Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

High School:

February 19 2021

The last day of school finally came, the light that came from Sundown was a time cherished by some people but, right now here at the front of Dongguk University will be a time for Sadness and Heartbreak.

“Shota! Please, could you at least try to convince your Father to stay a few more weeks here in Korea..?”

Jongseob clutched a love letter he wrote for Shota. He wanted to give it to Shota for so long even though they're already dating. The letter was a symbol of their past friendship now made into a relationship. He sounded like someone who was willing to do anything and everything to keep their relationship from closing into a bittersweet ending in a movie. But as time passed by, he realized there was no way out of the script written by fate itself.

“...I'm sorry Seob, but my Otousan wanted me to leave the country when he found out about.. us.”

Jongseob looked at him one last time before dropping his hand that was clutching the letter and shoved it inside his pocket. He finally accepted that this was the end of their story.

Shota pressed his lips together as he started to feel sad about their current situation. He clasped his hands together and his breath became shaky. His eyes looked like a glass about to break by the water that's filling up.

“I wanted to tell him to let me stay but I just couldn't, or else my Dad would yell at me. You know how I don't like getting yelled at, it was unavoidable that's why I didn't ask him.”

His voice sounded hurt but stable enough to look like he was trying to toughen up in front of his lover (now an ex-lover).

“...”

Jongseob was silent, his tears running down his face as he wanted nothing more than to have Shota's last few minutes with him. But Shota bowed a little and turned to leave.

“I'm very sorry Seobie, I really am. But I can't disobey my parents. Goodbye Kim Jongseob”

He started to slowly walk away as a few tears left his eyes. Jongseob looked at his leaving form, finally started to sob as his love, the person he thought would be his first and last lover, leave.

“Goodbye Haku Shota.”

He said, whispering to himself as he tried to calm down his eyes from upcoming tears that were forming.

The walk towards the Library was a quiet one as He only heard his thoughts and not the bustling city in the Background. The sky was now dark as time dragged slowly from the scene he left scraped and incomplete.

As he reached the entrance of the Library, his hand started to shake when it was a few inches away from the Door Handle. He exhaled a breath he hadn't known he held and went inside.

He inhaled the smell of old and new books; he walked towards the Novel section of the Library. His fingers dragged along the books’ spine and admired the way they maintained them. This specific area was the first time they met, he took a novel off the shelf and walked towards the desk a hallway away from the shelf. He sat down and opened the book to a random page and just stared at it with his thoughts gone into his imagination.

He started to get nostalgia from the time they went to this library to study. They didn't even have the same strand, as Jongseob took HUMSS and Shota took GAS. But they would study together when they get the chance. Other times they would go to the fiction section of the Library and pick out a book they would want to read. Shota always took any manga books and Jongseob would take books like Harry Potter or Maze Runner.

They would tell each other what their favorite parts of the books they were reading or they would criticize stuff just to talk to each other. Sometimes they would be silent until they finished what they were reading but it wasn't awkward at all, it was comfortable enough that they didn't mind just not talking at all until the library closed and that they had to leave.

Jongseob flipped the book aimlessly as he tries to find anything interesting to read since he wants to distract himself from his break up. His fingers were restless from each page he flipped, nothing could really satisfy a broken heart. Not his at least.

An hour passed since Jongseob left the Library. Melancholy was the only emotion to describe himself in this state. He was at his dorm already when he took out his phone from his pocket and opened Instagram to look up Shota’s account. He still missed Shota but he'd slowly accepted that they would never work.

He scrolled through his DMS and easily found Shota's due to it being on top since they love talking to each other. Then he clicked on a random post about the both of them

He was sitting on his bed, as he slowly collapses to the plush foam. His face pushed onto the pillow he was hugging and his emotions finally poured out on his face. It wasn't a loud wail, more like a quiet sob releasing out of his body. The feeling of the sweet ache from his heart was hurting more than anything he'd ever experienced. It was worse than any aggressive comments from people or about the physical hurt from anything he experienced before.

Seconds grew into minutes and it grew into hours that he didn't sleep properly the rest of the night. His eyes were as red as the sunrise shining from the window of his dorm. His vision was slightly blinded by the sun that was shining towards his eyes. The room of his dorm was lit with a bright light as he didn't bother to fix the curtains last night due to what happened yesterday.

All his bones inside his body felt weak; numb to the point he didn't want to do anything, not even trying to take care of his body. He just laid there on his messy bed, just spacing out. He didn't want to think as of right now, he just wants to stop everything going on in his head.

As his vision finally adjusted, he just stared blankly at the ceiling. He was just.. existing at this moment. This went on for almost an hour before he reminded himself he still needs to be a productive person, even if he feels numb.

When he tried standing up, he almost tumbled down to the floor because of how weak he was. He started to think about why Shota didn't at least have a talk with his father about staying for a few more weeks or even for a few days, at least he could understand a few days but none? “Am I a problem?” he thought to himself as he barely had an attempt to walk stable.

He used his hands to lean on the wall or anything near when he arrived towards the fridge. His head turned around to view all around the room. He started to get flashbacks of the times he and Shota hung out in his dorm.

He sighed as he turned back to the fridge door. He pulled on the handle and took out a pitcher of water. The coldness of the pitcher made Jongseob’s hand feel frozen, he misses the way Shota would hold his hands to keep it warm as his hands were naturally cold.

Tears wanted to form in his eyes but he was dehydrated from almost 2 hours ago. He misses the way Shota would tell him everything is okay even if he was sad or angry. Shota was basically a stable person he leaned on when times got rough, and now he's gone.