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The first thought Arnold has when he wakes up on Tua’s couch is, Shit, it was a bad idea to sleep two people on this couch.
The second thought he has is just Shit.
Because he did not just randomly sleep on Tua’s couch, with Tua next to him. He slept with Tua.
Which. Shit.
He leans back, away from where Tua is curled up next to him, as much as he can without falling off the couch. Tua is beautiful in his sleep. His face is relaxed and his eyelashes fan softly over the tops of his cheeks. His hair is falling slightly over his face, and before he can think about it, Arnold finds himself gently brushing the strands back into place.
Then he freezes, one hand still in Tua’s soft hair because what is he doing?
Being as careful as he can to not wake Tua, Arnold extracts himself from the couch and gets to his feet. Tua shifts a little, like he can tell that he has more space to get comfortable in.
For a moment, Arnold just stands there, watching him settle. He’s still just in his underwear, but it’s hot enough that Arnold isn’t too worried about Tua being cold. He’s not cold himself, either, and he’s also just in his underwear.
They’re both only wearing their underwear. Because they had sex last night.
Shit.
Arnold rubs both hands over his face.
He has no idea what to do now. Where do they go from here?
He can’t pretend he was drunk last night. Tua had asked him if he was still drunk before they talked, and Arnold had told him he was sober. If Arnold tries to pull the drunk card now, Tua will see right through him, and it’ll just make him look callous and like an idiot.
Plus, Tua deserves better than for Arnold to treat their night together as just a drunken hook-up.
Which it wasn’t to Arnold, either. He can’t put words to what it was, exactly, but he knows that it was so much more than just a drunken hook-up. More than just any kind of hook-up, actually. More than a horny, spur of the moment thing.
The question is just how much more.
And if it means the same to Arnold as it does to Tua.
He’s known for a while now that Tua likes him. He’s known, but he’s chosen to ignore it. As long as Tua said nothing, Arnold could easily play ignorant. And he’s chosen to do that because it’s a lot easier and safer than having to figure out what to do with Tua’s feelings for him.
Arnold sighs and starts pacing.
Playing ignorant has also been a lot easier than figuring out his own feelings.
Because the thing is, Arnold knows that his feelings for Tua are also not completely platonic.
For the almost four years they’ve been friends, that is exactly what Arnold’s feelings have been: platonic. Tua has been a friend. A good friend, a close friend, but just a friend.
But he can’t deny now, after last night, that it’s been changing recently.
Last night was probably some sort of culmination of that. A result of Tua kissing Arnold at that party to “help him”, and of Boston turning up and making Tua uncomfortable, and making Arnold feel protective in a way that’s not just been purely platonic.
But what the fuck does he do now, Arnold wonders as he keeps pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table.
He glances back at Tua, still sleeping peacefully on the couch. They cleaned up last night before they fell asleep, and there are no marks on his body. Almost like nothing ever happened.
Maybe they should pretend it didn’t.
Arnold bites his lip, torn.
It’s not that he wants to forget last night. It had been incredible. If things turn out well (regardless of what that might mean), then Arnold wants to be able to look back on that night as a good memory of great sex. But Tua likes him. And Arnold doesn’t know what he feels for Tua, and everything is confusing, and he thinks, great as it was, that sleeping together probably didn’t help the confusion. It’s not helping Arnold figure out what to do about Tua’s feelings.
He can’t keep ignoring them now. He can’t pretend he doesn’t see or doesn’t know, because Tua said the words out loud.
So. What are the options now? Does he reject Tua, or does he go for it and see where things take them? Both seem like dangerous options.
Arnold groans. Not loudly, but the sound breaks the silence of the room anyway, and Arnold’s attention snaps to Tua immediately, to see if the noise disturbed him. Thankfully, it doesn’t look like it did. Tua seems to still be fast asleep.
Arnold breathes out a quiet, relieved breath.
The fact that he doesn’t want Tua to wake up probably says a lot.
Arnold needs to leave. He needs to get out of there, away from Tua and what they did, and he needs to think. He needs to figure out what the hell to do going forward. Because right now, he has no clue.
All he knows is that he’s not ready to face Tua waking up, because he won’t have any answers, and he wants to have something to offer Tua when they talk.
He picks up his clothes from where they’d been thrown haphazardly on the floor last night and gets dressed as quickly as he can. Tua’s still asleep, but the one thing that’s more horrible than just leaving the morning after sex before Tua wakes up is to be caught trying to leave before Tua wakes up.
By Tua or by Dean.
They’re fortunate, Arnold thinks, that Dean didn’t come home last night, or this morning. That would have just made things even more complicated.
The last thing Arnold picks up is his jacket, but he stops before he puts it on and looks back at Tua. Who is still asleep, still almost naked, and not covered by anything. It’s hot, so Arnold doesn’t think he’s cold, and yet.
He wants to take care of Tua. He can admit that much for now. And a simple thing he can do to take care of Tua is cover him up. So instead of putting on his jacket, he drapes it over Tua’s body as well as he can. He lingers a little, uselessly adjusting the jacket, and mostly just staring at Tua’s beautiful, handsome, gorgeous face. It’s a face that does a lot to Arnold. He loves seeing a smile on that face, and hates seeing tears on it.
The last thing he wants it to be the one to make Tua cry.
Hopefully, Tua won’t be too upset that Arnold has left before he woke up. But Arnold just desperately needs space to think, before he can talk to Tua.
What he can do, though, to make leaving a little less awful, is leave a note. So Arnold finds a post-it and a pen and writes a little message that he had to leave and didn’t want to disturb Tua. It’s not completely the truth, but it’s good enough. It’ll make sure Tua isn’t too worried that Arnold has already left. At least, he hopes it will.
Note written, Arnold heads for the door.
Before he walks out, though, he throws one last glance back at Tua.
If Arnold is being completely honest with himself, he knows what his feelings are.
Deep down, he knows that he likes Tua back. The question is just if he likes Tua enough to risk the friendship they have. It’s one that Arnold is hoping will las the rest of his life, and he’s not sure he’s willing to risk it on a romance that might fail. For Tua’s sake (and for his own), he hopes he can figure it out soon.
But for now, he needs time.