Chapter Text
R
He was floating.
Not floating as in on the surface of water, nagged by the constant worry of dipping just a little too far under the surface but floating as in up in the sky, maybe on a cloud. How he knew what a cloud felt like he hadn’t the faintest idea but he’d always imagined it like this, quiet and comfortable, somewhere that even the thoughts running amok in his head quietened themselves. That’s what his therapist had told him all those years ago, to “try and control your anger Ramsay, go to a quiet place”. That’s what she had said which irked him so because how would she know, the woman who’d spent years learning about the kind of problems he had and so was utterly desensitized to his emotional outbursts. She would look over her glasses at him, always remembering what she’d learnt in school about people like him, he was her perfect guinea pig. Yes, what that privileged bitch could ever know, he had wondered for years, but his mind did often return to thinking about her so called quiet place he supposedly had to find. But now perhaps her words made perfect sense, maybe he had found what he was looking for, maybe…
But even as the thought passed his mind, he could hear an odd noise, out of place, grating. He opened his eyes to take a look and immediately shut them again, for whatever was out there stung his eyes and made his body feel heavy. As the noise grew louder, his body felt heavier and heavier until soon he remembered that he was still on earth, exactly where he had fallen asleep the night before. It was his phone alarm that was making that obnoxious racket that had disturbed him so and he was not best pleased about that, not at all. Unpleasant though it was to be unceremoniously torn from cloudland and plonked back on the earth, dazed and confused on a grey September morning, he reached over for his phone alarm, turned it off and stretched out. Heck, there had been worse wakeups than this one, still remaining fresh in his mind was the memory from last year of waking up in the hospital to the overwhelming feeling of nausea, still hooked up to an IV with the taste of far too many painkillers lingering on his tongue, and seeing his brothers tired worried face with an expression of ‘what have you done?’ upon it. He knew that he would not forget the events of that day, or how sick he’d been for the rest of the month in a long time, no matter how he tried.
As he laid in bed, attempting to gather his thoughts and push the negative ones away there came a voice from outside his room, a monotonous voice that plainly said that the owner had better things to be doing with his time. “Wake up Ramsay” the voice said. “You’ve got school today and I will not have you miss anymore”. A slight pause and “I won’t ask again”. There was never any affection or kindness in Roose Bolton’s voice, even if he happened to be singing your praises from the rooftops. The thought of Roose ever singing was laughable to most people, least of all Ramsay. He almost bit back with a sarcastic reply, but he wasn’t in the mood to mess with his father again, especially since the hour was so early.
He sat up, irritation settling over him like a dark cloud. Monday morning, what an absolute drag. School was one of his least favourite places to be, his education a much lower priority that it should have been for someone his age. Not that he cared of course; he had better things, much better things to spend his time on. He would stay at school for as long as legally necessary and then…well he really had no idea. Looking at his phone, he saw it was now 8:06 and he had shit to do, so he reluctantly sat up and got out of bed.
After he’d dressed and slouched halfway down the stairs, he spotted his brother Domeric walking out of the front door. Well technically speaking, he was Ramsay’s half-brother, but Ramsay never mentioned either of their mothers, not wanting to be reminded that Domeric was born of a well-respected woman who sadly passed of a terminal illness and his mother was a drug addict who had died on a council estate, with a needle in her arm and a crying child wondering why his mummy wasn’t waking up.
Domeric didn’t start class for another hour and it only took him 15 minutes to drive to the university campus from their house, why was he so quick to leave? “Leaving so soon?” Ramsay enquired, reaching the bottom of the stairs and dropping his bag. “Morning Ramsay” Domeric replied “I’m going to the library early, need the additional physics book before class. See ya later bro”. And before Ramsay could reply, he had given him a winning smile and walked out of the door, a spring in his step despite the early hour and damp chill in the air. Of course, the perfect brother to a tee, thought Ramsay bitterly, already at the pinnacle of academic achievement and now practically dancing out the door. Ramsay and Domeric couldn’t be more any more different. Sure they had the same dark hair and pale eyes, like all their family had, but in terms of how they kept themselves, you’d never think they were related, let alone brothers. Domeric was a straight A student, in his last year of University. He played multiple sports and the guitar. He was kind and friendly. He was attractive, all the girls wanted him, yet he somehow wasn’t tempted away from his girlfriend of 3 years, Lyanna. He was also very popular and constantly had people around him, wherever he was. He looked the part too, with his clean ironed clothes, sneakers without a trace of mud or dirt and not a hair out of place. Everything Ramsay wanted, but never had. He had copied his brother to a tee the moment he'd started secondary school, stealing his father’s credit card to buy expensive clothing but try as he might, not matter how fancily he dressed, people noticed his “bad blood” as Roose described it, that nasty streak that he couldn’t grow out of, his rudeness, his knack of winding people up, pushing people to their limits. It wasn’t a surprise he’d learnt how to fight at a young age. It wasn’t until he’d gone into year 9 that he realized enough was enough and he was just going to do what he wanted, fuck anyone who thought otherwise. And it had worked; in just a few years he’d gone from the sad, lonely outcast whom everyone laughed at and ostracized to the person people were scared to even make eye contact with. He had friends, friends just as nasty as himself, but he still felt like nothing next to his brother.
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Half an hour later, Ramsay arrived at his school. He looked at it and groaned internally, WHY did he have to attend this dump? The lessons were boring, the food was shit, and frankly, the only good part about it was seeing his friends and fucking around with people. Deep in thought about how to mess with his uptight math teacher in first period, he walked straight into another boy standing by the school gates. Feeling the irritation rise up immediately he opened his mouth to say something, or rather shout at this guy to get the fuck out of the way. Unfortunately he had turned around to see who had bumped him and Ramsay’s threats somehow died before he even managed to say them because his brain had suddenly become full of "shit, he's hot". What was this, he’d never had problems cussing anyone out before, not even small children or hot girls he was trying to impress. But this one random guy, who’d he’d never seen before made him completely shut up. What was going on? Trying to kick his brain into gear, he attempted a glare and his usual “get the fuck out of my way” but ended up blinking stupidly. “In my way” he said, before realizing how stupid he looked and sounded. There was a brief pause, in which they exchanged looks, one amused, and the other embarrassed. Ramsay decided not to cause any more awkwardness, and dodged past the boy, ignoring the amused look sent his way and walked up to the school door, cursing under his breath.
T
Theon still felt amused. As if he’d just gotten in the way of the scariest dude in the school and gotten away without so much as a scratch or threat! Theon had never spoken to Ramsay, but he knew of him, Ramsay Bolton, the kid who’d beat up anyone who looked at him the wrong way, screamed abuse at teachers and was in and out of the head of year’s office all week. Theon was pretty sure their head of year was sick of him terrorizing other students and just generally behaving like an asshole. He’d also heard stories of when Ramsay was in primary school, of him hurting other kids, killing small animals for fun and one account of him pushing someone out of a 2 story window, although Theon wasn’t sure how true that was. And he had gotten in this psycho’s way and nothing happened? Something was afoot, thought Theon rubbing his hand over his head like he did when he was thinking. As much as he’d heard bad stories about Ramsay, Theon was somehow curious about him. He was too curious for his own good, his best friend and foster brother Robb had told him, but what was the point in life without curiosity? And it wasn’t like he hadn’t had his fair share of delinquency; after all, no one was perfect.
R
Ramsay had just got to form and sat in his usual place right at the back, with his friends Myranda, Damon, Dick and Alyn, who were just as nasty and messed up as he was. He hung out with a few more people outside his school, but they were either older or had dropped out, the only people he really liked at his school were those three; everyone else was ‘a bunch of fucking cunts’ in his eyes. “Heya Ramsay” sang Myranda as he sat down “get up to much this weekend?” Ramsay shook his head. Honestly, he wasn’t sure why she ever asked. If he wasn’t out with her and their group, he was at his house, doing jack shit. Myranda, on the other hand loved to go out and get fucked up at illegal raves. Ramsay had attended a few, and while he’d be the first to admit that they were a lot of fun, he couldn’t see himself doing that every weekend, the novelty would soon wear off, he was sure.
Turning his head to face the front, he spotted that kid from this morning come in through the door. The kid looked around for a short while, and eventually walked across the room and took the empty seat directly in front of the desk Ramsay and Myranda shared. He sat down and turned his head to the side, giving Ramsay a cheeky smirk. Ramsay blinked. Who the hell was this guy anyway? Most people wouldn’t even give him the time of day, or were just plain scared of him, yet this guy…he didn’t seem to give two shits about him or his reputation. Looking at him closer, he really was good looking, with dark hair and a nice smile, but there was also an air of arrogance and daring about him. “Hey” he said “sorry for getting in your way this morning, I’m such a ditz”. Don’t talk to him Ramsay, said that voice whose sole purpose was seemingly to keep him isolated. Tell him to fuck off, to don’t even think about talking to him, but somehow, he just ignored that, merely nodding in acceptance. He felt his heart rate elevate slightly as the boy smiled at him, he had perfect teeth. The boy continued to speak “I’m Theon by the way, Theon Greyjoy. I would ask your name, but I know all about you.” At this, Ramsay raised his eyebrows. This ‘Theon’ was intriguing him, to say the least. Regaining his composure he replied. “You know all about me? And yet I know nothing about you. Aside from your name, that is” challenged Ramsay, smirking slightly. Yes, he was intrigued; he had to find out more about Theon.
Unfortunately, their brief conversation was cut short by their teacher walking in the door. Upon her entrance, Theon stood and made his way to the front of the classroom. Ramsay watched him, still itching to find out more: how had he never seen him before, why was he in their class now, but their teacher answered his question for him, just as the thought crossed his mind. “Good morning students” chirped their teacher, far too happily “I should let you know there is a new student in the class and his name is Theon Greyjoy”. With a gesture towards Theon, standing on her left side, she continued. “As many of you know, our class is slightly smaller due to multiple students moving schools” at this she shot a brief pointed glance at the corner of the classroom where Myranda and Ramsay sat. It was probably justified; after all, Ramsay and his group had bullied some students so badly that they had to transfer schools. Ramsay, leaning back in his seat, returned her glare with an insolent smirk, and he was sure Myranda had done the same. The teacher continued “He’s come from another class, and I’m sure you will ALL (another pointed glance at Ramsay) make him feel very welcome”. Oh trust me, thought Ramsay, I will. Perhaps school this year wouldn’t be so boring after all.
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Ramsay had resigned himself to the fact that he never should have gone to this party. It was the party of a girl he vaguely knew, Bethany. He only went because he thought it was possible to crash the party, seeing as Alyn and Damon said they were going to be there. But alas, they had pulled out and Ramsay was stuck on his own. So, he’d decided to stay for a couple hours, drink as much of the girl’s alcohol as humanly possible, maybe start a little trouble. It wasn’t as if he liked her, so felt no guilt as he drank his way through various alcopops, even managing to score a bottle of expensive looking champagne from a locked (now broken by his hand) cupboard.
Honestly, this party was really terrible, he though for the tenth time, looking around him. There were a few people from his school and the rest was made up by people who looked like they never left their houses, people with obnoxious hair colours, stupid fake glasses and weird hipster clothing. The few that knew him were giving him sideways glances, nervous one. Perhaps they thought he’d start something. Ramsay almost felt inclined to, but honestly, he was too tired for that kind of thing right now. He’d have to crush their expectations. Rolling his eyes and thinking vaguely about calling Domeric for a lift home, he turned round and saw Theon standing a short distance from him. A smile instantly appearing on his face and with a new reason to stay he stood from his place on the couch and walked over to Theon casually. He’d been chatting to Theon over the past week and not only was he a charming guy, he also had a bit of a defiant streak in him too. The thought of making someone like that his practically made Ramsay salivate, all the girls and boys he’d ‘dated’ in the past were so meek, so willing to submit, no challenge at all. The only person who could keep up with him was Myranda, and they were nothing more than friends with benefits. But Theon...no, Theon was a whole different story. As he approached, Theon turned to face him. He noted that Theon looked a little stressed, even as he greeted Ramsay, his voice sounded a little strained. “Oh hi Ramsay” he said, his eyes darting off to the sides a bit “didn’t expect to see you here”.
This was quite weird; Theon definitely had his mind on something else. Curious, Ramsay narrowed his eyes and was about to ask what the problem was when it became apparent in the form of a short girl who looked to be a few years younger than them appearing out of thin air and grabbing onto Theon’s arm. Ramsay raised an eyebrow. The girl looked about a year or two younger than them, and looked like an explosion of colour. She wore a clip in multi coloured extensions, the kind you buy at Claires, a pink anime t-shirt and for some strange reason, a lime green tutu. Ramsay cringed internally; what year was it exactly? He had thought scene kid culture died a painful death years ago. The overall effect was made much worse when she talked however. “Theoooon, found you!” she squealed in an attempt at a cute voice, missing it by a country mile and ending up sounding like a 8 year old with a blocked nose. “I couldn’t find you uwu”. Ramsay, who was taking a drink out of the bottle of champagne choked. Uwu? In real life? Really? Was this actually happening? “Ooh is this your friend?” the girl asked “I’m Sophia, I really like Theon, he likes anime too!” And with that she had pulled poor Theon into a tight hug. His face had gone red, a combination of being squeezed half to death and second hand embarrassment for her, she was obviously drunk, too young to be able to handle her alcohol, even if it was just WKD. “Well, Sophia, this is Ramsay, he’s my…boyfriend”.
Ramsay almost choked again. What? boyfriend? He realized quickly however, after glancing at Theon that he was only saying that to get her away from him, as she was clearly far too interested. He could see the pleading look Theon had in his eyes, silently begging Ramsay to just go with it. With a slight smirk, Ramsay was all too happy to comply. “Yep, we’ve been dating a few months now” he said, grabbing Theon round the waist and pulling him near, whilst giving the girl a subtle “back off” look.
She looked shocked for a minute but then her face suddenly split into a huge grin. “That is soOoOoO yaoi" she said, slurring a little and wiggling her eyebrows, once again causing Ramsay to question reality. Theon was looking decidedly deer-in-headlights and Ramsay decided to play into it. Time to have some fun. He clapped his hands together.
"Well then, sounds like you'd be interested in seeing us two get frisky together, no?" Theon was still doing his best deer impression, so Ramsay continued. "It'll be just like your mangas in real life won't it?" Ramsay span Theon around and placed a hand firmly on his ass, electing a small squeak of surprise.
The girl looked like Christmas had come early.
Ramsay suddenly smacked his forehead like he'd forgotten something. "Oh wait, I forgot, I need a left handed cup! I can't do anything without that. If only I had someone to-"
"I'll do it, I'll do it!" the girl had practically sprinted away, stumbling in her drunkeness.
"Make sure it's left handed!" called Ramsay after her. He turned to Theon, releasing him “Right, lets blow this joint” he said, winking, grabbed his hand, dragged him out the front door and down the street to the nearest bus stop.
They stopped under the overhang; Theon immediately sat down on the yellow plastic seats, bent his head down and ran his hands through his hair. Ramsay felt a sudden stab of anxiety. What if he’d taken things too fast? After all, they had spoken, but they were only sort-of-friends at a push. Had Ramsay just fucked up his plan? As he stood there, wondering if he should say something, he heard a giggle. Theon lifted his head back, a smile on his face. “Close one there” he grinned sheepishly “Sorry I dropped that one on ya, I never know how to handle people without offending then. Nice job, sending her on a fools errand, I wonder how long before she notices.” He paused, grinning. “Anyway, thanks for going along with it. I thought for a moment you were going to plant one on me” he said, laughing as if it was a joke, but Ramsay could see that look in his eye, like he was debating whether to wink or not. Well then, this was going as well as he could hope for so far. Ramsay stretched his arms over his head and looked up at the digital display inside the bus stop. Good, it was only half 9, the night was still young. “Well, I did consider it. So, Theon. Do you by any chance want to come back to mine and play that game I was telling you about on Friday?”
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Much later, the two teenagers found themselves in Ramsay’s bedroom, Theon seated on the floor, Ramsay next to him, laying on his bed, with a controller in his hands and an expression of concentration. Ramsay was a pretty sore loser, and usually lost his temper when someone beat him at anything. But Theon was someone he was interested in, so he kept his chill. As his character died in a hail of bullets sent his way by Theon’s he dropped the controller and buried his head into the duvet with an irritated groan. His father was out, as was Domeric. Walda was probably in the house somewhere, but Ramsay didn’t care to check. She was an bit of a weirdo, that one, very shy, even in her own home. She was very overweight too, which given his fathers previous relationships, had come as a surprise. When his father had first started dating her, Ramsay had made the mistake of comparing her size to a whale to which Roose had responded by slapping him so hard he’d seen stars. He’d learnt to never make the mistake of insulting the woman that Roose called his partner again. Or at least within earshot of his father. Theon giggled from his position on the floor “that’s 2-1 to me dude” he laughed, as Ramsay shook his head and groaned. Theon was good, he had to admit, beating him twice at his favorite game. Tonight had been fun, eating oven pizza and playing videogames, just like when he was a kid, hanging out with his brother. Theon twisted his head round and looked at the clock. “well it’s half 11, I should be getting back home” he said. Ramsay, playing with a loose string on his sleeve and not really paying attention, nodded. “I’ll walk you back if you want” he offered casually, only seemingly noticing what he’d said after he said it and wondering if he’d gone too far again. Luckily Theon only smiled in response. “yeah” he nodded, “I’d like that”.
Theon lived with the Starks, fostered when he was 6 years old. This, they had in common. At age 6, Ramsay's mother had died and he was placed in the custody of his father, Roose Bolton. He had been an unruly child, wild, untamed and living off a diet consisting of McDonald’s chicken nuggets and fries, until Roose had a say in the matter. He had managed to get the child to learn how to behave himself and eat a diet that wasn’t full of E numbers. And he had persevered too, no matter how much Ramsay cried and screamed and slammed doors and threw tantrums and told him to go fuck himself. That was the only thing he had to thank his father for. Hey, at least he wasn’t as big of a screwup as he could have been. At least someone had tried with him, even for a while As, they walked up the front door of the Stark house, Ramsay noted its enormous size. Ramsay’s house was a pretty big, his father was a top lawyer and brought in a good salary. However, Eddard Stark was chief of police for the entire county and had a very large house. To be fair, he did have a big family; his wife Catelyn, his sons Robb, Bran and Rickon, his daughters Sansa and Arya, his adopted son Jon and Theon. He was a good, fair and just chief of police and many people liked him.
They stopped at the front door, Theon turned to face Ramsay. “I had a fun night man, we should do it again sometime” smiled Theon. He was always smiling. Ramsay nodded in response “We should. But don’t think I’ll go easy on you next time we play call of duty”. Theon smirked and punched him lightly in the shoulder “yeah right, like you were going easy”. Ramsay rolled his eyes, amused “Well anyway, I have to be getting back, I’ll see you around yeah?” And he pulled Theon into a hug, in a moment of impulse. He knew Theon liked hugs anyway? It was only a quick one. As he went to let go, Theon tightened his grip slightly, not wanting Ramsay to let go. Ramsay rested his head on Theon’s shoulder, breathing in the smell of his hair. It smelled like the sea. They leant away slightly, looking at each other still.
Ramsay felt his nerves jolt; his plans all depended on this moment. He thought for a moment, then decided it was as good a time as any and kissed Theon as gently as he could. He wasn’t used to this, Myranda was a bit of a biter. He felt Theon kiss him back. This was going even better than he’d wanted. Elated, he thought about taking it further, but at that moment the door swung open. They both jumped apart instantly, as if electrocuted and looked in opposite directions. The person who opened the door turned out to be Robb, Theon’s foster brother. He was Ned Stark’s oldest son and was probably more mature then the two of them put together. He eyed them both suspiciously. Theon laughed and scratched the back of his head, like he did when he was nervous. “Erm…well…I’ll see you around then” he said, looking at Ramsay for a moment, as if he still had something he wanted to say. Before Ramsay could register this, he had scooted past Robb and into the house. By this point, Ramsay thought it best that he just leave. As he did so, he locked eyes with Robb. Knowing all too well that general air of dislike that he could feel emanating from the other boy, he turned away. He knew why, Robb was an observant person, unlike Theon. Robb probably knew what he’d done in the past, heard stories and saw right through him now. But it wasn’t Robb he was after, it was Theon. Poor, impressionable, easygoing Theon. Ramsay smirked to himself as he exited the gate outside the Stark residence. He wondered how things would play out now.
T
“I’d watch out for him if I were you” stated Robb, leaning on the wall. Theon looked at him and smiled. Robb wasn’t only his foster brother, but also his best friend. Theon trusted his advice, for he was much more sensible that Theon ever could be, although he really needed to loosen up and live a litte. The two brothers balanced each other out well. “Well, he seems pretty nice” Theon said shrugging. “And besides. If he starts acting weird I’ll ditch him, I promise”. Robb looked as if he had something else to add but Theon, not wanting any trouble, turned and walked away. He could feel Robb’s disapproving stare on the back of his head all the way down the corridor, up the stairs and into his bedroom. Sighing, Theon sat down, deep in thought. Robb was a smart guy, he could see right through people and pinpoint their real intentions but…Ramsay was different. He was so charming and kind. He wouldn’t hurt me, Theon thought to himself.
Although that sense of unease, buried so far down that he could barely reach it, remained.
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R
Ramsay sat on the sofa in his living room, feet on the coffee table, stuffing his face with grilled cheese. Domeric was next to him, eating his own food as most people would, but compared to Ramsay, who ate like he was constantly on the verge of starvation, Domeric looked very civilised. Ramsay was engrossed a TV show when the screen switched off. Disgruntled, Ramsay tried to exclaim “Who the hell did that?” but it came out completely inaudible, as his mouth was still full of bread, melted cheese and ketchup. Only Ramsay would dip grilled cheese sandwiches in ketchup, thought Domeric in amusement. Roose Bolton, who was responsible for the televisions abrupt shut off gave his son a look halfway between disgust and exasperation. “Would you kindly empty your mouth before speaking?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Walda, who had trailed in behind him, clutched Roose’s arm. She looked happy, Ramsay noticed, without the usual nervous air she had when she was forced to spend time around him. Roose cleared his throat. “Walda and I have something to tell you. It’s an important decision that will affect both of you.” Domeric looked politely curious, whilst Ramsay fidgeted nervously. Oh god, what now? Had they decided to send him and Domeric to some boarding school for good? Or perhaps Walda was planning to move some of her enormous family in with them. That would really suck, sharing things with some random stranger, and a family member of Walda’s at that. “As you know, Walda and I went out for dinner last night. I decided to propose.” He paused, indicating Walda to speak. “And I said yes!” she exclaimed happily, holding up her hand with an engagement ring on the ring finger. Roose gave his fiancée a small smile, possibly the most he could manage. For Roose to bestow one of his rare smiles at you, you knew you’d done something right. Ramsay remembered the day that Domeric had come home with his GCSE results, 10 straight A*’s. Roose had looked the proudest that Ramsay had ever seen him, and he had even awarded Domeric one of these smiles. Roose had never smiled at Ramsay, not even once. He’d never done well academically and the only thing he was good at was getting into trouble. "Also" Roose continued, a fairly sentimental look drifting upon his face which was, frankly terrifying "Walda is pregnant. It seems when I had a surprise for her, she had one for me." Ramsay was shocked out of his train of thought. A baby? He could vaguely hear Domeric giving his congratulations and was only snapped out of his daze when he felt Roose's eyes burning into him. "Uhhhhh congrats! Good luck with...baby shopping and all that." He bit another huge chunk off his sandwich so he wouldn't be forced to say anymore. They didn't seem to mind though. Staring ahead of him at the blank TV, he swallowed the mouthful of food he’d been chewing, listening vaguely to Walda blabbering on about her bridesmaids and the colour scheme and the flowers and the baby shower and names and all that rubbish. He dreaded the upcoming months more than ever.
A ding from his phone distracted him from the current state of affairs and he glanced at it. It was a text from Theon. It read “so…what are we now? Haha :)” Ramsay grinned , his sour mood evaporating, at Theon’s obvious keenness, yet his nervous approach. How cute. He replied “you tell me ;)”.Keep it short, test the waters, good. A few minutes later and ding, another message. All this one said was “you know what I want ;) ”.
Ramsay felt his face heat up a little and was very glad that his family weren't watching. Either this was going to end very well, or very poorly, but for once Ramsay was keen to find out