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"..would you remember this?" he asks, and his voice comes out quieter than what he actually expected, not enough to represent a whisper, rather the illusion of being at peace with himself as he speaks.
"all this." he clarifies quickly, lingering with his hands foward "would you be able to remember all of this? or even just—any of this? anything at all?"
as he raised his face, he found out spencer was glaring at him, had been glaring at him for who knows how long, just blinking numbly, sleepily as he shifted his face just enough to peek out from the corner of his eye, cleary, thats as far as he's willed to go to engage in this conversation.
after a long silence that stretched way too wide for way too long for what actually small distance rest in between their bodies, he shakes his head, lowering it almost as if it weighed too much for him to put it up still.
"I'm—high." he stammers, so faintly and barely manageable to make out, his voice thick with spit and his words all slurred, "I don't even think I'll be able to remember my name after—"
he stops, zaid's glares at the way his glasses slide until they reach the tip of his nose, but it seems that even just lifting a finger is an action that requires more self-control than he holds—
he squints, his mouth rests open, and he seems aware, all things considerered which is great—yet nothing more than ragged breaths rather than actual words makes the effort to crawl out.
Zaid just stares at him, a bit uncomfortably and left unsure on what to do with all of this mess.
"..i assume thats a no then."
spencer stiffles a chuckle.
"what—what do you even care? since when do you even do care?" he says, craining his neck, quite enough for zaid to see how wide his pupils had gotten over the spawn of so little time, leaves him wonder what did spencer even took to leave him in such worn state "what does it even matter to you that i wont remember this? its not like—"
a pause, and he squints again, as if his thoughts needs to be rehearsed a second time.
"like we're actually doing anything important."
zaid raised a brow.
"what do you mean? we're talking."
"right." spencer nods along, his voice falliing smooter "we're just talking, theres nothing really special about that."
he stops, glancing up breefly at the ceiling as his hands tastes the black leather sofa beneath, as if he was searching for something—probably a comfortable spot to lay down—before making an actual effort on speaking again.
"about just talking."
zaid waites to fall out of his sight so that the corner of his lips could twitch slighty "i dont agree." he huffs in a breath as he moves his eyes down to stare at the creamy tiles "talking can be of pretty good use."
"not when im high."
"especially." zaid remarks, quickly cutting in "when you're high, in a way and i wish i was actually surprised by this, it makes you more bearable to deal with."
he hears spencer shifts on the sofa, must've done something quite wrong because zaid hears him fall with a heavy thud back on place almost immediatly, rather catastrophic in the way he almost tripped over.
"thats rude." spencer manages to slurs, and zaid can actually see from the corner of his eye the way his head had slumped against one arm of the sofa, his mouth pressed against the leather.
zaid just blinks, straigthening himself up.
"what is?" he asks, as he leans against the back of the couch "the way you keep stumbling over yourself instead of just sitting like a normal person should on a couch? oh don't worry spencer, i must certainty don't mind."
spencer groans, probably catched on with the sarcasm dripping like honey from his words, closing his eyes he slowly starts to wraps both arms around his waist "no.." he whines soflty— "but you're basically telling me that im insufferable when my frontal lob actually is in work, and that really isnt that nice to say."
zaid smile stretches a bit further.
"im not saying anything that i already havent told you about a milion times, spencer." he hums, just a tiny bits of satisfaction underneath his grin "you are insufferable, no point on trying to deny that."
spencer's whines gets higher as he opens just one eye, enough to focalize on wherever he is to shoot him the most ridiculus grimace zaid had ever seen in his life.
"thats still rude."
Zaid stifles a small laugh, waiting for Spencer's eyes to fall closed once more for it to actually fully came out, it makes him feel more at ease not being able to be seen in such a state.
being seen happy with someone that happy doesn't really make him.
or shouldnt make.
spencer whines again, the sound itself is like a greasy and hoarse croak that makes everything seem thirty times worse than what it actually, most probably is, but k̶n̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶s̶p̶e̶n̶c̶e̶r̶, spencer must really be the dramatic type when it comes to those type of things, he's seen it several times, why even be surprised?
and yet, it achieves what usually is the desired effect of whining.
"do you.. need—anything?"
be heard.
Spencer opens one eye, just one, and squints in his direction as if he dosnt recognize whether had been the lamp talking or zaid, which is.. normal in its way, not only is he high on who knows what, but his glasses are also giving lenses to the wrinkles on his forehead, rather than to his pupils.
"..huh?"
"Spencer." and the sound feels hollow, his name something awfully wrong to say with so much patience as he finds himself moving closer to him, much closer than what he should.
"..how—high..are you..exactly?"
he didn't ask him before, which is stupid, finding him sprawled out on a public bathroom floor was already strange in itself, not only for how disgusting It was, but also for what Spencer had always shown himself to be, so composed and so perfect, so stale and so judging, the curiosity shouldve peeked out at the very least barely and breefly, enough for him to avoid it, to dig it so, so deep he could've pretend what punched at the walls of his stomach wasnt anything more than a stomach ache from some sort of weird drink he had tried—and yet, all he did was put an arm around his shoulder, curse himself for not minding his own business and take him away.
take him to his house, to a place where making out with piss and water from the tiles of a public bathroom wasnt currently avaiable.
somewhere safe.
somewhere he knew he was gonna be safe.
and spencer just stares at him like he can't even remember his own name.
"..I didn't get high."
zaid slowly raises an eyebrow, just blinking at him, "spencer, not only you obviously are under the effects of something, but you even told me yourself that you are, infact, drugged."
Spencer turns on his back, a mission that normally takes on ten seconds, in this case approximately thirty-five, as long as he remembers that he has hands.
"but not me." he slurs, and his voice becomes heavier, almost painful "I..i-i don't know, I was drinking and then someone—someone told me..and then.."
..Oh.
For the first time, and hopefully only time, Zaid finds himself feeling sorry for him.
"..okay." he says, and his voice comes out calm, too calm, as he slides across the carpet, walking on all fours to reach the one person who currently seems to be watching the flowerpot sing a musical.
"Spencer."
Spencer doesn't respond, eyes battering slowly, a smile curving lopsidedly on his lips as he giggles.
"the vase has a face."
zaid can't help the tiny, startle sound that leaves his throat as he swallows hard, similar to the creaking of a door in how high-pitched it comes out.
"yes, very beautiful." he says quickly, clearing his throat with a single, nervous cough "what kind of face, again?" he mutters half-heartedly as spencer tries to babble something more.
uncertainty, one of his hands—his fingers twitching in the air for way too long before actually moving—finds itself tightening on the rough polyester of his jacket, as the other slides around the back of his neck instead, trying to lift spencer up.
hes met with a short wine of protest, nothing painful, just annoyance probably, before hes got him fully picked up again, his head's threatening to hang off the couch if it weren't for how quickly zaid manages to catch it in between both of his hands.
Not sure where to place himself, he just randomly decides that kneeled down on the carpet sounds as an okay option as for right now.
once hes sure spencer's head is not gonna hang off the couch, zaid slides both hands around his face, two fingers, the middle and index one, placed apart as they move his cheeks from side to side as to analize a fragil object, squeezing the flesh with enough force to make spencer's eyes narrow.
spencer glances at him with half-lidded eyes, they glimps of something harsh, not anger though or something mean, or cocky, perhaps just tiredness, which would be understandable, he has no control over his body, he has no control over his head, and zaid's hands are palpating his face in a not very delicate and very unsolicited way.
"..sorry." zaid hears himself say, loosening his grip even just a little.
"I just need you to stay here with me."
Spencer blinked again, his face tilting tightly into the palm of his hand.
"I am here." he replies matter-of-factly, breathiness in his voice as he forces his eyes not to give in.
zaid chuckles lightly.
"you are." he allows with a nod, hands sliding down his collar bone.
"just not all of you."
"..does it matter that its not all of me here?"
conversation seems a pretty good way to keep him aware, might as well.
"well." he hums thoughtfully.
"normally, it would, but with you its much easier like this."
spencer nods along for a while like he's actually understanding the meaning of his words, before a blip of realization courses throught him and makes him shudders in place.
zaid has to keep himself from smiling.
"but—but why?"
zaid breathes a little to loudly, flinching his eyes away, pretending to be much more focused on keeping him steady on the sofa.
"because, spencer—you'll never allow me to be this close to you." he shrugs, out of tune for what storm is actually going on inside his stomach.
"i'll never allow myself to be this close to you either way."
spencer lips parts, eyes widening just a bit more.
zaid keeps going.
"by this point, you would have made some awful cruel joke about me or-or Ivy or my family and i wouldve got so mad at you my hands would be around your neck for much different reasons than for helping you be comfortable on my couch."
spencer makes a small sound at that, one that zaid even barely notices it.
"..so you thought about it?"
"mh?" zaid mumbles, half a mind that maybe he should take spencer to lay down, would be easier to keep him in place without hurting him.
"..strangle me." spencer's voice is still quiet when he speaks, slurred.
"you ever thought about strangle me?"
a bit startled, zaid stares at him throught his lashes, hands gently slumping around his neck.
"well." he says slowly, as his palm slides open against his back.
"you dont make it easy to like you, lets just say that."
spencer stays silent, allows himself be dragged up without much wondering.
"but you're helping me.." he points out, as his head slumps against the arm of the couch once again, his voice small, starting to falter towards the end of each new sentence.
"i am." zaid nods, hands traveling around his waist in a vague attempt to put him in a position that would allow as less noises as possible.
they always retreats themself though, lingering so shortly and barely, his movements awkward, not in a bad way as if his touching him makes him want to vomit which in retrospect, shouldve been his very first clue, but more like hes forcing himself not to let this turn into something much more out of proportion.
"but you dont like me." spencer insist, refusing to let go as he zaid helps him turn to his side.
"i dont." he concurs once again.
"but that dosnt mean i want to leave you drugged without a clue of where you are."
spencer's face tilts slighty.
"i know where i am."
zaid's eyes barely moves.
"im sure you do."
"no, i do, i really do." spencer pushes harder in rhythm that dosnt match with the sleepiness of his tone.
"you brought me to.." a pause, brief, lingering.
"you brought me, to your house."
zaid finally looks at him, dosnt smile, but dosnt make a face either.
"i did."
spencer makes a satisfied little hum.
"so you do."
zaid's hands finally leaves from roaming against his waist line.
he feels weird.
he feels like hes just done something wrong.
it sounded nice.
and that nice tastes disgustingly.
"do what?"
spencer shifts against the leather of the sofa, craining his neck in an attempt to get close.
"you do like me."
zaid feels his heart leaps.
"i really dont think like is the word i feel for you."
spencer closes his eyes, his smile dosnt falter.
"i do."
zaid raises a brow.
"you do what? like me?"
spencer nods slowly, making his heart do something weird and unprovoked.
and at that sort of somersaults, zaid just rolls his eyes.
if spencer really did liked him as much as hes saying right now, he sure had a weird way to show it.
theres no reason whatsoever to stay kneeled down next to him, and its not like hes that much far away, he'll come back later with some medicine in the hope spencer is still too far out of it to freak out about being in someone's house.
not that this is the first time spencer had been familiar with his couch, but that dosnt really justify this, dosnt it?
he attempts to leave the room, yet, fingers closes around his wrist.
weak, yet steady enough for him to understand exactly where this is about to go.
"dont leave me."
zaid dosnt really say anything, he just stares at him, at how spencer's hands quivers to much to stay in place.
"please.." he slurs, before his eyes closes definetly and his grip falters fully, fingers curling down, brushing against the floor.
zaid glares down at him, at him and then at his legs and how they are still where they were five minutes ago, at how his body is barely even turned, at how his hands is so close to his face, raising would be enough to let it cling next to his cheek, to let a string of hair slip away.
sleeping on the pavement in his own home is something that he had never really done before, not like he had ever had people over to do It with.
but theres a first time for everything, right?