Chapter Text
Two years ago
The streetlights blurred like melted gold against the car window.
Your elbow rested on the edge of the door, chin resting on your palm in a thoughtful position. Through the left ear slipped in whatever R&B playlist Nicholas had switched on as soon as the two of you shimmied into the car, a soothing beat with just a hint of that soul in it. You found yourself tapping along to the rhythm. Nicholas heard the tip-tap of your fingers against the leather interior of his car and he smiled, that pretty little crease edging his cheeks.
"You like it?" He prompted, chin jutting out to the radio. You looked over from where you were staring out the window, the little fog from your breath dissipating against the glass.
"I do!" You chirped, moving away from the car window and sitting up. "I don't normally listen to this kind of thing, but it's nice. It's got a groove."
All you got in response was a gentle chuckle and you looked to see that his eyes were focused on the narrowed lanes of the road as they eased into your neighborhood.
The clock had yet hit midnight, still fifteen minutes until. The two of you had summoned the other's telepathy in a moment of panic as exam season was creeping just beyond the corner. A couple of texts, a few chugs of energy drinks, and Nicholas had taken you to his mother's bakery left open just for you to study in the warm light. Three of the four hours you spent there was comprised of scribbling and erasing visual ideas of your next art project. Nicholas had tried to be as much of a help as he could, but with a background of different artistic value, he wasn't able to add much to the doodles. You ended up trashing most of the pages by the end of the study session.
After snagging a small sweet treat from the display case inside the bakery (Nicholas always managed to sneak with the keys he had taken from his mother's drawer), he insisted that he take you home. Nicholas had boxed up the teacake for you before ushering you outside to the car.
"I've got no obligations, and honestly, the last thing I wanna do is go back to my apartment and see the mess." He had informed you with a grim look on his face.
Now, you were seated beside him, eyes drooping with the sleep weights sitting directly on your lids. Nicholas noticed the swaying of your head and he leaned toward the radio. Fingers squeezing around the volume button, he swiftly twisted it to the right, forcing it to full blast. You jolted in your seat as the song blasted from the old speakers, almost spewing dust with how powerful it was.
"Nico!" You attempted to scream over the volume of the music. With a teasing smirk, Nicholas lowered the dial, and his actions were answered with a sharp jab to the shoulder.
"Sorry, snowflake, but you looked like you were going to pass out," his tone deepened with genuine remorse, and you only forgave part of it. "I didn't want you falling asleep now. Y'don't like the feeling of getting all groggy after waking up in the car. And it becomes impossible to sleep later."
As though he knew you were questioning how he could list such a detail, he winked. You simply huffed and crossed your arms, sinking deeper into the seat. With fear of him repeating what he had done before, you forced your eyes to stay wide and unblinking.
It wasn't long before the two of you pulled into the apartment parking lot. It was devoid of many other cars, mainly because it was a Saturday in May and many students had packed up and left with their finals out of the way already. You had told Nicholas that your family hadn't exactly been ecstatic to hear that you were done with your exams, so you decided to stay here and chill by yourself. Though, he quickly interjected once you said you were going to be alone, stating that his family was too busy to see him anyway and he'd rather hang out with you. That lit a small candle of warmth inside your heart.
As you clambered out of the car, you noticed him sliding out the driver's side. Your brows furrowed. "Nico? I thought you were just dropping me off."
He blinked innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about. I always come in and stay for a little bit."
With the glint in his eye, you knew that arguing would be pointless and he would use brute force to make himself a guest in your apartment. Heaving a dramatic, exasperated sigh, you fished your apartment keys out from your pocket before trailing for the elevator.
Since the two of you had crashed into each other on the playground those many years ago, it became apparent that Nicholas' stubbornness would yet to dissipate. Not just that, but it seemed to get stronger each year he grew. Now that he was an adult, it was clear that that personality trait became set in stone. You learned to grow into it and know when to be kind to that ugly thing, and yet, it still rears its head at you so often.
Still, despite what may come off as sour stubbornness, Nicholas' heart was softer than it seemed. His appearance might be brooding, that was true enough, but once you slowly peeled away the protective outer layer he had, you saw the gentle child that still hid beneath the facade, and you were glad that you got to see that side of Nicholas. If not for that playground crash, he would not be kicking off his shoes at your apartment door and booking it for the kitchen to raid your fridge.
You set your bag aside, giving it a shove by the shoe rack before trailing after Nicholas. He was already elbow-deep in the fridge by the time you got there. His snacking tendencies became more and more obvious.
"Did you forget to buy my strawberries?" Nicholas' voice had a whining lilt to it. You bristled.
"You don't live here, silly! I don't just buy groceries for you just 'cause I know you like them." You shot back, which earned a light-hearted chuckle.
"But I always buy wafers to keep in stock at my apartment just for you." He teased. "I would expect something similar in return, no?"
Nicholas slipped a basket of shine muscat from a lower shelf in the fridge before closing it and brushing past you to the living room. You scoffed at how he walked around like he owned the place, though inside, you really didn't mind. The comfort of a person's presence just existing in your space made you feel... like you were really at home. Like you established a comfortable life for yourself and you don't want to let it go just yet.
When you turned on your heel, you saw Nicholas leaning towards the corkboard you had above a shelf in the living room. His brow was quirked as he examined the various forgotten to-do lists, grocery lists, and old high school awards you had posted up on it. Thinking he was just looking at those, you inched closer to his side.
"Yep. I had a lot back in high school." You said proudly with a big puff of your chest, but Nicholas shook his head. You faltered curiously.
"No, this." His fingers brushed an ancient, crinkled paper that was pinned beside a high honor roll award. On it was a faded sketch of a bird. What kind of bird, it was hard to tell, but the way he touched it was almost reverent. You glanced at him, and the upturned corners of his lips had dropped just the slightest. "You still have this?"
You blinked, surprised. "Of course I do."
He unpinned it from the corkboard and took it down to look at it closely again. Then came a small smile, warming as it sat on his face for longer. You felt your cheeks flood with color, almost embarrassedly. Mainly because the drawing looked like it had been done by an eight-year-old, but also, why would anyone keep a doodle from so long ago posted up on a place that anyone could see if they stepped into the room?
***
"What's that?" Nicholas pointed a stubby little finger at the paper you'd ripped from your notebook. You squatted further away from the playground, from the older, scarier kids, by an old willow tree that was growing over the fence that surrounded the place. Nicholas sat on the ground beside you, picking at bits of autumn leaves from his shirt.
It was in third grade that the two of you met, and it was the bump-ins that happened frequently at the local playground that you saw each other. It had started when you had tumbled down the big slide on one end of the playground and hurdled your way back to the stairs to try again, only to trip and keel over straight into another child. The two of you fell to the ground in a writhing knot, sitting up after a moment of dazed silence. Nicholas had come to his senses first, and he stood up, brushing dust from his ankle-length trousers before staring down at you.
"Sorry!" You squeaked, scrambling up to your feet. Nicholas simply continued staring, not a word said. You looked at him nervously. His slanted eyes seemed intimidating. Would he beat you up? Drag you away? You took a few steps back, almost tripping. Instead of him surging towards you and throwing a few punches like you'd expected, he just dropped his gaze and gave a small kick of his blue sneaker, before muttering an, "it's okay."
Oh. That was not what you were expecting. He pursed his lips, which made his cheeks pop out just a little more. Third-grade you was now curious, because how could this scary-looking kid be so shy? Nicholas scratched the back of his head as he stared at his sneakers. You shuffled back to where you were originally standing.
"I'm Y/N!" You extended your hand first. Nicholas eyed it like it was dangerous, but once you held it out for a good ten seconds more, he took it, but didn't really shake it or anything. Just.. held it.
"I'm Nicholas." He said. Now that his voice was clearer, you blinked. It was soft. You saw him shift on his heels and his hands were hidden behind his back as he rocked back and forth. You shrugged your shoulders and beamed at him before turning and running off back to your mother. Nicholas was left standing there, drooping, the little daisy he had in his hand still behind his back.
Each time the two of you visited the playground all throughout elementary school, you would interact here and there. You would be mixing up a little leafy soup in the corner of the dirt patch and he would waddle over and stand there before quietly asking what you were doing. Nicholas would be picking at another flower in the beds by the fence and you would ask which flowers he liked the most. He always answered with daisies.
And one of those times happened to be when you began to find your soul in art. You were scribbling furiously onto the piece of paper while Nicholas watched curiously. As you went on, it seemed he got bored, and his feet kicked around a rock that was nearby. Eventually he plopped down beside you.
"Can I add something?" He had asked. You nodded and extended the paper out to him. Nicholas took it carefully before taking a flattened daisy and folding it into the side of the paper, tucking it inside and handing it back to you. "There!"
Then he smiled, and it was the brightest, most beautiful thing you had ever seen.
***
Nicholas put down the basket of shine muscats and unfolded the daisy from the corner of the paper. It was definitely withered, and on the verge of just dissipating.
"It reminds me of when we first became friends. All the way back then. My mom also insisted I keep it." You explained to him before he could ask, and he just looked at you with a small smile before pinning the paper back on the corkboard.
"That's cute." He laughed. You could feel the tips of your ears catching fire as you looked away nervously.
"Oh, heh.. right.." You rubbed the back of your neck before quickly adding, "I'll get us some tea."
Okay. Maybe you did sort of.. maybe.. have a small little crush on him. Maybe not small. Maybe big. But could you really help yourself? He was this sweet little kid that turned into a tall, handsome, gentle, and thoughtful guy who kept close to you and never left your side. There was no way you couldn't fall in love with him. He was your definition of perfect. Even if there were a few things about him that had changed. Instead of being quiet, he was reaching out now. Nicholas had gained so many friends since he began high school, and only grew since then. You never left your shell, but he didn't either, always sticking by you even as other people came and left. He no longer threw on whatever was at the top of his drawer, but developed a sense of style that absolutely grabbed a couple of eyes. He often had a nice nail design decorated with a variety of silver jewelry. He was cool. You weren't. Not really.
You turned on the electric kettle and shuffled through the assortment of teas in the overstuffed drawer. Nicholas always liked simple white teas, so that was what you would drink. Fishing out two teabags, you waited for the water to come to temperature before you poured it into two mugs and taking it to the living room. Nicholas was lounging peacefully on the couch cushions, munching on muscats. You placed the mugs onto coasters on the coffee table before sitting a respectful distance away from him. So far, you had been extremely skillful in concealing your feelings for him. At least, you thought so. He didn't seem to notice.
You picked up your mug and held it in your hands until it warmed the nervous chill in your palms. After a heartbeat, you spoke. "Do you remember when we used to think being an adult would feel... different?
Nicholas shifted to face you and he laughed lightly. "Yeah. I thought I'd be rich and emotionally stable by now."
"And?"
"Clearly I'm one of those."
That got a small laugh from you. A beat passed. Comfortable silence.
"It's kind of scary how fast it all went." You commented quietly.
Nicholas's joking manner slipped away and he looked at the cup in his own hands. "..yeah."
"But," you tried to lighten what was dampening the mood. You didn't even know what you did wrong. Maybe too serious of a question. "we spent a lot of this together, didn't we?" You offered him a gummy smile and he mimicked it, breaking into more soft laughter.
"We did," he puffed. "I'm glad we did."
The two of you sat, again, that silence filling the room. But the silence was never awkward with Nicholas, because his warmth was tangible, like a blanket wrapping around your shoulders, even when there wasn't a conversation. You settled deeper into the couch.
The soft buzz of a notification vibrated through the couch and broke through the quiet. Nicholas reached for his phone and opened it, cringing as he did. "Oh. I have to head out. Gosh, I totally forgot about this." Nicholas placed the mug back down on the coaster, and you were disappointed to see that half of it was still left. Nicholas always finished his tea before leaving, but it did seem important. He showed his phone to you. It was an angry text from a project partner.
You laughed. "Wow, he's really... passionate about this, huh?"
Nicholas smiled. "Yep. Gonna be a real pain about it."
His hand slipped into his pocket to grab his keys and he headed for the door. Out of politeness, you put down your mug and stood up to see him out. You trailed at his heel before he went to put his shoes back on, before stopping to lean against the wall.
"It was nice having your company for a bit," you said gently. "I enjoyed myself today."
Nicholas finished off the knot on one of his shoes before standing up, gaining about an extra inch from them. He looked down at you, face creasing in yet another warm smile. "I did too. Friday?"
The undetailed prompt lit an excitement in your chest and you nodded vigorously, pulling a fond chuckle from Nicholas.
"Great. I'll text you." He opened the front door and stepped out, turning to look at you. You could see the hallway light glimmering overhead. They made his eyes look like stars. Your heart began beating just a little bit faster, and it was like he noticed, because he paused for a good long moment to peer into your eyes and say something silently. You didn't know what it was, but he told you something through his deep gaze. Nicholas offered one more nod before walking away.
"Goodnight," you called after him. "please do sleep at a good hour."
Nicholas halted for a moment before continuing. "I will!"
He disappeared around the corner. You couldn't close your door for another thirty seconds.