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Senku was confused. It was a rather unusual occurrence that took him somewhat by surprise, but for several days now, something seemed to be bothering him, and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. No matter what he did to ignore the unpleasant feeling, it always returned and distracted him from his task, which greatly irritated him. Even with all the rationalization in the world, knowing that Tsukasa wouldn't attack them in the middle of winter and that Homura wouldn't act as long as they didn't do anything suspicious, he was on edge and couldn't help this feeling that something was wrong. Tension was building in his shoulders, aching and distracting him, but as usual he decided to ignore them.
Without knowing the cause of this unpleasant feeling that weighed on his chest, he couldn't figure out how to deal with it and focus on the task at hand. They had to prepare everything to invade their enemies and retrieve the miraculous fluid. He had to be in peak condition to make sure he had every chance of success, and the fact that he was constantly distracted by this feeling of unease irritated him to no end. If anything went wrong, with opponents like Tsukasa and Hyoga, he was sure it would all end in a bloodbath. They didn't have many fighters on their side, and Senku had to rely entirely on science and his brain to take the advantage; he had to pull himself together if he wanted to win without any casualty. But no matter how hard he tried to be as logical and pragmatic as possible, his mind was somewhere else.
Emotions were useless in science; he always knew how to rationalize them and avoid acting under their influence, but he couldn't ignore this feeling of anxiety.
"Senku-sensei is wanted on Earth!" Chrome's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and he realized he had once again been distracted from his assignment. He clicked his tongue, frowning. It was very rare for him to be unable to concentrate like this, and he knew that until he discovered the reason why, he wouldn't be able to get it out of his head.
"Sorry, your idea is really good, but we can't afford to waste any time, so we'll have to skip a few steps and use a slightly more radical method. We have to act before the end of winter and take Tsukasa and his empire by surprise. I have a rather complex plan for old Kaseki that will take a lot of time, but I'm sure he'll manage it. For our part, we have to manage to heat the tungsten without shattering the glass at over 1000°C."
"Are you sure everything's alright? You seem distracted," the younger man asked, a hint of worry in his voice. Chrome wasn't usually the most observant when it came to this sort of thing, but Senku had been having trouble focusing for the past two or three days, and it was starting to show, even if he wasn't paying attention.
"I'm fine." He cut the conversation short, a little more abruptly than he'd originally intended, not wanting to waste time talking about something so pointless right now. They had so much to do and so little time. The survival of humanity was a burden that constantly weighed on his shoulders, even though he tried not to think about it too much and to focus on each step, starting with what he could do. He didn't want to endanger the villagers' lives, but he also couldn't carry out his plan without their help, so he had to make sure he stacked the odds in his favor. The whole construction aspect of his plan was really exciting; he'd never been so intellectually challenged as he had been since the petrification. But the constant threat from Tsukasa and his men put pressure on him, and was sometimes getting to him because of the accumulated fatigue and stress.
He wasn't usually one to let pressure and anxiety crush him, but he had to admit that these past few days it had been hitting him harder than usual. He felt a weight on his shoulders, and anxiety was trying to force its way into his heart. He did what he could to ignore it, but he felt it wasn't really working. He was nervous, and he could tell Chrome could sense it in the way he spoke. He would clam up as soon as someone mentioned his emotional state. There was a certain tension around him at times that worried them a little, but no one dared to confront him about it since he immediately shut down.
“Maybe we should take a break…” Chrome began, giving him a serious look that he ignored, concentrating on his sketches.
“We might as well finish what we started. We’re not going to abandon everything here in the middle of an experiment.” It was an excuse like any other, but he hated leaving things unfinished like that. He wanted to at least complete the step they’d been stuck on for several hours now.
“In that case, let me finish. You should get some sleep; you haven’t left the lab in 72 hours.” Chrome countered logically, refusing to let him cling to his flimsy excuse. He frowned, raising his head to stare at his disciple. Quickly doing the math in his head, he realized it was true. It was rare that he was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t notice the time passing. He didn't feel particularly tired; he was more than used to a few sleepless nights, but he had to admit that it was probably affecting his stress and emotional state. He hadn't eaten anything for over 24 hours, and it was as if his body had suddenly become aware of its most basic functions.
"I'm not particularly tired, I'm just a little worried. I have this strange feeling that something's wrong, something's out of the ordinary, and I can't figure out what," he confided, seeing that the other man wasn't going to let the subject drop. Perhaps he had sensed it too and could help. However, the confused look he received told him that wasn't the case.
"Something wrong?"
“It’s probably nothing serious, I mean, nothing really out of the ordinary, otherwise I would have noticed, but… I don’t know…” He couldn’t quite find the words to express the uneasiness he felt, and honestly, he felt a little silly for being so bothered by such a trivial thing. He sighed, trying to refocus, clearing his head for the twentieth time today.
Chrome didn’t press the issue, casting a few puzzled glances in his direction, probably thinking he wasn’t even noticing. He refrained from rolling his eyes but said nothing.
“Senku, Chrome, I need to… Hoooo, what are you working on?” The old man Kaseki entered the laboratory and headed towards the sketches, his eyes shining. He could see the intricate shapes of the next glass tool he would have to build. He explained the entire procedure and how it all worked in detail, even though he knew Kaseki didn't particularly understand the scientific side of things and that his genius lay mainly in his dexterity and understanding of the materials he used.
He stopped after a few minutes of explanation, remembering the old man's sudden arrival.
"What were you looking for here? Do you need help with something?" he asked, knowing he'd been distracted by all the new plans awaiting them.
"Sort of, I need some help, so I was looking for Gen. He's usually with you guys, so I came straight here, but it seems he already has a task assigned."
The knot that made his stomach turn in anxiety suddenly swelled, and his eyes widened as he realized what had been wrong for the past few days. Everything finally clicked in his mind and made sense. Asageri Gen. He was the one who had disrupted his concentration.
As Kaseki had said, even though he didn't understand much of the science Senku was spouting, the mentalist was usually around them in the lab, trying to decipher what they were saying. He had an advantage the other villagers didn't, having known the old world and the technology Senku was trying to recreate so he could partially follow. But it had been several days since Senku had seen the magician. This also explained why he had lost track of time and hadn't slept for several days.
Gen was always attuned to his emotional state. Even though Senku did everything he could to hide his stress and anxiety from others, he didn't necessarily need to show it or communicate it for the mentalist to understand that something was bothering him. And he always did his best to relax or distract him enough to release the excess stress.
He had such a natural way of interacting with Senku without saying a word that he didn't immediately realize the weight being lifted from his shoulders. The mentalist often brought him something to eat or simply some tea to help him relax, doing the same for Chrome and Kaseki when they were around. And sometimes he would drag him out of the lab to force him to go to sleep, usually after one or two sleepless nights knowing that Senku couldn't really have a regular sleep cycle like everyone else, he had probably opted for a compromise to ensure Senku had no choice but to listen to him; sometimes he knew his limits better than Senku himself.
He could always sense when the scientist was becoming unintentionally irritable and sarcastic, and he'd act accordingly, quickly anticipating what his body needed. Senku had long given up trying to fight him. He had a far more skillful way of handling words and communicating his thoughts than Senku, and he always ended up winning their petty arguments, so he'd given up the idea to change his mind and ended up listening to him with only a few complaints.
But it had been a good week since he'd seen the mentalist for more than a few seconds and heard his frivolous remarks and little comments that lightened the mood, adding a touch of levity he needed to avoid dwelling too much on the gravity of their situation.
He frowned, deep in thought, remembering the last time Gen had come to the lab of his own accord, and he couldn't quite recall. He'd caught glimpses of him here and there and had given him a few instructions, but he hadn't really had the older man's company for a while now, and that in itself was concerning.
On top of that, he hadn't even heard him complain about the unpleasant tasks Senku had given him. He'd accepted them with his usual smile and gone back to the village, probably to find some warmth in the hutt, sheltering himself from the freezing winter.
The thing about the mentalist was that even though Senku was good at reading people, he was unreadable. If he put on his mask, it was impossible to determine what he was thinking, and he had perfect control over his facial expressions, so if something was bothering him, no one would really be able to figure it out. All he had were a few suspicions after a very slight change in his behavior, and honestly, he could very well be wrong and dramatize something that wasn't happening.
Maybe the other guy was just buzy with other things, but he couldn't explain the knot in his stomach and decided to trust his instincts and find out if something was wrong with him. The guy certainly wasn't making things easy for him in that regard, but then again, what did he expect with a psychology expert and a mentalist on his team?
His silence didn't bode well. He probably shouldn't worry about it so much; human relationships weren't his strong suit, but he needed him at his absolute best. Besides, he had to make sure to keep Gen on his side; it was absolutely crucial to his victory against Tsukasa to have someone like him by his side.
At least, he tried to convince himself that was the reason for the mixed emotions he was feeling.
He felt stupid for being unable to ignore the knot in his stomach. But he knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate until he'd solved this problem; at least now he knew the cause and could do something about it.
"Chrome will take over this; I'll go see where the mentalist is." he declared, exiting the lab for the first time in a few days.
Everyone was all over the place, busy with their tasks: some preparing food, others fishing for winter supplies. The children and the elders were still focused on creating the golden thread. The village was lively, yet there was still no sign of Gen. The knot in his stomach tightened. The mentalist was usually with Kaseki, with Suika and the children, or with Senku in the laboratory, yet at the moment he wasn't with any of them. There was a good chance he was isolated somewhere, and Senku knew that if he wanted to be alone and undisturbed, no one could actually find him. He knew how to disappear without a trace; it was one of his strengths.
In the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of a familiar blond head.
"Hey, Lioness!" he called out to her, making her turn around, unimpressed by the nickname and a little surprised by the sudden attention, given how busy Senku was at the moment. She raised an eyebrow, inviting him to continue speaking and explaining the situation, remaining as pragmatic as ever. “Have you seen the mentalist? I need him for something.”
“Hmmm, I saw him a few hours ago talking with the village elders. They were having some problems with fatigue and back pain, so he helped them out a bit. He also chatted with the children who were starting to lose patience with their thread, but that was several hours ago, and I haven’t really paid attention since.”
She was very busy training the two brothers for their upcoming battle, so he suspected she wasn’t keeping an eye on everyone. He was at least somewhat reassured to know that the mentalist had been seen recently and was looking after the village in his absence. His biggest weakness was probably human interaction; he didn’t really know how to help others in these kinds of situations when they were struggling and needed to talk. He wasn’t very good at comforting people, and Gen was the one who sometimes made up for this weakness with remarkable ease.
He had never really paid attention to the fact that the mentalist treated the entire village the same way he treated Senku, making sure everyone was in top form, well-rested, and that no one was stressed, knowing that stress could only create tension. Living in a community was far from easy, especially in such a busy environment as theirs. Tensions due to fatigue and stress were almost inevitable, and yet, after all that time working tirelessly and resting close to one another, he should have been a little more surprised that there hadn't been any trouble.
Between the cold, the hunger, and the fear of the unknown that awaited them in battle it was a lot to take in. Ruri was terrified of losing someone during the fighting and He knew it was a feeling shared by everyone, even Senku felt guilty about it when he allowed himself to think about it. And yet everyone's morale was still so high, and he knew he should owed that to the mentalist and his ability to understand others and use his words to get what he wanted.
A small voice in his head chimed in, "But who's taking care of him?"
The thing about Gen was that he didn't really seem to need comforting, and that was probably why Senku felt so comfortable with him. He didn't have to worry about emotions when he was with him, given how good he was at hiding them. But that didn't mean he didn't fall pray to stress and anxiety, it only meant that he knew how to hide and ignore them, much better than Senku himself and even him needed to let go sometimes.
Gen was the one who always gave him that break he needed, staying with him in the observatory, talking about certain things from the past and forgetting the rest, releasing the pressure that had gradually built up.
The mentalist probably had his limits too, and Senku was likely the only one who could notice them if he paid attention. All the villagers' little troubles must have weighed heavily on his shoulders, and Senku's even more so, given that he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and it was Gen who took it upon himself to relieve him of it, even if it meant taking the burden on his own. A slight pang of guilt came over him at this realization, which he ignored like the rest of his emotions, knowing that in any case, there was no point in dwelling on it. He had only one solution to rid himself of this guilt, and that was to confront the magician and try to help him in turn.
He headed towards the observatory, the room they both shared to sleep, even though he didn't know if he would be there considering the fact that Senku didn't spend much time sleeping these days, only allowing himself a night's rest when absolutely necessary.
But they had spent many nights talking together, and this was one of Gen's favorite places to rest. He had his own room in the village, yet he always ended up here, gazing at the stars or watching Senku finish his sketches with a few comments before succumbing to exhaustion and sleeping there.
He didn't really know what to expect when he went upstairs, despite a slight apprehension. The truth was, if he wasn't there, he had no idea where to look, and he knew he'd never find him until Gen chose to show himself. Part of him thought he was hiding and didn't want to be disturbed, so he didn't have much hope of finding him there. And yet, when he opened the door, he saw him in a corner, with some batteries in front of him, a faint ray of sunlight illuminating the room. He manipulated each piece with grace and skill, humming a faint, almost inaudible tune, his eyes slightly clouded but nothing too alarming.
His lack of reaction made him wonder if he'd even noticed him enter the room. The sound of the door should have alerted him of his presence, but he made no movement that would suggest he'd seen or heard him. He seemed lost in thought, in his own world, and it was quite rare to see him without his usual smile, the one he used to hide behind.
"Hey, mentalist." A small part of him had hoped to see him jump, just for the personal satisfaction of having managed to surprise him, but he shouldn't underestimate him.
"Senku-chan. Finally decided to get some rest?" he asked lightly, his expression changing slightly, making him appear younger and less tired than a few moments ago.
How did he do that?
“Not really, I still have a little stamina left and I have to finish a few things first. I haven’t thought about eating in a while, I need to fill my stomach.” This made him snort. He shook his head, closing his eyes, exasperated but far from surprised.
“I have some leftovers if you want to finish them. It’ll save you a trip back to the kitchen.” He offered.
Next to him was a nearly full plate. It was as if he’d barely touched it; maybe two bites were missing, which made him frown slightly. He turned his attention back to Gen, hoping to see any sign that anything out of the ordinary was happening, aside from his behavior and sudden isolation, but he gave absolutely no indication that anything was wrong with him.
He moved closer and took the plate in his hands. It was cold, but he didn't mind and took a bite, enjoying the feeling in his stomach, which hadn't had anything all day. Gen's smile remained fixed on his face, gentle and subtle, but his eyes were stucked on his batteries, which he continued to put together as if Senku weren't even there.
"Why did you come here if you're not planning on sleeping?" Gen asked after several minutes of silence between them, probably feeling uneasy under Senku's scrutinizing gaze, which was trying to find some sign that he was right to be worried about him.
"I was looking for you," he replied simply, finishing the plate in his hands.
"Were you trying to make sure I wasn't getting too relaxed? Or do you have something else to give me?" he asked curiously, glancing in his direction. "I'd like to help you, but you'll have to wait a little while until I finish these 800 batteries, I only have two hands, Senku-chan," he whined dramatically with a small, comical pout that made him roll his eyes.
"Is our relationship based solely on work?"
"Your relationship with everyone is mostly based on work, or do you want to talk about emotions? Do you want to dig deeper into that?" Gen replied, raising an eyebrow. Despite the smile on his face, there was an intensity in his gaze that made him hesitate. They both knew this wasn't his strong suit and that he wasn't comfortable with it. Not that he was incapable of enjoying other people's company—that was inaccurate; he enjoyed the mentalist's company far more than he would ever admit—but he didn't want to express it. It made him uncomfortable, and it was the kind of conversation he avoided. Gen knew this and forced him to back down. Damn mentalist.
“I was just checking that you were still alive. I haven’t really seen you these past few days, and I found your lack of complaints a little suspicious, that’s all.” He shrugged, this time turning his gaze to the observatory opening, where the blue sky stretched out, dotted with a few clouds of all shapes and sizes.
“I’m still breathing, and Hey, Look! I’m also making progress on your batteries. Everything’s fine in the world. I find it hard to believe you missed me so much that you decided to leave the lab of your own accord. After everything I have to do to get you to take a break, I can’t believe that ignoring you for two days was enough to get you out of there.” He teased with a slightly mocking smile.
Senku always did his best to act as if he didn't really care about others and that everything he did was mostly for himself, but he knew that acting that way right now wouldn't do any good. It would just give Gen an escape route and allow him to avoid saying if something was weighing on his mind, to use humor to avoid talking about anything truly important. The truth was, if he wanted the mentalist to lower some of his defenses, he had to do the same; at least, it was the most effective method.
"Why are you hiding from everyone? You're usually in the village to make those, you love putting on a show, so seeing you isolate yourself like this surprises me, that's all. I need you at your best if I want to win this battle, and I have a feeling something is bothering you."
"Wow, is the great Senku worried about me? I was in the village most of the day, I just wanted a little peace and quiet before you decided to exploit me," the other mocked in his usual flamboyant style, placing a hand on his chest and wiping away a fake crocodile tear from the corner of his eye.
"Exploit you? You do far less work than most of the others and with a lot more complaint, you lazy mentalist."
"And here I thought you came to comfort me," he retorted with his usual feigned wounded expression, his walls still firmly in place. "Senku-chan, it's not that I don't enjoy your company, on the contrary, but I think you have much more important things to do than to concern yourself with my mental health."
“As I said, I need you to be at…”
“Yes, you need me to be at my best. Don’t worry, when the time comes, I’ll be the biggest manipulator you’ve ever seen, and I’ll know exactly how to do my job. In the meantime, if I want to have a quiet evening and not talk about what’s going on in my head, I doubt you can do anything to force me,” he interrupted, a little more sharply. He didn’t raise his voice, but his tone was slightly harsher, making it clear that the discussion shouldn’t be pursued any further. For someone who enjoyed discovering what went on in other people’s minds, the mentalist was far from letting anyone glimpse what was happening in his own.
The underlying anxiety he felt had grown exponentially. The fact that he was shutting down like this and refusing even to talk about it was enough to make him understand that the older man was bottling it up and trying his best to hide everything he was truly feeling. The worse it was, the harder he would try to conceal it.
"You don't want to talk about it? You do a lot of work making sure everyone is okay, taking care of everyone, and I know I'm not making your life easy by forgetting to eat and sleep too… But I'm selfish, and I need you and your skills. I just want to make sure I'm not putting too much pressure on you." He confided in him, choosing honesty to try and have a real conversation. There had been times when Gen was more open and confided in him; he knew that if there was one person who could break down his walls, it was him, and it was his last resort.
Gen sighed, setting his batteries down on the ground, before looking him in the eyes. his face betrayed nothing and instead he seemed to be analyzing his facial expressions to understand what he was thinking and what his goals were by asking him to open up a little.
Senku had no idea what could have hurt this man in the past that would compel him to analyze everyone to be sure that nobody meant him no harm. His way of observing everything originated from a desire to protect himself, and even though he would never ask the question aloud because it wasn't his place, he couldn't help but wonder why he ended up like this.
"You have way to much on your shoulders to waste your time worrying about my problems, Senku-chan. Honestly, anyone else's problems seems pale in comparison to the weight you carry. You don't need to worry about me. I know I may not seem like much, but I can take a lot before I break. If I ever reach that point, I promise I'll talk to someone."
"I don't want you to be on the verge of breaking before you even start talking. If the roles were reversed, you would have already done everything you could to take all my problems off my mind."
"Because your mind is precious, and we can't really afford for you to be distracted and stressed."
"Well, your current state is stressing me out and preventing me from focusing on my work, so do something about it because I can't concentrate for more than five minutes without my attention being drawn to this tension that's gripping me. I don't know if it's your absence or simply lack of sleep or whatever, but I have this feeling of unease, and I'm almost certain it's your fault." he unloading everything he had in his heart before he could stop himself.
"My state? I don't think I've ever given the impression that I was doing badly. You've decided I wasn't doing well, that's your problem. As for the lack of sleep, you're old enough to know when you need to go to sleep, Senku-chan. I'm not your babysitter. Don't blame me for your problems."
“You’re unbelievable, is it really that hard for you to open up to others even a little? Or are you just so used to lying that it’s become second nature?”
“You’re really the last person that should blame me about this, Senku-chan. If you just came here to lecture me, you can leave.” Neither of them shouted; it was just another argument, and the annoyance was subtle in their voices, but they were both frustrated by the other’s attitude. Gen was probably the only person in the village he didn’t know how to approach about this kind of thing; he couldn’t really win an argument based on mental strength. He pursed his lips into a thin line before sighing and standing up, heading for the door and casting one last glance at the other, who was pointedly avoiding him, preferring to focus on the horizon stretching out before him.
At least he knew where he was and he knew it wasn't serious enough to call it quits. But he needed to talk to the mentalist when he was a bit more open; for now, there was no point in pushing him further. Who knew what was going on in that complicated brain.
"Get some sleep, it'll do you good. You look awful and you might scare the kids," he muttered before closing the door behind him. He only had time to hear his reply before he was left all alone.
"That's really funny coming from you"
He rolled his eyes and went back into the lab, his heart even heavier than before, and his stress level even higher. To think he'd wanted to find the mentalist to sort things out; he hadn't expected to see him so closed off and so confrontational. It was a first. Gen usually agreed with everything he asked, listened, and gave his opinion, but always ended up trusting him. He'd seen him lower his guard a few times, engaging in more serious and profound discussions, so being brushed off like that felt really strange, and he couldn't shake the feeling.
"So, is he coming?" Chrome asked when he returned to the lab.
"No, he's busy with the batteries right now. He'll come later to help you, Kaseki, but don't count on him in the meantime," he replied, a bit more sharply than he intended, his frustration and annoyance clear in his voice, surprising his two companions, who exchanged a glance. They didn't press the matter, and he was grateful for that; talking about the mentalist was the last thing he wanted to do right now.
After much trial and error, they were slowly making progress on their plan to create a phone. The fact that his attention wasn't fully focused on what he was doing didn't help at all, but no one commented on his emotional state. The sun had set, and the entire village had gone home to warm up and sleep to conserve their energy. Fatigue was much more noticeable in the middle of winter, but it wasn't something they could avoid. Senku himself felt the exhaustion creeping over him, and his brain could no longer string two coherent thoughts together. A clear sign that he needed to take a break.
When he returned to the observatory, he didn't expect to see Gen still there, lying asleep on the floor. Given their disagreement, he thought the guy would have taken the chance to flee, knowing Senku would return, and would gone back to his own room, but apparently, he had a tendency to surprise him. He approached slowly and gently, making as little noise as possible to avoid waking him. It was clear he was almost as sleep-deprived as Senku, and while Senku was used to it, the magician certainly wasn't. His eyes widened subtly when he saw a thin wet trail on his cheek, the single proof of his weaknesses and vulnerability.
His is heart sank at the sight. Gen wasn't the type to show his emotions or weaknesses, so seeing him break down was incredibly impactful and heartbreaking.
Before he even realized what he was doing, his hand settled against his cheek and wiped away the remaining tear. He looked smaller like that, huddled on the ground; he almost forgot Gen was actually a bit taller than him. If there was one thing he couldn't help with, it was mental health. No matter what he could create with his knowledge, he didn't know how to help someone as complex as Gen.
Senku jumped violently as he felt fingers tighten around his wrist, pulling him out of his own thoughts. His eyes fell on the face opposite him, meeting a look of utter exhaustion, the eyes still slightly red.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"Perhaps touching me wasn't such a good idea then, you know I'm a very light sleeper," the other replied, moving his hand away from his face, rubbing his eyes, no doubt to wipe away any remaining tears. His voice was hoarser than usual and cracked slightly. Needless to say, he hated seeing him like this.
"Sorry..." He winced involuntarily at the words; he didn't know what else to say in this situation. He felt as though he had done something against the mentalist, and a certain guilt was taking hold of him without him even knowing why.
He heard Gen sigh before he sat up slightly from his prone position and gave him a blank stare.
"No... I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't take all my frustration out on you. You didn't ask for any of this. It's just that I need to blow off some steam in this kind of situation, and you're the only person in the village who can take it without it getting too personal and me getting punched in the face for what I say," he sighed wearily.
"I still feel like I've put a bit too much pressure on you... You know I don't like beating around the bush. It's not like I'd be hurt if you told me what you really think, but I need you to be clear about things because I'm far from capable at all this emotional crap. If I do or say something wrong or cross a line, you have to tell me."
The scientist sat down next to him, close enough that their knees touched, and neither of them made a move to avoid it.
"I..." Gen hesitated for a few seconds, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat. "It's not really something I want to talk about, especially with you, to be honest... I've let things drag on for way too long and haven't made the right decisions. I know what I risk and how to avoid this kind of situation, but I've been so busy with everyone that I've neglected my own well-being. It's not really something you can help with, as intelligent as you are, you said it yourself it's not really your area of expertise. Anything to do with comforting others and managing emotions is an unknown world to you," he continued with a faint, bitter laugh that left a bad taste in his mouth.
"That doesn't mean I can't try if it's worth it, I promise not to make any insensitive remarks and to keep my rationality to myself."
“Senku-chan… You have way too much to deal with without having to worry about my health on top of everything else. Get some sleep. It’s been over 72 hours since you last closed your eyes, and just seeing you sleep will be a huge relief. If you really want to help me, try to take better care of yourself,” Gen replied, lying back down in bed with a tired smile and closing his eyes.
“You really don’t want anyone to help you, huh…” he murmured, more to himself than anything else. Seeing that the mentalist, despite everything he was taking on emotionally and the way it was affecting him, had still noted how long he hadn’t slept, amazed him. Seeing that he was paying attention to everything around him despite his own condition.
“It’s not really about pride… But you help me enough with everything you do; I don’t want to be a dead weight. I'll get myself back in shape; I just need a good night's sleep, I promise."
A dead weight… The words echoed in his head without him truly understanding them. Was this how he saw himself? Certainly, he didn't possess Kohaku, Magma, or Tsukasa's strength, nor his scientific knowledge. But he had his own strength, his own weapons that had allowed the village to survive until now. His way of negotiating and directing attention where he wanted, of using his enemies strenght to his advantage, and above all, all the information he could provide them. He had a role that no one else in the village could fill. He was irreplaceable, essential for weakening the enemy, and above all, for boosting the morale of each villager. To think someone like Gen had such low self-esteem... Was all that confidence he usually displayed just an act?
Ignoring the small voice in his head, he ran his hand through the mentalist's surprisingly silky hair, feeling him tense under his fingers the second he initiated contact. The mentalist remained back to him, refusing to look Senku in the eyes, and he was grateful for that because he refused to say the next words face to face; it would be too embarrassing.
"Unfortunately, I can't really afford to lose you, Mentalist. You're too important to our victory, and unfortunately, as annoying as you can be sometimes, you're irreplaceable, so I'm going to have to do everything I can to have you in top form. Even if it means personally taking care of you for the next few days, making sure you sleep well and eat properly."
It would only be returning the favor, honestly. If there was anyone who deserved a minimum of gratitude from Senku, it was him."
"You're an idiot," the weak voice muttered, shaking slightly, and he knew he was finally breaking down the wall the other had built to protect himselves.
"What can I say… I'm incapable of taking care of myself when I'm focused, so I'm going to need you at least until I've achieved my goal. Sorry, mentalist, but you've found yourself a full-time job."
"That's a funny way to ask me to spend the rest of my life with you, Senku-chan. I didn't know you were so romantic," Gen snorted, in a feeble attempt to embarrass him.
"You're the one who basically admitted you'd follow me straight to hall if necessary. You can't really back out now."
"You're impossible, you always have to have the last word," replied the mentalist, his voice trembling. And against all expectations, he turned towards him and nestled against him, encircling him with his limbs, his hands tightening in the fabric behind his back, his face hidden in the crook of his neck.
To say he was surprised was an understatement; his body tensed at the sudden contact before relaxing a few seconds later, once the initial shock had passed. Then, with a slight hesitation, he slowly moved his hand to the nape of Gen's neck to hold him in place, playing with his hair again, lightly scratching his scalp in an attempt to soothe him. His heart was pounding in his chest, initially from surprise and shock; it was probably the first time he'd ever been in this kind of situation with someone. But just seeing Gen relax against him was enough to make him forget everything else. If that was what he needed, then who was he to deny him? He was the one who had forced Gen to open up and had said he would do whatever it took to help him. It wasn't unpleasant, and he even found himself relaxing in the embrace, enjoying the warmth of his body in the icy cold outside. Gen had a light, very floral, very natural scent that was really relaxing, and soon he felt his regular breathing against his skin, indicating that he had drifted off to sleep.
He had rarely felt protective of anyone. Of course, he cared for the people around him who had done so much to help him, but Gen held a special place in his heart. He was quite unique; as he had said, he was irreplaceable, there was no one else like him. It was often impossible to know what the other man was thinking, and there was always a small chance that it was all just a charade on his part to manipulate everyone to achieve his own goals, even if Senku had decided to take the risk. There was a whole uncertainty surrounding him, a completely unpredictable variable that thrilled him from the inside. And knowing that a man like that had decided to follow him for the time being was enough to make him feel special. Even he wasn't unmoved that Gen would let his guard down around him and allow him to be vulnerable to some extent.
As he had told Kohaku, he didn't have time for romance; it was an unnecessary distraction, and he had far too much to do to dedicate himself to someone else. But that didn't mean he couldn't cherish the person he was holding in his arms right now. It wasn't as if Gen would ask for the moon anyway; he was well aware of the weight Senku carried on his shoulders and had always done everything he could to bear that burden, even at the risk of ending up crushed himself. He could allow himself a little affection if it lifted a weight off his own shoulders. If there was anyone who could understand the subtlety in the way he expressed his affection for others, it was Gen. For someone like him, who didn't like to express his feelings and wasn't really a fan of grand public displays of affection, a mentalist who paid attention to every subtle detail could understand him without needing words, which made their relationship so easy to maintain.
He didn't need to make a big deal out of it. He tightened his grip on him a little, his heart clenching slightly at the thought of the mentalist, and placed his lips above his head, allowing the emotions within him to surface a little. He closed his eyes in turn and allowed himself to fall asleep.
The next morning everything was back to normal, Senku had regained his legendary focus, Gen was making his rounds in the village helping everyone, and bringing something to eat to each member of the scientific team with the slight difference that there were contacts that lingered longer than necessary and glances exchanged that expressed more than words, removing all the pressure that could be created on their respective shoulders.