Chapter Text
It was late August.
The basement smelled like cigarettes, coffee and dust. Nothing interesting. Dark gray brick walls with maybe too many bright posters on them. The computer was on, headphones blasting loud rock music.
It happened around midnight. Sebastian didn't know how Shane managed to get into the house without drawing attention, and at this point he didn't care. Shane didn't bother knocking on the door - just stormed right into Seb's room and found him working on some kind of project, sitting in the almost complete darkness.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sebastian asked wide-eyed once he noticed angry man walking toward his desk. "I'm working, so could you please fuck off? I'm not in the mood for whatever shit you want to say this time." He tried to keep his voice steady and act nonchalant while heart was racing painfully.
Shane was close to him now. Too close, even. Staring right into his eyes with anger and… guilt?
"Stop playing dumb, Seb. I tried to reach out to you for three weeks straight and got nothing except a fucking 'sorry' message. Called you dozen times only to hear dial tones.” His voice was dangerously quiet and calm, while his green eyes were filled with rage.
"Huh. And now you are worried?" Sebastian's tone was annoyed and growing more irritated by this interaction. "Cute." He sighed, drawing his eyes away as he got up from his computer chair. "But you were the one who told me that you don't give a shit. You were the one who never cared." His voice grew louder not caring about a noise he cause in the middle of the night. "And you-”He glared back at Shane and poked on his chest with a finger to emphasize what he was saying "-fucking told me, bright and clear, that it" he made some vague hand gestures in the air "all of it, was a big mistake."
They were pressed chest to chest, staring at each other. Both irritation and exhaustion drawing on their faces.
After a long moment of heavy silence he decided to end this shitshow. Once he moved past Shane, Sebastian got to the door and opened it with a gesture. "I don't want to talk further. Just…" He lowered his gaze to avoid other's stare. "Just leave, Shane. You said enough already".
But he didn't even flinch. Only looking at him silently, hands trembling. Man came here to ease his thoughts, to try one more time. Maybe to fix it, if there was something to fix at all…
Sebastian hadn't noticed at first, but now it was obvious - he was wasted. It was not a big deal (at least for Shane), however the smell that filled the room was not his usual beer scent… it was strong liquor. He knew for sure because he hated drinking it, choosing something lighter, and was well aware that Shane wasn't a fan of it either. Seems like today was an exception.
Man just kept staring with an empty glare, first to the door, then to the person next to it. He shook his head and headed straight to the couch - slowly, trying to keep the walk steady. Shane fell down on it, eyes now shut, breathing deep and sharp. Sebastian rolled his eyes still waiting near the exit, with arms crossed on the chest.
“You could’ve called first, you know that?” he muttered.
Shane said without any other movement except slight raise of the brow. “Yeah, like if you would pick up the phone this time…”Oh. Yeah. Right.
Heavy silence fell over the room. Tension felt physically. Sebastian closed the door and hesitantly approached Shane.
“Why are you here? " Question was obvious but still painfully straightforward with that low voice. His gaze now was studying the drunk man on the couch. Shane opened his eyes - red, unfocused, glossy with tears. He just stared silently, slowly moving his gaze up and down at Sebastian like checking if he was real.
“Do you hate me now?” Worry showed in Sebastian’s eyes and dull pain in Shane’s. His lips were shut in flat line, looking down at his hands like they could have an answer to the question he've been asked.
Seb quietly broke silence. “No…I wish I could. It would be so much easier but I still don’t hate you.” His eyes intentionally avoided looking at man. “I just stopped expecting anything from you. Lowered my high hopes.” Still not looking at him he finished. “You must be happy now that I don’t ask anything from you.” By the end his voice became a whisper. Quiet and small. His own eyes started stinging.
“I-…n-no..” Shane's body stiffened within seconds, voice grew louder. “Stop lying! I ruined it. Ruined the only good thing in my life! I made you feel like shit." He made a pause and sighed. "Stop playing nice and all that!” He got up, fast and sudden, his face now few inches away from Sebastian's. “Hit me.” Man said strangely confident in what he was saying. He got closer making Seb walk back to the bed across the room, hands trembling, but no matter how fierce Shane looked right now - it didn’t matter. He wasn’t scared.
“Hit me!” Voice got loud and harsh, shouting even. Tears appeared in the corner of his eyes. “Yell at me! Do something! But…” deep breath in, he tried to blink away his tears. “But don’t leave me like that.” Shane big hands squeezed younger man shoulders, sobbing silently, eyes to the floor. Standing unsteady, mostly leaning on him.
Sebastian didn’t know what to do. He was mad, really mad. He was hurt. He was frustrated. Yet the pain boy felt looking at Shane like that was more than the pain he caused.
“ Fuck.” He hugged Shane hesitantly trying to not burst into tears.
It all started weird. Unintentionally. After 'Winter Star Feast' nine months ago. They both never could’ve guessed this outcome.
Snow has been covering Pelican town for weeks now. All the nature seemed to fall asleep and the residents tried to heat themselves in family gatherings near chimney.
The ones who weren’t lucky to have people around to celebrate this long winter holidays - spent days and nights at the saloon. Must be the biggest communal building in the town. Though nothing fancy about this place. Everything simple and cheap. Food good enough to eat, drinks good enough to get drunk. Half a dozen tables, few booths in the corner, some weird decor on the walls and big liquor cabinet behind the bar.
Gus was great cook with loud voice and wide smile and Emily was a good bartender, who would love to talk with you about anything - from favorite beer to her latest energy practice in the Cinder sap forest. But Shane could never cared about them. About the stories, rumors, songs and just those people in general. Didn’t even bother ordering food, only beer. The ultimate cure for his thoughts. The spiral of self hate, guilt and suicide ideas were with him hand to hand for the past year and he was tired of failed attempts to help himself. But alcohol otherwise did help. Did help to shut down his worries, to blur his mind and silence the world around.
At this point it was more than form of escapism. More than habit. It was addiction even if he never said it out loud. The flavor was bitter, smell was no longer tempting and his mind needed a bigger doze each time to bring comfort.
All the residents at their usual spots – Leah and whatever his name, long-haired guy were at the table further from everyone. Next table to them was taken by his aunt Marnie shyly giggling at something her not-so-secret boyfriend Lewis said. Old moron. Somewhere at the bar was Pierre and Harvey – men in their forties, smiling through the day but visiting this bar every friday to drink silently with empty look on their faces. He never really talked to any of them except of greetings if its needed.
The only person that had more worrying alcohol addiction was sitting in the opposite corner of the bar - Pam. No matter the fact that it was just 7 p.m. she was already wasted and satisfied with this outcome, laughing and asking Gus something he couldn’t quite hear.
The other part of the saloon was ‘pool and arcade machines’ zone – old pool table, two couches of different color, Joja vending machine used only few times a week. Mostly people visit ‘Stardrop’ to ease their mind with its famous pale ale or beer so this area was usually empty, except teens hanging out there on fridays. To be fair they were not teens anymore. All three of them looked old enough to drink, but considering other guests at the bar – they were the youngest.
Shane saw them hundred times, usually here, but sometimes they bumped into each other outside of this place – he was working with Sam - young blonde guy full of energy, at Jojamart; he could see Abigail sitting on the bench near graveyard while he was heading home; Sebastian, emo kid, apparently was not so easy to find outside his house, but occasionally he could see him smoking on the opposite side of the river next to Shane’s work. And despite all that time he run into them – they never tried to have a conversation. Usually just nodding head in ‘greeting’ gesture and no one seemed to mind this kind of interaction.
Phone buzzed in the jeans pocket pulling him out of his thoughts. He groaned but ignored its sound not planning to check it out. Nothing important anyways. Must be Morris saying some usual crap about his attitude or being five minutes late to the shift today. No need to switch his attention from blissful alcohol intoxication to this useless crap.
Emily came closer to his side of the bar. Her bright blue hair always were the most colorful spot in the saloon. Or maybe in the whole town as well. It matched with her usual red dress making her hard to miss in the crowd.
“Want another one, grumpy?” she said with a wide smile. He could not call her a friend, however her presence didn’t disturb him at least. Their interaction were a surprising kind of relationship both of them didn’t mind. They weren’t chatty, just few phrases here and there. She didn’t attempt to get nosy about his business or comment about his drink habits and it was the best. Even this stupid nickname Emily gave him was not as annoying as it could be with anyone else.
“Fuck off with this dumb names. You don’t want me to give you one.” He said with a warning in his tone and serious eyes. He frowned more when she seemed to not care, just staring patiently. “One more pale ale. Nothing else.” He shifted his gaze down the counter and gone silent.
“Got it.” She was just about to go when suddenly stopped and turned to look back at him. ”You have two minutes to think out a nickname that would suit me and your tab is on the house.”
He was startled, frustrated with her words but nodded anyway. She disappeared into the kitchen right after that and Shane was left with his thoughts. Nickname? Are they in high school?
Phone buzzed again. Fuck. Morris will be a death of him tonight if one more message will be received. Two more buzzes and Shane was already mumbling curses trying to fish out the phone.
Once he got a phone in hands he unlocked the screen with a code. Jas’s birthday date. So he won’t ever forget it again. Screen was cracked on the sides and on the frontal camera area. Never used it anyway. His blurry vision gone sharp once he saw contact name.
Jess [12.27 7:34 p.m.]
Hey Shane! How its goin’?
Jess [12.27 7:36 p.m.]
Haven’t heard of you for a while…
I know you have your ‘small town life’ now but you could at least text me more!
Jess [12.27 7:39 p.m.]
Well, I have some news for you!
I got a promotion!:)
Yeah yeah I know now I m cool and rich bitch
hehehehe
Shane [12.27 7:40 p.m.]
I thought I blocked you tbh.
Jess [12.27 7:41 p.m.]
Don’t be ridiculous!
You love me !!
Shane [12.27 7:41 p.m.]
Not sure bout that.
Tf you need?
Jess [12.27 7:42 p.m.]
Meanie.:(
But I still love you Shiny
Shane [12.27 7:42 p.m.]
Still hate this nickname tho.
Jess [12.27 7:42 p.m.]
Anywayyyy
I got my welcome bonus ;);););)
Shane [12.27 7:42 p.m.]
And?
Jess [12.27 7:42 p.m.]
We need to party together, dummy!
NY eve is coming
I have money
We both hot
(I m hotter tho)
We single
Let’s go to the ‘Miracle’!
Shane [12.27 7:44 p.m.]
No.
Jess [12.27 7:44 p.m.]
Stop Ik u love it
Quit being boring
Shane locked his phone when Emily came back with ale. She had this mischievous grin looking at him, waiting for something. “So, what’s my nickname?” Fuck. That goddamn girl. He sighed tiredly, rubbing a bridge of the nose.
“Fuck, ahh…” he took his glass and got up taking a moment to think. “Smurf. Or whatever. Bad imagination.” He stopped himself to get some gold out of the hoodie pocket. “Close the tab.” Once the coins dropped to the bar he was already heading to the corner between fireplace and weird bear statue Lewis gifted saloon on ‘grand opening’.
Phone kept vibrating in his pocket, so Shane reluctantly decided to check whatever Jess is bombing him with.
Jess [12.27 7:44 p.m.]
U remember tequila there?
It was AWESOME
And I want to do it again
heheheh
Shane, u here?
Jess [12.27 7:46 p.m.]
I mean we can go to ‘Solaris’ but last time there was some shitty music
Shane [12.27 7:47 p.m.]
Fuck ‘Solaris’.
Jess [12.27 7:47 p.m.]
‘Miracle’ it is then!
Shane [12.27 7:48 p.m.]
No.
Jess [12.27 7:49 p.m.]
Fuck, Shiny, yk I miss u
Plsss
It will be fun!!
Everything on me tho so dw
Shane [12.27 7:56 p.m.]
When?
Jess [12.27 7:57 p.m.]
Yes!!!!!!!!!!
Good
Tomorrow?
Shane [12.27 7:58 p.m.]
Meet me @ ‘Miracle’ by 10.
Jess [12.27 7:59 p.m.]
Yay!
Okay!!!!:>
But promise me!!!!!
Shane [12.27 7:59 p.m.]
No.
Jess [12.27 7:59 p.m.]
Promise me to try to look ~presentable~
Shane [12.27 8:01 p.m.]
Tf it supposed to mean?
Jess [12.27 8:02 p.m.]
We will find you some pretty boy :>
U need to look good :>
It will be my mission !!
There must be ZERO sexy boys to have fun in ur village sooooo we gotta fix it tmrw!
Shane [12.27 8:03 p.m.]
Got it.
Stained and ripped t-shirt it is. Bristle and my beer belly will match with an outfit.
Jess [12.27 8:04 p.m.]
Shane >:[
See you tmrw Shiny
Shane [12.27 8:04 p.m.]
*thumbs up emoji*
Shane [12.27 10:48 p.m.]
I missed you too.