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Mikey is going to have to button his collar up tonight on stage. Going to have to wear a scarf for a couple days. He thinks (hopes) maybe even for a week or two. And then he’s got Frank yanking the collar of his shirt down and dragging his crooked bottom teeth over his clavicle and pressing him tight up against a wall, and fuck that’s nice. Then it’s gone, Frank tilting his head up and pushing against his hips with his fingers. He can feel the ends of Frank’s bitten fingernails catching roughly on the hem of his shirt. His breath is hitting the dampness left on Mikey’s throat and making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
He blinks up at Mikey, sleepy-eyed (this is the only time besides when he’s onstage that he can be frenetic and lethargic at the same time – eyes half-lidded and hands never still), and Mikey feels something like pain (but so not like pain – it’s a dull ache like when you go from the dark to the light without shading your eyes; he likes it) blossom in the back of his skull. Frank is pulling his hair. He’s got a fistful of it right on the top of his head and he’s using it as a handle to push Mikey’s head against the wall and oh God kiss him in the most wholly explicit way. He’s, fuck, he’s licking the roof of Mikey’s mouth and biting his lips and Mikey’s heart is beating loud in his ears, and he can’t do anything but shove his fingers down between Frank’s belt and his pants and pull him forward.
And everything stops. Frank pulls away and Mikey’s hands stop and they stare eachother down like gunslingers. Franks hands are flexing at Mikey’s sides, clenching and unclenching in the fabric of his shirt.
And Mikey drags his thumbs up either side of Frank’s zipper and they crash into motion. Mikey’s not quite sure how, but he ends up on his knees (his knees sting from the scrape of the pavement) with Frank’s hands still fisting his hair harshly.
And both of them know this has everything to do with exorcising their demons because it can’t have anything to do with love, but Mikey thinks it must mean something that right before Frank comes (with a sharp intake of breath and a sigh, going boneless against the wall, fingers twisting in Mikey’s hair), he recites his name like a litany, the syllables stringing together. It must mean something because it makes Mikey’s chest suddenly feel hollowed and full and overflowing.
And Mikey does button his collar high when they go on. But he leaves his hair tousled and the way Frank screams and contorts his body on stage tells him that his own demons will never be exorcised because he will always love him.