Chapter Text
Travis woke up, panting and drenched in his own sweat as he clutched his chest, blonde hair matted and stuck to his forehead.
The room was dark, it was late and he could hardly see as he breathed heavily, feeling both hot and could as his body shivered.
His bones ached as he recalled his nightmare,
And to be honest? It wasn't even technically a nightmare,
Just memories.
His bottom lip wobbled, despite it only being a dream he could swear he could feel the sting of his fathers belt, back covered in bright sickly red welts, his body hot to the touch.
He wanted to punch something.
His knuckles ached, begging to be bruised and covered in his own blood.
He clawed at his own skin as if it was too tight, too restricting.
He felt trapped.
He curled in on himself and let silent tears fall, burning on his skin as if punishing him.
He wanted to scream, but he’d wake his roommate up.
His roommate
Thinking about Sal always made Travis’s chest ache.
They’d been roommates for a year now, and the blue haired boy made Travis feel safe, not that he’d ever admit that.
They were always so considerate, making sure Travis took care of himself, reminding him to eat while tossing a bag of take out to him,
Small things that meant the world to Travis,
But getting close to someone like them was dangerous,
He was different, loud and proud about it too,
Travis envied him.
He felt a small tickle at the back of his throat, so he cleared it.
He didn't know exactly when, but his tears began to dry as he thought more about Sal.
But as the tears dried, the guilt grew as his mind wandered into dangerous, sinful thoughts about the bluenette.
But despite the guilt, he couldn't stop his thoughts,
Heat pulled in his lower belly and he felt shame, but that didn't stop his hand from wandering in between his legs.
.
Sal woke up and stretched with a groan, joints popping as the morning light came in through his window and warmed their always cold skin.
Gizmo rubbed against his leg and he chuckled, standing up and getting off their bed, shivering at the cold floor beneath his feet.
Now, Sal was no master chef,but he was decent enough at it.
They fixed Gizmo’s food first, it’d be rude not to.
He emptied the can of wet cat food onto a paper plate, throwing the empty can away and setting down the plate for Gizmo to eat.
They turned and washed his hands in the small kitchenette sink before grabbing the carton of eggs.
.
Travis didnt wanna get up, he just wanted to writhe in his shame and guilt for the day,
Why did sin have to feel so good?
But he needed a shower, he felt disgusting.
He got off his bed, not minding the cold floor as he grabbed his clothes and walked into his bathroom, turning the shower to freezing cold to try and rid himself of any lingering desires.
He scrubbed till his dark olive skin reddened, skin agitated and screaming in protest, which he ignored.
His knuckles still ached, he tried to ignore it but it wouldn't go away.
He looked over at his bedside table as he dried off his hair.
Maybe just a few.
He couldn't hold off, needing to feel the sting and watch red flow.
He threw on his clothes, leaving his sweater off to do what needs to be done.
.
Sal hummed along to a song in his head as they cooked, Gizmo sitting at his feet while they did so,
He put a few slices of bread in the toaster, Gizmo playfully sweated at their ankle causing Sal to stumble slightly.
His hearing wasn't the best, but he could sense the blonde’s presence behind him, watching and silently waiting to be acknowledged.
“Good morning,”
Travis grumbled under his breathe, something that Sal could only assume was a ‘morning’
Travis did this often, waiting for Sal to notice him only to act aloof and unintrested in any conversation.
Sal slid his plate over to him, Travis ate and chewed slowly.
Sal grabbed their own plate and walked over to his room.
Travis assumed it was for privacy due to the others' prosthetic.
.
Sal sat on their bed, trying to hype themself up to eat. Gizmo meowed, as if doing the same.
Their hand shook as he held the fork with food on it.
Now, Sal had no issues with his body weight, but he hated the feeling of food in his mouth,
They were still searching for a safe food that was both edible to him and nutritious enough to give them energy.
The search was proving to be a challenge.
.
Sal had afternoon classes, and so did Travis,
The blonde locked himself in his room as usual, Sal didn't want to pry, so he left the other alone.
The shorter one of the two decided to just play on his switch till he had to go to class, hanging upside down on their bed, pigtails dragging on the floor and their mask freely off.
.
Travis sat on his bed, journal in hand as he wrote down his feelings,
He felt stupid doing it, but it did help, even if it was just mostly him writing about how much he hated life and how he wishes things were different, as well as about Sal,
Sal was mentioned a lot in his journal.
The journal was made to look like a bible, if his father had found it back at home only the lord knows what he would've done after reading Travis’s sinful desires and thoughts.
The thought made Travis shiver, concealing a whimper.
Fuck he hated him so much, but at the same time he craved the validation he never received, it was strange.
Travis’s wrists ached wonderfully, he may have done more than a few, but no one had to know that,
Besides himself and his journal.