Chapter Text
Remus was in class he could not deal with this bullshit right now.
Talk to him.
No.
He's hurt.
He deserves it after what he did to us.
The puppy-
The puppy, as you call him, is none of your concern.
Disregard him all you want insolent human, but he is still mine.
Remus sighs. Moony had been restless since what James had dubbed, The Prank. Sirius had sent Severus Snape out to the Whomping Willow on the full moon and Moony almost mauled the poor boy. Remus had been pissed, both at Moony and Sirius. He knows the wolf goes feral on the full, but he had thought the creature would have more control than that. Apparently so did Sirius. He'd been avoiding the boy since the incident, because he knows himself and he knows Sirius. One look at that boys' distraught face and Remus will instantly forgive him. He just doesn't have that in him.
Not yet. Eventually, but not now.
***
Moony was tired of the human. Something was obviously wrong with his puppy and that stupid wizard refused to do anything about it! His puppy was hurt. His mate.
The human didn't seem to understand how dire the situation was. Moony had smelled his mate on the greasy stranger who appeared the night of the full, he'd smelled the lingering distress of his mate on the man. His mate had been scared and hurt when the stranger was near him, and it was Moonys job to protect his puppy. He'd almost gotten to when the humans friend intervened. Moony didn't understand why the human and his friends were defending the stranger who hurt his mate. And they were hurting his mate in the process to! Kicking him out of the dorms. Forcing him to be alone. The sadness radiating off of his puppy made Moony want to curl around the small boy, protecting him from every part of the world.
The human was a stupid idiot.
Moony could smell dark magic coming off of his little mate. Could see the way whatever curse he was under affected him. If the human refused to do something, then Moony was going to have to.
Moony stop this.
No.
Moony rarely took over the human's physical form. He understood the human needed time and space away from him, just like he got from the human on the full. There are always exceptions to rules though.
Moony opened the Room of Requirements to find his mate inside. The sight inside made Moony whimper in despair. There was nothing in the room. It was bare of anything that could be of comfort. His mate. His puppy. Was so thin. The clothes he was wearing were hanging off his body. His eyes had dark purple bags under them, his hair was a mess. Upon seeing him, the small boy started shaking.
He's scared of you. Moony snarled at the human.
I'm sorry I just needed space.
Space from what? The puppy did nothing wrong. He was hurt and needed help. It was times like these Moony wanted to shred the human to pieces.
Moony was considering the best way to approach the puppy when a smell hit the air. Blood. He saw a knife being clutched in the boys hands and Moony let out a low growl.
What's wrong.
The puppy's been hurting himself.
Oh Merlin.
Moony stalked forward and grabbed the shivering boy by the wrists, causing him to yelp in pain.
"What the hell is this?"
"Re-Remus?" He asks.
"No."
Shut up he doesn't know.
Of course he knows, who do you think I visit when I take over, the greasy haired stranger?
"Moony?"
"Yes pup, it's me." He responds despite the humans' protests.
"M-moony I'm so sorry, please, please believe me I didn't mean to I tried to stop it I did. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. I'm so weak and useless, you and Remus deserve so much better." The puppy sobs.
Moony pulls his sobbing mate into his arms. "Oh, puppy you did nothing wrong."
Yes, he did. A voice in his head scoffs.
"Yes, I did." His little mate sniffles into his chest and bunches the jumper he is wearing into his fists. "I wasn't strong enough. I didn't fight hard enough, and I hurt you because of it."
Let me talk to him.
No.
"Pup?" He lifts his mates face up with his hands tracing the line of his delicate jaw. He wanted to claim that sweet tasting skin. "The human is listening." His little mate froze and tried to back away from his hold. Grabbing on tightly he pulled the fragile boy in by his waist and held him, so it was impossible for him to escape Moony's grasp.
Look what you've done to him. You blame everything on me, on the wolf. But the puppy was willing to fall into my arms for comfort. It is you he runs from. It is you he's scared of.
I'm sorry. I just don't understand why he did it.
"Oh, little puppy." Moony begins to sniff at his mate hoping to find his usually calming scent, only to smell the hunger and blood that clogs the air. "He just refuses to understand what truly happened. Could you explain it to him little one?"
"B-but.."
"I'll hold him back until you're ready pup. I won't let him harm you."
I-I would never hurt him.
The puppy obviously does not feel the same.
"I don't know if I can do this."
Typical, he can't even explain to me how he messed up-
YOU WILL NOT TALK ABOUT HIM IN SUCH A WAY!
"Moony?" His mate was looking at him with such a concerned and thoughtful look on his face, it made Moony preen, but also angry. His mate should be happy and sated! He shouldn't have to worry about anything.
"I know it's hard little one, but you need to try okay. It's the only way he'll believe us." The boy in his arms nodded, still shaking, but willing to comply.
"I was leaving to go to the willow when Sn-Snape cornered me." He takes a shuddering breathe, like the name itself now scares him. "He pushed me against the wall, demanded I tell him where we all went during the full. I-I refused and he cast the Cruciatus, it was like I was back at that house Moony, with my mother. I-it hurt so much."
"Is that when you told him?"
"No. No no no. I wouldn't give up your secret like that. I promise Moony. I tr-tried really hard, but he used legimins and everything still hurt because of the cruciatus. I tried to keep him out of my mind. I really did. I just wasn't strong enough. I-I'm so sorry Moony. I know it's unforgivable."
***
Remus was...Remus was shocked.
What the actual fuck?
His Sirius. Oh, his poor Sirius. He'd abandoned him. And for what? Something that wasn't even true? Merlin, Remus hates what he did. Hates that he abandoned Sirius when he needed him. When he was in pain. He knew Sirius was withering away, punishing himself, and come to find out none of this was even his fault? Remus wishes Moony had finished off Snape.
I tried to. The deer stopped me.
Let me talk to him. I need to know he's okay.
He's scared of you.
I'll fix it.
Hurt him again and I'll make the next full moon painful for both of us.
Remus shuddered at that thought, then suddenly he felt in control again. Returning to himself, he felt his arms tighten around Sirius and a damp spot on his jumper that had soaked in Sirius's tears. The sobbing boy in his arms kept repeating the same words 'I'm so sorry.' Remus felt revolted. Why was Sirius sorry? None of this was his fault. Remus moved one hand, so he was tracing up and down Sirius's spine, a shiver running through the boy in his arms. Merlin, he could feel every knob of the small boy's spine, the shiver that had run through the boy in his arms, nearly sending the small thing to the ground. He's not eating again. He's cutting himself. He's wasting away. And it's Remus's fault. He abandoned him. His Sirius. His Padfoot. His Mate. He abandoned him and none of it was even Sirius's fault.
Talk to him you idiot. I didn't give up control just for you to wallow in self-pity while the puppy suffers.
Huffing, Remus stills the hand he had tracing the thin boy's spin and brings it to Sirius's jaw. Tilting the boy's face back and looking into those hollow gray eyes made an immense sadness engulf Remus. Sirius used to have so much life behind his eyes. What happened to him?
You abandoned him.
"Moony?" Sirius asks shifting his head so he staring at Remus with his head tilted to the side, so much like the puppy Moony thinks he is.
"No lovely. I'm not Moony."
The reaction is immediate. Sirius practically throws himself away from Remus, crashing to the floor with a painful splat. That doesn't stop the terrified boy though, he continues trying to scoot away from Remus even though the pain shown on his face is noticeable. Merlin when did Sirius become so afraid of him?
Maybe when you yelled at him in the hospital wing. Or when you compared him to his family. Or when you took away his support. Or-
Okay fucker, I get it.
Do you now?
Internally rolling his eyes at Moonys snark Remus turns his attention back to Sirius. The boy was still shaking on the floor. He'd managed to curl in on himself, blocking Remus's view of his haunted face. He'd gone through all of this because Snape was a nosey git.
"Sirius? Darling, I need you to look at me." Remus moved forward and crouched in front of Sirius. Sirius slowly lifted his head and Remus's heart broke at the effort the simple movement took him. His poor sweet boy was suffering so much.
"I'm really sorry Remus." Sirius said his voice breaking and tears running down his face.
Remus hated this. Hated that he abandoned Sirius. Hated that Sirius was suffering. Most of all he hated that Sirius didn't do it. It was all Snape. Remus almost had the peace of mind to go find the arsehole himself.
No. The puppy needs us right now.
And Sirius really did. Remus knew how to handle this. He'd helped with Sirius's depressive episodes before. When he relapsed into self-harm. When his eating disorder resurfaced. He knew the signs, the triggers. What he couldn't handle was being the cause. He let Sirius down, after promising to always be there for him, to always protect him, to always keep him safe. Now he's scared of Remus.
It was always the wolf Remus was terrified would scare everyone away. After all wizarding society had many prejudices against dark creatures. His own father hadn't stuck around after Greyback had gotten to him at five. And while Remus did have friends that supported him and his lycanthropy, Sirius had always been different. He embraced the wolf. Instead of brushing off how connected Remus and Moony were, Sirius learned to love and accept them both. He researched lycanthropy. Learned healing spells especially for certain types of injuries Remus was common to and did his best mediate between Remus and Moony before the full. Keeping Moony from ripping them both to shreds.
I visit him to. He knows it's me. He knows the difference. The perfect little mate.
You were supposed to make sure no one found out about that.
The puppy is special. And he obviously prefers me now.
He's right. Moony wasn't the problem right now. Remus had scared Sirius all on his own. In fact, the only person Sirius had willing turned to was the wolf.
"You have nothing to be sorry for lovely." Remus brings his hand to Sirius's jaw and cups the boy's cheek. "It wasn't your fault. If anyone should be sorry it's me. I shouldn't have yelled at you or said all those awful things. I should have listened to you when you tried to tell me what happened. Me abandoning you was not okay. I'm so sorry lovely. I promise not to let it happen again."
"But I...I was weak Remus. I gave up your secret."
"Oh love." Remus wrapped his arms around the fragile boy and pulled him closer. "You weren't weak. No. You were so brave for me. So strong darling. You did everything just right. Fighting against him, telling James after he kept playing dirty. You did so good. My little puppy. My good boy. It's alright now love, let me take care of you. You don't have to fight alone anymore."
Remus felt Sirius slump against him, resting his head on Remus's shoulder.
"Thank you." Sirius whispered into his shoulder, the tiniest smile on his face.
"Of course, darling. It's alright now, I'm going to fix this mess, okay? I won't let Snape get away with this, I promise." He placed a kiss on Sirius's curls before feeling the boy reciprocate on his shoulder. He's going to fix this. It'll all be okay.
Remus, deciding their dorm would be a more comfortable and convenient place to heal and comfort Sirius, lifted the smaller boy into his arms and started the journey toward Gryffindor Tower. Upon picking up his boyfriend, Remus took note of how light he was. Sirius's eating habits had always concerned Remus, but the boy's current weight was almost frightening. It scared Remus, how far Sirius had sunken since the incident with Snape. Even when he was at angriest, when he thought Sirius had committed The Prank out of an act of cruelty, he never wanted his love to suffer this much pain.
His poor little love.
Our Puppy.
Yes. Our puppy.
Once he'd made it back to the dorm with Sirius safely in his arms, Remus got to work. He set Sirius down on his bed, soothing the boy when he let out a whimper at the loss of contact. Remus made his way to his trunk and took out bandages, pain potions, and some clothes. A pair of sweatpants he'd outgrown and one of his favorite jumpers. Sirius always loved being bundled up in Remus's clothes. Remus walked back over to his bed and helped Sirius out of his current blood-soaked clothes. What lied underneath shocked Remus. Sirius's skin was different colors of molten purple and blue, he had open cuts and scars along his wrists and thighs, and one of his wrists looked like it had been bent at a weird angle.
"Oh, sweet merlin." Remus took Sirius's face in his hands and gently peppered a few kisses on his forehead. "Love, darling, puppy. Who did this to you?"
"I did. Re my scars..." Sirius's hand moved toward his wrist and Remus moved to catch them. Placing a kiss on each of the knuckles.
"Oh darling, I know about those, I didn't forget. I'm talking about the bruises." Sirius face darkened and he tried to turn away. "Lovely, who was it?"
No answer.
"Was it someone we know?" Remus asked.
Sirius is silent, but a terrified look crosses his face. Alright that answers that question.
Whoever it is must pay for what they did to our puppy.
I know, I won't let anyone hurt him as badly as Snape did again.
I wish the deer hadn't shown up that night.
It's times like these I agree with you. Although I'm not sure Sirius would have felt the same.
The puppy would be safer with him gone.
As much as Remus hates to admit it, Moony has a point with that one. Sirius would be safer without having to worry about Snape's next move. Which reminds him...
"Siri? Does anyone know what really happened that night?" Sirius shakes his head.
"No, not really. No one wanted to know why I did it, they just assumed I hated Snape enough to try and kill him. After they dismissed us, he looked so pleased with himself. Told me there no point in me even trying to tell anyone it's not like anyone would believe me." Remus hates how right they all proved Snape to be.
"I'm so sorry love." Sirius just shrugs at him. "Is he the one who gave you the bruises?"
"No."
Sirius seemed done with answering Remus's questions. Remus thought that was fair enough with all Sirius had been through recently and decided to help relieve the other boy of some pain. With Sirius shirtless in front of him Remus carefully worked to clean other open wounds on Sirius wrist and apply dittany to the wounds he felt could be kept from scarring. Once he'd done that, he cast a few healing spells toward the bruises that were scattered across the boy's skin. Holding up a pain potion to Sirius's lips Remus watched as his love swallowed the potion and took on a drowsy quality.
"Do you want a dreamless sleep love?" Remus asks gently stroking Sirius's sides and helping him into the clothes he'd gathered for the boy.
Sirius nodded and Remus took a moment to admire how cute Sirius looked in his jumper and sweatpants. The sleeves of the jumper were long on Sirius and gave him sweater paws, which Sirius brought up to his eyes and rubbed at them as if to keep himself awake, and the pants sat low on Sirius's hips. Remus tucked Sirius into his bed. Wrapping him in a homemade blanket his ma had made and gently kissing his forehead. He waited for Sirius to drift off before slipping out of the dorm. He wanted to grab a few pain potions from the hospital wing, talk to Professor McGonagall, and grab some food for Sirius. Hopefully he could get the animagus to eat. Even a little could help a lot with his recovery.
Creeping into the hospital wing, Remus discovered Poppy was out. He slipped to the back and carefully selected a handful of potions he thought would help Sirius before making his way to McGonagall's office.
"Mr. Lupin, please come in and have a seat." Remus sits in the chair across from her desk. "Care to tell me what brings you to my office this evening?"
"Well Professor, it has to do with the incident a few months ago."
McGonagall sighs, bringing her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. "I understand Mr. Lupin if you, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Pettigrew would prefer to swap dormma-"
"No!" Remus exclaims not even wanting her to finish that sentence. "No, it's something else. I have new information on that night. Something I was hoping you would look into."
She raises her eyebrow and gestures for him to continue. So, Remus recounts for her what Sirius had told him. How Snape had tortured him under the cruciatus, how he had tried to fight him off, but the pain and memories had become unbearable, how his Sirius still kept fighting even when Snape invaded his mind. And when Snape had finally worn him down and gotten what he had wanted, he'd threatened Sirius and everyone around them had proven Snape right. No one listened when Sirius tried to explain the truth and it led Sirius to believe he was actually guilty.
When Remus had finished, she looked absolutely stricken. Grief and regret marred her features and Remus understood her pain. They'd both been people Sirius had trusted to keep him safe. They'd both failed to do so and thought the worst of him, when truly he was the victim. He knew Sirius was her favorite student, even if she did her best to hide it. The almost motherly way she watched out for him gave her away every time. Remus knew she took Sirius's alleged betrayal almost as hard as he had. He knows she's feeling a similar all-consuming guilt right now.
Little mate deserves people who will believe him.
She wasn't really given another choice.
Then I can admit neither were you. Can we please finish this and get back to the puppy?
Remus knows that's as close as he'll get too Moony admitting that night and what followed wasn't all Remus's fault. Comparing Sirius to his family and calling him names, yeah that had been a little too far. But the rest? No one could have known. The blame needs to lie with Snape and solely Snape. Well, him and...
Whoever layed their hands on our puppy.
Yeah, that was a problem for later. When Sirius was feeling better and had eaten something.
Yes. Get the puppy food. He was so thin...
So yeah, defiantly and issue.
"Mr. Lupin these are grave accusations. We will be looking into them tonight and Mr. Snape's wand shall be examined for traces of the curses you have mentioned. Please tell Mr. Black to come speak with me in the morning. I think some rest tonight will do him some good."
"Thank you, professor. I was just hoping to stop by the kitchen and fetch Sirius something to eat." Remus starts out of the room and McGonagall nods in his direction, all the approval he needs.
He made it to the kitchen to find the house elves had already prepared some of Sirius's favorite foods. McGonagall must have sent down word that Sirius hadn't eaten. The house elves had in fact always loved Sirius and constantly were nagging him to eat more. When they discovered Sirius's eating disorder, they made sure to keep Sirius safe foods on hand in case the boy was ever having a rough day. Remus adored how the house elves looked after Sirius especially after the boys previously bad experiences with Kreacher.
A younger elf named Pippy started fussing over Remus as soon as he had entered the kitchen. Asking where Master Sirius had been and if he would return later in the evening. Her mood darkened a little when Remus informed her Sirius would not be joining her in the kitchens that evening, apparently, they had a long-standing tradition of exploding snap Remus didn't know about. But when he told her Sirius wasn't feeling well and would check-in with her and the rest of the elves int the morning she shooed him off with a few extra snacks and a promise to join their next game.
Making his way back to the dorms, his arms full of food and healing potions in his pocket Remus was feeling better. He felt like things were finally turning around for the better. Of course, this means as soon as he got back to the dorms everything went South.
He was walking up the steps of Gryffindor Tower humming Starman when he heard a thud, and everything started to smell off.
Blood.
Who's?
The puppy's.
Remus darted his way up the rest of the stairs and bursts into the dorm. When he enters Sirius is on the floor sobbing while James and Peter stand over him. Shit! James and Peter. He'd completely forgotten about them with everything going on.
The rat he's hiding something.
Remus looked at Peter, everything appeared normal until he glanced at Peter's knuckles, they were bruised. Merlin Remus thought he was going to be sick. The purple bruises covering Sirius's body haunting his mind.
It could be a coincidence.
You know it's not human, don't fool yourself.
With that last shred of hope gone Remus quickly moved to stand between the other marauders and Sirius.
"What the fuck is going on here?" Remus says, although it comes out more as a growl.
"R-Re-Remus." Peter stuttered "He was lying in your bed! After everything he's done, we just wanted to teach him a lesson."
I'm going to eat the rat during the next full.
I might just let you.
"Look at him!" Remus yelled at Peter and James, who flinched at volume of Remus's voice. "You both obviously hurt him enough. You don't even know what really happened. I let him sleep in my bed, because he explained it to me, because it wasn't his fault!"
Remus turns away from the other boys and focuses his full attention on Sirius. The boy is shaking on the ground, his wounds have reopened and the blood has soaked through the clothes Remus had helped Sirius into not that long ago. Crouching down to Sirius's level, Remus reaches a hand out to touch his boyfriends face. Except the smaller boy flinches back on instinct.
"Oh darling, it's just me. It's Remus, okay? I promise not to hurt you lovely." He coos at the sweet boy curled into himself.
"Rem?" Sirius lifts his head to see Remus in front of him and when he sees him, practically launches himself into Remus's arms. "Everything hurts Remmy."
"Well lovely, let's try and fix that, shall we?" Sirius nods and Remus picks the boy up and brings him to the bathroom.
Once again Remus finds himself cleaning Sirius up, wrapping his wounds, and offering potions to his boyfriend. Remus sends a glare Peter and James's way; they scatter off for the night. Remus knows he'll have to deal with it eventually. Telling them the truth. Peter hurting Sirius. He'll help Sirius face them. But for tonight, Remus simply tucks a worn-out Sirius into bed once more. Except this time, Remus has his arms wrapped around the smaller boy. He doesn't go to sleep. He keeps watch. Protecting Sirius.
His boyfriend.
Our Mate.