phone, which eases the situation a bit.
This live with their friends and current co-stars gets really loud and fun; they tease them a bit and ask what it's like where they are right now, and as Gawin feels Joss's presence and draws the salty breeze deep into his lungs once more, he can't help but let a few words slip that completely throw Joss off balance.
"I'll tell you this: if you have someone you truly love, bring them here to the Maldives. It's worth it-you won't regret it."
Gawin puts it very generally, but it actually reflects his own emotional world, which he simply can't escape anymore.
At that moment, Joss feels that pleasantly warm flutter in his stomach, which is no longer just whispering to him but screaming that Gawin simply has to know everything.
He wants to be that love for his G. The one you bring here because he's incredibly important to you.
At the same moment, he dreads their first night together here at the hotel for the first time, because everything here represents only one thing.
Incredibly beautiful South Sea romance that no one can resist.
The gorgeous hotel with its incredibly cozy and tastefully furnished stilt houses, right above the water.
A huge double bed for him and Joss, so soft and comfortable it feels like sleeping on clouds.
Add to that the incredibly wonderful nature surrounding them-sun, beach, and sea-happy people, and no rushing from one appointment to the next.
Although there are fans present, they've gotten to know each other by now, and it feels a bit like a trip with a travel group of strangers who are nonetheless extremely close.
Every morning they'll wake up together and see the sea first, perched right above the water, where it feels like you're living right in the vastness of the beautiful, blue ocean.
There's even a small pool on the property where you can relax wonderfully if you don't feel like taking the stairs on the side to swim directly in the sea.
At night, the stars above the vast Indian Ocean, the sound of the waves, and the person who means so much to you-the one who gives you so much support and contentment-right beside you.
How could their first night together here not be just as romantic as the setting promises, especially considering that, as has often been the case, they're sleeping together in a big bed?
But far too romantic for the fact that they might not feel the same way about each other.
And then suddenly the moment arrives; after the live stream just wrapped up, Joss and Gawin, just like their fans and supportive staff, retreat to their sleeping quarters to get ready for their first night in paradise.
No sooner have they entered the house than Gawin disappears into the bathroom, while Joss, to distract himself from his nervousness, scrolls through the usual social media platforms regarding today's events.
And of course, they're the main topic of conversation with this trip to the Maldives, and he has to smile several times as he looks at Gawin's sweetly captured moments, or at himself, staring at his partner completely unconsciously as if there were no other person in the world.
When Gawin doesn't come out of the bathroom for quite a while and Joss doesn't hear any shower or other water noises coming from the bathroom, he gets up to knock and ask if everything is okay.
And at that very moment, the door right in front of his nose swings open all by itself, quite forcefully.
Gawin laughs as he throws the clothes he'd just been wearing over Joss, sticks his tongue out at him, and calls out cheekily like a little boy: "Whoever gets in the pool last is a boring spoilsport."
Then he runs past him, through their open sliding glass door toward the sea, and jumps into the pool right at the end of the terrace.
Joss can't help but laugh.
How childish can you get?
And at the same time, this typically endearingly crazy behavior of his partner is exactly what Joss finds so endlessly sweet about him.
He can be an impressive actor, a strong partner, and a skilled player during their basketball games, but he's also incredibly funny, playful, and so sugary that it could give Joss diabetes.
Especially because he knows how introverted Gawin actually is, how hard it is for him to tolerate too many strangers, and what an honor it is for him that Gawin can act so silly and relaxed around him.
"Take off your clothes!"
Gawin calls out through the open door into their room, thoroughly amused, and, without giving his choice of words or gestures a second thought, lets Joss watch something that could certainly be described as thrilling torment.
Gawin tosses his wet hair back seductively, tenses his upper body, and brushes away with both hands what had still been cheekily and damply nestled against his forehead.
He stands just deep enough in the water that the waterline reveals his chest, where incredibly provocative water droplets glisten in the pastel-colored evening sun like hundreds of tiny diamonds.
Joss struggles with himself.
This sight, this ambiguous invitation.
He simply can't help himself
"So you want me naked?" he asks suddenly, raising one eyebrow seductively.
Just a year ago, Gawin would probably have sunk into the water, bright red, cleared his throat, and tried to stammer out an explanation that it wasn't meant to be taken so literally and that he just wanted Joss to go swimming with him-but in swim trunks, of course.
However, the two of them have moved past that point by now, and for some time now, Gawin has finally dared to be just as provocative and unambiguously suggestive as Joss likes to be with him.
"I have no problem with that, as long as you come over here into the water with me and we relax together a little before we go to sleep."
Joss looks at Gawin in surprise and can't help but grin even wider.
But Joss wouldn't be Joss if he couldn't take it a step further.
"Okay, well, if you say so."
And with those cheeky words, delivered with a look that Gawin knows all too well from one of Joss's roles-one that resembles that of a certain, very determined vampire-Joss steps through the open door and begins to undress, right in front of Gawin's eyes.
Of course, a blush now spreads across his face after all. The urge to turn away becomes overwhelming, but at the same time, he doesn't want to lose this little contest between them, which now seems to be about embarrassing each other.
Joss notices Gawin's discomfort, but at the same time is amused by his resilience and decides to make things a little easier for him after all.
Just as he makes a move to place his hands on his newly unbuttoned pants and pull them down along with his shorts, he grabs the blackout curtain next to the door and pulls it in front of him in a flash.
"You'll have to pay more for this benefit, Mr. Catskey."
Gawin hears this from behind the curtain and starts laughing out loud.
"Then you'll have to name your price, Mr. Wayar."
He says, sliding deeper into the water, feeling a little relieved that Joss hasn't pressed him too hard, because his heart is already beating incredibly fast, and it's probably only thanks to the cool water of the pool that physically everything is still under control so far, without any well-circulated surprises that Joss would certainly notice with him in the pool.
"I'll tell you the price, Mr. Catskey... one day I'll tell you."
Joss says as he, now in swim trunks, pushes the curtain aside again.
With his cell phone in hand, he finally comes over to Gawin and takes a picture of him.
"Hey, what's this? I look like a wet poodle."
Gawin shakes his head with a smile, ruining his hair even more in the process.
"You're not going to post that online, are you?"
He asks, knowing full well that Joss won't.
"No, the wet poodle is just for me." He has to admit it, snaps another photo, and loves how wonderfully playful Gawin's wet hair frames his face right now, making him look absolutely adorable.
"But we'll dry your hair right away and do our duty for the fans to show them how we spend our time together."
Once again, Gawin blushes bright red without being able to do anything about it.
Two photos just for Joss?
But why?
G looks absolutely ridiculous on them.
Once again.
Why does Joss have to capture this?
"Why do you always take such terrible photos of me? You're definitely going to use them against me someday, admit it. And then you'll blackmail me with a picture of a pimple, or a completely ruined hairstyle, or embarrassing food stains on my face and clothes, while I'm staring completely crazy into the camera."
Gawin wants to complain a little, but of course he doesn't mean it seriously, and he also knows that Joss would never post photos like that. Still, he doesn't understand why he keeps them and doesn't delete them.
"Hey, don't give me any ideas," Joss replies with a laugh.
"No, G. Do you really want to know why I keep these photos? Pictures where you're completely makeup-free, disheveled, dirty, or exhausted from sports?"
The moment Joss asks Gawin this question, he realizes that deep down, he's not really ready to give him the answer. An answer that would reveal so much more about his feelings for his partner than he's been willing to admit so far. He doesn't know why his tongue suddenly let that stupid question slip out, but he realizes he can't back down now.
"Yeah, go ahead, I really want to know." Gawin smiles, still a bit incredulous, and waits for an answer that's sure to make him laugh again, but the opposite happens.
When he hears Joss's words, his heart starts racing, his stomach flips, and for a moment he doesn't know what to say. He just feels so hot that the pool he's sitting in should actually be boiling, as if he were a human immersion heater.
"Because I want the real you, G....because I want to capture those moments when you're not the person everyone else sees....perfectly styled, all dressed up, wearing designer clothes and decked out in jewelry, but the person who exists just with me, so unvarnished and without the glamour of our professional world.... simply because then you're just my G and not the one who also belongs to all our fans...no one else sees you like that, only me......and.....you have no idea how cute you look sometimes....or....how....(sigh)....how beautiful you are when you're just being yourself."
And then the world stands still for a moment.
Joss looks at his speechless partner and wants to slap himself inside.
He's overwhelmed him.
He's sent him signals that go too far for their friendship.
He's ventured into uncertain waters and has no idea if G is ready to plunge into the same currents.
"I... uhm..."
Gawin suddenly begins, visibly nervous.
And already Joss feels the urge to say something that might defuse this strange situation between them, but G won't let him take it back or soften it in any way.
"...I guess I can live with that."
He says, trying to keep eye contact as brief as possible.
Then, with a visibly red face, he suddenly climbs out of the pool and strides past Joss as quickly as he can.
"I... I like your reasons, J."
Joss suddenly hears as Gawin scurries away, infinitely shy.
At first, he isn't sure if he heard correctly, but then he lets the warmth that's now rising to his head spread throughout his body.
But why is Gawin backing away from this situation now, even though he's agreed to it in such a terribly nervous way?
"Where are you going?" Joss calls after him.
"I thought we were going for a swim first."
"I'm just going to dry my hair so we can take a few more pictures for the fans, like you said... while it's still light out... and... and then for the rest of the night, I'll just be the G you like to capture in the other photos... (short pause) ... JUST YOUR G."
Gawin says the last words very quietly again, perhaps hoping Joss didn't hear them.
But Joss understood perfectly, and he couldn't be happier about it.
So few words, not even a full sentence, and yet it makes him want to hug the whole world.
A short time later, Joss takes pictures of a relaxed Gawin in the water of their small pool.
He even posts "Tua is relaxed now" under one of the pictures and senses a very specific meaning in this statement regarding the role Gawin plays in their current series.
For the fans, it's just a cute joke, proof of how close they are because they're taking pictures of each other while splashing around, but for Joss, this statement conveys something else entirely.
For him, it has a very specific meaning.
Tua, Gawin's character, is actually quite tense due to the stagnant development of his relationship with his best friend, even though they've already shared a passionate night together.
So when he now says that Tua is relaxed, he's implying that something positive has developed between them.
He's simply a master at cryptically expressing what's on his mind.
Finally, the first night of this short trip falls upon the vacation paradise.
Joss has finally joined Gawin in the water, and for a while they've actually barely spoken, instead enjoying their togetherness, the magnificent sunset now nearing its end with its stunning colors, and the quiet closeness between them, which feels not at all awkward but incredibly wonderful.
"G? I... I want to tell you something..."
Joss isn't quite sure how to begin.
This moment of quiet togetherness is beautiful, but it just isn't enough for him.
He wants to touch Gawin, pull him close, hold him, ki.......
He forbids himself from hoping for more, but he wants to finally tell him the whole truth, reveal his feelings, and ensure there are no more secrets between them.
He MUST finally face this fear of rejection, since the urge to be even closer to Gawin has now become a greater torment than taking a clear stance on their extraordinary friendship.
So just as he brings himself to open up, and gently places a hand on Gawins shoulder, he is suddenly cut off.
"Shhh... J... sorry, but... wait... listen for a moment..."
Gawin takes the hand on his shoulder and kneads it there for a brief moment before guiding it down his arm and placing his own hand soothingly on top of Joss's.
He probably wants to convey that he'll let him speak in a moment and that he has no bad reason for stopping him, but he has no idea what this triggers in Joss. Goosebumps immediately run through his body, leaving him confused for a moment because of this unfamiliar, gently guiding, tender touch.
Besides, he doesn't understand what G means, but he stays quiet and actually pricks up his ears, even though he has no idea what he's supposed to hear here besides the sea lapping back and forth beneath them, seabirds screeching high up in the sky, the breeze in the little wind chime on their terrace, or the gurgling of the pool they're sitting in.
No, he hears nothing unusual from outside; only inside there is this sound that grows steadily louder, sounding like hissing and rushing in his throbbing ears, because Gawin is making his blood surge so fiercely that this heat wants to spread throughout his entire body.
This hand on his-it's actually nothing special; they've done this so often, in scenes or at workshops-but here and now, in this intimate togetherness filled with the mystical beauty of their surroundings, just before such a private, vulnerability-laden revelation, it makes Joss incredibly emotional.
Meanwhile, the sun disappears completely on the horizon and darkness covers everything, while the usual automatic night lights come on at the dock and also at their little stilt house.
"Tell me, did you hear something? Very quietly?"
Gawin asks, looking into a face that's smiling lovingly, yet a little perplexed.
Joss gently shakes his head and could hardly find Gawin more adorable right now, as he'd been tilting his head back for about five minutes, seemingly straining to listen to something that had obviously completely escaped Joss.
Damn it, and Gawin had absolutely no idea how incredibly charming and sweet as sugar he looked doing that.
"No, what was I supposed to hear?"
Joss can't help but widen his smile into a broad, amused grin.
Meanwhile, Gawin lets go of Joss's hand, leans forward onto the edge of the pool, resting and crossing both arms on it. His head now lying there as if on a pillow.
Joss does the same, sliding closer to him and touching him on his side as he, also in this position, looks over at G.
Gawin sighs briefly, looking almost a little disappointed, which really irritates Joss, but then he suddenly laughs, quite obviously at himself.
"Oh, that... forget it... that's actually complete nonsense... I was just thinking about one of the little stories and truths my grandma used to tell me every now and then when I was little... this place just kind of tempted me to think about it. Somehow, everything here just feels more intense and completely different than back home in Bangkok."
Joss's heart beats faster. He suddenly has a thousand questions.
What feels different?
In what way?
What's more intense?
Is he talking about what they're experiencing together here?
Is Gawin talking about Joss, or just about a grueling trip with fans?
Does he feel the same way he does?
What kind of story is this from his grandmother?
Joss is completely hooked on Gawins story, even though he probably cast that line completely unconsciously.
"What story, what truth? Tell me about it, G."
Joss decides to start by asking the one question that's probably the most harmless of all the ones swirling around in his head.
"Well, just some romantic nonsense about finding happiness."
He laughs a little louder for a moment, then looks a bit more wistful, almost sad, as he gazes out at the dark sea.
"Nana just loved telling stories. My grandmother was actually quite well-known for that in our family. It's really nothing important."
"Come on, G. Tell me, okay? Please. I really want to know."
Joss feels an urgent need to find out what Gawin means. He has no idea why, but he simply has to listen to what gives his heart this warmth and this gentle flutter when he listens to Gawin's words and feels his half-naked body touching his own so intimately.
"Well, all right."
Gawin rests his head on his arms and looks at Joss, then begins to tell his story.
"It's not really that spectacular; it's just stuck in my memory since childhood, and I've tried it quite a few times since then."
Gawin sits up a little straighter to speak more clearly, while Joss now hangs completely spellbound, his eyes fixed on Gawin's lips.
"Nana said some people say that if you watch a sunset with someone who's very important to you and wait in silence for the moment when the sun finally and completely sinks into the sea, then... well... then you can hear together the rushing hiss of the last light of day fading into the ocean, but only if the person you're with is meant to share the same, lasting happiness with you. Only then do both of you hear it. You wouldn't believe how often my sisters and I have tried this... as kids, we didn't know yet that there was more to love than just friends or family; we just wanted to be happy together forever and weren't thinking about any romantic nonsense. Well... It's actually completely ridiculous... but somehow still a very special ritual for us, no matter how impossible it is.
I think it's really just about finding a moment of quiet in the midst of our restless daily lives-which demand everything at an unbelievable pace, with deafening chaos and a need for perfection-just to slow down again... to make time for loved ones and do something together that requires calm and trust. Being loud together, having fun, or arguing because of stress-that's easy-but being quiet together and finding in that a much greater fulfillment than a thousand words could express is probably the kind of happiness that's meant here. "
Joss is completely stunned.
His breathing quickens.
He has just lifted his head from his arms and is shaking it slightly, completely overwhelmed by the emotions that are currently torturing him so intensely.
G. chose him.
Him, Joss, to tell him this and to actually practice it with him, like a ritual of love, without giving it much thought.
Did Gawin just listen to himself?
Does he actually understand what he's doing to Joss's heart right now with this little story-which seems so ridiculous to him-in which apparently only Joss has recognized the significance of his own role? Gawin, however, clearly hasn't.
And then it's over.
Joss just can't take it anymore.
He has to know now.
Does Gawin not understand himself? Is this really not that important to him, or has he just subconsciously revealed feelings for Joss that definitely go beyond friendship?
"G... I... I really have to do something now..."
Joss is almost overwhelmed by a violent emotional turmoil; he's never felt this way before.
He's usually the master of clear thinking, of the right path, of getting things done directly, but now he first has to sort out in his head what he actually wants to say.
But then suddenly he knows what he has to say. Suddenly he understands connections that Gawin himself probably hasn't grasped yet, and he chooses his usual unflinching honesty, the approach with which he feels most comfortable.
"Yes?" Gawin looks at him expectantly.
"G, I have to correct myself. I did hear something just now....and I really hope you did too."
Joss speaks now with the courage of desperation.
"But I think I need to explain something, because I think you're misunderstanding one aspect of your grandmother's story."
Gawin blinks uncertainly and tilts his head slightly.
His cheeks begin to flush, and Joss notices he's trying to put a little distance between them. This closeness is making him visibly more nervous than before.
But Joss can't let that happen.
A strong arm wraps around Gawin's waist, eliciting a surprised groan from him as Joss pulls him even closer, finally pressing his back against the pool wall, and a little water splashes over the edge.
"Hmmm? What... do you mean?" Gawin asks, a hint of bewilderment in his voice, as two hands on either side of his head press against the pool wall and their bodies, buoyed by the water, naturally nestle together in perfect alignment.
"What you hear in that moment when you watch the sunset with the right person isn't something the sun and the water could actually provide. Nothing comes from your surroundings, but only from within yourself. It is the rush of blood in your head from excitement, the pounding of your pulse in your ears from exhilarated joy, and the hissing of your quickening breath when you feel a touch you desperately want to intensify. These are the physical signs people display because of their feelings for one another-signs you can only sense, and thus hear, when you share such a romantic moment with them, like a sunset here in the most romantic, magical place in the world."
Joss's head is just a few centimeters away from Gawin's.
He studies his face, his eyes, his beautiful lips.
He feels his own arousal taking over, savors this intimate closeness so incredibly intensely, and now wants to go all in.
Gawin's breath blows against Joss's skin at a noticeably higher frequency.
He looks at him like a shy schoolgirl and can hardly comprehend what is happening between them right now.
What is suddenly unleashed between him and his best friend and partner-who, with every passing second, confuses him more than ever, arouses him in the most sensual way, and drives him completely out of his mind.
"Www...what makes you so sure? How do you know that?"
Gawin asks, without really having control over the words crossing his lips, for he is completely lost in the sight of the person who has now moved even closer to him.
"Because even without the sunset, it's exactly the same, G.... I hear, feel, and sense exactly as I did just now; my head is buzzing, my ears are pounding, my body needs more oxygen-and all because you're so close to me."
"So does that mean that if you watch a sunset like this with someone, you can figure out if you have real feelings for that person, because only then do you experience these symptoms as a result of the romantic atmosphere?"
Gawin sums it up quite rationally and elicits a soft laugh from Joss, despite the tension between them that's about to snap, because that's exactly what's a little out of place again-and therefore damn cute.
"Don't laugh, that's... not funny."
Gawin pushes Joss away and turns back toward the sea.
He just can't bear to look at him anymore, because his heart and body are already acting in perfect harmony, but his head wants to tell him that Joss is just messing around, will call him "bro" again in a second, and is making a little fun of those romantic ideas he told him about.
He doesn't even know why he's convincing himself of that.
Of course, Joss is a joker and always up for a friendly competition, teasing him a little when he triumphs, but he would never make fun of something like this.
But the thought of facing that terrifies him even more; he simply can't bear this situation or see where it's leading, so he'd rather run away and withdraw.
But Joss won't let him run away again, because he knows his G.
He knows how sensitive this moment is right now, and that only the unvarnished truth matters now.
"No, G., don't just turn away and misunderstand me like that-I won't allow it. You won't run away, not today. Deep down, you know I would never joke about something like that."
Joss wraps his arms around Gawin from behind, pulls him close, rests his chin on his shoulder, and speaks softly into his ear.
"I need to know, G! It's now or never! Did you feel the same way earlier, when you told me that story?"
Gawin sighs deeply and desperately.
What on earth should he do?
This changes everything.
Joss is demanding so much from him.
Isn't that unfair... or... is it just finally time for this?
And then suddenly....
"Always, J... not just earlier... whenever I... lately... ...just always, whenever you're with me."
Has Gawin now decided to go with the truth as well.
"Damn it, G! I thought we could handle this better than Arnold and Tua!"
Joss can't help himself; he just has to plant a sweet, yet slightly helpless kiss on Gawin's neck and hold him as tightly as he possibly can.
Gawin wraps his arms around Joss's firm grip on him and holds his partner so tightly it feels like the only thing keeping him from falling meters into the void.
A satisfied sigh escapes his lips as he feels the wonderfully intoxicating kiss on his neck, and he can't help but let Joss have his way.
"Mmmmhhh...Big J."
It finally escapes him, completely unable to form a coherent thought, as those lips wander from their original target, steadily moving higher and higher up his jaw and venturing into a region that is definitely becoming more and more dangerous for there relationship as friends.
"G., let's go inside. We're already all wrinkled from the water."
Joss suggests, pulling the emergency brake in desperation, his lips still pressed against Gawin's wonderfully soft skin, which makes him so incredibly addicted.
His breathing has quickened just as much as his partner's, and both know it's better to take a short break now, gather their thoughts a little, and then perhaps talk about this completely unfamiliar, strange situation indoors, with more clothes on, before it gets out of hand.
Gawin nods, lets Joss take his hand, and is led out of the pool and under the convenient outdoor shower to rinse off the salt from the saltwater pool before it dries out their skin too much.
Actually, this is a logical reflex, and one shouldn't pay too much attention to it, yet between the two of them it develops into an incredibly sensual experience.
Neither of them can manage to stay focused on themselves at this moment when temptation on two legs stands so close by, and glances that meet simply override any self-control.
Bold hands rest on the other's chest, washing away the salty residue from heated skin with the most loving caresses, losing themselves in thrilling tenderness.
Without speaking a word, without demanding anything of one another, they explore each other, craving skin-to-skin contact as intensely as they've never known before.
Steel-hard muscles tremble beneath bold exploration; eyes devour one another as if they were hungry mouths when gazes meet again, and lips seek their urgently needed connection, only to pull away again just before contact and dance around one another like dragonflies in nuptial flight.
More skin, more of everything-these two bodies now crave sweet union now that there is finally no more salt to wash away, and they nestle against one another.
Only the moment counts now, only the longing for closeness, security, and this other person-whether male or female, whether aesthetically pleasing or misshapen, whether small or large-for their perfection lies solely in belonging to the one with whom they wish to feel so deeply connected.
"Can we fall asleep like this today, J?"
Gawin asks, his lips pressed against Joss's bare shoulder, lost in the most intense embrace in the world, and barely able to pull away of his own accord to do anything else.
Joss takes a deep breath; he has to pull himself together. Such a need for closeness is new to him; no one has ever triggered it in him before, and it felt almost like a kind of beautiful trance, which Gawin now breaks with his sweet question.
This isn't just about finding someone attractive or appealing, as he knew it from the time before Gawin.
He has realized that with G, it's about merging, about eternity, and about fulfillment.
He wants his body, he wants his mind, he wants everything about him.
He wants to be Gawin's world, just as Gawin is his, and such a simple request seems almost ridiculous to him, since he couldn't possibly want anything other than to fall asleep with him in his arms.
"I wouldn't want it any other way, G." Joss has to admit the truth.
Gawin smiles and pulls away from Joss a little.
"Big J., can you be this romantic? That's something completely new."
He remarks, turning off the water with a happy smile.
"I can be quite different." He laughs with a deep chuckle and pulls Gawin back toward him.
His gaze clearly reveals ambiguous motives.
But G doesn't react to this silly, naughty implication as expected-with a bit of cheeky resistance and a playful, admonishing joke in return, as Joss had hoped-but quite differently.
His gaze suddenly becomes much more serious; a gentle sadness mingles with the previously so happily radiant expression on his face, and for a moment, Joss feels his fear rising again.
"What's wrong, G?"
He asks worriedly and gives him some space.
"Promise me something, Big J."
Gawin must now give voice to his inner turmoil.
"Anything you want."
Is all Joss can say, as honestly as possible.
"We're not going to mess this up, J, okay?"
Gawin couldn't mean it any more seriously, and it hits Joss right in the heart.
"We're going to do this right, we're going to be....mmmmhhhh....."
"....Partners, friends, soulmates with the most diverse personalities imaginable, we'll stay together... we'll love each other as we deserve and always be there for each other and support one another; we'll be ourselves and yet an invincible unit, because I couldn't bear to go our separate ways. It would destroy me, Joss."
Gawin had wanted to say exactly this more, but he doesn't get the chance.
His gaze is simply so full of melancholic drama, and the melody of his voice is such a heart-wrenching opus to Joss's ears that he believes he can only take away all this fear of loss in a unique way-and that requires an incredibly courageous act.
And this first, genuine, world-changing kiss-it comes completely without warning, simply from such a desperate, noble impulse.
Two large hands have simply grabbed Gawin's head right in the middle of a sentence.
One rests on his cheek, the other presses against his neck with impetuous force.
And Gawin has not a second to pull away or think about justification as Joss's hungry lips begin to press against his, roaming and exploring them with lust, so meticulously, relishingly, heatedly demanding, and full of desire-more intensely than he has ever experienced before.
A mouth that just moments ago was so afraid to confess is sucked in with full desire, first on top, then below.
A tongue ventures between needy, plump lips and so a bold act carried out in a moment of impulse heals, in seconds, the most grueling doubts.
Damn it, and G simply allows himself to be devoured, over and over again, because this first unchoreographed meeting of their mouths demands so much more.
Joss's kisses are so wild and unrestrained, and yet so tender and full of blissful gentleness.
And as if compelled, he must pounce on Gawin like this over and over again, devour him, to kiss the fear completely out of his mind that Joss might ever leave him again.
Actions simply speak louder than words, and G is to feel in every fiber of his being what Joss wants to say without actually saying it.
Gawin's legs grow weak; he leans against Joss once more, feels that powerful, feverish resistance, and senses a burning desire within him-so utterly unfamiliar and draining his last remaining rational strength.
His body wants everything and yet is overwhelmed by all that his otherwise so closed-off self is revealing to him.
And then his hands suddenly take on a lustful life of their own.
They dig forcefully into needy skin and shift their mission from helping and tenderly cleansing to spreading heat and sinfully demanding.
"Ummhhhh J." Gawin savors every moment and lets out a brief, uncontrollably powerful sigh as Joss's hands suddenly grab his backside with a juicy grip and knead it with satisfaction.
His hips are now pushed closer to Joss completely automatically, and suddenly they feel something against each other that, in its lustful hardness, reveals that the situation is slipping further and further out of their control.
Gawin can barely breathe; his body wants all of this so badly and wants to think as little as possible about the consequences as he begins to actively rub his own swollen excitement against his partner's.
"God, G! Uhhhmmmm....that.....G!" Joss blurts out immediately. His libido is at a dangerous level, and the desire to cast aside all boundaries right then and there is overwhelmingly powerful.
Yes, and that's exactly why he has to prevent something worse from happening now. This is simply not how things should start between them.
They aren't their characters Arnold and Tua, and they won't let their first emotional outburst lead to something that might cause problems the next day.
No, they want to do this right with each other and put feelings above uncontrolled urges!
"We....ummmhhh....G.....we need towels....we have to dry off."
Joss tries to impose some rationality on them now and bring a little calm back to their excited, heated emotional explosion.
And at that moment, Gawin also wakes up from her hot, dream-filled bubble devoid of realism and is just as grateful for this urgently needed boundary that has just been drawn.
Joss presses his forehead against his partner's and feels the other's excited breath brush against his own as they consciously transform the closeness of their bodies into a respectful distance.
They close their eyes for a moment, tenderly rubbing their noses together in search of the other, yet still trying to comprehend what herd of 100-horsepower wild horses has just run through them.
Holding each other by the neck and hips, they stand there for a while, kneading each other's damp, hot skin much more innocently now, touching each other only gently and tenderly with their hands, and finally finding a little peace again so as not to want too much too quickly.
"G. I'll go get us some towels... then we'll... get changed, okay?"
Joss sums up his plan in breathless words.
Gawin can only nod and immediately seeks support against the wall as Joss moves away from his body, which now seems much shakier than usual when he enters their room.
Finally, he reappears out there, now with a towel, moving with lightning speed and clearly with deliberation, having slipped into dry shorts, and he wraps his arms around Gawin, the fluffy piece of fabric between them, in a hug that smells of fabric softener.
"Go change quickly, G. I need to take a quick call-my mom called while we were out here. As soon as that's done, we'll take some time for ourselves, babe. We...really...need...to...talk...about...what just happened..."
Joss doesn't say anything else. Gawin knows exactly what he means; he distracts himself from the situation best with something that promises anything but excitement, and finds this tactic incredibly helpful.
Still, he grabs Gawin's chin before disappearing back inside, pulls him toward him, and gives him a sweet but firm kiss on the lips, as if he'd never done anything else.
Gawin stands outside for a moment, wraps himself completely in the towel, looks up at the dark, clear night sky, and briefly considers slapping himself.
"Babe..." he murmurs to himself, just as softly as Joss had just said it, and can't help but smile happily as his breathing finally calms down.
None of this can be real, yet here he stands, still feeling his partner's passionate kiss on his lips, his body still burning in inappropriate places, and his heart beating far too fast.
Surreal, so surreal-he's thought that a lot today, and he hopes he won't wake up from this dream one day.
A short time later, Gawin is finally dry, changed, and ready for bed.
He's wearing shorts and a tank top and is sitting on the bed with his guitar when Joss returns from his phone call in the next room.
For a moment, Gawin's biggest fan stands unnoticed in the doorway, watching his G demonstrate his musical skills as magnificently as ever.
Tracy Capman surely couldn't have sung "Baby Can I Hold You" any more beautifully, and Joss can't help but grin, because even if the rest of this wonderful song might not apply to their situation, he still takes parts of the chorus as an invitation.
Gawin loves to express things through his music, and Joss has come to embrace that. He understands him, and he even responds with a song of his own, sending it to Gawin when he feels the music says more than he ever could have put into words himself.
Joss steps up to Gawin from the front and runs his finger along the guitar as Gawin finishes the song.
Immediately, G quietly strums a new, light, sweet melody and looks up at Joss, his head tilted to the side and with the sweet expression of a cheeky little boy.
"I think she should go to sleep now, just like us."
Joss wants to overcome the fascination Gawin feels for this particular guitar.
G nods, smiles understandingly, and is extremely surprised when Joss takes his special wooden treasure and, with incredible care, puts it back in her bag.
Then Joss turns off all the lights, opens the curtain in front of the large patio door as wide as it will go, and slips into bed behind Gawin.
The starry sky appears incredibly bright and clearly visible in this still-young night from where they lie, illuminating the room with its mystical, romantic moonlight.
"Oh, what a good idea-this way we can still enjoy this beautiful night out there a little longer.
Or are you already too tired? Would you rather sleep?" Gawin asks, gazing through the glass out at the moonlit, silvery expanse of the ocean.
"Actually, I just want to enjoy you a little longer, and if we fall asleep while doing so, that's totally fine with me."
Suddenly, mint-fresh breath brushes against the back of Gawin's head, and a gentle kiss presses against it.
Then muscular arms wrap playfully around Gawin's body from behind, letting them both sink into a gentle calm.
The heat from earlier still smolders somewhere deep within them, but the need for closeness and tenderness is much more urgent right now.
"Is it okay for you too?" Joss asks, delighted by how Gawin is now carefully snuggling up against him and covering his arms in front of him with his own again.
Joss breathes gently into Gawin's hair, taking a deep breath of that beguiling scent that somehow only Gawin possesses, and waits for an answer.
"More than okay. You know that." Gawin replies, but he's not finished yet.
"Let's not make this complicated, okay? We'll keep finding moments like this and talk... and... and we'll have everything else a little more under control and pull ourselves together, okay?"
"Damn it, G, why are you so incredibly cute?"
Joss could just eat Gawin up all over again.
"But I have to answer your questions with yes AND no."
"Hmmm?" Gawin tilts his shoulders and head back a little more and can just make out enough in the soft silver light to see Joss smiling.
"Why, no?" Gawin asks, puzzled.
"Well, YES to 'let's not overcomplicate this and just talk,' but NO to the rest."
Gawin gets that as a reply and realizes that Joss isn't joking at all. He is completely serious about what he's saying.
But Joss doesn't keep Gawin waiting long for an explanation.
He gently takes hold of his neck, lowers his head, and kisses him tenderly.
Gawin returns the kiss immediately, leans back a little further, stretches toward Joss, and wraps his arms around his neck as well.
"When we're alone, G., I don't want to have to hold back, and neither should you. Kiss me, touch me, take whatever you want-I'll give you everything. We don't have to rush anything... if it gets too much, we'll just have to slow down, but I want to be completely open with you. I want you to be unvarnished and honest, without any self-imposed constraints. Just the two of us, just what makes us happy, and nothing has to be embarrassing, okay? I know it's not easy for you to open up like this, but I'll take whatever I can get if you can just be my G, the way you are for no one else."
Gawin nods and kisses Joss again right away.
"I'll always be just your G," he whispers.
"And I'll only ever be completely open with you."
And then, between ever-new, glorious kisses and more infinitely open words and loving tenderness, the exhausting weight of the previous days overwhelms them both. Just as if they'd been waiting only for this moment to say everything they needed to, they sink into an incredibly restful sleep.
This time, Joss holds Gawin tightly in his arms, certain that after this first romantic night in paradise, many more nights together await them, in which they can finally be completely free with each other.
It simply has to work once they're back in their everyday lives, and he'll do everything in his power to make that happen.
He wants to be in a committed relationship with Gawin; he wants a future, shared work, shared growth, and to feel that beautiful, thrilling heat between them much more intensely; to confess his love to him and make him happy and content, both physically and emotionally.
All of this is possible-Joss is certain of that-but he has no idea yet to what extent this quiet, wonderful person he loves so much will challenge him when he truly reveals all his facets.
There's a saying that still waters run deep, meaning there's much more hidden beneath the surface than one might suspect from its unassuming appearance.
Soon Joss will learn just how incredibly true that is for his G, and how much the romantic waters of the Maldives will bring out in him-making him even more addicted to him than he already is.
Or than he could ever have imagined.
To be continued......