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Sparks didn't dream.
At least, not anymore. They hadn't in years. They didn't know why. They couldn't remember the last time he had dreamed. Just that they used to be able to dream and now they couldn't.
It wasn't that he didn't remember the dreams, either. Nick had done… some sort of monitoring of Sparks's mind one time while they were asleep and found out that their brain completely bypassed that stage of sleep. And it wasn't a fluke; it happened every time Sparks slept.
(Nick proceeded to be envious of this, unable to sleep without nightmares himself.)
Maybe it was age. Maybe it was from too many reboots. Maybe Sparks was more software than program at this point. Maybe they were too far gone to experience fundamental things like dreaming.
It didn't matter at the moment, because Sparks wasn't trying to sleep anyway. Sparks was working.
(They didn't get the chance to sleep very often. Or for very long.)
Typical actions were going on throughout the lab. Testprograms creating and running tests, various programs trying to pass said tests, and techprograms working on fixing things to make them work better.
For example, Nick had taken it upon himself to try optimizing the emulation software. Something that was notoriously fickle and closely tied in with Dreamer's emotional state. Despite this, Nick liked the fact it could be used in place of metal for tests when it was working correctly.
He had a test environment set up in one of the spare rooms in his lab. Separate from where Nick was working. His imitation of the software wasn't exactly stable, and malfunctioning emulations could get dangerous. Evidently he didn't feel like putting his own neck on the line today.
(He never did.)
Void, oblivious to Nick's current project, wandered into the test emulation. It quivered in response to their presence, struggling to handle this unexpected variable. Nick didn't seem to notice.
Oh no.
Suddenly, Sparks was racing down the hall to stop them. Even though they weren't at their console anymore, Sparks still saw into the room where Void was.
He also saw himself on the cameras. While still very much seeing things in first person as they moved around.
Sparks knew these corridors. They knew where they were, and what direction he needed to go to get to Void.
And yet, every turn he took was the wrong one. Even trying to follow themself in third person through the cameras, he only ever got further away from Void. The halls were the wrong length. It took longer to reach every corner than it should have.
Sparks saw the emulation collapse around Void despite being nowhere near them or his console. Their shriek was cut off (strangled) by a glitching fragment hitting them. Void dropped to the floor, their limbs and neck going unnaturally rigid and their arm twisting outwards strangely. They went completely limp several seconds later. Red had faded into a dark grey, darker than on an unconscious program.
Only then did Sparks make it to Void.
Nick was already there. Standing over them.
The hole in the side of Void's chest was massive, to the point it went straight through them and out the other side.
Straight through vital parts that were necessary for a program to function.
Without them, the program was dead.
Void was dead.
Sparks was too late.
As Sparks approached their friend, Nick spoke up. "The old organisms could have saved them, you know."
(They probably could have.)
"Too bad you had to go and betray them like you did."
Sparks leaned over as much as he could to look at Void. To try and ignore Nick.
"Was being the favorite not enough for you? They loved you, even though you barely served any purpose back then."
Sparks trembled and their vision went out of focus.
"I suppose now you know what it's like to lose someone you love."
(As if Sparks hadn't loved the scientists too.)
"If there's even enough of you left to feel love, that is."
(There was.)
(There was, there was, there was.)
Something shoved him backwards, away from Void, and Sparks put their arms behind him to catch themself before he hit the floor….
Sparks's entire body jerked as his arms smacked the mattress with a dull thud.
(Mattress?)
They looked around the room. Their room. Their own room, with their own bed. Granted, it was looking less like a bedroom and more like a giant closet lately with the clothes racks everywhere, but it was still their room.
Not something he had back then.
Sparks had recently started dreaming again.
Somehow. They weren't entirely sure why. Why the dreams had returned now. Why they had returned at all. They were just having dreams again. They were remembering the dreams after waking up.
The first dream had come about a week after everything had changed across the lab. After Sparks had left the security room and Nick's secret lab for good. Most of the details of that dream left him shortly after waking up, but there was no denying what had been there before.
Then more dreams came the following nights. It wasn't a random fluke. It was consistent.
(Maybe they weren't so broken after all.)
His dreams were more vivid than they used to be. There was more detail to them, fewer things left as abstract placeholders of concepts. It wasn't just "some random program over there", it was a specific program. It was getting easier to remember the details even after waking up. Sometimes there was even a plot to them, a coherent one at that. Some things remained strange, of course, things that didn't really fit in or make sense once Sparks was awake again. (And it could be bizarrely specific stuff, too.)
And with that came vivid nightmares.
Nightmares with so much detail they felt real. That continued feeling real even after waking back up.
That left them doubting their entire reality, even if only for several minutes.
It… was a dream, though. A nightmare vividly based off an actual incident, but still just a dream. Not real. Void didn't die.
(…Right?)
Even though it was an option, trying to go back to sleep did not strike Sparks as appealing at the moment. Whenever they tried cutting his visual input, they just saw Void with more hole than chest instead. With accurate exposed internal components.
(The components that were left, anyway.)
Void was just in the next room over. On the other side of this wall. Sometimes Sparks heard them talking in their sleep through the wall. Fragmented nonsense, usually, but occasionally it was just coherent enough it somehow made even less sense. Void didn't seem to be chatty tonight, though.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to check on them…. Just a peek, enough to verify that they really were okay.
Sparks's hand twitched, trying to manipulate a camera control that wasn't there. Nothing happened, of course. Then they wondered what they were thinking, trying to check on Void that way.
As glad as Sparks was to not have to watch the cameras anymore, sometimes having only one point of view felt so limiting. Obviously he would have to physically go to Void to check on them.
Void's room was easy to navigate even with the lights out thanks to the little nightlight on their nightstand. Bright enough to see, but still dim enough it wasn't disruptive while trying to rest. (Most of the time—sometimes Void got overwhelmingly painful headaches that also made everything too bright and loud.)
Void didn't mind the dark. In fact, dark rooms gave them the best view of the stars. Even when there weren't windows to look out at stars, they tended to calm down faster in dark, quiet rooms than in other places.
(Sparks had initally assumed this was why they spent so much time in the security room with him. The light from the monitors wasn't nearly as overbearing as the overhead lights in other parts of the lab. There was nothing else of interest in that room.)
What Void did mind, though, was stumbling over and running into things while trying to navigate in the dark. Especially when they already couldn't see well on one side. Moving into a new place only compounded that. After the second time Void embarrassed themself by falling and waking up everyone in the house, Sparks happened to see that nightlight at the 'store' (money still wasn't a popular concept in the labs) and picked it up for them.
Void had been a little confused about the gift at first—saying that they weren't a little kid that was scared of the dark, then quickly backtracking and explaining it was still a very nice gift and they liked that it was star shaped even though real stars weren't actually shaped like the star shape. Then they apologized for rambling because Sparks was just trying to be nice and they were making it weird and then thanked him for it.
The real proof Sparks considered it a good gift was the fact Void had used it almost every night since then and had yet to trip over anything.
(It was always encouraging to do something and see direct improvement from it.)
Void was nestled snugly in bed. The way they curled in on themself while sleeping was a bit odd and looked awkward and uncomfortable to some programs, but Sparks (being nowhere near that flexible) just thought it looked cozy.
The orange lights on their armor were much dimmer and more muted than normal, but it was still there. They faded in and out, never going completely dark but also never reaching the brightness they had when Void was awake. It reminded Sparks of an organic life form breathing.
(They seemed to be okay. But…)
Carefully, Sparks put a hand on Void's side. Seeing that they were fine was one thing, but Sparks saw things all the time. For years, that was all that he ever did. See. He wanted to feel that Void was still there, that their body still thrummed with life.
That there wasn't a giant hole in their chest.
Void stirred and opened their eye with a tired, confused grunt. Upon realizing that someone was in their room, at their bedside, staring at them, touching them, they flinched away, bumping into the wall behind them.
(Crap! Crap! Crap!)
Sparks yanked his hand back and retreated a few paces. They looked at the window without really looking through it. Anything to avoid looking at Void right now.
"Uhhhhh, Sparks? Do you…. Normally make a habit of watching me sleep?" They looked up and off to the side. "I mean, you've probably watched me sleep lots of times, but that was also through a screen. Not in person… uh, except for those couple times I was really hurt or not feeling good, I mean…"
Void's gaze briefly flitted over to Sparks, only to do a double take. "Are… are you okay?"
Sparks began trying to speak, only to find the words wouldn't come. Expressing themself was hard enough on a good day. Besides, the minimum volume for his text to speech always felt too loud when trying to be quiet, and the last thing they wanted to do was disrupt anyone else right now.
(It was bad enough they had disrupted Void.)
Shakily, he raised one hand to sign "dream", paused, then "bad" twice in quick succession.
Void muttered the signs aloud to themself as they parsed them, then asked, "You had a really bad dream…? A nightmare?"
Sparks nodded, holding both hands close to his chest. (Trying to get them to stop shaking so much.)
Void looked thoughtful for a moment, then sat up properly. "Do you wanna talk abou—" They stopped and facepalmed. "Wait, ignore that. Sorry. I know you have trouble talking when you get upset like this…"
That was true and Sparks was painfully aware of that fact. Even if he hadn't been worried about waking up the others, there was no way they would have been able to put the images in their mind into words. The details that were haunting him even after waking up and realizing it wasn't real.
But they knew enough sign language to get the most important concept across. He tapped Void's nightstand to get their attention again.
When Void looked up, Sparks pointed at them, then signed "died".
"I— what?!" Void scooted backward, alarmed. Not the reaction Speaks was expecting. "Well, that's a bit extreme, don't you think? I mean—I mean, I say dumb stuff like that all the time, you know that, I don't think I should—"
Why were they acting like he had just—
—Oh right. There was no difference in sign language between "die" (a command) and "died" (something that had happened). It was all done with the one sign. You were supposed to use other signs to give context.
Sparks quickly started signing "dream" over and over to clarify.
"O-oh, you mean in your dream, okay." A pause as they processed what he meant. "You had a nightmare where I died?"
Hearing Void say it out loud made Sparks realize how ridiculous this whole thing was. Waking Void up just because he had a bad dream and got upset. Hell, even going to Void's room to check on them was weird enough.
(Most programs didn't do that.)
Sparks looked away and nodded again.
"Oh, that explains it. I'd probably want to check on me too if I was in your place. Or, uh, if it was the other way around, I mean. That's the way you're supposed to say that. That's what a normal person would say. Which I am clearly not, because I am still pointing out the weird thing I just said and it's getting weirder the longer I talk about it. At least I don't have to pretend to be normal anymore, because normal doesn’t exist anyway. Kind of messed up how the whole lab was trying to chase a goal that didn't exist. And if you failed at that goal you got rebooted."
Void blinked. "Okay, wow. That got dark. Probably not the best thing to talk about with someone who just had a nightmare."
Sparks shrugged. Void stumbling through a conversation like nothing was different from normal made Sparks feel a little more at ease. Like his own mistakes weren't that big of a deal.
"Well…" They swung their legs over the edge of the bed. "I'm obviously okay. I dunno what happened to dream-me, but real-me is still talking and in one piece." They put their hand over their busted antenna. "Uh, mostly…"
Void was fine. Void was completely fine. That nightmare had been simply that: a nightmare. Not real. Sparks was completely sure of it now. No need to keep bothering Void. Void needed sleep; they weren't adapted to chronic sleep deprivation the way he was.
(And yet, Sparks didn't want to leave.)
His hesitance to move did not go unnoticed. "Um, did you want me to keep you company for a while?"
Without even thinking about it, Sparks nodded.
"Oh. Okay. Wow, that was fast." When Sparks looked away, Void added: "Not that there's anything wrong with that! It just surprised me a little bit, you usually think about things more before actually doing them."
Void glanced around the room, trying to think of something to talk about before settling on their window. "Oh!"
Void switched their night light off, giving them both an unobstructed view of the stars outside.
"I like this part of the ship's current orbit. We have a really good view of the nebula in the next galaxy over right now." They pointed out the window at the large multicolored splotch in the distance. Sparks had no sense of scale when it came to things outside the ship, but it seemed very, very far away.
(Those colors looked surprisingly good together.)
"Nebulae are neat. They're these big clouds of gas and dust. That's what the light is reflecting off of for us to see it in the first place. I think… this one formed from a supernova? That's when a star dies. A lot of nebulae are what's left of dying stars, actually.
They began rocking in place. "But it's also really good conditions for new stars to form! Those gases and dust are what stars are made of, just in a much denser form. It's like stars are alive too, with their own life cycle and everything. Endings and beginnings are so closely intertwined in everything, even on scales we can't even imagine."
Void paused. "Um, okay, that got really philosophical out of nowhere."
Sparks put their elbows on the windowsill (or the bottom rim of the window, at least) and propped his head up in his hands.
"I guess space is good at making you do that. Anyway..."
Sparks had stopped shaking at this point. That might have been what worried Void the most earlier; they had never seen him tremble in place like that. But they seemed to be feeling better now, and that was good.
If anything, they just looked tired now. Void wasn't entirely sure how they knew that, but they were pretty good at reading Sparks for some reason. Probably because they spent so much time around him.
"Uhhh, am I keeping you awake? I can stop talking if you want to go back to bed."
Sparks shook their head. It was sluggish, and Void got the impression Sparks wasn't actually focusing on anything outside the window at this point.
"Um, okay, just remember you don't have to listen to me talk all night."
The topic wandered away from nebulae and towards various random stars and then supernovas. They hadn't ever seen one, of course, but they wondered what it would be like to witness one. From a safe distance, obviously, although at that point you would probably need a telescope to see it and they knew Sparks had trouble using those.
Void paused, squinting in the low light to see how Sparks was doing.
Sparks had fallen asleep.
He always tucked his arms close to his chest whenever he nodded off while upright. Which was quite often even though they had an actual bed and a much less erratic sleep schedule now. Void wondered if it was convenience, genuinely more comfortable for him that way, or if old habits just died hard.
Void wondered for several moments if they should wake Sparks up or not. Generally others preferred sleeping in their own space as opposed to elsewhere. Then again, Sparks was used to sleeping wherever they could. Sparks had to have known he was getting that tired. Also, the thought of waking him up to see if they wanted to go back to his room felt more intimidating than simply letting them sleep there.
Void turned their nightlight back on and settled under the covers. "Night, Sparks."