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As a child, Ed knew a lot of things.
When he was 5, he knew he liked his mom and his younger brother, those two could never be replaced by even the most expensive of things. He knew about the since died-out concept of alchemy, he found it more interesting than playing outside with kids his age. On top of that, he knew about intricate science facts.
But when it came to the concept of love, the idea of loving someone—anyone—didn't stick right away. He tried to search in his father's study for any clear mention, but all he came up with was too vague descriptions that made no sense. For once, he wished his dad was there to help.
Ed asked questions, something he was not inclined to do.
He asked his mom first.
"Love is… complicated." He watched the way his mom's smile became hesitant, unsure of what to say. "It can't be explained. Sometimes you really like something or someone that it can't really be told with the word "like"."
"So then you use the word "love"?"
"Mhm… Do you love me?"
"Of course, Mom!"
"That's the love you have for your family." She vaguely said, opting to lift him up and carry him in the crook of her arm. "Now, do you want to help your mom with gathering veggies?" She playfully booped ed's nose.
Ed giggled, "yeah!"
While it didn't make much sense, he was beginning to put together a picture in his mind. Was love reserved for family only? He wasn't sure if that made any sense, but he wasn't inclined to making a fool of himself by asking his mom a second time.
So he asked Al.
"Love?" The boy repeated, his hand hovered over an unfinished drawing of an alchemic symbol that came from one of their Dad's dusty textbooks. "Uhm…" Al's eyebrows scrunched together, thinking deeply. "Isn't that when you like someone a lot?"
"Like family?"
Al pouted a bit. "No- well, that too- but someone that's not related to us!"
"How?" The question slipped out of ed before he could even think about how dumb it sounded. Ed felt a little embarrassed when Al stared at him like he'd grown an extra head.
"Brother, are you serious?" Al asked.
Ed's cheeks flared red despite how much he wanted to deny his embarrassment, "Y'know what, forget it!" He concluded the conversation with a yell, stomping out of the room.
Even though he hadn't gotten much from both answers, now he had two ideas of love. One for family, and one for what it meant to love someone else (partially…).
He refused to ask any further questions, seeing how he'd quickly ran out of people to ask either way.
When he hit the age of 7, he began to hear from some of the older folks in Resembool about love, or what he assumed was love. They told him that, one day, he'd find the girl for him. Others told him to not worry about it until he was older. Few mentioned that it didn't matter what they were, just to take care of them.
Unfortunately for Ed, they left room for too many questions, more questions than he ever had about the sciences he was curious about.
If he had to find a girl, why was he told it didn't matter if it was a girl or not? When would he meet this mysterious person? How old did he need to be to understand love to its fullest?! He needed more advice! More answers! On some off days, Ed tried to make sense of it all, but the longer he tried, the more he was convinced he just had to wait until the answer found him.
Much to his surprise, he didn't have to wait long.
Ed first began to experience what he suspected was love a bit after he became friends with Winry, meeting her for the first time during homeschooling hours. They shared the same homeschool teacher, which was to be expected from Resembool's more than tiny population size. One of the first things he noticed about her was her obvious love for mechanics. She would doze off during some classes, but would spring straight to life when it was even vaguely mentioned.
She asked questions, loads of them. She wasn't shy, far from it. Her deep blue eyes always searched and searched until nothing was left. Ed wanted to know so badly how deep her curiosity went.
Ed knew from the moment they spoke their first words to each other, they would be fast friends. And his assumption, of course, was correct. Al, him, and Winry all became closer than close; Ed always looked forward to the end of classes when they could all walk home together, even if most days they would go off the trail and play around together on empty grassy hills.
At some point, Ed noticed the way his cheeks would burn. His skin would itch more than what was normal. He wanted to believe it was just the sharp blades of grass that he constantly rolled around in, but the feeling persisted even when they were indoors. Suddenly, the ground became the most interesting whenever Winry stayed around him for a bit too long, or even if her eyes stayed connected with him for more than a second.
Now what Al had told him some years ago was starting to make sense.
And Ed still didn't know what to do with this newfound clarity.
He liked Winry, he was sure of that! He wasn't questioning how much he liked her! But still, this "love" felt different than what he was used to. He'd pictured loving someone that wasn't family similarly like how he loved Al, or his mom. He didn't expect it to feel like his entire body was hurting!
Ed wanted to talk with Winry more, even when he and Al dropped her off at her house. He wanted to play with her more. He wanted to look at science-y books with her, since no one other than Al shared the enjoyment of those kinds of books. He wanted to do anything she wanted to do— he just wanted to exist next to her.
His mind, without his consent, kept drilling thoughts of him and Winry simply being with each other. Ed wanted so desperately to bring it up to her, to ask what she thought or what she would know about it, but whenever he opened his mouth to speak, it was like his lungs were pierced with a knife.
He could never admit it out loud, but he was scared.
Of what, he only had a hunch. He thought he was scared of Winry thinking he was weird because of it. He thought he was wrong for thinking it was love, he still wasn't old enough to exactly know what it was— at least according to what he's been told.
From everything that love was making him deal with, Ed was starting to push it to the back of his mind for many reasons. For one, it was impossible for him to act normal around Winry and he hated that. He couldn't even insult her playfully without his heart taking a leap and worrying whether she would take it the wrong way. He never had to worry about that before because he knew Winry would insult him right back or just hit him. Second, he couldn't even stand around her without feeling uncomfortable. Third, it was just plain awkward.
Ed didn't—couldn't— deal with it much longer.
Over the course of months, he'd whittled his complicated feelings for Winry into a little hidden compartment in the back of his mind. It was better for him to think of it less and less, rather than wanting to run far away from Resembool just to panic about how much Winry meant to him.
Ed was 15 when love sprung back into his life, opening a whole new can of worms he didn't even know about.
He'd since moved to Central Amestris with Al after their mom passed, put under the care of Roy Mustang. Despite what Roy wanted for Ed and his brother, the two of them took the path of a public high school. It was easier than a private high school, that was for sure.
While his first year wasn't too exciting, it was his sophomore year where his life took a sharp turn.
Ed had been eating his lunch peacefully, with all of his belongings thrown on the table haphazardly. Al had been pulled out of class to the counselor's office and never came back in time for lunch, which happened quite often. Winry was nowhere to be seen. He assumed she was off working on one of her newest automail projects, maybe with Paninya.
He closed his eyes, taking a huge bite out of the gala apple he got from the school lunch. Juice dribbled on his lip and onto his chin. He was tempted to leave it there, then:
"Can I sit here?"
The sudden voice was far too close for it not to be directed towards him. Ed peered his eyes open, glancing up just a smidge. And suddenly, it was like he was 7 again, meeting Winry for the first time.
Ed's eyes didn't know what to look at. jet black hair immediately caught his attention, noting how it was pulled into a ponytail by a white ribbon, but then he was curious about the teen's fair skin, followed up by the features on his face. There was a crooked, long, yet somehow perfectly crafted nose sitting right there. His lips were chapped, but Ed didn't want to be caught staring for too long. His eyes were thin, and yet, they still stared at him with a pleasant curiosity.
"…Sure." Ed mumbled, his metal hand pushed his backpack to the edge of the table to give him space for his food while his flesh one wiped away the juice that stuck to his chin.
The other teen sat down, quickly making himself at home. His name was Ling Yao. The name rang in Ed's head like a insistent bell. Ed tried to commit everything that Ling said to him to memory. He wasn't sure why, but it felt like he had to.
"I'm an exchange student."
That made sense, considering how different he looked from the other 95% of Amestrian students in the school.
"You know, I came from Xing!"
Now Ed wanted to ask questions, but he continued to listen. Ling seemed to talk all about himself, blabbering on and on to the point Ed couldn't tell when he finished a thought and started a new one.
"What about you?"
Ed's golden eyes blinked in surprise. His mind catching up to what Ling had said.
"Me?"
"Yeah. What's your story?"
…something in Ed's mind told him he might regret letting this exchange student into his life if he was about to entertain him with a story of himself.
Ling soon became essential to Ed's life.
Outside of his friendship with Winry, Ed didn't have other friends. So when he started to get dragged around by Ling to hang out in places around Central, he couldn't ignore his pounding heart and spinning thoughts.
I want to talk with Ling more.
When he exchanged his number with the Xingese boy, he was addicted to his phone, so much to the point his eyes would ache the next day after only sleeping for 5 hours. He even started picking up the phone whenever Ling would call him spontaneously, always asking Ed to go eat somewhere or check out a new spot he found.
I want to hang out with Ling more.
Ling invited him over to his house one day, and without telling Roy, he walked alongside Ling after school towards the latter's house. He'd snuck out after school before to hang out with Winry, but Roy knew her. This was different, Ed argued with himself. Ling wasn't a family friend, nor did Roy even know of his existence.
He was a stranger, someone Ed was willingly following and putting his blind trust in. If Roy ever found out he was going to a stranger's house like this, he'd end up like Rapunzel in Tangled, trapped in a tower (which was just their home).
But it didn't deter him. It only made the escape all the more thrilling.
Passed that point, he started sneaking his way to Ling's place more and more, until he stopped heading back home directly after his classes ended.
I want to share things with Ling.
Ed didn't notice when he started sharing more personal items with Ling. It started with his food. Without fail, the exchange student always asked Ed the same question during lunch: "Are you going to finish that?"
Always, Ed would respond with a firm "no". It didn't matter if he was just a bit hungry, or if he had skipped breakfast that morning, Ed couldn't bring himself to say no to Ling when it came to food. The way Ling's face would brighten whenever he let him have the rest of his lunch was something Ed never saw elsewhere. In a way, he could say it was worth it.
Then he started sharing hair ties with Ling. Well, hair ties and ribbons.
Ed would give Ling his hair ties whenever the Xingese boy forgot his ribbons, and Ling would offer Ed his ribbons; he always randomly gave them to Ed without a proper reason. "I just felt like it" wasn't exactly a good reason for the Amestrian.
The one day he forgot to take Ling's ribbon out of his hair was when Roy had time to sit down with him and Al at the dinner table.
"Edward." Roy looked at him from across the table while Ed was stuffing his face during dinner.
The blonde looked up, casually speaking with his mouth full. "Huh?" A piece of meat flew out of his mouth.
Roy's face subtly twisted with disgust, but he continued.
"That ribbon. I've never seen you wear it before."
Ed had half the mind to be confused, until he immediately remembered about his braided hair. He moved his hand behind his back, pulling his hair to the front. "Oh." Ed knew if he explained where he got it from, Roy would rain hell on him. So he kept it vague. "Yeah. I bought it at the mall when I went with Winry last Saturday."
It wasn't a complete lie. He had gone with Winry to the mall last week, which made it believable, but he didn't even buy anything when he went. Not that Roy would know that, of course.
"Well, it looks good on you." With that little approval from Roy, Ed started wearing Ling's ribbon more often than he'd like to admit.
He shared so much with Ling to the point he sometimes let the boy take his precious red jacket that he took with him everywhere.
When Ed saw Ling wear it on his body for the first time, he couldn't explain the lightheadedness he felt. He grew weak in the knees. He even felt an inexplicable tightness in his chest. Ed just knew that whenever Ling ever looked cold, or simply just wanted something to wear over his clothes, he would always offer his jacket no matter what.
I want to stay close to Ling.
Ling, without a doubt, was the first person outside of his closest family that he held hands with.
"Ed, are you cold?"
The two had been walking on the regular path to Ling's home. A winter in Central wasn't always bad, but it definitely got extremely chilly when it wanted to be. Against what Ed wanted, the wind was giving him a harder time than usual, his automail limbs were killing him!
Ed looked at Ling. The concerned look on his face almost made him feel bad for making him worry, but he couldn't bring himself to lie.
"Yeah. But we're about to get to your house anyway."
"Well, do you want to hold my hand?" Ling's hand wrapped itself around Ed's wrist loosely enough so Ed could rip it away if he wanted to. "It's not much.. but I can try to give you a bit of warmth." His eyes squinted impossibly more, revealing his awkwardness.
Suddenly, Ed's skin began to itch.
"Huh?" He scoffed. He enjoyed the way Ling's hand held his wrist perfectly, but kept the thought to himself. "I think I'll be fine without it."
"You're shivering." Ling, ever observant, bluntly pointed out.
"I have ants crawling up my pants."
"Just hold my hand, Ed."
Even during the summer, Ed would find himself holding hands with Ling. He'd grown to memorize every line and imperfections on the boy's hands, recognizing how much a firework went off in his mind whenever they held each other with no explanation. He liked Ling's hands. They were just so perfectly his, and no one else's.
Past hand holding, they cuddled kept each other close, mostly when they hung out in Ling's place. It came naturally after a while of feeling each other's hands. Ed had been the one to start wrapping an arm over Ling's shoulders, and Ling followed it up by hugging Ed for extended periods of time.
More often than not, neither of them were aware when they would end up in such close proximities until it would be pointed out.
"Do you two always do that?" Winry spoke from where she was sitting on Ling's couch with Lan Fan, the latter didn't look over. She'd dealt with their closeness far longer than anyone else. Plus, Ed had to admit the rice bowl in her hands looked too delicious to look away from, he couldn't blame her for ignoring them.
Ed cocked his head to the side. He didn't know what she was talking about. Unbothered, a couple of chips went into his mouth, he even leaned a bit back into Ling's arms. He felt Ling shift to wrap his arms around him more. "Do whaf?" Crumbs spilled from his mouth.
"Cuddle like that." Al replied for Winry, coming back right on time. "You don't even hug me like that, brother." He sat on the nearest seat he could find, resting his cane on the side.
"You're different than Ling." Ed swallowed the snack in his mouth.
Al raised an eyebrow at his response, "What does that mean?"
Ed could hear Ling's heartbeat pick up just a bit to be noticeable. Now Ed didn't want to look at anyone. He got off of Ling, pushing his arms away with an annoyed grunt. A deep frown settled on his face, he could feel everyone staring, even Lan Fan had looked over to hear his answer. He didn't even know himself what he meant. "Whatever. Just drop it."
"Awh, c'mon, Ed," Ling lazily draped his arms on his shoulders, the weight of him felt natural. "I wanna know, too!"
Still, Ed's anger will always get the better of him, no matter the person. "Just leave it already!"
The two of them still continued to be close physically even after being called out on it. After all, it wasn't like Ed was one to worry about what others thought. He couldn't ever bring himself to care, so who was he to suddenly stop doing something that just felt so right to him?
Being older, the curiosity over the concept of love had never left Ed. It only quietly simmered in the back of his mind alongside his feelings for Winry. And now, being held in Ling's arms in the calm silence of his room as they lay in bed while he kept his ear to Ling's chest, he was starting to ponder.
It had to be love, right? All of the closeness they kept with each other, all of the times they shared anything together, all of whatever Ed felt whenever their eyes met on accident or even when they stood next to each other for too long.
He didn't want to be afraid of it, but a sneaking tinge of fear gnawed at the bottom of his heart. It was natural, he supposed. Rejection was one of his biggest dislikes after all. Ed's arms, both metal and flesh, clenched a bit tighter around Ling. He involuntarily listened to the way Ling's heart rate picked up for a second.
It was enough to make Ed feel bad. His thoughts were getting the better of him, and it was suffocating. If it wasn't for the other's heart chaining him down to Earth, he would be lost at sea in his own mind.
"You okay?" Ling's voice suddenly came out as a wistful whisper. Ed lifted his head, ripping his ear away from Ling's now steadying heart. He never noticed how affectionate he was when he looked into his eyes. It felt like a searing flame, the gleam in his eyes shone so bright it hurt to look at. Ed gave a small nod.
This felt different, the way they were holding each other. Far different than the times Ling would hold his sides and joke about his height, or when Ed stared in those thoughtful eyes that always knew what he wanted or needed, or even when they held each other like this before. Ed had never realized either just how gentle Ling held him.
Was that a sign of love?
He didn't think too hard about it once he heard Ling speak again.
"Hey, Ed?" He sounded hollow, missing his usual bouncing energy that carried any conversation, but somehow it held so much warmth. His hand traveled up and down Ed's waist area, treading lightly and always so careful to not set him off. It felt nice. Each time the blonde felt the pressure of Ling's fingers, a heat shot up his spine. "I've always wondered something."
His lips twitched. It was like the boy was holding himself together with a flimsy piece of tape.
Ed hated that look on him. So he entertained him. After all, he was a little curious to hear what Ling had to say. "What?" Ed mumbled, lifting his flesh hand from around Ling's back to play with the teen's bangs. He curled some of the dark strands around his finger, keeping a steady gaze in the other's eyes.
Ling pursed his lips, his eyes squinting even more than they already were. Ed didn't know if he should be worried about what he was about to say.
"…have you…" Ed caught the way Ling licked his lips, even swallowing thickly. Considering the growing seriousness of the atmosphere, Ed slowly let go of his bangs and let his hand drop back to the small of Ling's back. "It's just…"
"I…"
Ling's pitiful stutters were unnatural. It was weird enough to hear him get so obviously nervous, but when Ed felt the way his fingers were fidgeting with the fabric of his jacket, it was enough to make him cut him off with a verbal jab.
"You're being weird." At that, Ling visibly deflated. Every inch of his face pitifully reeked of shame. Ed honestly couldn't stand to see him humiliate himself the way he was doing right now. Maybe jokes aren't good right now. He sighed mentally. "Sorry. Continue."
But Ling hesitated. His shoulders slowly spiked up to his ears, Ed watched a beautiful redness bloomed right on the boy's complexion, it made him all the more stunning in Ed's opinion.
"Have you ever thought about what it would be like to kiss…" Ling's breath caught near the end of his sentence, like he regretted ever opening his mouth. It was making Ed hate this side of him, adding on to his annoyance. "…another guy?"
The question felt like a critical punch to the gut. Ed's heart dropped to deepest pits of his stomach. He didn't even know it possible. He wasn't afraid, he had to remind himself. He couldn't be. He'd left all his fears revolving around love with his crush with Winry, he had to be brave.
The blonde swallowed any lingering nervousness, hating the way both of his hands gripped at the back of Ling's plain shirt.
His hands were getting sweaty.
"..Never really crossed my mind." He responded in a voice unlike himself, one that was hushed and meek. His gaze moved down to the other's lips. Since when had they gotten so soft, Ed's mind whispered curiosities. Suddenly, Ling's collarbone was the most interesting by far. He couldn't bring himself to look up, knowing Ling would be staring right back at him.
His automail limbs began to ache, like how they'd usually act up during the winter. But he was the furthest from cold.
Based on Ling's deafening silence in addition to the already silent room, he figured that wasn't the answer he was looking for. "I mean," Ed began, "I've never kissed anyone, so… I wouldn't even know what to expect, y'know?" Admitting to not having experienced a kiss at his grown age was almost embarrassing until he remembered Ling had already told him he hadn't had one either.
Still, he hated the how Ling didn't respond to cut the tension. Ling only shifted uncomfortably, Ed still didn't have the strength to look anywhere besides Ling's shoulder area. I'm being a coward, he hissed to himself in his mind.
Then, Ling took in a long breath. It was like he was puffing out his chest to look confident; Ed knew he was everything but.
"Would you ever kiss another guy?"
Where the hell is he going with this? Ed finally tore his gaze away to tilt his head up. When he met Ling's eyes, he was greeted with open eyes, filled with an indescribable pain that Ed couldn't— wouldn't—recognize.
His cheeks burned, Ed realized.
"Would I…?" It sounded like he was asking Ling. He wanted to slap himself for fidgeting with his emotions internally, letting them slip out onto his expression. He was positive he looked at least a little abashed. "It… couldn't be that different than kissing a girl, right? But what would we know about that?" Ed gave a laugh, but it was weak and hardly packed a punch.
He couldn't be certain of that. Not even in the slightest. He didn't have the faintest idea of kissing. His hands began to shake, and he loosened his grip from behind Ling's back. What would he think of his cowardice?
"We haven't even kissed anyone." Ed concluded his thought.
"But we could." Ling quickly stopped him with words and his looks alone. His gaze became as gentle as a sheep's wool back in Resembool. His smile grew with hope, shining like a thousand suns. His cheeks looked like they hurt. It made Ed's skin crawl, out of fear or relief, he wasn't sure. Ling's confidence was pouring back like a newly opened dam. It almost seeped into Ed. Almost.
Ling continued his thought. "If you're…" His whole expression dimmed. "…up to it." His hands inched their way up Ed's sides, every touch felt like they left marks on the skin below his shirt. "Maybe we can give it a try."
Ed felt too many emotions at once. The most prominent was his fear, always trying to get the best of him. Ed was afraid.
"And if we don't like it?" He voiced those fears out loud.
He watched firmly as the gleam in the Xingese boy's eyes twisted into something far beyond determination. "I doubt that."
Ed was suspicious.
"I'm being serious, Ling." Exasperation was sprinkled all over his voice.
"I am, too, Ed."
Ed was annoyed.
"Ling." He repeated. Ling seemed to get the hint, sighing through his nose.
"Okay, if we don't like it, or if one of us doesn't like it. Either or." Ling dragged his hands to rest on the back of Ed's head. His lanky fingers tangled in his golden curls. Ed was beginning to realize just how much heat was radiating off both him and Ling. "Then we can just forget about it."
Despite it all, Ed was far too enamored by Ling to let this opportunity slip past his fingers.
"Okay?" Ling's voice came through, his head inched uncomfortably close. "Ed?" His teeth lightly chattered. Ed would've assumed it was because of the cold if they weren't in this situation. He sounded desperate.
Unable to conjure up any words, Ed emptied his mind and let his heart take control. His hands pulled out from where they once were. He wasn't running away like he intended to before.
He moved his hands, pushing strands of the boy's face away and then cupping them to hold Ling's face up. They shook a bit less, thankfully. The position felt natural, even for a novice like himself.
"Okay." He repeated, trying to clear his head of any hesitance. Saliva began to build up in his mouth, he couldn't quite wrap his mind around the concept of kissing his best friend; he wondered if this would give him the answer to his burning question.
Was all he did with Ling love? This whole time?
Ed was too wrapped up in his head to think about kissing Ling, so the latter initiated it for the two of them.
He could hardly focus on the way Ling's head tilted ever so slightly, how his eyes fluttered close the second their noses touched, down to when the final line between friendship and something more was crossed.
It was the closest their faces had ever been to each other. Ed was inclined to believe it wasn't close enough. He let his own vision fall silent. A pitch black swallowed his line of sight, but knowing Ling was there, it made it worth it.
Their inexperience showed.
Ed was frozen, unsure of how to reciprocate the intimate gesture due to how acutely aware he was of it all. He completely left Ling to figure it out himself. The Xingese boy's lips moved stiffly, careful to not force anything more out of Ed; it made him all the more endearing.
Ling's hands kept the back of Ed's head in a gentle hold. It was like he refused to let go.
And as sloppy as it was, it made Ed's head spin and had his heart flatlining by the second. He couldn't begin to count how long the kiss lasted, but it truly felt like an eternity of bliss.
He didn't want it to end.
He wanted to keep Ling close like this, to refuse to let go of his chin. If the world was to end, he wouldn't mind his last moments be with Ling romantically.
But as quickly as his mind began to fill with mushy and sweet ideas of him and Ling, being as intimately involved as right now, he felt the Xingese boy begin to pull away.
In reality, the kiss only lasted 3 seconds, but it felt so right. His heart desperately began to chase this feeling back once their lips parted.
Ed opened his eyes, Ling opened his own at the same time. Their gazes met. Ed wasn't ready to see the uncertainty that lingered in his eyes.
Ling's hands hesitantly untangled from behind Ed's head. The sudden loss sent a shiver through his spine. He watched with a spinning mind as Ling turned his head away from Ed's cupped hands. His pale ones covered his face, obscuring his expression from Ed. Did he not like it? He felt a sudden dread seep into his bones.
Accompanying his uncertainty, the silence that followed was agonizingly long. Ed opened his mouth to speak, although hesitant with his words. "I, uh… liked that."
Ling didn't say anything, but his body language somehow got worse. He dragged his hands down his face. His eyebrows scrunched as though he were in pain.
"…me too." He finally answered, his eyes revealed the internal spiral in his mind that contrasted how flushed his cheeks were. He dropped his hands down.
Ed couldn't tell if that was a good sign or not.
"Are you okay?" He managed to croak out, lifting himself up and away from Ling. He sat upright to move to the other end side of the bed. Maybe he needs some distance, Ed assumed.
He only moved a couple of inches until Ling's lanky fingers caught on the edge of Ed's jacket, curling in on the fabric to keep him from leaving. Ed took a glance at Ling's hand.
"Yeah- yeah, I'm fine." Ling rushed out, a bead of sweat forming on his temple. He sat up quickly, mirroring Ed. "I was just… thinking."
A silence followed his explanation soon after.
Ed despised how awkward the space around them was becoming. It was suffocating, on the brink of torture. He needed to leave, but he didn't want to at the same time.
"…right. Uh," he mumbled, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse. But his mind kept wandering back to the kiss. How it felt, how it happened, how it ended. "I think the old bastard is gonna call me at this rate if I stay any longer."
He felt a tug in his heart when Ling's grip on his jacket grew tighter, like he was abandoning him. Ed bit the inside of his cheek.
Ling gave a small nod, "Makes sense." He made no move to loosen his hold.
"Yeah."
Ed gently placed his metal hand on Ling's hand, unable to bring himself to look into those distressed eyes of his. Slowly, he began to uncurl Ling's fingers himself, with Ling letting him do so with no resistance.
He stood up from the bed. His legs slightly wobbled with little strength left in them. He kept Ling's hand in his own, letting this touch drag on until the moment their fingertips no longer touched. Ling's hand lingered in the air until the Xingese boy let it drop to his side.
"I can call you," Ed offered as a weak apology, feeling Ling's gaze on his back as he walked to the door.
The door creaked awfully loud when he opened it, the hallway light poured into Ling's room.
"Okay." Ling muttered, his voice wobbled. "Bye."
If he looked back, Ed might've forgotten all about Roy so he could stay with Ling longer. Unfortunately, he knew how strict his father was when it came to their fairly simple rules, he didn't think he could tolerate how upset he could get, not today or tomorrow.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Ed adjusted his jacket straight, stepping out into the hallway.
Each step felt like stepping on legos mixed with burning coals. He felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
He almost bumped into Lan Fan on the way out. She gave him a long stare, looking inclined to bid him goodbye. He rushed past her to force his shoes on at the entrance. Finally, he opened the front door and practically flew out of view of the Yao residence.
The harsh freezing winds of the night began to beat on his body as he ran, gnawing at the skin connected to his automail limbs. It whipped his face, numbing the corners of his eyes, ears, and especially his cheeks.
Kissing a boy wasn't as different as a girl, Ed thought.
So why was he still scared?
Over the course of 20 minutes, Ed ran as fast as he could. His thoughts ran even faster than he.
He was sure that, after all, his relationship with the teen was far more than what he'd first assumed was platonic. He'd enjoyed his kiss with Ling. That feeling of enjoyment was shared with Ling. Yet somehow, in some way, there was something wrong, at least from what he could tell from Ling. And he didn't know in the slightest what it could be; was he the problem? Did he do something?
His house soon came into view, relief for once washed over him when he noticed a missing car in the driveway.
Roy wasn't home.
He skidded to a stop at the front door, his shaky hands fished out his house keys as pushed the door open. The living room was silent, but based on the shoes at the door, Al was home.
He shut the door behind himself, kicking off his shoes.
He had to call Ling.
Ed rushed up the stairs, skipping some steps as he made a beeline to his room. He needed to feel a sense of normalcy.
He opened the door while taking out his phone. The screen lit up. There wasn't any notifications not missed calls. Ed didn't let it deter him.
He entered his room and locked the door behind himself for extra measure.
His thumb moved quickly. He opened his number list, immediately finding Ling's contact and pressing "call". Ed put the phone to his ear, sitting down on the edge of his messy bed.
Ring.
Ed leaned back, biting at his bottom lip anxiously.
Ring.
Ling would've already picked up by now.
Ring.
"Damn it, Ling," Ed hissed, hanging up and trying again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
Until he was hit with Ling's voicemail, something he had never heard up to this point. He heard his cheery voice, apologizing for not picking up the phone and offering a couple of excuses. In Ed's case, all of those excuses either made no sense or didn't apply to him.
The panic in his stomach began to spread to his brain. His knee bounced up and down, his breathing became shallow, his vision was becoming blurry. He moved his phone in front of him, beginning to type a flurry of texts to Ling.
fullmetal - ling
fullmetal: ling (8:09pm)
fullmetal: are you there (8:09pm)
fullmetal: hello? (8:09pm)
fullmetal: are you ok???? pick up (8:09pm)
fullmetal: i just got home (8:09pm)
fullmetal: roy isnt here (8:10pm)
fullmetal: soryr for running out of there (8:10pm)
fullmetal: jst didnt want to get caugt out (8:10pm)
fullmetal: im sorry (8:10pm)
fullmetal: ling (8:10pm)
fullmetal: ? (8:13pm)
Ed felt his heart crumbling the longer he stared at the intense light from his phone, almost begging in his mind for Ling to response, he'd even be okay if he just looked at his texts.
A minute of waiting turned into 3, which eventually turned to 5 minutes. Not once did Ed see it turn from "delivered" to "seen".
A realization began to sink in his mind.
He was being ignored. If it was for a good reason, he wouldn't know.
The only thing Ed knew was how much he wanted to throw his phone away from him due to his growing frustrations and pitying thoughts. Instead, he tossed his phone on his nightstand and pushed himself under the unwelcoming covers of his bed. He kept an ear out for any buzzing from his phone, but he was greeted with nothing.
He hated this.
With regret eating at his fingertips, he squeezed his eyes shut. Suddenly, he was painfully aware of everything. He could hear Al talking to someone from his bedroom, and jealousy stabbed his heart. His limbs ached and his skin itched all over. All Ed wanted now was for it all to go away.
If this was love, Ed refused to chase this grueling feeling any longer.