Chapter Text
Rin. Back then, I beat you and tore our dream apart. Sae never even told Rin how hard he tried for him in Spain. How desperately he wanted their dream to be real. When they were apart, Sae lost and never found his footing to start fighting for their dream. He couldn't even stand for a dream of his own.
To say that Sae Itoshi had a hard time in Spain, well that would be true. Even though he would never admit it. Really, who would he admit it to? An, albeit a good manager, who is literally paid to care. Maybe his parents who cared 'oh so much' during those four years. The only person Sae ever really valued (and the only person who would care enough to listen) was Rin, but he wouldn't want to talk now. Not after all this time anyway.
It's not like that's Saes fault.
It is my fault. Sae dreaded that fact as he finally landed in Japan.
"Alright let me see, we have a meeting with- hold on wait up" Girolan sighed, "hey, you can't just walk in like that, it's not polite. "
Honestly, does he really expect Sae to listen to a single thing these guys are saying? Who are they again? The beer belly chairman and phony face manager of the pitiful U20 team.
Whatever, "If I can have any striker I want, then call Blue Lock. There's an idiot there that I want to play with."
Sae regreted his choice very quickly. First, Oliver Aiku threw a fit and won't let the only promising striker (on this entire feild) off of the bench. Then, after Blue Lock proved to be competent enough to need a counter attack, Ryusei Shidou was finally released.
Is this devil the only player worthy of receiving Sae's passes? Yes. Is Sae happy about this fact? No. Well, if he can score goals, then maybe.
Shidou did score a goal. Not a suprise really, Sae wouldn't have passed it to him if he didn't think the devil could score. The game continued from that point on, current score being tied up at 2 - 2. It did not take long for Shidou to score another goal either.
"Did you see that bud! We're playing soccer together forever." Shidou didn't hesitate to claim while clinging to Sae. "When I'm with you I'm throbbing like never before, and I don't mean my heart."
"Creep." Sae supplied as the threw Shidou.
At this point, the entire crowd cheered for Japan and seemed to believe that their lead would hold. Japan will win.
Blue Lock will not lose. They made that belief clear with how their entire team had shifted. Every player has their minds set on scoring another goal.
Of course Blue Lock would score when a player like that steped up. Stealing from his own teammates? Who does that? Regardless, Blue Lock tied the game 3 - 3.
Sae was slightly impressed sure, but Japan would win. With Shidou's drive to score a hat trick and Sae's perfect passes, they can easily score the game winning goal. Not to mention, the new gear that Japan's own strikers have found.
Easy. Sae had the ball, all he had to do was get past Rin in a one on one. He's done this before. Easy.
…
"You can't even play without using me as your excuse." What is he saying? "The best you can do is live in the shadow of your brother."
Sae didn't know what compelled him to say such words. He didn't want to be so mean. But how could he phrase it any other way-
"Will you look at that, I'm suprised you can still make that face."
He saw it. Sae saw the moment that Rin remembered to play soccer for himself. It looked the same as back then. Back when Rin played not only for Sae, but because he enjoyed it too. He's done it. Rin Itoshi is no longer held back by his poor excuse of a brother.
With that, Japan lost. Rin popped the ball up and away fron Sae. Luckily, Yoichi Isagi was in the exact place to recieve Rin's indirect pass. He scored the final goal of the match.
"I didn't think Japan was capable of producing a decent striker," Sae confessed to Rin. "He was able to awaken your instincts, maybe he can reform Japans soccer. Yoichi Isagi."
If Isagi could awaken Rin, then maybe he could help him grow stronger. That was the logic behind Sae's final remark. Even if he can't help, all that matters is Rin finding another reason to play soccer.
Sae would love more than anything for Rin to continue playing like that. Truthfully, he dreads the reality where Rin follows him.
Sae was there as he reluctantly handed his phone to the pink demon, who was demanding that they keep in touch. He was there while his manager talked about his visa, and what they would do back in Spain. He was there in the car as they drove to his hotel. Sae was there, but he wasn't mentally there.
He isn't going to pretend that he didn't see the look on Rin's face. How hopefull he looked when Sae walked over to him. Rin looked like he… Sae didn't want to think about it anymore.
The cruelty of it all is how he can't think of anything else.
Sae was stuck in his own mind. He felt like he was thirteen again. Thrown into a new country all alone, not understanding a word anyone says. All he had was himself and his thoughts.
Soccer was there too, of course. Sae felt very quickly that soccer did not bring any comfort, or joy, or whatever he felt playing with his old team. It was gone.
At the end of the night, Sae knew that he should have just said 'good job' or 'you played well.' Thats what a good brother would have said right? He didn't know what it meant to be brothers anymore. He did know himself. He knew all too well who he was, and who he couldn't be. Sae didn't want Rin to be like him. He wanted Rin to be more than him.
Sae couldn't sleep. His mind was drawn to Rin. How Rin looked at him. If Rin was ok. Was he ok? Sae doesn't often like to think about himself. He already knows who he is.
A hopeful voice thought that maybe, if Sae fixed himself, he could be a good brother again. That voice sounded a lot like Sae when he was younger. Probably before he turned thirteen.
Ultimately, he knew what had happened. Sae saw the moment Rin stopped being "Sae Itoshis's little brother." It was for the best. It was for the best. It was. Sae knew that. The best hurts. Sae knew that too.
That night, Sae dreamed. He dreamed of everything he could never say.
Everyday during those four years, I wished on every star, and prayed to every God that I could be better for you. I even picked up those stupid dandelions that never worked.
Before, we would blow them away together and wish to be the best in the world. Now, I only wish I was picking them with you.
I'm sorry Rin.