Work Text:
From: [email protected]
10 February 12:45
Dear Toby,
Would Professor Anthony Crowley, author of Astrophysics For Everyone be one of yours?
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
10 February 15:05
Dear Derek,
Yes, Prof. Crowley is our Personal Chair in Galaxy Formation and Evolution. Do you need a consult for an event?
Good to hear from you chum,
Toby
From: [email protected]
10 February 16:35
Dear Toby,
Good heavens no. Took years to sell his book— not that it isn’t excellent, I’m sure, but not our usual clientele. No, Dr. Crowley happened to come into the shop asking for ‘books about astrophysics,’ which seems awfully suspicious to me, and happened to hit it off with my second-in-command, Asa. If you can call it happening to hit it off after walking by glancing inside about five times before he finally came in. I believe they’re going to dinner this evening.
He seems a good sort. Is he a good sort?
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
11 February 08:05
Ohoho! The plot thickens! Anthony is a very good sort indeed. Let me know how it goes.
Toby
From: [email protected]
11 February 10:15
Dear Toby,
I should say it went very well. Asa was ten minutes late this morning and can’t count back change to save his life. I shall press him (gently) for details.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
11 February 13:27
Toby— they’re going for crêpes on Saturday.
From: [email protected]
16 February 14:03
Afternoon Derek,
Anthony walked into his lectern in front of a whole theatre full of first years this morning. He of course denied anything at all was distracting him when we spoke later. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I am tempted to declare Asa a hazard. What did he put in those crepes?
Tara,
Toby
From: [email protected]
20 March 11:56
Dear Toby,
In a surprising turn of events, Asa has become somewhat withdrawn about the whole business with Anthony. He declares that nothing whatever is amiss, but having caught him staring wistfully out into the rain with a copy of Persuasion in his hand while a queue formed, I find that hard to believe. Do you have any intelligence on the matter? Need I extend the shop sanctions list to a certain ginger astrophysicist?
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
20 March 17:05
Derek,
What a palaver. Had to corner Anthony in the kitchen with a cup of tea pretending to be all concerned about the state of his under-eyes. Apparently he and Asa had the tiniest of rows the other day, some sort of classic STEM versus humanities nonsense. Anyway, Anthony walked him home, and decided that that was the moment to go in for a kiss (what mistakes have I made in my life that I am typing these words). It sounds like Asa pretty much closed the door in his face.
Are they middle-aged men or first year undergraduates???
Driving me to multiplicitous punctuation.
Toby
From: [email protected]
20 March 22:43
Dear Toby,
Oh my goodness me. Damage control incoming. May I suggest that you do the same? I know somewhere inside that shrivelled old heart of yours you are, in fact, concerned.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
21 March 09:31
Derek,
I can’t believe I’m abusing my position to help a grown man and Professor holding a Personal Chair make nice with his boyfriend. You’d better give me a full report of Asa’s reaction.
Alas,
Toby
From: [email protected]
26 March 11:45
Dear Toby,
What a rebel you are, signing off on an after-hours invasion of the observatory! And the Crawford Collection, even— oh, Anthony really does seem to have outdone himself, Asa could not contain his ebullience. And although he claims not to want to kiss and tell, I am certain there was an exceedingly romantic moment under the Pillars of Creation.
Well done.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
26 March 15:49
Derek,
Anthony was disgustingly chipper this morning. Walked into the lectern again. Students have begun to get suspicious.
Toby
From: [email protected]
13 May 19:26
Dear Toby,
Asa is absolutely distraught over what to get Anthony for his birthday. Any insights?
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
14 May 08:07
I’m pretty sure Anthony would explode with happiness over literally anything accompanied by that man’s puppy dog eyes, but I’ll see what I can think of.
Perhaps we should discuss this over coffee?
From: [email protected]
14 May 13:23
Dear Toby,
That sounds like a very wise move. Would Black Medicine suit, tomorrow morning? Before the shop opens would be perfect.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
29 May 10:45
Hi Derek,
Had to physically stop Anthony from falling down the stairs while texting earlier. He had a blond hair on his lapel and smelt suspiciously of bergamot. I shall attempt not to extrapolate further.
Toby
From: [email protected]
29 May 11:14
Dear Toby,
Between your suggestion and my calling in a favour to my pal at The Gently Mad, it sounds like a hand-bound copy of the Eddington was very successful indeed.
Do you want to pop over this afternoon to collect that Milton?
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
12 February 11:26
Derek,
Just overheard Anthony telling someone that he’s ‘planning to take his boyfriend somewhere special’ this weekend. Gird your loins.
Toby
From: [email protected]
12 February 13:05
Dear Toby,
Oh goodness, Asa’s just told me that he’s planning to sweep Anthony off his feet with a surprise getaway this weekend. What are we going to do with them??
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
12 February 13:15
They’ll figure it out.
Would you like to come and see the Crawford Collection sometime? Perhaps this weekend, while it’s quiet?
Toby
From: [email protected]
10 March 10:12
Dear Toby,
I believe preparations are all complete for the launch of Anthony’s new book. It’s quite thrilling to not only be hosting a book launch for a local author, but to have such a renewed interest in our natural sciences section! It’ll never have the same hold as popular and literary fiction I’m afraid, but the expansion and mixing of the clientele has been delightful. The technical considerations are all in order for your introduction, so we shall look forward to seeing you at the even this evening.
Anon,
Derek
P.S. I ordered some of those miniature quiches you’re so fond of.
From: [email protected]
29 April 08:10
Please see attached invitation to my retirement do.
From: [email protected]
7 May 08:14
Ran into Asa leaving through the shop this morning. Such a do-gooding bastard, he’d come in early. Not sure who was more mortified. Forewarned is forearmed.
T
From: [email protected]
7 May 09:21
I would say ‘oh dear’ but I believe Asa has now been entirely distracted by Anthony’s bursting into the shop with news of his promotion to Head of Institute and immediately falling to his knees to propose.
Middle of the shop, very dramatic! Customers huddled around the till holding their breath. Applause for the obvious yes!
Please pretend to be surprised when Anthony tells you, I’m sure he’ll want to deliver the news himself.
Anon,
Derek
P.S. I do believe you’ve left behind a cufflink.
From: [email protected]
7 May 10:01
Well there’s a mercy anyway! Though now I suppose we’ll have a wedding to attend. What a bore.
Let me know about colours etc.
Toby
From: [email protected]
10 May 17:56
Derek,
IT has not been entirely clear how long I’ll get to keep my old email, so here’s the new one.
Cheers,
T
From: [email protected]
9 June 12:44
Dear Toby,
If you need any help clearing out your office, do let me know— goodness knows I have plenty of sturdy boxes capable of holding books. And a strong young new assistant full of enthusiasm who I’m sure would be delighted to help.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
10 June 08:01
Derek,
Who names their offspring ‘Pippin Galadriel Moonchild’?
Please send her again tomorrow if she can be spared.
Ta,
Toby
From: [email protected]
11 June 07:59
Toby no Pepper today I’m afraid the basement has flooded all hands on deck ttfn
From: [email protected]
11 June 08:00
On my way
From: [email protected]
11 June 18:45
Dear Toby,
Can’t thank you and Anthony enough for racing over to assist this morning. The shop will have to be closed for another day or so until we can get properly dried out, but almost everything has been saved. Poor Asa wading across the basement with piles of boxes, completely heroic but I thought the poor man might burst into tears at any moment. Anthony’s pulley system was a work of genius— all the more reason for everyone to recognise that the one with the foxes is the superior Robin Hood adaptation. Your temporary filing system is exceptionally adequate.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
11 June 19:00
Any chance this disaster will finally convince you to get a mobile so you can just TEXT me when lightning strikes? Or even ring, if you insist on remaining in the 20th century?
T
From: [email protected]
11 June 19:10
Dear Toby,
Not a chance in hell. Move in if you want round-the-clock access to me.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
11 June 23:47
Are you proposing cohabitation?
Let’s get these idiots down the aisle, then we’ll talk.
From: [email protected]
13 August 12:38
Dear Toby,
I have somehow found myself in the awkward position of trying to arrange a stag do for a bookish middle-aged man who would really rather be spending the evening with his intended, but for some reason feels bound by tradition to have one. Any ideas?
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
13 August 15:07
Why is it always my job to solve these kinds of problems?
From: [email protected]
13 August 15:40
Because, my dear Toby, you are secretly a hopeless romantic. I see right through you, even if the rest of the world falls for the gruff old goat routine. Now, ideas?
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
13 August 22:52
What if we each pretend to be organising their stag dos and then just drop them off together at some sort of disgustingly quaint and fairy-lit place with crepes on the menu and candles on the table?
From: [email protected]
13 August 23:17
Dear Toby,
You really are a genius.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
22 August 19:45
Dear Toby,
What a beautiful ceremony that was! Only now that I’m on the train home do I really have a chance to reflect on it, and just how happy Asa and Anthony are. Which brings me back to a subject postponed which, while it probably ought to be discussed in person, the misfortune of our being on separate trains gives me the courage to return to: cohabitation. If you would be amenable, I should very much like to return to this subject, at length, and without foreseeable conclusion. If Asa and Anthony can find such giddy joy in each other at their age, what’s to stop us from pursuing something not so very different? If this subject is no longer of interest to you I will quite understand, but I hope tomorrow morning’s coffee finds us in discussion of mutual intent.
Anon,
Derek
From: [email protected]
22 August 19:47
Your place or mine?