Chapter Text
Regulus Pov
Regulus Black was not having a good day.
It hadn't started off well, having been up nearly all night and then after two hours of sleep woken up at five in the morning by his roommate barreling into the apartment drunk after a night of partying. Though annoying, this was not unexpected from his friend Barty who regularly spent his nights out like he was still in his early twenties despite turning thirty a few months back, it was something the rest of their friends were calling his "quarter life crisis" but Regulus just thinks its Barty.
So he had reluctantly gotten up to coax his friend into bed, supplying him with a bin and making sure to roll him on his side.
Seeing as it would have been pointless to try to go back to sleep he decided he mine as well get a head start on the day, making a pot of coffee and starting on some work on his computer. Only, his lack of sleep caused him to trip on his pajama bottoms on his way back to the dining table with a hot cup of coffee that slipped through his hands and spilled right over his keyboard.
Then, because he had lost track of time, he'd shown up late to work, missing a meeting with one of his clients who was likely to be pissed now.
And because the universe was yet to be finished with him today, he had a meeting with his supervisor Lucius Malfoy, who he despised greatly but put up with because his cousin Narcissa was married to the blonde prick.
Only Malfoy apparently had the stick that was always up his ass pushed extra further this afternoon because he came into the Regulus's office wanting a fight, and Regulus was not in the mood to play nice today.
At least, that's what Regulus was currently trying to explain to his coworker and friend Evan as he walked through the streets of New York, having been dismissed from work for "inappropriate language".
And if none of that was enough, he had made the mistake of trying for an ice coffee on his way home, only for it to spill all over the front of his jacket.
It was decidedly not a good day.
"He was being an asshole!" Regulus nearly screamed in frustration into his phone, that, last he checked, was at 5% battery.
"He's always an asshole! Why do you think he wins as many cases as he does." Evan says from the other side of the phone, still at work and most likely the one told to try to reason with Regulus.
"He told me verbatim that he didn't understand why marriage was so important to gay people, because according to him marriage is a sacred bonding between a man and woman and no one else." He was fuming as he continued his walk to his apartment, currently mad at everyone and everything. "Then he brought up Sirius, Evan!"
He hears Evan sigh heavily on the other end. "Yes, I understand that he was in the wrong, I don't disagree with you there-"
"Then what the hell are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is maybe there was a better way to handle his prickish behavior than calling him a "useless brown noser who doesn't know his ass from his mouth and should maybe try sucking a different dick than Riddles for a change because maybe he'd understand what all the fuss was about then"?"
Regulus bit the inside of his cheek, glaring at whoever was brave enough to walk in front of him, truly not paying attention to the people around him as he keep walking.
So, maybe - maybe - Evan had a point. He might have taken it a little too far in retrospect, but, in his defense, Malfoy did bring up Sirius to rile him up on purpose.
Him and his brother may not be very close, but he can't help the brotherly instinct to defend him no matter what. No matter how annoying said instinct was.
Regulus can look past a blatantly obvious homophobic comment when its directed at him, but when its directed at his brother? And worse, his brothers husband who had no business being used for Malfoy's personal grudges.
In all honesty, Malfoy should be glad that's all he had said, if they hadn't been interrupted Regulus isn't too sure he would of been able to hold himself back from punching the fucker.
So really, Lucius Malfoy should count his blessings.
And Tom Riddle can go fuck himself if he's all up in arms over some argument.
And Evan- well, Evan was just his friend trying to smooth things over. He cant really blame him for that, but he can certainly try to an extent.
So he shrugs, despite the fact that Evan can't see him, and says simply, "he had it coming."
He hears Evan sigh again.
"And when your eventually required to apologize to Malfoy?"
Regulus bristles, "then I'll tell them to fuck right off."
"Regulus," Evan groans, "I'm not joking. Do you realize how serious this is? This could cost you your job if you don't take it seriously." Regulus stayed silent, honestly not even caring right this second.
He had finally made it to his building, reaching inside his pocket to grab his keys and fumbling with them, causing them to slip through his fingers and fall to the ground.
Only they didn't just fall to the ground. No, they fell to the ground, bounced a few inches to the left, where some idiot on his phone was walking, and kicked them right into the street gutter.
Fuck. This. Day.
Evan must of gotten concerned with the silence because he heard him ask, "Regulus?" on the other line.
"My fucking keys just went down the street gutter." He stood over said gutter, glaring into it like that'll make his keys magically reappear again. He then hears Evan let out a laugh and glares harder.
"Call Barty to let me in." The laughter stops instantly.
"What!? No! I'm not talking to him, and you have a phone in your hand! " Regulus has to refrain from groaning.
"I can't, my phone is literal seconds from dying." When he gets no response he pulls his phone away to see a black screen.
Well, fuck.
He knows Evan will call Barty for him, but he also know his friend will be sour about it for a while afterwords.
Evan has been avoiding their mutual friend since last week when Evan saw Barty making out with some girl at a party. Which, for anyone else this would seem normal, Barty hooking up with strangers on the regular. But Evan's been in love with Barty for years, and Regulus unfortunately was made aware of the fact that they started "casually" sleeping together a month ago.
But he knows Barty, he's his best friend after all, and he knew it was only a matter of time before Evan got hurt.
And even though they weren't exclusive, a word Barty probably doesn't even recognize, Evan was still heartbroken, and has been giving him the silent treatment ever since.
But he wouldn't just leave Regulus stranded out on the curbside…right?
No, he wouldn't. Which is made clear when Barty opens the door to their building, smiling like a lunatic with a phone in his hand.
"Password?" He jokingly asks.
"Fuck off." Regulus answers, shoving past him through the door.
Barty follows behind him with a laugh, talking into the phone.
"Yea I got him."
Regulus drowns out his friends conversation as they make their way up the stairs to the apartment, throwing his jacket and shoes off the second he gets in the door. He can smell the distinct smell of white chocolate macadamia cookies coming from the kitchen.
Evan's favorite cookies.
Barty must be stress baking.
Wonderful.
He walks to the kitchen, desperately needing a glass of cool water, as Barty follows behind, still talking to Evan on the phone.
"Relax Evan, I already said it wasn't a big deal." Regulus internally grimaces, was Barty trying to make up with Evan or make things worse?
And sure enough, a second later he hears Evans distinct yells from the other line, though unable to actually hear the words he's using. Regulus thinks he'd rather not know.
Normally, Regulus would try to smooth things between the two, but he's had a shit day, and frankly doesn't have the patience to deal with either of them. So as Barty tries to persuade Evan to come over, he grabs himself water and goes to lounge on their L-shaped couch. He props his feet up on the coffee table, silently pleased at the idea of his mother rolling over in her grave at the unproper move.
Barty eventually joins him, no phone in hand as he falls against the cushions.
"What did he say?" Regulus asks, not opening his eyes.
"Told me to piss off." Barty pouts.
Regulus half hardheartedly shrugs, "maybe he'll still come 'round."
"He wont." And oh, he sounds so sad that Regulus looks over at his friend, feeling a bit sorry for him.
He knows Barty loves Evan, but the problem is Barty doesn't realize he loves Evan. And because Barty avoids his feelings, and Evan doesn't talk about his, they always end up in this same situation.
Barty seems to realize Regulus's face of concern because he quickly replaces his pouty face with a smile, "but at least he's talking to me now. Thanks for that, by the way."
Regulus offers him a smile, letting his thoughts about his two friends feelings for one another go as he lets out a snort, ""I didn't exactly plan for my key's to get thrown down the drain, but at least it helped one of us."
He leans back against the cushions again, staring up at the ceiling and releasing a long sigh.
"Rough day?"
"You could say that."
"I'm sure it'll sort itself out."
Barty had a very "go with the flow" mentality about him, and while most of the time that butted up against Regulus's need for control of every situation, he found that this time he actually appreciated Barty's lack of worrying.
"I'll probably get fired." Well, actually, he's certain that if he doesn't present a formal apology by tomorrow, he will be fired.
"So you'll get another job. Riddle law-firm isn't the only place to be lawyer you know?"
Only it is, at least in the eyes of his family.
Though he was currently cursing his family, particularity his cousin for marrying someone as slimy as Malfoy.
Barty must take Regulus's silence as him not wanting to talk about it anymore because he changes the conversation a few moments later, clearly trying to get his friend to forget about his shit day.
And what comes out of his mouth certainly does.
"You need to get laid."
Regulus looks back at Barty, eyebrows raised.
"I do not need to get laid." He says.
Barty looks up and down Regulus's body, nodding like he's came to a conclusion. "You really do."
"Fuck off- just because Evan is pissed at you does not mean you can use me to get back at him."
This time its Barty's eyebrows who are raised, looking mildly offended. "I'm not propositioning you."
Regulus looks at him skeptically, "your not?"
"No!"
Regulus probably shouldn't be as surprised as he is. Sure, it had been a while since the two of them had fooled around, Regulus refusing to once he caught on to Evans feelings for their friend, but that didn't mean Barty wanted to stop. He always just assumed Barty was waiting him out.
Maybe he was actually being a good friend and respecting Regulus boundaries not asking him why they stopped fucking. Or maybe he's starting to catch on to their blonde friends feelings.
"If you don't want to have sex then why are you telling me to get laid?"
"No offense Reg," he said it like he actually didn't care if Regulus took offensive or not, "but you've been walking around all mopey for months. You need a dick in you, or to put your dick in someone. It's depressing."
Regulus rolled his eyes, leave it to Barty to assuming the solution to all his issues resided in sex.
"When was the last time?"
"I'm not answering that."
"You don't go to parties anymore so you couldn't have met someone there, but I could of sworn you did the walk of shame awhile back." Regulus ignored his friend as Barty mumbled to himself, trying to decipher Regulus's dry sex life.
Suddenly Barty snapped his fingers, "your yoga instructor!"
Regulus gives him a disgusted look. "When have I ever done yoga?"
Barty shrugs "maybe you picked it up, that's what rich people do, right?"
"I'm not rich."
"Your dad is."
"So is yours."
"Yea, but I'm disinherited."
Regulus bites his bottom lip, trying to decide if he should tell Barty or not, but after realizing it would take far more effort to get him to stop guessing he gave a resigned sigh and said, "Benji."
Barty looks confused for a moment. "Benji…" He says it like he recognizes the name, and Regulus sinks lower into the cushions, holding on tighter to the pillow in his lap.
Barty bolts up straight, looking at Regulus with bafflement, "you fucked your intern!?"
Regulus pulls the pillow over his face.
"Don't say it like that! He wasn't my intern, he was just an intern for the office."
"He's like 10 years younger than you!" Though Regulus could not see Barty, he could hear the smile in his voice that stretched across his face, because of course Barty would find this amusing.
Regulus removed the pillow from his face, glaring at his friend.
"He's 24, that is not that much younger."
"Wasn't he the one always bringing you a morning coffee too?"
"He brought everyone a morning coffee, it was literally his job."
"But didn't he always give you a note with yours?"
When Regulus didn't answer Barty burst into hysterical laughter.
Truthfully he did not understand Barty's amusement so much. Yes, he had sex with Benji, but it really wasn't that big of a deal. Benji had asked him out for drinks on a Friday night months ago, and he caught him on a particularly rough day so Regulus agreed. He knew Benji had a thing for him, he had made it glaringly obvious to everyone. Morning coffee with notes, making excuses to always show up to his joint office with Evan, always sitting next to him in meetings.
So, yes, two consenting adults had sex one night.
And maybe Regulus should of been more clear about the one time thing, as Beji had taken great offense to the fact that Regulus left nearly as soon as it was over and ghosted him all weekend.
Safe to say Benji no longer brought him a coffee and had been avoiding him ever since.
"Yes, now will you quit it." Regulus thew the pillow in his hands at Barty's head, knocking him flat on the couch.
Barty was still laughing but settled down against the arm of the couch. "Poor Benji, I bet you broke his heart."
"Don't be so dramatic, its not like he was in love with me. It was just a childish infatuation that I ended." Regulus settled back into the couch like Barty.
"Mm hm." Barty hummed, reaching over to the coffee table and grabbing a remote, flicking on the TV.
"I still think you should get laid." Is all Barty says as he turns on some random movie, the sun outside still in the sky as it was only mid afternoon.
And I think you should talk to Evan. Regulus thinks, but doesn't say as they both settle down to watch the movie.
And really, he has no place to say it. As much as he assumes he knows what Evan and Barty need, he really is not one to be giving out romantic advice. The only relationship he'd ever been in had ended in disaster, and then for years he got out any of his sexual desires with his best friend.
Yea, he really was not the person to be giving anyone romantic advice.
…
Regulus hadn't realized he'd fallen into a nap until he got pulled from sleep by a foot shoved in his face.
He groaned, squinting open his eyes as he tried to take in his surroundings.
He was lying down, the TV still going and Barty on the opposite end of the sofa, his foot currently trying to kick Regulus awake.
He grabbed him by the ankle, shoving his feet from his face, trying to clear his sleep fogged head as he realized why Barty had been kicking him in his sleep.
His phone was ringing.
He realized with a groan that he'd left it in the entryway in is coat pocket.
So, with another shove at Barty's feet, he got up, turned the TV off, and lazily walked over to his phone.
His brain was so fogged he hadn't even stopped to wonder who kept calling him back to back, still drowsy from sleep to question why someone wouldn't just leave a voicemail after the first attempt.
He pulled his phone out of his coat pocket, turning it over in his hand to swipe answer on it, only to freeze the second he saw the name displayed on the screen.
His body froze, his mind reeling with questions as his hand hovered over the screen. He watched as the phone went dark, the apartment going silent until the phone started buzzing again. He though he might of heard Barty distantly calling his name.
He answered the phone.
"Bella?" He asked, distantly aware of Barty having gotten up and walking over to him.
"Reggie baby, you'll never guess who's finally kicked the bucket."
…
"I need a drink."
Regulus was slouched against his chair at the dining table, his head thrown back as he looked up at the ceiling. He'd never realized how many small cracks were above them until now. He should probably get that checked out. He thinks he probably doesn't care.
Evan, sitting across from him on the other side of the table, looks at Barty as he sits in between them at the head of the table, sliding over a glass of water to Regulus. Regulus barley even looks at it.
"Something stronger."
At this, Dorcas, his friend, walks by placing a can of cola next to the water, taking a seat at the other end.
Regulus glares at the can of cola like it personally wronged him. Like this can of pure sugar and carbonation was responsible for everything wrong in his life.
God, he hated being sober.
Why couldn't he have turned out like his brother, Sirius? A dink here and there, casually having fun and not ending his weekend not remembering a thing that transpired.
No, instead he had to get their mothers alcoholic gene, while the only thing Sirius ever got from her was eye color.
That's not true, he impulsively thinks, then immediately pushes that thought down. No mind spiral about Sirius ever ended well.
"I hate this." He finally says, not to anyone or about anything in particular as he reaches out to grab the can, opening the top and taking a sip.
No one asks him what he means, they all know.
The call from his cousin Bellatrix earlier that evening had been unexpected, but unsurprising. His father had been ill for a few years now, they had all assumed he'd die soon, just not this soon.
Evan gives him a small smile from where he sits, Dorcas leaning over and putting a comforting hand over his arm.
"I still can't believe he's actually dead." Barty says, always the first to bring the awkward or uncomfortable truth to the front. He was leaning back in his chair so far the front legs were lifted up from the floor as his feet rest on the corner of the table. Normally, Regulus would curse him out for that, tell him to sit properly before he broke the damn thing, but he cant find the will to truly care right this second.
It was Evan who spoke next.
"I remember thinking he was immortal as a kid. The first time I met him, I was so terrified I remember thinking even death would be scared of that man." Evan, apart from their friend Lily, was really the only friend of Regulus's who had met his father. The Rosiers' were in the same social circle, so growing up Regulus and Evan were forced to attend the same functions.
And Regulus knew what Evan meant , his father is- was a terrifying man. When he was a kid, and Sirius would read Regulus bedtime stories about mythical creatures, he remembers looking at a drawing of a vampire once, and thinking, yea, that's father.
He had no real life in his eyes, no proof of the beating heart that Regulus always had to assume was inside his chest. He was dark, and luring, and everything child Regulus was frightened by, an maybe even a bit of adult Regulus as well.
It's no secret to anyone that Orion Black was not a kind man. Much like a vampire, he sucked the life from things, until they bent to his will. It worked on everyone, including Regulus.
Well, Regulus thinks, not everyone.
He clenches his fist, wanting to punch it through a wall, he did not want to think of Sirius right now.
Only, there really wasn't a way to avoid it.
Did Sirius know?
Was he aware that their father had died?
He doubts any of the family would of reached out to tell him, doubt any of them would have his phone number to do so. Which means that responsibility lies with Regulus.
Great.
And Regulus realizes all at once that this is it.
This is the crack in the surface that he always knew would be coming. With his fathers death, the cavern beneath them all had opened up, and Regulus had no choice but to jump.
He'd never been a fan of taking leaps of faith.
But, inevitability, this was always going to happen, mine as well take a page from Sirius's book and jump before he's pushed.
He's tired of being pushed.
So he sits up in his chair, looks directly at Dorcas, and says simply, "I'm going back to London."
He's impressed with how even the words come out, like they don't hold as much weight as they all know they do.
Barty spits out the drink he was currently sipping from - right over a slack jawed Evan, who takes a moment away from gaping at Regulus to glare at Barty.
"Your what!?" Barty shouts, no longer lounging back against the chair, now half standing, leaning against the table.
But Regulus pays him no mind, still looking at Dorcas.
Dorcas was one of his closest friends, someone he met here in New York, unlike Barty and Evan who he'd previously known from the UK. But like the three boy's, she was also from overseas, having come to the city in a similar way to Regulus- running from her past.
Regulus met Dorcas nearly two years ago now, at his first AA meeting. Like Regulus, she had struggled with addiction her whole life; alcohol, heroin, cocaine, sex. It was refreshing to know someone who had the same struggles as him, someone he could relate to. Someone who understood the need to forget, and someone who recognized how unhealthy it was to rely on those things.
She had been sober for four years when they met, and had become his sponsor, and later his friend. He called her when he was struggling extra hard to not fall into his past habits of self destruction- this certainly counted as one of those times where he'd rather just slip away and forget then have to deal with everything.
"It's now or never, right?" He tries for nonchalance, but he ears the wobble in his voice.
But it was true. It was now or never. A part of him knows he should of gone back years ago, but he wasn't ready then. He has no choice but to be ready now, not if he wanted to ever have the chance again.
Once Evan had gotten over the drink Barty spat onto him, he was back to looking at Regulus, concern on his face.
"Are you sure Regulus? I mean, after last year-"
"I wasn't ready last year. I've worked on myself a lot since then, I'll be ready this time." He had to be, but he was still looking at Dorcas, waiting for her to hesitate, to disagree, tell him that he wasn't ready, that he still had things to work on here.
But she didn't look at him with concern, she only smiled at him, determination in her eyes, and squeezed his arm. "You are ready, Regulus. I know you are, and now its time for you to realize it."
Regulus breathed in, not realizing how badly he needed her to say that until he felt tears prickling his vision.
Evan and Barty seem to take it all in for a minute, not saying anything as they look at each other, at Dorcas, and then back at Regulus.
"Fine." Barty says, leaning back into his chair, "But I'm coming with."
"Absolutely not." Regulus says at the same time Evan spouts a "the fuck you are."
Barty, to his credit, looks taken aback by the response. "And why not?"
"You have work." Regulus says, only for Barty to give him an unimpressed stare, which, yea, okay.
"I don't need a babysitter." Barty doesn't break eye contact, instead raising an eyebrow at him. Which, ouch.
He does not need a babysitter, thank you very much.
Regulus knows his friends seem to think otherwise, and a year ago, yea sure, okay, he could see it. But he's gotten better the past few months.
Hell, he's gotten through the past year without relying on alcohol or sex from strangers. He thinks he's done pretty well for himself.
"Barty." Dorcas warns.
Regulus doesn't break eye contact with Barty, not willing to budge on this. Because honestly? Yea, having Barty with him would be nice. But Regulus needs to do this himself.
This moment has been what Regulus has been working towards the past seven years, and if he cant face everything back home by himself then- well, then what?
Exactly, he thinks.
Thankfully, Evan comes through.
"You cant go because work would never allow me to leave and you can not abandon me here." He says it so simply, like it doesn't sound crazy and Barty will simply agree, even relaxing back into his chair. He doesn't even look at Barty as he says it, choosing instead to glance at Dorcas, her own eyebrows raised in surprise.
Barty turns to look at Evan, clearly taken aback by the statement, and Regulus thinks he might even see a bit of blush coming to his cheeks.
And while Regulus loves that Barty seems to finally be looking Evan's way, he has more pressing issues right now.
"And besides, its not like I'll be alone. Lily and Pandora will be there." And that does seem to make Barty relax a bit. If there was anyone that was more mother hen than Barty, it was Pan.
So Barty relents, easing back into his chair and picking his drink back up. "Fine. But I get to be there when you call Sirius and tell him your coming back, his dramatics are always a popcorn worthy show."
Regulus rolls his eyes, but he cant bring himself to disagree with Barty there. His brother was anything but calm. Evan, having grown up with them, and Barty having met Sirius back when they were friends in collage, have experienced his brother first hand. It's safe to assume he wont take this news well.
That being said.
"I'm not telling him."
Again, Barty spits out the drink in his mouth, and again, Evan glares at him.
"Are you serious Barty? This is a new shirt!"
Dorcas now looks at Regulus with concern, and asks "are you sure Regulus?"
"Are you crazy!?" Barty shouts, ignoring Evan and his shirt crisis.
Regulus shrugs, "probably, have you met my family?"
"Sorry- let me rephrase- are you trying to get murdered? Because that's what will happen when you show up in London, in front of your brother, who you haven't seen in seven years, and try to reconnect without warning."
"As much at I hate to agree with Bartemius-" Dorcas says, ignoring Barty's offended noise, "he does have a point."
And, well, Regulus knows his friends aren't wrong. He's aware that it's the cowardly thing to do.
But ask for forgiveness, not permission, right?
He should know, he's had a lot of experience with it.
"I'll just text him about our father. He wont even blink an eye I'm sure." That, Regulus was confident in. No one hated their parents more than Sirius.
Evan, seeming to finally recover from the shirt fiasco asks, "and he wont be expecting you to be at the funeral?"
"I wasn't at our mothers, why would he think id show up to our fathers."
Dorcas looks at him, her eyebrows furrowed. "Because its not just your fathers death, Regulus. It's everything that comes after."
And that does make Regulus pause.
He knew, of course, what his fathers death meant. A part of him knew the second Bellatrix's name showed up on his phone screen that evening. He'd been avoiding it, because he wasn't sure he could deal with it right that second. It was bad enough he had to think of all the scenarios with telling his brother. But when he goes back, he wont have a choice in the matter.
With his mother and now father dead, and Sirius having been disowned since he was 16, Regulus would be going back to London as the new head of the house in all legal ways.
He'd be going back to London as the new Lord Black.
The thought made him sick.
Not for the first time that night he wished he could have a drink.
James Pov
James didn't understand what he was looking at.
Like, he understood what he was seeing with his eyes, but truthfully, it made no sense.
He knew, logically, it was a bouquet that sat in front of him. Well, what he assumed was a bouquet.
But it wasn't like the array of flowers that normally covered his shop. It had little color, unlike the varied roses, tulips, lily's, other flowers currently scattered around. There wasn't any strong smell coming from what was in front of him, and noticeably the "vase" the plants were currently in was what looked to be an old soup can with painted suns around it.
It had looked as though his friend Pandora had gone out to her backyard early that day to pick varied green's from the October yard.
James knew that had to be the case, because it was simply just so Pandora.
So despite the odd display of spiky leaves, long grass, and small yellow flowers, he smiled fondly up at his friend.
"Thank you, Pan. It looks… so very unique." Pandora smiled at him, her long blonde hair tied into a braid, the same yellow flowers in the bouquet scattered around her hair.
He could hear a cough from behind him, his cashier and friend Mary, most likely trying to stifle a laugh.
"Don't you think? I know your used to more bigger displays, with bright colors, but seeing as it is Fall and I don't have any flowers in the garden anymore, I figured these little greens never get enough love, always over shadowed and such." Which, yea, leave it to Pan to make a bouquet of weeds and grass because she felt bad for them.
"Well, you've certainly captured their beauty." At this he had to kick at Mary behind him, who was struggling to contain her laughter.
He grabbed the can of weeds and placed it behind him on the counter, next to various photos of all their friends, shooting Mary a warning glare as he passed her.
Mary did manage to contain herself, finally giving her attention to Pandora.
"How are you doing, Pandora? How's Lily, still on those late night shifts?"
Pandora beamed at the mention of her long term girlfriend, grabbing the stool near the counter as she took a seat.
"I'm doing good, just been busy taking care of father mostly. Lily's nearly done with the late nights she says. Whatever this new project they've got her on is really taking up a lot of her time." Mary hopped up on to the counter next to her, with James leaning up against the counter opposite of them.
"How is your father doing?" James asks.
Pandora's father had been in and out of the hospital for over a year now with chemo treatments. Pandora and Lily lived with him in Pandora's childhood home, and while Lily had her job as a lawyer, Pandora quit her job a year ago to take care of her father.
"He's actually doing better these days, I think this time its really working." She smiled at him with such joy that James hoped this time it did actually work.
"Oh! Speaking of parents…" Pandora reached down by her stool, grabbing the tote bag she brought in and setting another backyard bouquet down on the counter, this one having painted stars around the can. "I made this for Sirius, but I wont have enough time to stop by the shop today, could you get it to him?"
James smiled at the mention of his best friend, already imagining his reaction to the strange assortment.
Sirius and his husband Remus, also a longtime friend of James, both lived in a house just outside of London, and James was known to visit them nearly every day. He was already grabbing the can with a nod when Mary spoke up.
"What does Sirius have to do with parents?" And James realized that Pandora did start that off rather strange. Out of everyone in their friend group, Sirius was the least likely to be mentioned along with his parents.
Pandora frowned.
"His father? Orion Black? I know he never had a good relationship with him, but I still wanted to give him something that might bring some joy."
"Pandora, what are you talking about?" James asked, absolutely bewildered.
Pandora looked at him, both eyebrows raised in surprise, "I thought you would of known, I found out yesterday- Orion Black died."
James nearly dropped the assortment to the ground, only just managing to catch himself at the last moment.
"What?"
"I'm really sorry James, I figured you would of known." Pandora looked worried now, but James couldn't focus on her right now. Because Sirius's father was dead. And Sirius hadn't told him, which means he was trying to shut it out on his own.
Fuck.
He turned to Mary.
"Could you-"
"Yea, I'll lock up James, just go check on Sirius."
God, he was so lucky to have a friend like Mary.
"Thank you."
He quickly gathered his things; keys, wallet, phone, the can from Pandora, and threw off his apron before rushing out the store.
If Sirius was avoiding his feelings on his father death, which was the only explanation on why James hadn't received a text or call, that would mean Sirius was currently at work.
So he took a sharp turn at the end of the street, thanking whatever god might be out there that his flower shop and Sirius's automotive shop were relatively close together.
Fifteen minutes later he was barreling into the front of the shop, bypassing the receptionist who was used to him by now and didn't even bat an eye.
He walked passed the various doors until he reached the one that led to the back of the shop, walking through and immediately getting hit with the smell of oil and rust. It was a smell James wasn't particularity fond of, but his best friend seemed to thrive under it.
He didn't see anyone straight away, but he could hear the distinct sounds of metal tools working, so he walked further into the garage, past a few cars until he came across a vehicle, legs sticking out from the front end.
James didn't think Sirius knew he was there, and remembering the last time James tried to interrupt Sirius while working under a car, he chose to lean up against the work bench close by, waiting.
The stereo off to the side was blasting some sort of 80's rock band music, and James turned it down as he put the can of weeds for Pandora next to it.
Sirius had to know James was here now, but he was likely avoiding the coming conversation by fiddling with whatever was down below.
The silence between the two men lasted a total of thirty seconds before Sirius finally broke, sighing loudly and rolling from out under the car.
Sirius had his hair, black and usually flowing past his shoulders, up in a bun. His work clothes were covered in oil stains, along with some parts of his body and face. His grey eyes were looking up at James, an eyebrow raised.
James gave him a smile, "Good afternoon." He said this as Sirius got up from the ground, walking over to his work bench, reaching around James.
"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" He finally asks, still moving things around, his eyes narrowing at the can of weeds, looking back up at James. "What's that?"
"Well, good afternoon to you as well, James, my best friend of twenty-two years." James mocks in what is supposed to be a replication of Sirius's voice, then continues in his own as if responding to Sirius. "Why thank you, Sirius, my dearest friend, my right hand man, the light to my dark, the thorn to my rose, the-"
"Will you shut up." Sirius interrupts laughing, hitting him with a dirty grease rag over and over until James surrenders, his arms held up in defense.
Sirius rolls his eyes, sighing dramatically, but the smile on his face remains as he continues clinking around his tool box. "Your ridiculous."
"You love me." James smiles, elbow on the bench and head in hand.
"God help me I do."
James nods towards the can, "and that is a gift from Pandora, I got one as well but with suns painted on it."
Sirius looks back at the weeds, a fond smile tugging on his lips, then it seems to vanish as soon as it appeared.
James frowns next to him, looking at his best friend as he hunches over the bench, avoiding eye contact.
"I heard- about Orion, how he- uh," James stumbles on the words, not quite knowing how to say it.
"How he's dead?" Sirius offers, tracing his fingers over the plants, "kicked the bucket? Tripped head first into the casket? Rotted his heart for so long it finally gave out on him?"
James grimaces, he cant help it. Sirius says it with such a disconnected voice, barley even hesitating as he looks around his bench.
And the thing is, he can't blame Sirius for not actually caring whether or not his father's dead, not after the childhood he experienced.
James met Sirius over two decades ago, back when they were eleven and starting boarding school together. The two of them became best friends instantly and were inseparable for those nine months of school.
James was aware of what happened to Sirius at home after their first winter break. He had shown up back to school with bruises all over his arms and chest, and the only reason James saw those was because he'd accidentally walked in on Sirius going to the shower. He had begged his friend to tell him what happened, and was appalled to learn, that to Sirius, this was normal.
He tried to get Sirius help, but Sirius was insistent on leaving it. With no proof to prove anything, and how powerful his parents were in the government, Sirius was convinced there was no point.
So James invited him over to his families house for breaks, something Sirius originally refused, but eventually James wore him down. Then, at sixteen, Sirius had shown up at the Potter's house bloody and bruised like James had never seen before. He never went back to Black manor after that night.
Sirius never spoke to his parents again, and as far as he was concerned, they'd been dead to him for years. But James couldn't believe his friend felt nothing at the death of his father.
"It's okay to feel, Sirius." James says, moving closer to his friend and putting a reassuring hand on his arm.
"I shouldn't, though, should I. He mine as well of been the devil incarnate." Sirius is still messing around on the bench, not looking at James.
"He was an awful person," James agrees, "but he was still your father."
"He was a sperm donor at best."
"I'm not saying you have to miss him Sirius, I know you don't, know you never have. But it's okay to still wish you had someone to grieve over."
"I just - I thought I was over all this years ago." Sirius finally looks up and James is aware of the lack of tears in his grey eyes, but the pain that still shows itself in the wobble of his voice.
"I know." He pulls him into a hug, Sirius taking a second to embrace him back.
So they continue to stand there, in near silence apart from the radio beside them softly playing music. And James is grateful that they have one another, despite the twenty-two years behind them, they've gotten through their worst times together, standing side by side like this. Their friendship was one that has never faltered, always there, like a simple fact of life that they both knew even at eleven. Aware of life's challenges and still certain that no matter what happened to either of them, they would always be together.
Sirius eventually pulled away, looking up at James with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Thank you."
James shrugs and grins, "what are best friends for."
Sirius's phone goes off then, and he takes a second to grab and look at it, a real smile coming to his face.
"Remus wants to know if your coming to dinner tonight - says he's making a roast."
"If he's making a roast, then absolutely."
Sirius types something out on his phone before setting it down.
"And here I thought it was my charming personality that brought you to the house."
"Hate to break it to you, mate, but your company doesn't hold a candle to Remus's roast."
Sirius chuckles, going back to rifling through his tools, "so much for best friends, I guess."
James leans an elbow on the bench, watching his friend.
"Yea, speaking of being best friends and all, I would of thought you would of wanted to tell me about Orion, not wait for me to find out through the grapevine to come hunt you down."
And though he joked about it, James was hurt that Sirius didn't come to him sooner. The two of them had been best friends for so long, and he had assumed that Sirius would seek him out when hearing this news. Despite the fact that they might not be as close as when they were younger, due to no longer living together and various other things, he thought they had moved passed the time of keeping secrets from one another.
Sirius looks up at James then, his brows furrowed.
"How did you find out?"
James nods his head towards the can of weeds, "Pandora came into the shop today, mentioned it, thought I already knew."
Sirius looks even more confused now, having given up on his tool hunt completely as he looks directly at James.
"Pandora told you?"
"Well, yea. Said she found out yesterday."
Sirius's eyes widen, then he frowns, looking down at his phone for a split second before glaring at the device. He goes to pick it up, clearly looking for something as his frown deepens.
"Sirius, what-"
Sirius huffs out a breathless laugh, no humor found in it as he looks down at his phone, and James is more confused than ever.
"Of course. Of fucking course." Sirius practically throws his phone back down on the bench and walking the opposite way in a clear fit of rage.
James turns to look at the phone, the screen still opened on whatever Sirius was looking at, and his heart nearly stops when he reads the name on top of the messages.
He tries not to think of it, and as time went on it became easier to forget, but that just meant that every time he did remember, it hit him like a train on the tracks. Because seeing that name on his best friend's phone, it brought him back to twenty-six, back to his apartment- an apartment he still lived in, though had changed nearly everything in it the past few years. He's pulled into the picture spread across his mind; a half empty coffee mug on the end table, hardwood floor with muddy boot prints, the smell of a burning lavender candle on the table. The window had been open, letting the rain in.
He shuts the image down nearly as fast as it transformed. Shaking his head, he forced himself to look away from the name, instead at the messages on the screen.
There was multiple unanswered texts from Sirius, the last had been from a year ago.
But the latest text message wasn't from Sirius, and in simple writing it had said,
Father passed away.
Though not surprised by the text in general, seeing as it made sense that he'd be the one to tell Sirius, something he curses himself for not thinking of sooner, he is shocked to notice the time it was sent. At 11:42 AM, nearly two hours ago.
But that didn't make any sense, because Pandora knew, said she found out yesterday, which would only mean- could only mean he told them first, and waited until the last minute before telling Sirius.
James couldn't believe it. James didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to think of him as that cruel, to wait and tell Sirius last, his own brother. But unfortunately James did know, had witnessed first hand just how cruel he could be. It didn't stop the feeling of unease that washed over him though.
James shut the phone off and turned to his friend, putting the past behind him where it belonged and focusing on what was important now, Sirius.
"Sirius-" he started, though was interrupted by his friend kicking the tire of the car he had been working on when James came in. He then kicked it again, and again, and again-
until James finally grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him away.
"Your meant to be fixing the car, mate, not damaging it further."
"I'll just tell them a crazed lunatic broke into the shop after hours."
"Wouldn't be that far from the truth." James attempted at some lightheartedness, Sirius giving him a weak smile in return.
He looked down then, his smile dropping as he leaned back against James. "It's been over a year." He whispered it, like saying it too loudly would make it hurt more.
"I know." James whispered back, wrapping an arm around his friend.
"It's just like him, you know? Not a word from him after the wedding, only knowing he's still alive because of Lily and Pandora, and then out of nowhere, this." Sirius let out a cruel laugh, "and he couldn't even be bothered to tell me our own father died until days later."
James was pained, not knowing what to do or say to make his best friend feel better. But he couldn't stop himself from thinking about the younger Black brother, and suddenly a question accord, and James knew if he didn't ask now he'd be thinking about it non stop until he got his answer.
"Do you think," he started, voice a bit shaky and unwilling to acknowledge it, "do you think he'd…" He couldn't bring himself to say it, his mind racing with the idea. Luckily, Sirius was his best friend for a reason, and knew exactly what he was trying to ask.
"I doubt it. He didn't show for Walburga's funeral, and he liked her better than our father."
James nodded, letting out a reveled sigh, and imminently feeling bad. Because he knew this would be better for Sirius if his brother was here, no matter how much he may say otherwise.
But he wasn't coming back, he hadn't been back in seven years, and he would likely never set foot in London again. James could go back pretending he doesn't exist. He could get back to his life. He could move on with his store, and his flowers, and his friends and family, and-
James swallowed thickly and shut his eyes. There was no use pondering, and ruminating, and overthinking. He wasn't coming back to London, it was a fact, something they had all known for a while now.
So James pushed those thoughts aside and hugged his friend closer, and the two of them stood there in silence while embracing.
Sirius, who was once again grieving a childhood he never had, and father that didn't exist.
James, who was worried and concerned for his friend. And though he'd never admit it, concerned for another man. A man who was currently across the Atlantic, and who it seemed would never make it back home.