Work Text:
Entry 5/25/XXXX
By: Wolfgang “Magazine” Moreau
I am tired. I don’t remember the last time I’ve slept properly.
I got nowhere today regarding Taser’s file up in Tsenturia, the one with finding his sister’s body up in Malachite Mountain Pass. She too went caving and was never seen again. Really, the case doesn’t matter. I feel like I’m so close to triangulating where it occurred. I’m so CLOSE, goddammit. So close. So close. So close.
I’m getting worked up again.
I remember the days when it was just mother and I
When mother and I used to go on hikes and caving and cave diving in Tsenturia. Watching mother on the television while she was in court arguing her heart out. Getting gelato after father’s homeschooling. I don’t like Lost Temple’s heat personally, even though I’ve lived in Francisca Vanguard all my life.
I wonder if my mother would’ve been disappointed knowing I never became a lawyer like I said I would. Or, well, I was one for a bit at least. “I’m not a failure”. What a waste it was to go to law school. All of that stress for me to reap none of the benefits from.
I wonder if my life wouldn’t have become so aggravating if I wasn’t so deadset on finding answers. Is that just a character flaw of mine? But what can you do? I’m too far in deep. I can’t see the light. I only see the darkness in others.
I can’t go to bed at night knowing that maybe I can reverse what I’ve done to myself all those years ago. And I can’t go to bed at night believing a blatant lie. And I can’t go to sleep at night with this anxiety and these overwhelming feelings. Maybe I wouldn’t have to go this route if I just stuck to being a miserable public defender. Maybe I wouldn’t be the monster I wanted to destroy.
Hell, who wouldn’t become a monster if you could see the wickedness that lies in inphernal-kind?
Yeah yeah, laugh it up Sombre. You agree with me.
I wonder what Shotgun would’ve told me. “We still have each other's backs, right?”, “We’re doing this to avenge your mother”, “You’re not as terrible as you believe you are for starting V.A.E. We still do good around here at the end of the day, just like Blackwatch does.”
No, we're not like Blackwatch. If we were then Elder Blade wouldn’t be commissioning us for Talon, right?
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had to turn my back on the good you wanted V.A.E. to have. I just hope you’ll forgive me when I find your truth. After all, it’s always been about finding the truth at any cost. And you knew that.
I just hope Elder Blade lets me obtain the answers I want without being a pain in my ass like she promised.
I’m going back to work on Taser’s case.