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Wei Wuxian stomped in another puddle, splashing muddy water all over himself and Lan Wangji, but, of course, the Lan robes remained pristine.
“Wei Ying, there is no need to continue testing the cleanliness talisman on my robes at the expense of your own robes’ cleanliness.” Lan Wangji scolded.
“Maybe it was an accident!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed.
“Lying is forbidden.”
“I didn’t say it was an accident! Just that it might have been.”
“Was it?”
“Yes!”
Lan Wangji’s eyes narrowed. Wei Wuxian offered his biggest, toothiest smile, and Lan Wangji’s face instantly softened. Excellent, he had gotten out of another scolding. Not that he particularly minded Lan Zhan Scoldings.
Suddenly, a shriek cut through the sound of the rain and they both froze. Glancing into the darkness of the woods ahead of them, they spotted a hint of movement and both swiftly crept forward.
A spot of green light hovered over the head of a hulking humanoid figure, who was taking lumbering steps deeper into the woods while carrying a squirming sack. The shrieks appeared to be coming from the sack. Definitely not a good sign, definitely extremely suspicious, Wei Wuxian thought.
They picked up the pace and managed to block the creature - as upon closer inspection, it certainly was not a normal human. Its face was sagging and half rotten, and Wei Wuxian felt an old itch rise up as he realised that this creature was not among the living. The creature in the sack, however, was still up for debate.
With its path cut-off, the creature stopped suddenly and glared at them.
“MOVE.” The creature shouted.
Lan Wanji’s expression did not change at the burst of noise, he just remained looking stoic and fierce and impressive as always. Wei Wuxian ceased gazing at Lan Wangji for a moment so that he could stare down the ghost.
“What you got in the bag, there?”
“Evening snack for the boss. Now, move! Boss gets hungry quick.”
Wei Wuxian didn’t know who this ‘boss’ was, but thus far he was not impressed with their employee, who had very quickly admitted to kidnapping an almost-definitely human person to feed them.
Wei Wuxian sauntered forward.
“I’m afraid we’re going to need to check the contents of the bag. We’re the guardians of these woods and all who pass through must adhere to our checks, or their spirits will be forever banished. Never to snack again.”
Wei Wuxian chanced a glance at Lan Wangji, who remained interestingly silent. Huh, it seemed that the no lying rule was currently on pause.
The ghost’s eyes widened, apparently he was extremely gullible, and he swiftly opened the sack to reveal a small child with tear-streaked cheeks.
“Let me out!” The child wailed.
The ghost shook the bag and said, “We’ve been over this, you are already on the boss’s evening snack menu, it’s not gonna happen so just shut up!”
At the sight of the crying child, and seeing how young they were, Wei Wuxian felt rage bubble up through him. He saw Lan Wangji’s expression pinch slightly as well. Wow, he was absolutely furious.
Wei Wuxian was about to take out Suibian and go to town on killing this ghost, when Lan Wangji took a step forward.
“Who is your boss?”
The ghost looked like he was about to speak, but stopped himself.
“Not supposed to say.”
“You will tell us, or we will scatter your spirit.”
“What! You can’t do that! I didn’t do nothing wrong!”
Wei Wuxian stepped forward as well to join Lan Wangji.
“I dunno, kidnapping a helpless crying child to feed to your evil boss seems pretty objectively wrong to me.”
“Fuck you! We can do what we want, even if you’re some woodland spirit!”
Wei Wuxian cackled.
“It almost feels mean to fight someone this stupid.” Wei Wuxian said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” the ghost replied.
Wei Wuxian lunged forward at the same time that Lan Wangji did. Unspoken, they knew that Wei Wuxian would grab the child and Lan Wangji would take care of the ghost. This idiot of a ghost signed his (second) death warrant when he flung the sack up a tree and started to run.
Not wanting the child to be injured if the sack landed oddly or fell back out of the tree, and knowing that Lan Wanji would be faster and stronger, Wei Wuxian changed course and made brief eye contact with Lan Wangji before looking up at the sack.
“Lan Zhan!”
“Mn.”
Lan Wangji leapt gracefully into the air, all the way up to a high branch, and dexterously caught the sack, before gliding back down to the ground.
Wei Wuxian had jumped on the ghost’s back while he was distracted by Lan Wangji and was scribbling a talisman while trying not to be flung off. Unfortunately, the rain had increased and made the ground more slippery, so when the ghost tried to fling Wei Wuxian around, he ended up skidding in the mud himself and toppled over, and with the uneven hilly ground, they started to tumble down.
“Wei Ying!” Lan Wangji shot after him.
“All good, Lan Zhan! Go after that damned ghost!”
Lan Wangji mounted Bichen and, still holding the sack, zoomed down after Wei Wuxian. By the time Lan Wangji got to him, the ghost had righted himself, and, having slid some ways away in the mud, bolted off into the woods.
Lan Wangji scooped Wei Wuxian up and flew above the trees, getting better clarity of their surroundings.
“He’s gonna get away, Lan Zhan!”
“We will find him later, Wei Ying. Our current priority is the welfare of this child.”
Wei Wuxian looked over at the child, now wrapped in the sack for warmth in the chilly rain rather than stuffed inside it.
“Okay, yeah, fair.”
“We must find somewhere to rest swiftly. We are quite far from the nearest town.”
Wei Wuxian looked out over the woods below them, and in the not so faraway distance, spotted some lights.
“Over there! Looks like maybe a random little house or something? Maybe they’d take pity on us and let us stay.”
“Or we can offer them compensation.”
“Ah of course! I forget sometimes that you’re so rich. Let’s go flaunt your wealth, in that case, Er-Gege!”
Lan Wangji did not reply to this, but Wei Wuxian noticed a slight pursing of his soft lips.
—
They got to the little hut and found that it was a bit run down, but it did seem like someone tried to take care of it. They swiftly realised that it was some kind of temple, as there was an offerings box, and above what was a strangely fine door, there was a sign that read ‘Puqi Shrine’ and then next to it, a series of indecipherable scribbles.
They knocked on the door and it was opened a moment later by a handsome youth dressed in red, with a raised eyebrow and suspicion in his eyes.
“Yes?”
The muddy group stared up at the man, Wei Wuxian still held under Lan Wangji’s arm while the child was cradled in the other. After Wei Wuxian had been put down and limped ever so slightly, realising he had twisted his ankle, Lan Wangji promptly scooped him back up. That was fine, Wei Wuxian didn’t need dignity right now, just a warm place to stay for the night!
Wei Wuxian tilted his head to make eye contact with the man.
“Hiya! This will probably sound a bit random, but can we stay here tonight? We’re not criminals, I promise!”
The man looked rather unimpressed, and only said, “That’s probably what a criminal would say.”
“True true, but I will pinky swear to you that we are not!”
The man lifted one smooth brow.
“No. I don’t want you getting Gege’s house dirty.”
And with that, the man shut the door in their muddy faces.
Lan Wangji glared at the door.
“Rude.”
“Tell me about it! Who turns away a man as beautiful as you, Lan Zhan?? Even if you are carrying a filthy rascal like me. And what about our new child!”
Wei Wuxian attempted to nudge the child who had gone completely silent and only clung to Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian couldn’t blame him, to be honest. Lan Wangji had a very clingable chest.
Before they could discuss what to do, the door opened again, much wider this time, and a man with a beautiful, gentle face, wearing white robes, looked at them all with a warm smile.
“Oh good! You haven’t left. Please, do come in.” He moved aside and gestured for them to enter.
Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian exchanged a look, and then Lan Wangji stepped forward into the small shrine.
“Apologies that my husband shut the door on you, he’s a bit of a worrier!”
The man looked them over, concern in his large, brown eyes.
“Are you alright? Have you been injured?”
“Nope-” Wei Wuxian tried to answer.
“Yes.” Lan Wangji cut in.
“Goodness!” The man said. “Please, sit down, I should have enough chairs...”
He scratched his head for a moment while looking around the room, in which there were only three chairs, but he grabbed a large wooden chest which must have been lighter than it looked, given how easily he moved it, and put it by a frail looking table.
The man in red watched them closely from the kitchen area as they sat down. There was something radiating off of him that Wei Wuxian was both intrigued and a little spooked by. Definitely a lot of power. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but think they made quite an odd pair of spouses and wondered how they got together.
“It’s so nice to have guests! I was just about to make dinner.” Said the non-spooky one.
He turned back toward the kitchen and as soon as the red-clad man’s eyes landed on him, his entire facial expression changed to one of doting devotion. He seemed to look between them and his husband, something odd in his expression.
“Gege, perhaps I should carry you as well.”
“San Lang, don’t be silly, I don't need to be carried.”
“Perhaps Gege is tired.”
“San Lang, I am not tired. Are you asking because you want to be carried?”
The tall man perked up at this - how very strange - and the smaller man easily scooped him up, allowing the man to cling to him while he returned to working on food.
The nicer man suddenly turned around again to face them.
“I’m Xie Lian, by the way! Sorry! I’m really not used to guests.”
“I’m Wei Wuxian, and this is Lan Wangji!” Wei Wuxian said from Lan Zhan’s lap. The little child was on Wei Wuxian’s lap, and he looked at them, realising he didn’t know anything about them.
“And this is a child in need of some warmth and food!”
Xie Lian nodded. “I hope you find the temperature to be okay, it’s not always easy to keep it warm in here, but I can certainly provide food!”
“Thank you. Your hospitality is appreciated.” Lan Wangji replied.
“San Lang,” the man spoke to his husband, “Would you mind getting some clean robes for our guests?”
The man in red, or San Lang, apparently, leaned in toward Xie Lian and affectionately muttered, “Of course, anything for Gege. Can I retrieve something for you as well?”
“No no, I’m fine! Thank you, San Lang.” He offered a cheek kiss in return.
This seemed to appease San Lang, who took out a pair of red dice, rolled them once, and promptly vanished.
Wei Wuxian was intrigued. What kind of talisman had he used that took the form of dice? As he pondered this, he could have sworn Lan Wangji stiffened, ever so slightly.
–
Lan Wangji had been hesitant to enter the shrine, even after the nicer man greeted them. The man in red had a sinister aura and Lan Wangji did not wish to subject Wei Ying or the child to this.
He was quite pleased that he had been able to convince Wei Ying to allow him to continue carrying him, his warm weight pressed to his side, close and safe.
Then when Wei Ying sat on his lap, Lan Wangji had to remind himself that this was no time to be too aware of the feel of Wei Ying’s rear pressed against him. He used all of his Lan discipline to not acknowledge this until he was next alone.
He observed the odd pair in the kitchen; there was something familiar about them but he could not quite place it at first. Then, the red clad man took out a pair of dice and tossed them, vanishing as they rolled.
Lan Wangji froze. He had noted the painting of the Scrap Immortal next to his Crimson Rain Sought Flower, and realised that this must be one of their shrines, but he was unsure if the inhabitants of the shrine were followers of them or had just found this place. He had been so caught up in worrying for Wei Ying and the child they’d rescued, that he hadn’t looked closely at their hosts and noticed the resemblance.
With his signature dice, Lan Wangji now realised that they were in the presence of the god and his ghost husband. Would they know him? He had not met them personally, only prayed to them, but his prayers had been answered so would that mean that they recognised him? He did not want Wei Ying to realise what he had done.
–
Xie Lian hummed as he made buns for dinner, glancing every now and then at the young couple and their child. They were such a sweet little family, and clearly loved each other very much. Even if the smaller man seemed a little over zealous in touching the taller man’s face - particularly his mouth and jaw, hair and hair ribbon. Xie Lian did enjoy touching San Lang’s face, so he supposed there was an appeal, and San Lang certainly liked touching him, even with company around, but Xie Lian did find these young lovers quite bold!
There was something about Wei Wuxian that was oddly familiar to Xie Lian, though he didn’t think his face was actually familiar, it was something about the way he spoke and smiled.
Hua Cheng returned from Paradise Manor with robes for them to change into and stared them down when Wei Wuxian tried to undress right there and then, until Lan Wangji moved him to the corner behind the screen. He actually kept eye contact with Hua Cheng - very impressive for a youngster to face off against a Ghost King!
Xie Lian spoke into their personal array, “San Lang, don’t spook them too much, please.”
“Gege shouldn’t have to look at some random man’s disgusting body.”
“You know I don’t care about things like that. Also, is it just me or is there something familiar about him?”
Hua Cheng was silent for a moment too long, causing Xie Lian to whirl around to him.
“San Lang? Who is he?”
“Gege…”
Xie Lian put his hands on his hips.
“Tell me. Now, please.”
“He’s…Wei Ying.”
Xie Lian’s eyes widened. Wei Ying? That clever, laughing young ghost whose soul had at first looked so distressed, but after 13 years he had become their most popular employee at the Gamblers Den. Xie Lian had felt quite protective of him, and had always wondered what had caused his soul to suddenly pass on. Well.
“San Lang, what did you do?”
Hua Cheng pouted up at him, but Xie Lian held strong.
“I simply granted a prayer, Gege.”
“A prayer?”
“From the tall silent one.” Hua Cheng glared at Lan Wangji.
“And what did he request?”
“That his soul would one day be reunited with Wei Ying’s.”
“But Wei Ying was dead, and if this is him…looking different. San Lang, please explain exactly what you did.”
“This San Lang simply granted two prayers at once, Gege will be very happy with him I think.”
“Mmhmm, and that’s why you didn’t tell me about it?”
Hua Cheng avoided eye contact.
“There was a young man…he didn’t want to be alive anymore anyway, he wanted to escape his shitty life and family - and it really was quite shitty, Gege - and meanwhile, this Lan Wangji person wouldn’t stop praying to us, you must have gotten them through as well.
“I suppose I did, now that you mention it. And then it stopped…”
“I just thought that they could swap places. Wei Ying could take Mo Xuanyu’s body, and Mo Xuanyu’s soul could come to Ghost City, which is much nicer than his trash home.”
Xie Lian put his face in his hands. He could see that his husband actually did think he did the right thing. Xie Lian couldn’t even exactly say that it was wrong if the other young man was much happier now in Ghost City. However, he did still find it hard to condone his husband recommending suicide to someone.
“Okay, well, I’m glad it worked out, but if you ever want to do another plan like this, please tell me first, San Lang.”
“Of course, Gege. This one apologies.”
“This one forgives you.”
Xie Lian smiled softly.
“I did miss him, maybe we can see him again after this!”
“If Gege wishes. I did have to remove the memories of his time with us but I’m sure Gege can win him over if he wants to.”
Noticing the pout on his husband’s face, Xie Lian kissed him on the cheek.
“San Lang is still my favourite. Now, let us eat.”
–
Lan Wangji watched, somewhat nervously. He had seen the husbands speaking to each other while cooking and had a feeling that they knew who he was. Did they know Wei Ying? Would they tell him?
He was distracted from his fretting when Wei Ying and the small child shuffled off his lap to sit on the large wooden chest. Wei Ying remained close enough that his thigh brushed Lan Wangji’s.
Xie Lian placed a plate of buns on the table and announced,
“I call these, Gathering of Friends on a Cold Muddy Night Buns. Please enjoy!”
“Lan Zhan! Try some!”
Wei Ying held a bun up to his mouth. Lan Wangji did not think this was a good display of manners but he also did not wish to refuse Wei Ying. He took a bite. And then felt a strong urge to vomit which he only held back due to years of training to restrain himself.
“Is it good?” Wei Ying asked, and then took a bite himself - from the same place Lan Wangji had bitten. The god and the ghost looked at them, knowingly. They must know that he loved Wei Ying, he only hoped they wouldn’t give him away.
“Wowza, these have a real kick!” Wei Ying exclaimed, coughing slightly. “They taste a bit…familiar, somehow?”
Xie Lian's eyes locked onto Wei Ying.
“You like them?”
“They kinda taste like ass but in a good way?”
Hua Cheng raised an eyebrow. “I suppose you would like that, wouldn’t you.” He said, mouth quirked up at the side.
Lan Wangji tensed.
“Huh?” Wei Ying asked.
“I mean, after everything, I assume that you two would be up for just about anything.”
“What do you mean?” Wei Ying continued to look puzzled.
Xie Lian jumped in to add, “Don’t mind my husband, he is a bit of a prankster and can be a little crass. He just means that he’s so glad that you found each other and are so in love!”
Wei Ying looked shocked. “Whaat?? We’re not, I mean, not together, not like that! As if Lan Zhan would ever lower himself to want a mess like me.”
Hua Cheng snorted.
Wei Ying turned his eyes to him. Lan Wangji was frozen.
“Right.” Hua Cheng said.
“What are you talking about?” Wei Ying asked.
Hua Cheng turned his gaze to Lan Wangji. “Did I really waste all that time on helping you so that you could be reunited and then not even be together?”
Lan Wangji’s stomach sank.
Wei Ying whipped around to stare at him.
“Lan Zhan? What is he talking about?”
Lan Wangji could not speak. Could barely breathe. Wei Ying returned his gaze to Hua Cheng.
“How do you know Lan Zhan?”
“It’s hard not to know someone at least a bit when they pray to you every damn day.”
“Pray for what?”
“What else? For his soul to be reunited with yours. So I swapped you out so that you could return to him.”
Hua Cheng shrugged. Wei Ying looked frantically between Hua Cheng and Lan Wangji.
“Swapped me out? From death?”
“Yes. He asked, "I answered.”
Lan Wangji finally felt rage boil up in him. This man was so casually destroying his life and his relationship all while boasting that he had helped.
“You certainly took your time to do so.” Lan Wangji said, shakily.
Hua Cheng scoffed.
“Well, his soul was torn in so many places when it first arrived that you wouldn’t have been able to do much with him if I sent him like that. He needed time to become a person rather than a vessel for death.”
Lan Wangji froze. He had not thought of this, that Wei Ying needed time, time to recover. Of course he did, he had been so far gone by the end, and LanWangji had been so selfish to try and call him back right away.
He looked up at the ghost king and the god.
“Thank you.”
–
Wei Wuxian was having A DAY. He knew he had been dead, but he did not know he’d been hanging out with cool ghosts and that Lan Zhan had been praying for his return?? He didn’t think Lan Zhan even liked him that much! Now, he wondered if perhaps he did. Maybe even more than liked him.
The idea of this was so incredible that Wei Wuxian didn’t dare believe it could be true. But when he finally looked into Lan Zhan’s eyes, they were full of love.
“Lan Zhan?”
“Wei Ying.”
Well, he knew that Lan Zhan did not always like talking, but Wei Wuxian did, so he would be brave and do so now.
“Lan Zhan, I like you."
Lan Zhan’s eyes widened a fraction.
“Actually, it’s more than that. I love you. I want you. I whatever you. I want to be with you and to sleep with you, every day!”
Lan Zhan's eyes actually widened fully for the first time ever. It was so absurd that Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but laugh.
That was apparently the right thing to do because Lan Zhan lunged forward and smashed their mouths together.
“Love you. Want you. Always, Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying couldn’t hold back, he leaped onto Lan Zhan’s lap and tackled him to the ground in a heated kiss.
He was vaguely aware of Hua Cheng chuckling, while Xie Lian took the child over to another corner to wash up before bed.
–
The next morning, they awoke to banging on the door and a screech of a voice.
“HEY. YOU FUCKERS TOOK MY SNACK. COME OUT HERE FUCK FACES SO YOU CAN BE MY NEW SNACK.”
They shot out of bed and Hua Cheng opened the door, seemingly able to time it for when the person was about to shove themselves at the door, so that when it was no longer there, he toppled down into the room. He didn’t pause for long, instantly glaring up at them all.
“Nasty little bitches, I’m going to slurp your skin up and gnaw on your bones. Did you think you’re too pretty and pristine to eat? THINK AGAIN LITTLE FUCKERS.”
Lan Wangji immediately drew Bichen, but Wei Wuxian couldn’t stop cackling.
Xie Lian didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but he did know that he wanted his cousin out of his home right this moment.
Hua Cheng noticed his expression and casually lifted his booted foot (he hadn’t even noticed him dressing - his San Lang is so talented!) and stomped directly onto Qi Rong’s head. This did not seem to halt the screeching, unsurprisingly, and so Hua Cheng leaned down to speak into Qi Rong’s ear.
“You have disturbed his highness’s sleep, and therefore no suffering will be too much for you. Better get started now.”
He hoisted him up and tossed him out through the door. He made to follow, but Xie Lian scurried up to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“San Lang, I’d prefer to have breakfast together before Qi Rong gets his deserved suffering. I think I have some leftover buns!”
“Of course, Gege, I would never wish to spend time with that trash over breakfast with Gege and more of those delicious buns.”
Xie Lian beamed up at him, marvelling at the sight of his husband’s beautiful face, and turned to their guests to extend the breakfast offer.
Strangely, they had already dressed and gathered their things and their child.
Wei Wuxian offered them a wide grin.
“Thank you both for putting us up and…well, for everything, really! We must be going, though, Lan Zhan’s uncle will be missing us dearly, but we should definitely hang out again! Maybe we can cook for you, next time!”
“You’re welcome anytime, and please, take some leftover Gathering of Friends on a Cold Muddy Night Buns with you for the road!”
Wei Wuxian didn’t stop grinning, though it did look oddly tight. He nodded and nudged Lan Wangji.
Lan Wangji accepted the small basket of buns.
“Thank you, we will enjoy these greatly. My thanks to you both for everything.”
The elegant man swiftly scooped up the child and grabbed Wei Wuxian’s hand, dragging him out.
–
Lan Wangji walked swiftly (he was not running) from the shrine, refusing to make eye contact with Wei Ying.
“Lan Zhan! Lying is forbidden!”
Lan Wangji continued to stare straight ahead as Wei Ying giggled behind him. He could not help the slight upturning of his lips at his favourite sound in the world.