Archive of Our Own

"Perfect! Now blow on them."

Hayden followed the siren call of Joey's voice down the hallway, leaving Jackie to dart to the bathroom. Having dinner out, just the two of them had been magical at this point in the season. Usually this far into the season, Hayden was staring at her photo longingly on his phone in hotel rooms like a soldier gone to war overseas.

Instituting couples' nights had been one of the best ideas of their new arrangement. Last night, Jackie and Joey had gone to the movies to see some indie thing that Hayden had negative amounts of interest in and gotten a hotel room after. It had been a little strange to know they were having that kind of night without Hayden, but Jackie had come home to him in the morning, walking on air and so full of affection for him that Hayden decided it was a win.

They could have left the kids with Joey for the whole night too, but they got sleep together a lot of nights and it seemed like a bigger ask for now. Instead, they'd taken their time over dinner and gone for a walk afterwards even though it was freezing.

Now, Hayden got to lean in the doorway and watch Joey entertain the girls and Arthur, all of them sitting on the floor of Ruby's room.

"Me too?" Arthur asked, wide-eyed.

"What color?" Joey asked.

"But Daddy says boys can't wear-" Ruby started.

Oh. Shit. Hayden saw the collision coming. It would be a night-ending fight for sure. He knew exactly when he'd said that in front of the girls. Months and months ago when he barely thought they were listening. It hadn't been his proudest moment. Hayden had a microsecond to correct.

Hayden blurted, "Daddy is silly sometimes. And wrong. Can I go next?"

Joey startled, then tipped their head back to regard him. "Hey. How was dinner?"

"Good," Hayden said folding down to sit next to them.

"Nail polish isn't for boys, huh?" The words were mild because the kids were there, but Hayden heard the simmer of anger beneath them.

Joey could smile like an angel and sail through life emanating cheer. Beneath that though, there was a small fiercely angry part of them. They were excellent at containing it, channeling it into their game, making them a speedy ball of power. So far, it hadn't been aimed at anyone in this house and Hayden would dearly love for it not to start tonight or with him.

"I said I was wrong," Hayden winced. "Don't listen to me, kids. Daddy didn't know enough about nail polish then."

"Okay! Daddy, look at my nails!"

Then he was hugging both the girls at once, trying to look at hands shoved right in his face, and missed Arthur choosing his color. The sparkly green was kind of cute, actually. Hayden hoped like hell that no one at preschool gave him trouble for it.

"Daddy's turn," Arthur said seriously, when Joey finished and the girls had lost interest, moved on to the ever-evolving soap opera of their dolls.

"What color do you want?" Joey asked, their tone brooking no argument.

"How about black and red?" Hayden suggested. "Go Cens?"

The smile that cracked over Joey's lips made it worth it. "You dork. Give me your hands."

Hayden never gave much thought to his nails, outside of trimming them occasionally. They seemed too short polish, but the kids' nails were even smaller and it was cute on them. The polish itself felt like nothing, but the way Joey held his hand and handled it with care as they swiped color over them was good. Joey's grip was solid, but never harsh and as hot and undeniable as the rest of them.

"Stop looking at me like that, there's children present," Joey scolded, leaning down to blow a stream of air over Hayden's thumb.

"If you think I can turn this off, you don't know me very well," Hayden grumbled. "Stop looking so pretty."

"No can do," Joey laughed. "You're out of luck."

"Dang."

"Mommy! Come see Daddy's nails!"

So Hayden showed his wife his alternating black and red nails. Jackie squatted down to get a closer look, stopping to kiss Joey on the cheek with a murmured, "Hey, baby."

"Hi," Joey said, the wing of their eyeliner moving with the force of their smile. "Have a good night out?"

"Yes," Jackie said so full of warmth that Hayden had to resist the urge to do a cellie right there. "He remembered that I was trying to make Peking duck a few years ago and he took me to a place that makes it really well, then made sure the chef would come out and talk to me about it."

"Oh, wow," Joey said, approval lost earlier mostly won back now. "Romantic."

"It was lovely," Jackie agreed. "Are you staying tonight, baby?"

"Yeah, if that's okay? Can I leave the car here? I figured me and Hayd can carpool and I don't have to rush home."

"Of course," she said. "We can switch around in the morning so you can pull it into the garage since Hayd's car will be at the airport anyway."

"Daddy," Arthur said urgently. "Airplane book, please?"

"You got it, little man."

The airplane book was a new favorite, a birthday gift from Uncle Shane. It wasn't much of a storybook. Instead, it had a fold out diagram of an airplane drawn in a bubbly realistic style with lots of arrows explaining all the different parts of the plane. Up in the air was taking on new dimensions since Arthur had turned three. Maybe they'd have a pilot in the family at this rate.

Hayden dutifully read the book to Arthur, listening to other bedtime rituals move through the house. It took time, the slow winding down of a busy home. It settled Hayden.

Eventually, it was only the adults left standing. Joey and Hayden met back up in the kitchen, Jackie loading up a plate with the protein cookies she made this time of year when Hayden's hunger felt bottomless. Joey had taken to them readily. She sat on the counter as they both ate over the sink, catching each other up on the day.

"Will you be back by the 27th?" Jackie asked Joey.

"Yeah, coming back the 26th. My mom wanted me to stay until the last minute, but I want to get a practice in after a few days off, you know?"

"Smart," Hayden said with a nod, brushing crumbs off his hands into the sink. Efficiency!

"We'll miss you," Jackie said ruefully. "I know it's not your holiday, but it would've been nice to see you."

"And introduce me to your sister and brother and all?" Joey shrugged. "I know it's too early for that. Even if my family weren't threatening to come up here and drag me back home."

"I know," Jackie said with a sigh. "Maybe next year."

"Sure," Joey said and kissed her cheek. "I appreciate the thought."

"Come over on the 26th so we can do gifts?" Jackie asked hopefully, trapping Joey by wrapping her legs around their waist. "We didn't get you anything crazy and we don't need anything. Just wanted to make sure you were included. And the kids made you things."

"They did?" Joey asked, their sweet smile breaking out. "That's cute. Of course, I'll be here. Couldn't keep me away."

"Awesome," Hayden said, rubbing a hand over Joey's back, then letting it drop down to caress Jackie's calf. "So. Naked?"

"The romance," Joey said dryly. "Where's my Peking duck energy?"

Lucky for Hayden, they still had sex with him. It had only been two months since that first night. Too much of that time had been eaten up by travel and game days. The kids had gone through another round of the daycare ick and Jackie had forbidden Joey from potentially getting sick too. Which was kind, but neither Hayden or Jackie had been similarly spared.

All told, they'd only managed a dozen nights to all be available and awake enough to do anything energetic. Yet, they'd found a bit of rhythm already. It wasn't as simple as Hayden and Jackie running through their 'we have half an hour' playbook, especially with the gloss of newness and exploration. They were getting there though. Already, they had figured out that it was best to get Jackie off first because she was the most easily overstimulated and she could take a break while Hayden and Joey fooled around, then rejoin in by the end. Teasing had started to creep in as they all relaxed a little too.

Most of the teasing was aimed at Hayden, but he was happy to be consigned to the foot of the bed while his beauties made each other feel good as long as he wasn't actually forgotten about. It turned out, he was pretty good at waiting his turn. He was also great at providing some oral stimulation while making out was going on above his head.

It had been a truly excellent few months (temporary plague aside).

They had fun tonight too, roving around the bed until everyone was well satisfied. Joey fell asleep almost immediately afterwards, not unusual. Hayden picked Jackie up and carried her to the shower, getting in a few extra kisses on the way.

It was all really good. Really easy sometimes too.

But they still hadn't crossed the line in Hayden's head. As he reached for his soap and saw his painted nails again, he pressed his lips together.

"Jacks?"

"Yeah?" she asked around a yawn.

"I want Joey to fuck me," he said in a rush. "Or I want to try."

"Okay," she said. "I hope you don't mean tonight, they're exhausted."

"No," he said quickly, scrubbing at himself and not looking at her. "I'm just- okay. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but would you be really upset if I said I didn't want you there the first time?"

She went still, water dripping down her lovely body. Joey had sucked a love bite on her left breast, vivid red under the gloss of dampness.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I don't want you to see me chickening out or being uncomfortable or hating it or maybe being kind of being a shithead about it," he confessed in a rush. "I know we figured it all out together the first time, but at least then I knew I would like it, you know?"

He wasn't sure why she hugged him about that. It seemed like he was asking a pretty miserable thing of her, but she held him and Hayden was not going to say no to an armful of slick wife for any reason ever.

"Okay," she said. "If it'll make it easier on you. Will you tell me about it though?"

"Every detail," he promised. "Joey will too, you know they will. We can do a full tape review."

She snorted, but didn't let go and he rested his head on her shoulder for a second.

"And also," she said, directly in his ear, "I think I want to say 'same'."

"Same?" Hayden asked bewildered.

"Yes. I want to try too, but it's definitely making me nervous."

Hayden's brain sent back a '404 Page Not Found' message for a second. He stared at the ugly tile that they kept saying they should replace. Then he said very hoarsely, "But you said you weren't into anal?"

"I'm not, but I've been thinking about it more and more" She gave him a very flirtatious look. The one that had made four children in short order. "I think it would be really amazing to take you both at the same time one day."

Fuck 'page not found', Hayden's entire hard drive made a pathetic whirring sound then died. He was gone. Jackie must've known because she laughed quietly, rubbing his back a little.

"Ohmygod," Hayden said. "We could- that would be-"

"I'm not saying I can," she said. "It seems very ambitious. But…"

"But," he agreed.

"So you going first is just chivalry," she said in a more teasing tone.

That restarted him a little. He kissed her shoulder. "A taste test. Like jumping first into the lake to see how cold it is."

"Exactly," she laughed. "Very brave of you."

"I promise that if I like it, you have ringside seats for the next time," he said with a little urgency, pulling back to see her face. "If you want to see."

"You know I do," she said.

So that seemed okay. Hayden didn't say anything to Joey right away. He didn't want to bring it up until he was sure he was ready to give it the go ahead. Up until this point, butts had been mostly a thing to grope in their new sex lives. Hayden hadn't asked to fuck Joey either. It didn't seem right to request something that Hayden wasn't sure he was ready to offer himself.

Or maybe he was just nervous about being bad at that too.

Blowjobs had made a lot of sense to Hayden. It was easy to put something in your mouth and suck on it. There were only so many ways to do it and you figured out what worked pretty quickly. Vaginal sex had it's own ins and outs (pun very much intended), but Jackie hadn't had anyone to compare him to when they first started and they'd muddled through it together.

Anal seemed more complicated, less fluid and instinctual. Joey was probably amazing at it as they had been at virtually everything in bed. At the very least, they were experienced enough to know when someone was doing a bad job.

Hayden had diligently watched some porn about it (for research and jacking off purposes), but it was presented as either ridiculously easy or as something intended to hurt, depending on the genre. Neither of which was helpful. He'd attempted a few articles, letting the jagged voice read them to him which was so clinical as to be its own kind of turn off.

So that left Hayden with the port of call he was probably always going to make anyway.

"Hey," Hayden said as Shane bent down into the face off. Scrimmages against Shane were interesting. He knew lesser men would fear them, but instead of worrying about trying to beat Shane fairly, Hayden had turned it into a game of trying to distract him.

He was dimly aware that that had been Rozanov's favorite game once-upon-a-time, but he tried not to think about that.

"No," Shane said, eyes firmly on the ice. "Pay attention."

"I am," Hayden protested, readying himself. "This is how I focus."

"Hayd, I swear to fuck-"

"I need sex tips," Hayden said.

The puck dropped. For a split second, Hayden thought he'd gotten it, but then it flew off and the chase was on. Ah well, worth a shot. He took off after it and the ensuing minute and a half left Hayden laying flat on his back and laughing as Shane sped off like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

"Pike, it is not nap time!" Rozanov shouted from the sidelines. "Get up!"

Hayden resisted the urge to flip him off. That was his coach, which meant some respect, for better or worse. Anyway, Hayden was still wearing gloves so it wouldn't have translated well.

"Oops," Shane said as Hayden skated back up to him at break.

"I wasn't even chirping," Hayden grumbled, but he shoulder-bumped him and gone one back in return. "I was being serious."

"You were not."

"I was," Hayden said.

Shane's minute frown crossed his face. "Really?"

"I was also trying to throw you off, but yes. Really."

"Not here, right?"

"No! No, absolutely not. Somewhere no one else can eavesdrop and be a DICK ABOUT IT, HAYES!"

"I wasn't listening!" Wyatt said immediately, jumping back.

"Uh huh." Hayden made a shooing motion at him until Wyatt rolled his eyes and moved a few feet away.

"Come over for lunch tomorrow?" Shane asked. "Kids will be at school, right?"

"Except for Amber, yeah. Can I bring her with? Give Jackie an hour to herself?"

"Sure. That might even distract Ilya."

That was an excellent point. One day, Hayden would remember that Shane always came with a side order of Rozanov, but today was not that day apparently. It was a good thing that the hamburger of friendship was enough of a temptation to deal with the side salad that had the too-sharp balsamic vinaigrette on it. Why couldn't Shane have fallen in love with some fries? Except for the fact that Shane would generally rather eat glass than a fried potato. Fucking weirdo.

"C'mon, bug," Hayden said, scooping Amber out of her car seat the next day.

"Dada," she said and rested her head on his chest as if she had been cooped up away from him for years instead of fifteen minutes.

It was the kind of moment that made all the madness of parenting worth it. Hayden held her close, dropping a kiss on her head. Her hair was still wispy and short, her cheeks still baby-full. She was heavy against him, letting him take all twenty pounds of her weight. Amber loved him with the full-hearted trust of the very young and anyone that could resist that was a monster. He would have stood in that driveway forever like that.

Inside the house, Anya started barking and Amber lifted up her head. "Doggie?"

"Yes," Hayden confirmed, "Do you want to go say hi to the dog?"

"Doggie!"

The door opened before Hayden even got up the steps. Rozanov filled the doorway, intimidating if you didn't notice the light in his eyes as he held out his hands.

"Malyshka!"

"Ya!" Amber cried and reached back for him.

Far be it from Hayden to separate such good friends. He let Rozanov lift Amber out of his arms and noisily kiss her cheek. For his part, Hayden squatted down to greet Anya who licked his face with the same enthusiasm.

"Shane is in the kitchen," Rozanov said as he walked off with Hayden's baby. "We are going to go dig holes in the yard with Anya, make a very big mess, yes?"

"Doggie!"

"She's got a change of clothes in the car," Hayden said, unphased. "Go nuts."

The three of them headed out for the yard, Amber babbling at Rozanov as if filling him on the last week while he solemnly listened. It was, unfortunately, very cute. Hayden went to the kitchen. He'd been expecting meal prep, but instead found Shane sitting with his laptop, typing in the slow methodical way he had.

"Business?" Hayden asked, sitting down next to him.

"Shopping for a new blender," Shane corrected. "Ours started smoking this morning."

"Death by kale?"

"Frozen strawberries," Shane corrected. "I want to get the same one again, but Ilya wants one of those ones you can make risotto in or something. So I'm reading reviews."

"Why would you make risotto in a blender?" Hayden frowned. "Doesn't that need a stove?"

"It heats it," Shane explained. "It's weird."

"Sounds it. You want me to ask Jacks what ours is? I know she's in love with it."

"You've got the risotto one. That's how Ilya found out about in the first place."

"Huh," Hayden tried to recall which gadget on their counter that might be. Generally he didn't touch Jackie's army line of looming silver appliances. He had once broken the Instapot and she'd cried over it (in fairness she'd been eight months pregnant at the time). "If you say so."

"What do you even feed the kids when she's not around?"

"Hopes and dreams," Hayden said flatly. "How long do you think we have before they're all back in here covered in mud? Ten minutes?"

"Twenty if we're lucky," Shane agreed. "So what's up? I'm assuming it's about Joey."

"Yeah," Hayden sighed. "Yeah. I just think I want to like…try anal? But I'm freaked out."

"Oh," Shane said then nodded once. "Makes sense."

"Yep. We've got oral locked down. Hands are obvious. But this is new territory. I don't know. Seems bad to make them explain everything to me and it's not exactly a sexy conversation when I'm so nervous."

Shane closed the laptop with a decisive movement, but he kept looking straight ahead.

"I didn't ask anyone when I did it the first time," Shane said. "Turned out fine."

"I figured," Hayden allowed. Who could Shane have talked to? "Was it Rozanov?"

There was a pause, then a single nod. Yeah. Who else would it have been?

"He was good. Patient. I'd figured some things out on my own, but it's different with a partner."

"It always is."

They sat quietly together for a minute, both of them gathering their thoughts and lost a little in the quagmire of memory. Or Hayden assumed so anyway. When had it happened? Hayden knew vaguely when Shane and Rozanov had started up together, but also that there were huge gaps in between their encounters. Had it been right away? Much later? Had Shane done that then come back to a shared hotel room with Hayden already asleep? Had he been happy? Sad? Would have been better if Hayden had been awake even if he'd had no idea?

"The mechanics aren't really that hard," Shane said slowly. "More lube than you think you need, at least at first. Going slowly. I know some guys do a lot of prep. I used to do all that, but the longer were together, it seems sort of pointless. It's an ass, there might be shit. That's just life."

"Words to live by," Hayden said. He might've been scandalized by that at some point in his life, but four kids worth of diapers did start to inoculate you a little.

"Shut up," Shane said without heat. "The speed matters. Starting really slow and checking a lot. It's still sex, all the same rules apply."

"That makes sense," Hayden said. He bit his bottom lip and considered. "I don't know why I've got a block in my head about it. I know you're right, but it feels different."

Shane shrugged, "It's a cock going up your ass. It's really fucking gay."

Hayden blinked then laughed. "It is really gay. Kind of the gayest, huh?"

"Pretty much," Shane said, a half smile breaking his serious expression. "It's also like…the best thing?"

"The best," Hayden repeated. "Better than blowjobs?"

"Touch choice, but yeah, I think so," Shane said and he wasn't flushed or blustering. This wasn't the Shane that grimaced his way through boob vs ass debates in the locker room years ago. It was a wonderful thing to discover that Shane wasn't a prude. Not even a little. He'd just been forced to have the wrong kind of conversations for years on end. "It's more intense and it's closer. You have to be in sync with each other."

"What about topping?"

Shane blinked then gave Hayden the side eye. "What about it?"

"I haven't done that either. I mean, obviously I have been with Jackie, but I don't know if it's different. We don't even call it the same thing."

"Wouldn't know," Shane said.

"Wait, I know you had girlfriends. You never went all the way with them?"

"All the way," Shane repeated. "Are you from the 50s?"

"I'm being respectful!" Hayden protested.

"You're being an idiot. And yes, I have fucked a woman. I just don't top."

Hayden's entire worldview tilted slightly to the left and knocked a few things off the shelf. "Ever?"

"Once," Shane said the same way he might say he once ate dirt. "It was fine. It was a little better than being with a woman, but not by much."

"Huh, okay. I don't know why I'm surprised. You have strong preferences about everything else."

"Exactly," Shane said with some satisfaction. "You could ask Ilya. He's had plenty of experience with both."

"I would never have sex again if I talked to him about anything dick related."

"Hayden."

"What! It's not homophobic. It's Rozanov-phobic. Very specific. Anyway, he's my coach. That's probably sexual harassment or something."

"It's not," Shane said exasperated. "He's not your coach in our house."

"I know you've watched the same harrassment videos I have and know that doesn't matter."

The back door opened and closed. There was a tiny giggle and then Amber was toddling into the room. She wasn't particularly dirty, but she was holding a tennis ball that Anya was gazing at very longingly.

"Amber, no, we don't want that in the house," Shane said to her gently, squatting down beside her to attempt to negotiate the ball away from her.

"We played fetch," Rozanov announced as he followed child and dog. "Anya was only a little better than Amber. Once she gets faster on her feet, it will be very close."

"That's my girl," Hayden said wryly.

They ate lunch and talked about non-sex things. Shane didn't bring it back up to taunt him because he was an excellent friend and Rozanov rarely even pretended to care what Shane and Hayden talked about without him. When it was the three of them, they defaulted to hockey and that was fine.

Yet, somehow, it was Rozanov that followed Hayden and Amber to the front door afterwards. Instead of saying goodbye though, Rozanov sighed heavily as if very put upon and said, "It's just sex, Pike. Don't get in your fucking head about it."

"I- what?" Hayden said and maybe he was the prude because he knew he was flushed to hell and back all at once. "Little ears!"

"She does not know these words yet," Rozanov said with an eye roll.

"I know it's just- it's fine," Hayden said, panic setting in.

"You are making it into something it is not. Because of what the world says all the time. Who cares what they say? It's only bodies. You are good to each other and that is all that matters."

"Thanks," Hayden said. "Did that hurt to say to me? It hurt to hear."

"I am dying," Rozanov agreed with a groan. "Jackie says to be nice, so please tell your wife that I was very nice."

"I'll tell her it was like getting a pep talk from someone elses' father," Hayden said.

"Fuck off, Pike."

"Annnd now I'll tell her you owe a dollar to the swear jar."

Hayden made a run for it, laughing and bobbling Amber so she would know it was a joke, before Rozanov could lob a loonie at his head.

None of it calmed Hayden all the way down exactly, but it did put in perspective. The holidays came and went. Joey liked the new music stand Jackie had found with the hand painted night sky on it. The kids presented their pictures and a blobby clay statue that Joey made the appropriate fuss over, then gave them all books that their sister had apparently recommended. It wasn't quite the same as celebrating a holiday together, but it was a nice preview of when they might.

January was a swirl around the engagement between games, all three of them involved in the plot to ambush Shane. It had been genuinely moving to watch his best friend get that kind of loving display. It had been a very complicated group chat to get it all done, but Hayden also now had Rose Landry as a contact in his phone which was a heady and wild thing to remember form time-to-time.

All said and done, they washed up on the shores of early February without having the conversation. It had been put off for long enough and finally, the perfect opportunity arrived. They had a series of away games against Western Conference teams and after the last one, they had almost a full day before they were scheduled to fly home.

At first, Hayden had imagined asking Joey that night, but the game turned out to be a grueling one and when Joey got to Hayden's room, they were both exhausted.

As soon as Joey asked, "Can we not have sex tonight? I'm so fucking wiped." Hayden took the out. They got into bed and talked lazily instead, before shifting around for sleep.

The call came right as Hayden was dozing off with Joey tucked up against him. The hotel room had a slightly musty odor, so Hayden had cozied up a little closer, nose buried in Joey's hair. Their conditioner had an herbal scent to it that clung to dark strands, flooding Hayden's senses. 

Tomorrow, he decided, as Joey yawned and rubbed their heel slowly over Hayden's calf. He'd ask tomorrow morning. They would still have hours together.

Then his phone rang, cutting through his Do Not Disturb. With a flood of adrenaline, Hayden reached for it, stabbing answer as soon as he saw his mother's contact flash over it. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, heart in his throat. Joey had sat bold upright beside him.  

"Hello, Hayden," she prompted him. 

Hayden took a deep breath and expelled it. "Hi, Mom. Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm sorry to bother you, but Gerry insisted I notify you." 

"You're not bothering me," Hayden said, staring at the blank television. She never called him off-schedule. He tried to figure out the time difference in his head, but the numbers weren't coming together. "What is it?

"I tripped on my way to the car this afternoon. Some careless person left some bit of debris in the parking lot of the grocery store. I would have gone to the doctor on my own, but Gerry was with me and he called an ambulance," she said. "Now they're making me do the whole X-Ray business. I'm sure it's just a little sprain." 

"What kind of sprain?" Hayden asked. He stopped seeing the hotel room. No longer felt Joey beside him.  

"My ankle. It's mild. Barely anything. You know how Gerry panics." 

Hayden actually knew very little about Gerry. He was his mother's 'unreliable' gentleman friend that seemed to exist primarily to escort her to functions that looked better with a date and be her bridge partner at her Thursday night games. Hayden had met him twice and both times the man had tried to call him 'son' and his mother had sharply said 'Gerry, no' like he was a dog that had pissed on the carpet. 

"Can Gerry help you get home?" 

"Of course," she said with perfect confidence. "I won't need much help." 

The house Hayden had grown up in was at the top of a hill. There were stairs to get in the front door and stairs to get from the garage to the main level.

"How about I come by?" Hayden asked, keeping his voice as casual as possible. "Stay over a night or two." 

Joey's hand closed around his and Hayden held back, not daring to look at them. 

"Don't be ridiculous," she said. "I'll have Shana come over and help me if I need anything." 

Shana. Her 79-year-old neighbor, who came up to Hayden's shoulder and used a cane. That would work great.  

"Mom, I have a few days off anyway and I haven't seen you since August. You don't have to be a host or anything. I can get a hotel room if you want." His heart thudded loudly in his ears. 

"A visit would be nice," she said thoughtfully. "No hotel rooms, Hayden. You can stay in your room, of course." 

"Great," Hayden said. "I'll be there tomorrow morning. Let me know what the x-ray says." 

"If you insist," she said and there was a sound on the other end. "The nurse is here now. I have to go." 

"Okay, bye Mom." 

"Goodbye." 

Hayden dropped the phone into his lap and scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm so sorry, baby. I know we were supposed to have a day, but-" 

"It's your mother," Joey said, sliding an arm around Hayden's shoulders. "Of course you want to go check on her. Why didn't you tell her you weren't home though?" 

"If I did that, then she wouldn't let me come," he explained, already trying to figure out his next steps. "Too inconvenient." 

"I guess a sprain is no big deal," Joey said, but they were frowning. It was quiet in the room and Joey had been right next to him. They had probably heard the whole call. That saved some time.

"There's no fucking way it's only a sprain," Hayden explained. "She downplays everything. She once told me she'd gotten a small cut in the garden and I found out from her neighbor that she needed five stitches." 

"We have very different mothers," Joey said wryly. "Okay, do you want me to figure out your flight or call Jackie for you?" 

Hayden shook his head, "I can do it. If you want to go back to your room, you can get some sleep while I figure this out."

"Hayd," Joey said heavily.

"What?" he asked, frowning.

"I'm not just here for the fun stuff. You know that, right? Please tell me you know that."

Shit. That was true. He did know that. "Yeah, okay. Sorry. But you're tired."

"I'm wide awake now," Joey countered. "I can help. Do you really want to navigate a ticket purchase right now?" 

The thought of it was exhausting. He'd have to concentrate and re-read a few times, likely getting frustrated because he was already tired. He opened and closed the hand Joey wasn't holding helplessly.  

"Yeah, okay. Thanks."

"Hey," Joey said even more softly. "She's going to be okay, Hayd." 

"I know," Hayden breathed out. "I'm going to use the bathroom and clear my head for a second." 

"Okay," Joey said and released his hand.  

In the bathroom, Hayden took his second to breathe and splash a little water on his face. His mother was fine and the timing was good. He wouldn't have to miss practice or a game. Joey could go home to Jackie, so she wouldn't be unexpectedly alone with the kids for longer than planned.  Everything was fine.

Resolved, he went back out into the room to find Joey sitting on the edge of the bed, typing into their phone, chewing a little on the inside of their cheek like they did when they were thinking hard. Rumpled from their attempt at sleep, their hair stuck up a little in the back, and they were only in their sexy little black-banded briefs. For a moment, Hayden forgot the whole phone call, soaking in their presence.

"Do you want company?" They asked. 

"I was being an asshole, please don't go," Hayden said, his heart kicking up again. "Really, I still want you sleep here." 

"Yeah, got that," Joey frowned, then glanced up at him. "I meant to see your mom. You already accidentally met my family. We don't have to tell her anything. You can call me your friend or whatever. She only lives an hour out from Ottawa, right? I can stay for the first few hours and then if you want me to go, I can get a car service back or something." 

"No, that's-" Hayden started, then stopped. 

What would that be like? His mother would be polite. Hayden had mentioned Joey a few times in their monthly calls recently. She'd met Shane and J.J. a handful of times. Generally, she treated all of Hayden's friends like they were all still kids. They all called her 'Mrs. Pike' and did the same stilted small talk.

"You can say no," Joey said.

"I want you to come," Hayden decided, even though it made his stomach knot tighter. "I don't know how much help she needs or anything. Are you sure you're okay with being just a friend though? I can tell her."

"It's early for that," Joey shook their head. "I can be your friend for a few hours. If it's easier if I'm a guy friend-"

"No," Hayden said swiftly. "We're not doing that. She knows about your pronouns anyway. I told her months ago."

"You did?" Joey asked, bemused.

"Yeah. It's not like with Jackie's family. She doesn't understand it, but if she knows it would be inappropriate to use the wrong pronouns, she won't. I told her back in September."

"We weren't dating in September."

"Yeah, well. You know," Hayden shrugged. "I talked about you a lot. I wanted to be clear."

Joey pulled him down into a fierce hug that Hayden returned, pressing his cheek to Joey's. They always had more stubble than him this time of day and he was growing very fond of the scratch of it against his skin.

"Okay," Joey said. "I'll figure out flights and let Wiebe know. You call Jackie."

"Okay."

Hayden called Jackie from the bathroom, so Joey could talk to who they had to talk to without their conversations getting tangled up.

"I'm sorry to leave you alone for another day," Hayden said to Jackie once he'd explained the situation.

"Don't be silly," she scolded gently. "It's your mother. You have to go. I was thinking of reaching out to Cassie and Selina anyway. That indoor play place the girls like has a baby area now. We'll make a morning of it."

"Good idea," Hayden said. "Sorry that I'm stealing Joey too."

"Stop apologizing. I'm glad that they're going with you. You and your mother alone…I don't know, babe."

Hayden sat with that for a handful of seconds. "Jacks."

"I'm not saying anything," she said, a little defensively. "I learned my lesson about that a long time ago."

"She's doing her best."

"And so are you," Jackie said. "I happen to think your best is much better than hers, that's all."

Hayden scrubbed a hand over his face. "She's been through a lot."

"Not any more than you have."

"Babe. Please."

"Yes, fine," Jackie said. "I know. You go and look after her. Let Joey help. Okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The flight Joey arranged for them was early. They slept a few hours and when the alarm went off, Hayden felt like maybe he'd never quite gone to sleep. Together they moved through the hotel like they were sneaking out, even though they'd been cleared to leave. Something about the early hours encouraged stealth.

The flight was smooth and too long. Hayden kept checking his phone even though there was no way a message was getting through. His mother had confirmed around midnight that it was a broken ankle and that she had been discharged with an appointment scheduled for the next day to get it casted.

She was fine. People broke bones.

Hayden hoped Joey couldn't tell how relieved he'd been that they didn't have to go to the hospital.

After a quiet debate, Joey had rented a car in Hayden's name. They had jokingly suggested a sports car and when Hayden hadn't been able to find a joke in return, they had kissed his cheek and rented an SUV with a 'It'll be easier if you have to bring her somewhere'.

When Joey got behind the wheel, Hayden faltered for a second, but then got into the passenger seat. It was weird for a half-a-second, but he got over it. Jackie preferred not to drive when Hayden was home to do it for her after she'd spent long days playing chauffeur to the kids. He didn't mind driving, but he didn't have any particular attachment to it. Joey love their car and drove like it was an activity worth doing outside of trying to get somewhere.

The drive was quiet. Hayden was tired and fidgety. He adjusted his seat three or four times and each time, Joey shot him a progressively more concerned look. It was hard not to worry, not to try to make contingency plans if Mom needed more help that it seemed at first. Would she let him hire someone to come in? Maybe.

When they reached the town Hayden had grown up in, he said mildly, "Welcome to nowhere."

"It's pretty," Joey offered as they rolled by the lake.

"It's nicer in the summer," Hayden allowed.

"How many people did you go to high school with?" Joey asked.

"Maybe three hundred?"

"Holy shit, Hayd," Joey blinked.

"Why? How big was your high school?" Hayden asked.

"Uh, I think my graduating class was four hundred?"

"Jackie's was like that," Hayden said. "She said she liked it."

"It was good enough," Joey settled on after a moment's thought. "Did you like high school?"

Hayden shrugged. "I liked hockey. I had friends. I was ready to leave when I was done."

"Yeah. Same."

The turn off for the street came too quickly. Soon they were rolling up to the house, the outside exactly the same. Hayden sat in the car after Joey turned it off.

"Are you okay?" Joey asked.

Hayden gave a nod. "Fine. C'mon. She's waiting."

He had warned his mother about the extra guest via text. He had no idea how she felt about it beyond the 'Understood' that she had sent back. The two of them walked up the steps to the front door and then Hayden rang the bell.

"Can she get to the door?" Joey asked.

"No idea."

"Is it locked?"

"No. It's safe around here, most people don't bother."

Joey frowned. "Then why don't you just go in?"

The idea hadn't even occurred to Hayden. Before he could come up with a response to that, the door opened. Shana, the neighbor, gave them both a closed lip smile.

"Abigail, your boy is here!" She called out.

"Thank you, Shana," came the quieter reply.

"It's been forever," Shana said, opening the door. "Look at you, Hayden! Such a man these days. And this is…"

"Joey Yolen. Joey, this is Shana. She's known me my whole life."

"It's true," Shana said, shooing them both inside. "I got to hold him the day he came home from the hospital. He was small baby, you know. We were all a little worried, but look at him now!"

"He is all grown up," Joey said pleasantly.

"He is! All right, c'mon, I've got your mother all settled on the couch. It's good that you came though, no idea how I was going to get her into my car tomorrow."

"We would have managed."

The living room had always been a space for guests. Hayden had mostly played outside or in his room. There had never been a television here, only the floral overstuffed couches and the glass coffee table. On the walls were the pastel smeary landscapes that his mother and father had purchased when they got the house, here for longer than Hayden himself.

His mother was sitting on the love seat, her leg propped up before her and a white chenille blanket draped over her. She was dressed for the day, the blouse and cardigan combination that she had worn for years already on. Her honey-blonde (the same dye color she had had done at the same hair salon his whole life) hair carefully styled.

"Hi, Mom," Hayden said, coming to stand at her side.

"Hello, Hayden," she said.

"This is my friend, Joey Yolen."

"It's nice to meet you," she said.

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Pike. I'm sorry it's because you were hurt."

"It happens," she said. "It was nice of you to come keep Hayden company."

"Of course."

"Do you boys want lunch?" Shana asked. "I made sandwiches. Abigail, we can just eat them in here, can't we?"

"No," his mother said. "I can manage the dining room."

She barely could, but Hayden provided her a shoulder and they managed to get her there.

No one talked over lunch, except Shana, who asked light questions about the kids which Hayden answered without much embellishment.

"Now that Hayden's here, I'll leave you to it," Shana declared when lunch was finished. "She's due at the orthopedist at 1 tomorrow. The card is on the fridge."

"Thanks," Hayden said and walked Shana out before his mother could tell him to do it.

And then they were three.

"Help me back to the couch, please."

"Of course, Mom."

He got her resettled and then she said, "Would you mind getting my book? Book club is on Wednesday and I'd hate to fall behind. I left it in the bedroom. Shana aired out your room, Hayden, if you'd like to get settled. Joey, you're welcome to take the office if you're staying the night."

"I wasn't sure," Joey said, darting a glance to Hayden.

What Hayden should say is 'of course, you should go home', but he couldn't say it. He wanted Joey to stay.

"I'll show you, in case," Hayden decided and headed down the hallway.

"I get to see your old room?" Joey asked, delighted.

"It's not much to get excited over," Hayden warned. He pointed to the door that still had a tiny nick in it from where he'd once accidentally banged his stick while trying to rush out to practice. "You can take a look. I'll get her book."

His mother's bedroom had never been a place he felt welcome. Darting in, he retrieved the thick novel that must've been her book club's latest pick and went back out again before he could let the feeling of transgression sink into his bones. He carried it out to her and she took it with a thank you, before cracking it open.

Returning to Joey, he found them standing in the middle of the small bedroom with a perplexed expression.

"This is a guest room," Joey said.

"Yeah. When I got drafted, Mom got it re-done," Hayden said. "It's nice."

It was nice. The walls were a pretty soft yellow, the full bed pushed to one side to leave enough room for an antique dresser and mirror.

"What did she do with your stuff?" Joey asked.

"I think it's in boxes in the basement. I took everything with me that mattered," Hayden said. "I was only a kid, it's not like I owned much."

"Right," Joey said, wavering a little. "I was hoping for baby Hayden pictures."

"Oh, there's an album in the living room," Hayden said. "I'll show you later."

"What about your medals and things?"

"Mom gave those to Jackie when we bought the Montreal house. We put them in the attic," Hayden said. "Never thought they rated much wall space, especially once we won the first Cup."

"I guess not," Joey said, scanning over the space, then turning to Hayden. "Show me the office then?"

Hayden crossed the hall a little more reluctantly, opening the door. There was a treadmill by the window and a desk beside it with a laptop sitting on top next to small stack of color-coded folders. There was a filing cabinet too. A twin size bed was an afterthought in the corner if you didn't know why it was there in the first place.

He stood there, stuck to the spot on the floor while Joey walked to the window and said…something. It got lost.

"Hayd?" Joey turned to face him. "Are you okay?"

"Please don't sleep here," Hayden blurted out. "I don't mean leave. If you can, please stay. We'll tell my mother you're sleeping here, but don't. She goes to sleep early, you can come be with me."

"Of course," Joey said readily and went to take his hand. "Kind of like being teenagers, me sneaking into your room, huh?"

"Sure," Hayden said dully, seizing their hand and walking out of the room, taking Joey with them. "It'll be fun."

"Hayden-"

"Hey, Mom, should I go get groceries?" Hayden called out.

"Don't shout, Hayden," she scolded.

"Sorry," he said and had to drop Joey's hand so he could get closer. "I know you said you fell at the grocery store. I wasn't sure if that was coming or going. Do you want us to go pick some things up?"

"It was going in," she allowed, setting down her book. "I have a list in my pocketbook. Bring it to me and I'll give it to you."

She always left her pocketbook on the table by the front door. Dutifully, Hayden fetched the same pale pink leather bag she for many years. It was immaculately maintained, never allowed to touch a floor and the leather conditioned regularly. She'd had it repaired several times when the strap had failed. Still, it showed it's age, cracks at the corners and a very small ink stain in corner.

Handing it to her, she opened it and rifled through it with brisk efficiency, producing a piece of lined paper with a few flowers blooming at the top and Abigail Pike written in flowing script. I was torn from the pad that she kept on the fridge, exchanged out for something similar every time it was down to it's last few sheets.

"Don't spend too much on the produce," she said.

"Okay," Hayden agreed.

"Especially the melon. It's not in season, but sometimes they do a good deal on it. I don't need it if it's too much."

"You got it."

"The bags are in the usual place."

She returned to her book.

"Joey? You want to come?" Hayden asked, hoping the tone of 'best to come with' came through.

"Sure," Joey said readily. Good.

When they were back in the car, Joey said, "She must be in a lot of pain."

"Yeah," Hayden said tiredly. "I hope they gave her the good painkillers, but she's not a big pill taker, so who knows?"

The grocery store wasn't far and soon Hayden was pulling into the familiar lot. The store had gotten a facelift a few years ago, but as soon as they were inside, it was the same old layout with slightly newer signs.

"Hey," Joey said very quietly at his elbow. "Kind of like our first date."

"We went to dinner for that," Hayden said.

"Not our official one," Joey said amused. "Over the summer."

"I guess it is," Hayden said and then grinned at them. "No kids this time and we're both on the same page. So first date, but better?"

"Definitely," Joey said. "Okay, what does your mom need?"

Hayden took out the list with his mother's spiky script on it. The letters were close together.

"I wish she'd text," Hayden said.

"I'll take it," Joey said, hand out.

Hayden slumped a little over the handle bar of the cart as he passed the list to Joey, letting the cart take some of his weight.

"I used to hang out with my friends outside of this place after practice," Hayden told them, picking up cantaloupes without looking at the price. "The high school is down the street. We'd come down and get snacks, eat them in the parking lot. Toss bottle caps down the sewage grates."

"You knew how to have a good time," Joey teased. "She also wants bananas. I mostly hung out with Sal, so it was his basement or mine."

"What'd you get up to?"

"Mostly smoking a lot of pot and watching movies," Joey admitted.

"While you were playing?"

"Are you scandalized?" Joey asked with amusement. "Only on the weekends. We weren't getting tested when we were sixteen."

"Right, of course," Hayden said. "Sorry. You're so focused sometimes, it's hard to think of you as a stoner."

"I don't know that I was a full-blown one, but I could probably still make an apple bong. Do you think that would upset Harris or impress him?" Joey asked.

"Definitely impress," Hayden said. "There's no way he doesn't regularly take edibles just to deal with us."

That was a rich banter topic and they discussed the entire Centaurs staff's liklihood of weed usage as Hayden pushed idly through the aisles. When Joey reached for a box of cereal, Hayden said, "You have to get the store brand."

"To save money?" Joey asked, switching to the next box.

"She says it tastes different."

"Huh," Joey said, setting the box into the cart. "Okay. What about Janice in accounting?"

"She's a regular smoker. Pretty sure she and Rozanov have some kind of unholy alliance."

When they got back, Hayden started filing away the food by rote.

"You want help?" Joey asked.

"Better if you just sit and let me do it. I know where everything goes."

"Should I go say hi to your mother?"

"She's reading," Hayden said.

"Yeah, but maybe she's a little lonely?"

Hayden stacked cans of soup. "You're welcome to try."

"Oookay. I'll just say hi."

A minute later Joey was back and gave Hayden a perplexed look. "She said she'll be ready for dinner at six?"

"Okay, can you preheat the oven?"

"You're cooking?"

"I do that," Hayden acknowledged.

"Are we having cheesy eggs? Carrots and crackers?"

Oh. Right. Why would Joey have ever seen him make an actual meal? "Baked chicken, green beans and rice. It's nothing fancy, but I promise it'll be edible."

"I'll help."

"It's easier if you don't," Hayden admitted. "I know the steps, but I can't really explain it."

"Hayden. It's rice. I can make rice."

Which was a good point. "Yeah, okay. Thanks."

Between the two of them, they got dinner plated and ready.

"Mom are you sure you want to eat at the table?" Hayden checked.

She set down her book. "Yes. No sense making a mess."

So he helped her to the table. Without Shana there, Hayden didn't bother making conversation. He ate mechanically. Joey tried a few times to start a back and forth and Hayden did his best to keep his side of things going, but he knew he wasn't really himself. Eventually Joey subsided, then silently helped load the dishwasher as Hayden got his mother to her room.

"Do you want to use the bathroom?"

"I have crutches," she said stiffly. "Just bring them here and I can manage."

"Okay, but please don't do too much," Hayden said. "If you fall-"

"I will not fall," she cut him off. Then she stopped herself, took a breath and expelled it. "I can handle myself. I'm not dying."

"I know that," Hayden said. "I just want to help."

His left shoulder was tight. It had started a few days ago, but it was getting better with care and PT. Right now it ached. So did his jaw.

"I know," she said and then hesitantly she reached out and touched his hand with her own. Only lightly, a barely there sensation. "Thank you for coming. I don't want to take you away from your family."

"You're my family, Mom," Hayden said.

"Your children need you more than I do."

"I'll get you to the doctor tomorrow. Do a few things around the house. Maybe stay tomorrow night too, get you all sorted out? Then I'll go home, I promise."

"If you insist."

"I do. Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Hayden."

When he got back to the kitchen, the dishwasher was already running. Joey was sitting at the table again. They had their phone out, but they weren't looking at it. Instead they were studying the increasing darkness outside the window with the melancholy Hayden rarely saw these days.

"Hey, baby," Hayden said. "You okay?"

"Am I okay?" Joey turned to him. "Babe, I was going to ask you that."

"I mean, stressed a little, but yeah. Fine."

The phone screen lit up. Joey tapped it and fired back a reply to whatever text they'd received. Then they shoved their phone in their hoodie pocket.

"Did you want to do something with your mom tonight?"

"Oh, no," Hayden said. "She's going to go to bed."

"Oh," Joey said. "Okay. Do you want to watch something then?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Shower first though?"

They took turns, Hayden giving Joey a towel and washcloth out of the linen closet. He should run a few loads of laundry tomorrow, make sure his mother had clean things for the week. The machines were upstairs at least. When they were both clean and in their sleep clothes, Hayden finally relaxed in bed with Joey tucked under his arm as they watched some old medical drama thing on Joey's tablet.

"Can I ask you something?"

The credits were rolling and even though it was early, Hayden felt dozy. Joey's voice broke through the quiet.

"Always, baby," Hayden said, kissing their temple. "What's up?"

"Is your mom always like this or is it because she's not feeling good?"

"Like what?" Hayden asked warily.

"Just…not every engaged?"

Hayden's first instinct was to defend her. It had always been his first instinct. His mother had gone through a hell that was hard to explain to other people. But Joey wasn't 'other people'. They weren't family yet, but Hayden wanted them to be some day.

"Please don't judge her too much," Hayden said instead, and his voice came out smaller than he'd like.

"I won't. You're the one in this house I care about though and you're not yourself today. I thought it was worry, but Jackie told me to like…brace myself for that when I messaged her?"

Of course she had. Hayden grimaced and sat up a little more, not dislodging Joey, but gaining a little space.

"I'm sorry if I was-"

"No," Joey said quickly, "babe, no sorrys. I promise. You weren't mean to me or anything. I'm just worried a little. You're really quiet. You're never quiet."

The house made Hayden quiet, not his mother. Not exactly. Maybe it was a combination. He swallowed hard and tried to find the right words.

"The office. It wasn't an office before."

"Like this room wasn't a guest room?" Joey asked.

"Yeah," Hayden said. "Sort of. She turned it into an office when I was still here though. I helped her. Painted the walls and things. We kept the bed. She said it was practical not to throw out out furniture, but I think it's the only thing she couldn't let go of."

Joey was clearly trying to parse that and Hayden wished desperately that he was better at this. He had spent so long not talking about it beyond a few short sentences to fill in a backstory that he didn't know how to explain it anymore. Mostly, he didn't let himself think about it. Especially not here, in the belly of the beast.

"Can I see your baby photos?" Joey asked.

"I- yeah." Hayden said, redirecting. "Sure."

Was Joey giving him an out? Maybe. Maybe they sensed it was heavy and didn't want to talk about it? Hayden would take it either way. He went and fetched the album that had it's spot on the coffee table. It was large and fairly full of photos. Plenty to pour over.

"Wait until you get to my house," Joey said ruefully accepting it as Hayden got back into bed. "Mom has one for every year. She still prints out pictures at home to put into new ones of the grandkids. Our walls are more photo than wall at this point."

"I don't think my mom has ever taken a picture on her phone in her life," Hayden said.

The first first two pages were typical baby photos. Hayden didn't have any particular embarrassment of them.

"You look kind of like Amber," Joey decided. "I guess the other kids too when they were that age."

"Babies are squishy blobs," Hayden said, hooking his chin over their shoulder so he could see. "It wasn't until the girls were three that I could really see it. I think they take after Jackie more though."

"Yeah, Amber is your little clone. Arthur is a good mix of both of you."

Hayden hummed accepting that as Joey turned the page.

"Fuck me," Joey said, their hand landing on a single photo. A young man held baby Hayden in his arms, smiling at the camera from under a very bushy mustache. "I thought that was you for a second."

Hayden stared at the photo, and Joey was right. Somehow, he had caught up with his father all at once, aside from the facial hair.

"That's my dad," he said roughly.

"I can tell," Joey said. "You have your mom's eyes, but everything else? That's a dead ringer."

They turned the page before Hayden could process that. There was a family portrait there, complete with the very early 90s pastel wavy color background. Hayden was two-ish, sitting in his mother's lap in some overalls and fussy shirt. His parents were both smiling, young and healthy. His father's mustache was a little more trimmed now, the shape that Hayden remembered best. There was a more red in his father's hair than his own and the fading of the photograph sharpened the distinction.

In the pictures Joey found on the next few pages, Hayden's father was still built like him. Broad at the shoulder, strong and hearty. He manned a grill, holding Hayden in one arm. He stood next to Hayden and a brand new, freshly-assembled, bike.

His father holding up his hockey jersey from the local beer league team. Number 35.

"Oh, Hayd," Joey exhaled.

"I asked for it," he said softly. "When I joined the Metros. I didn't think they'd give it to me, but I guess no one else was using it."

"Did he ever go pro?"

"No, not sure he even wanted to be. He played in high school. Went to college for a year, met my mom and decided he'd rather come home with her and make a living right away. It took them a few years to have me," Hayden said and he sounded weird even to himself. Why was it weird? It was just the facts. "They wanted more kids, but it never happened."

"So you made your own brother from scratch?" Joey joked very gently.

"Yeah," Hayden dredged up a smile. "I did. He was a pain in the ass about it, just like a real brother."

"Has Shane been here?"

"No. We don't visit often anymore. Mom comes to us for the holidays. They've met a few times."

Joey turned a few more pages, making 'aw' noises as Hayden stumbled through toddlerhood into boyhood. None of it was very interesting, if you asked Hayden. Posed school pictures, candid photos of him with his friends, at school events, and playing hockey. His hair stuck up a lot when he was small. The girls' hair had done that before it got long enough, but Arthur had Jackie's glossy locks that obediently stayed flat.

His dad held a plaque at work, smiling broadly with arm around Hayden's mother's shoulders.

"What was that for?"

"He was the town clerk," Hayden said, trying to recall the specifics and coming up short. "I don't know what it was for. Everyone liked him and said he was the best clerk we'd ever had."

Hayden became a young teenager. He still smiled the same in pictures and had the same group of friends. There were team shots and middle school graduation. They were three-quarters of the way through the book.

The photos thinned out. Hayden got taller. His father got thinner, his face more and more gaunt when he cropped up at all. His mother disappeared from the pictures entirely, always behind the camera or absent.

Then nothing. The span of two years that had gone entirely undocumented. Hayden's high school graduation picture arrived. He stood in front of a brick wall in his cap and gown, clutching his diploma and smiling at the camera broader than he had in the past few pages.

"How long after this until you were drafted?"

"It was already a done deal. I didn't care who picked me. I was ready to get out."

"I know that feeling," Joey said. They turned a page. The wedding photo that Hayden and Jackie had up in the house, the two of them holding hands in front of the officiant, eyes only for each other. Then birth photos for the kids, each in their turn. A single Christmas photo from every year.

This year's photo hadn't been slotted in yet. Probably waiting on his mother's desk for a free afternoon.

To Hayden's surprise, Joey didn't close the album. They went back again to one of the younger shots. Hayden and his father when he was maybe ten or eleven. They were both in swimsuits, standing in front of a lake. His father had his elbow resting in Hayden's hair like he was leaning on him, both of them caught mid-laugh.

"What was he like?" Joey asked.

Hayden dropped his head back, hitting the wall with a quiet 'thunk'.

"Baby, I don't remember him anymore. Not the right way."

"What's the right way?" A hand rubbed soothingly over Hayden's thigh. That was nice.

"He was diagnosed when I was twelve and he was sick after that. I hate it, but that's what I remember best. Who he was when he was dying. I think he was funny. Kind. He was still like that when he was sick, but he also got quiet. He didn't have a lot of energy. Towards the end, he could barely talk."

"The office was his room," Joey determined.

"It was his office. Then it was his room. He came out of it less and less. I loved him. I know he loved me. He taught me to skate. We watched a lot of hockey together right until the end. Even if he couldn't stay awake the whole game. He'd make me promise to wake him up for the last few minutes of it."

"Did he have a favorite team?"

Of course he had. Hayden closed his eyes. "The Metros."

The hug was warm and too tight and a little awkward, Joey's knee digging into Hayden's side. He didn't care. He hugged Joey back, very grateful for them all at once.

There weren't a lot of words left in Hayden after that. Joey put the album back for him and they quietly went to bed. Or tried anyway. Joey fell asleep fast and Hayden stayed awake for hours, listening to the noises that textured thousands of his nights once upon a time and now made for an almost foreign symphony.

Some small part of him still strained to hear a cough or a weak call for help, curling in under the door. Back then, his mother had to work long hours to make up for the missing income. Hayden only had school and hockey. He could get up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water or fish out a pill or sit and listen to breathing that got fainter and fainter.

He'd lived here two more years after the office was an office again. He never stopped straining to hear if he was needed in the other room. Hayden didn't believe in ghosts, but he did believe in being haunted.

The night took him eventually, but he woke early, Joey still a leaden weight in his arms. He studied the dark lashes against the skin that Hayden now knew wasn't tan at all, but a natural warm tone that Joey had all year round. The generous lips, the nose that had seen a few things on the ice and the single pock mark on their left cheek.

Hayden reached for his phone, checking the time. Jackie would be awake already.

Hayden: Remind me it's still too soon to say it.

Jackie: I think we're not good at waiting. I do want to be there for it. I want to do it together.

Hayden: OK. You good?

Jackie: Just fine. Are you okay?

Hayden: Hanging in there. Home tomorrow at the latest.

They texted a little more. Then Hayden went to use the bathroom, ignoring his reflection. He didn't want to catch another man's face in the mirror. At least Hayden knew he would look terrible with mustache.

He made breakfast. A few minutes in, his mother arrived in the kitchen, only the crutches giving away that anything was off with her. Between breakfast and her appointment, she filled the time with tasks. Hayden changed light bulbs, greased squeaky door hinges and tightened a loose handle on a cabinet drawer.

Joey woke up late, but was game to help Hayden bring a chair up into the attic, and chase down a few bits of dust his mother couldn't reach in the corners of the basement. Getting her into the car was a tense standoff of her insistence of independence vs the reality of her body. Hayden drove and Joey didn't even try for the keys.

The cast was bulky, but she seemed sturdier with it on and more certain on her crutches. Getting back to the house with it was a little easier. She handled the front steps slowly, but capably.

"You don't have to stay, tonight" she insisted as Hayden made lunch. Sandwiches on white bread, crusts off, cut into fourths. His mother preferred to eat tidily.

"But-"

"I can handle myself, Hayden," she said with finality. "Your children can't."

"Jackie has them."

"I'm sure she does," she said. It wasn't even judgemental. Only dismissive in a way that made Hayden's teeth ache.

What was he even fighting about? He didn't want to be here anyway.

"All right, Mom."

He did the laundry first and remade the barely slept in guest bed with fresh sheets. Joey disappeared for a bit, but that was fine. Hayden could concentrate on what needed doing.

"Packed?" Hayden asked when Joey turned back up, watching him fold his things back into his bag.

"Yeah, I'm good," Joey said. "I'll go wait in the car while you say goodbye."

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute," Hayden said and tossed them the keys.

His mother wasn't where he'd left her on the couch. She wasn't in the kitchen or in the bedroom. With rising panic, Hayden listened for bathroom noises and heard none. When he swept through the kitchen a second time, already imagining her having fallen somewhere, he spotted a flutter on the back deck. She stood there, bundled in her winter coat and staring out over the woods that grew up near the house. Her crutches leaned up next to the railing.

Hayden stepped outside and she glanced over her shoulder at him. "Mom, what are you doing out here?"

"I thought I saw a hawk. Unusual time of year for it," she said. There was a little melancholy in voice. "In the summer, I sit out here and watch them."

"I didn't know you'd taken up birdwatching."

"Only the hawks," she said.

"Joey likes larks," he said then regretted it immediately.

"Joey seems very nice," she said.

"I think so."

"A good friend," she said. "When you first left home, I worried about that. You were always a friendly child, but you hadn't had to make a new friend in so long. But you were barely gone a month and then it was all 'Shane this' and eventually 'J.J. that'. You figured it out."

"I did," Hayden said, coming up to her side. She pressed her shoulder into his arm, a small point of contact.

He knew other mothers were huggers. Jackie's mother hugged him all the time even though he wasn't convinced that she liked him much even after all these years. Yuna hugged him sometimes and she wasn't a particularly effusive person. At least she seemed to genuinely like him.

Jackie hugged their children all the time. She gave forehead kisses. She rocked them and dried their tears. She made them lunches and set fire to her own ambitions so they would always have at least one parent that was consistently home.

Homesickness smacked into Hayden like an actual fever as he stood beside his childhood house with his own mother.

"You stopped needing me," she said almost under her breath.

"Mom. No," he protested weakly. "You're my mother. I'll always need you."

"That's nice to hear," she said. "I'll be fine here. Shana will check on me. Gerry will stop by. The book club moved our meeting to my house. Upsets the whole order, but that's one less trip out. I'll be back to work on Monday. Dr. Ferris can't live without me, you know."

"I know," Hayden said. "He'd fall apart."

They stood there together in silence for a bit. The sky remained clear of birds, only a grim collection of gray clouds against a gray sky. February was the worst. It was probably going to snow again.

"Have a safe ride home," his mother said at last. "Give my love to the children."

"I will," Hayden said. He considered hugging her, but she was still turned to the side, watching the skies. "You should go inside. It's cold."

"I will in a minute," she said.

What else could Hayden do? He left his mother outside, watching for a bird that may or may not come. He headed for the SUV where Joey sat behind the wheel, intent on their phone again.

As soon as Hayden shut the door, a request rose up in. It wasn't really worth the detour, but they'd be home well before dinner even with a diversion.

"Hey," Hayden said quietly. "Do you mind if we visit my dad?"

"Whatever you want," Joey said. "Put in the address."

The cemetery wasn't that far out of town. It was park-like, bordered by the same forest that rose up around his mother's house. To Hayden's shame, it took him some time to remember the way to his father's grave. It had been at least five years since he'd come out here last and that had only been to help his mother tidy the site. She used to visit on his father's birthday, but he had no idea if she still did.

Joey kept pace with him and said little. They read headstones as they walked by them, only occasionally relating an interesting epitaph to Hayden. The sky was darkening. They really should leave.

Hayden found the right row as the first flakes started to fall. Five in. That he did remember.

Arthur Pike

1961-2007

Beloved Husband and Father

That was it.

Hayden was the same age now that his father had been when he was born. What would he think of Hayden's family, already so large at the same age? Would he have liked Jackie more than his mother did? It wasn't even worth wondering about Joey. His father had been kind, but not progressive. Hayden couldn't remember him talking badly about anyone, but he also remembered how he's advised Hayden not to tell people how much he liked the Powerpuff Girls.

It had been his father's voice in his mouth when he told the girls not to put nail polish on Arthur, just as much as it was when Hayden told them that he loved them and kissed their foreheads. His father had been an affectionate man, full of hugs and back pats. The last time he'd hugged Hayden had been only a few days before the end. He'd smelled awful all the time by then and Hayden remembered just wanting it to end.

Fucking teenagers. He wish he could go back and do that hug over.

Joey put a small rock on top of the headstone as Hayden stared at it.

"What's that for?" Hayden asked.

"Jewish tradition," Joey said quietly. "It lets people know someone's visited the grave. We don't do flowers. Too temporary. Stone endures."

"Would it be okay if I did it too?"

"Of course," Joey said. "Sorry, I should've asked you first, not the other way around."

It didn't take long to locate another small rock and it felt good to put a little effort into prying it out of the frozen dirt. Hayden laid it beside Joey's.

"We went to church when I was a kid. I hated it. I think Mom goes now sometimes, but I don't know if it's for the company or for the praying," Hayden said.

"Praying can be company, so why not both?"

"You think?"

"I mean, I think that's what religion is sometimes. Community. With others. With whatever you believe in that's bigger than you."

"You've thought about this," Hayden said, admiring the depth of the sentiment. Hayden had, somehow, surrounded himself with smart people. But Joey had been a good enough student to get into a great college.

Like Jackie.

His clever beautiful athletic Js. Hayden really had a type.

"You kind of have to with Judaism if you stick with it. Asking questions is the name of the game," Joey said wryly. "I'm just talking anyway."

"I like listening to you talk," Hayden said and took Joey's hand. There was no one here alive enough to care. "I mostly was thinking that I wish I remembered enough to say a prayer, even if doesn't mean much. I don't really know what else to do."

"Want me to?" Joey offered. "I know it's the wrong words and everything, but the feeling is the same, I think."

"Yeah," Hayden decided. "Please."

He listened and Joey chanted quietly in Hebrew. The alliteration was soothing, rhythmic.

Yitbarach v’yishtabah, v’yitpa’ar v’yitromam, v’yitnasei v’yit-hadar, v’yit’aleh v’yit’halal sh’mei d’kudsha…

Overhead, there was a piercing cry. Hayden tilted back his head and watched a hawk circle over the open space.

He didn't have any thing to say to the ghost that didn't exist, but he felt better for having gone. Watching his hometown disappear behind them did him some good too. The drive back to rental car place drifted along like a ribbon.

They got an Uber to the house. Hayden's mood buoyed again to be so close to home. He grabbed up his and Joey's bags before Joey could get a hand on them and was chased laughingly to the front door.

Once inside, they found silence.

"Where's my family?" Hayden demanded of the quiet living room.

"I guess the morning playdate turned into an all day thing," Joey said.

"But I told Jacks when we'd be back."

"Yeah, about that," Joey said and snatched back their bag, headed down the hall. "We both thought maybe you might need an hour or two to unwind a little before seeing the kids."

That was ridiculous. Hayden wanted to see his kids very badly. Also his wife.

But an hour or two….

"You're both conspiring against me in my own house," Hayden whined and trailed after Joey.

"Yeah, babe," Joey said from the bedroom. "Do you want us to stop?"

When Hayden stepped into the bedroom, Joey had already tossed off their sweater and had started shimmying out of their jeans.

"No," Hayden said quickly. "Please conspire."

What could have happened was some very desired mutual blowjobs. Hayden would've been thrilled to suck on Joey's cock for as long as they could both make it last. It wouldn't have been cowardly, per se. No one else knew about Hayden's interrupted plans. He wasn't even particularly prepared for this which it felt like he should be.

But it was bodies and Hayden lived in his body more than his head. He desprately did not want to be in his head at all right now.

"Baby," Hayden said, his voice softened into a plea, "would you fuck me?"

Joey stopped dead, pants pooled around their ankles, whatever provocation they'd had planned dead on arrival.

"You want to do that now?" Joey asked, voice climbing up a full register.

"I know we should have like a big conversation about it and I should probably get like water up there or something, but I don't- I keep psyching myself out about it and I just want to feel you everywhere and-"

"Woah, okay," Joey said, kicking their pants off in a last jerky movement then swarming Hayden into a hard hug. "Yeah, we can do that. I thought it was off the table, honestly."

"No, I was just freaking out," Hayden admitted and held them back. "I don't want to keep freaking out."

"Okay, how about we shower together? You definitely don't have to do the whole nine yards, but you might feel better if we're a little cleaner? Hot water is good too."

That seemed sensible, so Hayden shucked off his clothes too, both of them tossing everything into hampers. Joey might not live here, but their laundry got done here anyway. There was a drawer for the things they'd decided to leave behind for ease in Hayden's dresser.

There was room in the bedroom for another piece of furniture, but that was definitely too early. Even if he and Jackie had done a little online window shopping once or twice. Everyone needed hobbies.

Under the hot water, Hayden did relax a little. Significantly helped along by a smoking hot make out session that involved Joey backing Hayden against the tile. When they started to sink to their knees Hayden protested.

"I don't want to come like this," he reminded them.

"Oh, don't worry about that," Joey grinned up at him, sharklike. "I was going to suggest you turn around. You're so good about eating out Jackie, I thought you might like a return to sender."

Was Hayden having a hot flash? Was that a thing that could happen to him? He turned around. When Joey slapped at the side of Hayden's lightly, he spread his legs a little further, blood pounding in his ears.

A smacking kiss landed on one of his ass cheeks, startling a laugh out of him. Joey did the other one too. They were so fucking cute. It made the slightly awkward spreading of apart a little less strange. Hayden loved Joey's hands, strong, capable and always certain of their welcome these days.

The first flick of tongue against Hayden's hole actually barely registered, the same temperature of the water still slicking down his back. The second though, less tentative and broader made him clench up a little. Joey didn't stop. They only gave Hayden's waist a small squeeze. A reminder of who knelt behind them.

Again and again until Hayden stopped tensing at the sensation and could actually feel it. It was warm and loving in a way he hadn't anticipated. There was nothing demanding here or emasculating. No one was removing anything from him or trying to demean him. Relaxing into it let Joey get a little deeper and that was a little strange until it was something else altogether.

"Fuck," Hayden moaned into his own forearm. His entire core had gone molten as Joey tongue fucked him like they were trying to climb inside him.

He stopped thinking. He was hard as a rock. No wonder people had done this since the beginning of time. Even if he wound up hating getting fucked, Hayden knew he would ask for this again whenever Joey was game to offer it. Could he do it to Joey? In a fucking heartbeat, he decided as he trembled with the desire to thrust back into it.

"Okay, I'm drowning a little," Joey admitted, pulling back with a laugh. "Damn, Hayd. Good?"

"No thoughts," Hayden muttered. "All the blood is in my dick."

"Nice," Joey laughed. They stood up, apparently took some water into their mouth, swished and spit. "Kissing okay?"

If he thought about it, it might not be, so Hayden didn't think about it. He turned around, sagging against the wall and pulled Joey in close for a lot more kissing. Filthy, open-mouthed, finesse-less kissing.

The water stopped and it took Hayden a few seconds to process that Joey had turned it off.

"C'mon," Joey coaxed. "Let's dry you off and get you in bed."

Hayden followed them dutifully, taking his towel, but before he could dry himself, Joey took it off him and started rubbing him down with it. It woke up nerve endings Hayden hadn't even known he had. Vaguely, Hadyen thought he should protest. Things like this were his job. He was the one that playfully took Jackie's towel and dried her off sometimes. He was the one that led Joey back to bed after they showered, so he could make sure they wound up in the middle where they liked best to be and never asked for.

It was nice though, letting Joey take the lead.

"Lay down," Joey said and Hayden went, stretching a little and trying to decide if his ass felt different already. A little more sensitive maybe.

The bedside drawer opened, a crinkle of condoms (a generously sized box had returned to it's old location) and the lube.

There had maybe been a little finger stuff recently with Jackie, so it wasn't entirely unpracticed to grab a pillow and stuff it under his own hips.

"Look at you," Joey whispered.

They knelt at his side and bent down to him, even as they reached down to palm Hayden's cock a few times. Hayden groaned an encouragement, but the contact didn't last. Joey's fingers drifted until one fingertip pressed questioningly against Hayden's hole.

"Yeah, baby," Hayden said. "Go."

The intrusion was a little more familiar. Jackie's fingers were smaller, but not enough to make a difference with only one. Hayden rocked against, it seeking the angle that made electric pulses shock through him. When he found it, he groaned into Joey's mouth.

"Got it," Joey grinned and nipped at Hayden's lower lip. They worked him like that for a bit, never slowing the kissing down. "Another?"

Why the fuck not? Hayden nodded and then the real stretching started. Two fingers were undeniable, thick and very present. Amazing. Hayden spread his legs wider in invitation. The next few minutes were a little lost to time. He was fingered and kissed, stroked and desired.

"I can keep doing this," Joey said, uncertainty creeping into their voice. "We don't have to do it all at once."

"I want it," Hayden said, certainty that he hadn't even recognized in himself emerging. "I'm so ready, baby. I'm sorry I didn't ask even earlier. Months ago."

"You weren't ready, it's all right," Joey said and kissed him again. "We've got so much time."

"Yeah," Hayden breathed out. "Should I get on my stomach?"

"We can. If you want to see me though, we can stay like this. You'll have to get a bit bendy."

Hayden did want to see them. Bendy was an understatement for the position Joey got them into though. Hayden was very glad he didn't neglect his hip flexor stretches. Was this why Shane did yoga? Maybe- nope. No. Not thinking about Shane right now.

"Too much?" Joey checked.

It might have been, if Joey hadn't been between Hayden's thighs, their lark jumping with their quickened breath and their cock a hard promise barely visible from this angle. Their face was locked in a determined expression and their eyes fixed on Hayden's face.

"I'm good," Hayden said. "C'mon, baby. I know you'll fuck me good."

Joey made a punched out noise. "Okay…okay."

The head of Joey's cock was bigger than fingers. As it pushed in, Hayden considered that he may have made an error. Maybe he really would hate this. Then what? Poor Joey. That would be awful for them, but maybe Hayden could make it up to them with a very good blowjob. Would they miss not fucking a guy ever again if Hayden couldn't manage this?

Not that Hayden was thinking in such absolutes when it was far too early-

All of Hayden's thoughts came to a stuttering stop, caught fire and burned to ash spectacularly in a single second as Joey pushed in further. It was overwhelming, a burn and displacement. Hayden's hands were on Joey's biceps all at once, clinging without his permission.

"Hayden?"

"You're so beautiful," Hayden said senselessly. "Keep going."

When Joey bottomed out, they stayed there, catching their breath. Hayden definitely had a cock in his ass. That was happening. It also, definitely, felt fucking great. A decade and a half of locker room chirping, slurs and bullshit lobbed around him to be afraid of this? This passionate joining with someone who treated Hayden like he was worthy of tenderness?

"You good?" Joey checked.

"I love being queer," Hayden told them.

"What?" Joey blinked, then laughed breathlessly. "Oh my god. Your brain. I guess you're good then."

"Never better, baby. Maybe go slow though?"

"I was gonna," Joey assured him.

They went very slow. It wasn't perfect. Hayden winced a few times and Joey over-corrected. The squelch of lube made Hayden squirm a little internally. The checking in got a little ridiculous, but Hayden didn't want to make Joey feel self-conscious about it. Not when he wasn't entirely sure it wasn't a little warranted.

Eventually though, Joey found a good rhythm and Hayden's body fully relaxed into it. Then it was golden. They even managed to kiss a little, despite the terrible angle. When Hayden finally put a hand to his cock, he knew he wasn't going to last.

"Come in me?" He asked and Joey made a noise like they'd been shot.

Hayden jerked off as Joey lost the last of their trepidation and gave Hayden a good few pounding thrusts. That did hurt a little, but it also made Hayden very very interested in trying it again. So interested that he came with a back cracking arch as Joey still shuddered through their own orgasm inside him.

"You look so fucking good right now," Joey told him, even as they pulled out, fingers carefully wrapped around their dick to keep the condom on. "I wrecked you."

"Yeah," Hayden agreed, ass aching and heart light as a feather. "You absolutely did. 10/10 de-virgining. I'd recommend you to my friends, but they don't deserve you and they can't have you."

"Possessive," Joey teased and leaned down to kiss him. "Come to the bathroom, we can clean up and then maybe take a nap."

"You're the one that passes out after sex, not me," Hayden reminded them.

"Maybe try anyway."

Of course Joey was right. They cleaned Hayden up without making it awkwardly clinical and then drew him back into bed. In bed, Hayden got about thirty seconds to contemplate the reality of what they'd just done there before plunging into a deep nap.

They woke to the sounds of an invading army.

"I'll go say hi to Jackie and help with the kids," Joey said sleepily. "You stay. Finish napping."

For all of ten minutes, Hayden attempted to obey. He lay in bed, cataloging his small aches and pains. They didn't total up to much. Nothing in the face of the pleasure he'd gotten. Once more, the thing he'd feared was actually fantastic. Just bodies, exactly like Rozanov had said. That smug motherfucker.

Hayden got up, pulled on clothes and went into the living room. He ached some but there was no limp like guys would joke about. He was not fundamentally changed except how he was five degrees less afraid and had a dozen new mental clips to add to his usual jerk off montage.

Jackie and Joey were in the living room, sitting in the couch as the kids all clamored for attention. Amber had secured the prime spot in Joey's lap while Ruby wound around Jackie's legs like a cat.

"I thought my kids came home, but I think I only see a pack of wolves," Hayden mused.

"Daddy!"

He swung Jade up into his arms and then fell backwards on the couch to avoid stepping on Arthur. She held on tight, giggling at the sudden change of altitude. He scooped up Arthur before he could realize something upsetting had nearly happened. Holding his children, the last knot in Hayden's chest unraveled.

"Ruby and me beat all the other kids going down the big slide," Jade told him eagerly. "Then I beat Ruby!"

"No! I won," Ruby protested.

They bickered even as Ruby wiggled into the tiny sliver of space between Arthur and Jade, and almost kneeing Hayden in the balls. He didn't give a goddamn. He got his arms around all three of them somehow and held on as their tiny voices filled his ears. When they had enough of being squeezed, Jackie replaced them, sitting in his lap to embrace him as the girls ran off in some game and Arthur settled in with his duplo while Joey engaged Amber in a book.

"Hi, babe," she said and he held her just as tightly as he had the kids.

"I missed you," he told her. "You should've been there."

"For this afternoon or yesterday?"

"This afternoon. You would've hated yesterday. Next time, I want you there for it. I was being an idiot."

"You weren't," she kissed him gently. "You're allowed to be your own person in this, you know? But yeah, I'll be there next time."

"I want to tell them," Hayden said. "I don't care if it's too early."

"All or nothing Pikes," she said with a wink.

"I hate how much Rozanov is rubbing off on you," Hayden grumbled. "Even if you do make it look hot and cute."

They didn't do it right then. Or even that night. Despite the nap, Hayden felt heavy with sleep all night and went to bed not long after the kids. He woke up to the bed moving under him like the ocean waves.

In the early dawn light, Jackie and Joey were rocking together, a languid morning pace. They were murmuring to each other, and Hayden didn't bother straining to hear them. He just watched and then reached out to graze his hand over their sides, heedless of who he was actually touching. When Joey finished, forehead pressed to Jackie's shoulder and panting with it, she gently pushed them over and then straddled Hayden, taking advantage of his morning wood to finish getting off. She was divine in this light, her hair falling down around her and her breasts swaying with every thrust. Even after she came with choked wail, she kept up the pace until Hayden came too.

Sticky and sweaty, they should all get up and get their game faces on for the day. There was the gym to hit and practice. Kids to ferry and feed. Instead though, Hayden tugged Joey in closer, arm wrapped around Jackie as she snuggled against his chest.

Joey rested their head on the pillow next to Hayden's.

"Hell of a good morning," Hayden said and kissed Joey. "Can I tell you something?"

"Always," Joey said with sleepy interest.

"I love you," Hayden told them.

"So do I," Jackie said, her cheek pressed to Hayden's chest so she faced them. "I love you so much, baby."

Joey's face went a little slack and then their eyes slammed closed. "Oh."

"Not because of you fucking me so good I saw stars," Hayden clarified. "I already fell. You're just too hot, smart and sweet. Couldn't be helped."

"I love you both," Joey said tremulously, eyes still closed. "I think I have for a few months."

Kisses were passed around and more gentle words. Then the baby monitor crackled to life and any thought to more leisurely moments gave way to the practicality of the day. Throughout the run around of it all though, Hayden made sure to slow down a few times to pull Joey into a hug or give Jackie a kiss or blow extra raspberries into Amber's belly that made her giggle uproariously or read Arthur his airplane book one more time than was strictly sane.

Outside, the snow came down in earnest, but the Pike household stayed merrily warm.