Chapter Text
"No, sire."
"Oh, come on, Meta knight." Dedede coaxed. He was begging, robes dragging on the tile behind him. "I've already got the perfect little place picked out. It's over in White Wafers, close to this cute little town, and it's got an amazing view of the ocean. There's a whole lot to do and see in the area. It'll be five perfect days!"
"Sire. You know very well why we can't afford to be away from Dreamland right now," The knight threw over his shoulder, sabatons clacking against the floor.
Dedede set his hands on his hips to glare down the knight. "You're damn right I can afford it! I'd be paying for you lot, too."
Meta sent a glare the king's way, fighting the childish urge to drag a hand down his mask. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."
The king had been pestering Meta knight about this frivolous vacation all morning. It had started with a sleepy-eyed waddle dee knocking at the knight's door, holding a summons letter and a sluggish salute. Meta knight had read through the letter, sighed a sigh from within depths of his being, and met up with the king at his throne. Dedede had immediately launched into a spiel about how it was time for a "little vacationing away from this stuffy castle," as he had put it, complete with grand hand gestures and pictures. Meta knight sat through it, imagining such an idea was spurred on by the Ebrum family's departure.
Sir Ebrum, the castle's cabinet minister, had brought it up in a meeting with the king two weeks ago, as Meta knight recalled. They'd discussed their plans over a meal, the father wanting to take his wife and kids, along with his two servants, out somewhere south for an extended period of time. Meta knight had missed the finer details, only catching tidbits from his inconspicuous position beyond the dining hall's closed door. There'd been some back and forth on the matter, but it was settled with only some minor griping on Dedede's part, seeing as Ebrum rarely took off work. The family was out and away from the castle the following week. Meta knight had never seen Tiff and Tuff look so starry eyed, the kids never having ventured outside of Dreamland's borders. And now, with all that excitement, it seemed the vacationing bug had gone and bitten the king.
Upon receiving such a ludicrous offer, Meta knight had, quite promptly, politely declined the invitation and set about dismissing himself. He had a patrol to get to, yet, as expected, the monarch had no intentions of letting him go that easily, stomping after him to continue speaking of his oh so alluring vacay plans. That left the two of them stalking down the halls of Castle Dedede under the light of yellowed lamps above. A stray waddle dee or two watched them go, briefly curious, before returning to their own business.
"Metaaa, things will be fine here! I've got Escargoon to keep things running while I'm gone. He knows what to do, and the waddle dees can handle any surprise situations."
"Sire, I don't-"
"Come onnn, Meta."
"It's not-"
"Please?"
Meta knight stopped walking and whirled on the penguin. He shut his eyes and took a short, steadying breath, before exhaling it pointedly. Dedede eyed him with an unimpressed squint.
"Sire, the last surprise situation we dealt with ended with your castle a crumbled heap of rubble and half the planet growing metal plates like leaves on trees," Meta knight bit, teeth grit together. "We barely handled it ourselves, and it was largely thanks to Kirby. Now you want us to fly across the planet, him included, and leave Dreamland practically defenseless?"
Meta knight started forward again, cape whipping as he pivoted. He expected Dedede to drop it. Haltman's devastating invasion was a few mere months ago. And though the waddle dees were incredibly efficient, their home was still under reconstruction in some areas, as were parts of Dreamland's town. The scars on his back from that dreaded woman were fresh, and he knew Dedede was only just recovered, too. Having half a castle dropped on you wasn't exactly like being hit by a pillow.
And yet, instead of following basic reasoning, Dedede spoke, a smirk coloring his voice that had Meta knight begrudgingly turning back around. The king's eyes were sparkling, like Meta knight had just stumbled right into his hand.
"See, I thought you might say that, so I took the liberty of calling in a little extra help." He waggled his fingers for an added effect that had Meta knight narrowing his eyes. "What would you say if we had the 'ol Squeak Squad, the Sailor Knights, and that Spider wizard keeping things safe around here?"
"I'd say you're a terrible liar," Meta knight said, blunt as the hilt of a knife coming down. "In what world are the Squeaks going to help us with anything that doesn't involve payment and bloodshed? Taranza used you like a puppet last you saw him—the damned arachnid—and the Sailor Knights should be on the other side of the Galaxy by now."
"Oh? Are they? See, cause this little guy here-" Dedede dug around in the pocket of his robe, his aura of smugness growing, somehow, and pulled out a small rectangular device. "Is telling me a different story."
Meta knight stared at the unassuming device, its black screen and dangling bat keychain gleaming in the glow of the lanterns, before recognition bludgeoned him in the back of the head. "Where in Hell did you get that."
"Oh, you know, found it lying around. Why? Does it look familiar?" Dedede said in a perfectly casual drawl, betrayed only by the highly amused crease of his eyes.
"Yes, I recognize it! It's mine.”
"It is? See I had no idea. I thought it was someone else's Galaxy Reach phone," Dedede said, eyes wide in a faux innocence that made Meta knight want to stab something, something preferably round and penguin shaped.
Galaxy Reach phones were a relatively new piece of tech in the world of Popstar. New to Dreamland, at least. Meta knight had only just gotten his hands on one, and it had been an ordeal to say the least. They functioned similarly to a regular cell phone, only their reach was far greater, extending outside to the very edges of Gamble Galaxy. The ins and outs of them were largely unknown to him, magic not exactly his forte, but he recalled well enough the bloated price tag he'd bought it at from that sleazy dealer on a passing trade ship. Enough that he most certainly did Not want Dedede of all people to be messing around with it, the penguin hardly having the reputation to be waving tech around like some sort of magic wand. Meta knight didn't have enough fingers to count the number of instances the king had meekly showed off his crushed up phones, not always careful with his own strength.
"It was sitting on the desk in my room. It was charging. I wouldn't exactly call that 'left lying around' Dedede," Meta knight scolded. "When did you even have the chance to grab it? I know it was there yesterday morning."
"Oh, fine," Dedede relented, dropping his act. "I had Bandana dee sneak in there after you went on patrol. He brought it to me, and I gave the Sailor Knights and the others a call. Sailors said they'd be happy to help us out."
"Honestly, the sheer level of audacity you parade around is something else. I can't believe you." Meta knight cast a long suffering stare at the far above ceiling. It remained perfectly unaffected by his plight.
Dedede arched a brow, hands on his hips. "Really? After everything I've done, this is where you'd draw the line? Ya really think I'm above stealing to get what I want?"
Meta dropped the ends of his cape to wave a flippant hand. "No, stealing from me or anyone else in this castle is hardly new to you. I just can't believe they're willing to come all the way back here. It's such a frivolous reason to cut their adventure short."
The king huffed a faint laugh, before finally tossing the Galaxy Reach phone toward his knight. "As if they wouldn't stop the world for you. They're happy to do it, ya know. Be grateful!"
"I never said I wasn't grateful," Meta knight fired back, biting down an indignant remark at Dedede's treatment of his phone. He snatched the device out of the air and hurriedly stuffed it into the safety of his cape. It disappeared with a faint shimmer as he wrapped himself up with it. "I just feel bad their aid and loyalty is going towards something so pointless."
Dedede frowned in disapproval and leaned down to waggle a finger at him and took on a tone Meta knight had heard a million times before. "How many times have we been over this? Taking a break every once in a while is not pointless. Rest is important! I know you don't sleep as much as you should, and I’m hoping this vacation’ll set your bad habits straight!"
Meta knight nearly scoffed. An absurdity! He was perfectly fine as he was, thank you. He got plenty of rest, certainly more than he used to. So what if he skipped a night or two on occasion? It never impacted his performance as a knight... Never mind that one time Kirby found him dead to the world against a bookshelf in the library. Maybe it was two times... Dedede didn't need to know, and Kirby and any surrounding waddle dees were sworn to secrecy.
"I'm fine." Meta knight huffed.
"Yeah, yeah, and penguins don't eat fish. I've seen how much Kirby snoozes. You're telling fibs, Meta."
Meta knight dodged the deserved accusatory stare by instead looking at the lantern shining on the wall, its light casting shadows on imperfections in the stone. There was a slight fissure in its glass dome. Hmm. How interesting it was, at the moment.
"Now, as for them rats," Dedede's smile turned mean as he rubbed his hands together, gloves chaffing. "I told that thieving roach he damn well owes me after that stunt with the chest. He owes Kirby, too, for saving his rear from Dark Nebula."
Meta knight recalled that particular incident with a sour taste in his mouth. If he had guarded the chest better from Kirby, or if the child had simply been more open to reason instead of blindly assuming his coveted cake was on the line... Better yet, had he and Dedede hidden it in a safer place to begin with, the whole incident could have been avoided. Ah, well. Pointless musings. Perhaps he should have found a way to slay that nefarious dark god the moment they took it down instead of hiding it away in the first place. An imprisonment only promised eventual escape, it would seem.
"Repaying a favor or not, you're okay with leaving said thieving rat unsupervised in your gold-filled castle?" Meta knight pointed out.
Dedede grinned and held out a hand. In a blink, his trusted hammer shimmered into existence, the weapon giving off sky blue sparks of light that disappeared as quickly as they'd come in a display of magic. Its head hit the ground with a heavy thud as Dedede set it down to lean on.
"Oh, he'll behave! He knows what's good for him. If I find one brick out of place when we get back, his head's ending up on my mantle."
"Violent," Meta knight commented, eyeing the fracture that had formed in the tile beneath Dedede's hammer.
"Besides, your knights can keep things in order. They're sharp."
"Hm, they are, aren't they?” Meta knight drew himself up indulgently, a rush of pride drowning out the mental image of Escargoon lamenting over a new crack in the floor. "I'm sure they'll do an excellent job. Alright, say we have the Sailor Knights and the Squeak Squad. What of the spider? Taranza doesn't exactly have a history of being, well... trustworthy."
Dedede waved him off. "Yeah, and neither do the rats. I think he'll be alright. The only trouble'll be if he's, er, emotionally stable now."
"Emotionally stable?"
Meta knight had only heard second-hand accounts of what had gone down the day that mysterious Dreamstalk rose into the sky. About how a spider puppeteer had descended from the clouds and snatched up the king from his throne on the false pretense that he was Dreamland's hero. Quite the amusing mix up, given Kirby, the real hero, was nearly a polar opposite to the monarch. Kirby then followed in a hot pursuit to rescue the Dedede damsel, fought a beauty-crazed being, saved a kingdom, and received help from Taranza somewhere along the way. Whether that erased all the bad the archanid did beforehand, Meta knight couldn't say. He wasn't there to witness. He'd been tied up in another matter with Bandana dee in a rather dull trade deal with a neighboring kingdom. They'd been sent along as guards with Sir Ebrum to negotiate some new lumbar and mineral deals from the queen of the land, who, unfortunately, wasn’t interested. Meta knight had been minorly annoyed over the whole thing, feeling it a waste, and by the time they returned home to the news that he'd missed out on a whole adventure, he was downright sullen.
Dedede's face did a funny thing, flitting through multiple expressions as he considered the best way to explain, like someone trying to deliver bad news in a delicate manner. "Taranza. He, uh. Well. The whole queen thing, ya know? He um..."
Meta knight tolerated the hemming and hawing only briefly, before sighing. "Tact is hardly your strong suit, sire. Out with it."
Dedede scratched the side of his neck, feathers ruffling. "Yeah, I'm trying to be better about that. Kirby, he sorta, killed Taranza's llover, I think? Either that or he had a huge crush on her?"
"Oh, I see," Meta knight said softly, feeling a brief touch of sympathy, then narrowed his eyes in sharp scrutiny. "Now hold on. Was he not a participant in her demise? I remember Kirby mentioning that he provided some sort of assistance in the end."
The king could only shrug. "Had a change of heart, I suppose. There's that whole 'if you love something, set it free' phrase that gets thrown around. Maybe he knew she was too far gone."
Meta knight, once again, wished he could have seen or participated in the battle that unfolded that day. He cursed that kingdom's Queen and her unrealistic, unyielding trade deals under his breath.
"Either way I'm hoping he's got it together enough to help out here. He's got a lot of experience running a kingdom, and he did say he would come. I can't imagine he'd agree if he was still grieving hard."
"I suppose we'll have to see." Meta knight mused, then gave pause and huffed in reluctant acceptance. "Also, I will concede that you had some good forethought in getting a competent group to look after things here. I'm impressed with you."
Dedede bloomed with pride, feathers puffing out and a wide smirk stretching his beak. He opened his mouth, ready to gloat, when Meta knight promptly cut him off with a simple:
"And, what about me?"
"Eh?" Dedede deflated a bit. "What are you on about?"
"How are you going to bribe me?" Meta knight smiled beneath his mask. "I still haven't agreed to go. You may have been able to bolster our defenses, but that doesn't mean I want to go vacationing to begin with. Was it not presumptuous to assume I'd go? No questions asked?"
Dedede narrowed his eyes at him and crossed his arms. "Funny, I would have thought the Sailor Knights dropping everything to come do this for you woulda covered it."
"You planned to have them come here on the pretense of doing me a favor as a way to guilt trip me into going? So that I wouldn't disappoint them and waste their time?" Meta knight spoke in mock indignation, even set a hand against his chest. "How sinister."
"What, did it not work? Need something else, mask boy? Wanna cookie? Maybe a parfait?"
"Deserts will not be sufficient, sire."
Dedede pursed his beak and brought a hand up to tap thoughtfully at the gold trimming of his crown.
"Hmmm...How about this? I'll track down some of that matcha powder stuff you like so much—nasty stuff, euck—and... I'll find a way to get you some of that special metal you've been after. How's that?"
The knight perked up, attention snagged like a Blipper on a hook. "You mean..?"
"That's right! I think all those borin' diplomatic meetings are paying off. Think I've almost cracked that old bat's icy exterior. A little more nudging and Dreamland will be in a great position for some better trades. Next time we go, I should be able to convince her to part ways with a bit of that fancy metal."
"Is that so..." Meta knight trailed off, turning the new info over in his mind, thoughts racing.
"So what do ya think? Does that do it for ya?" The King looked expectantly at his knight, an expression warring between hope and uncertainty on his face.
Meta knight stalled him out, watching the penguin fidget and twitch as he pretended to think it over. Really, he'd been planning to go the minute Dedede brought the Sailor Knights into the equation. It was a rather low brow move to set up such a guilt-trip, even for Dedede, but Meta knight could hardly deny it achieved its intended result. Having the King squirm now was merely a minor form of revenge. The knight knew his answer.
After letting out a long, long sigh to let his position on the matter be known, Meta knight relented. He dropped his cape and jabbed a finger at Dedede. "For the record, I don't need or want a vacation."
Dedede beamed, minorly ill-gotten victory secured. "King's orders."
"Direct order's, hm? Well now, who am I to disobey your command?" Meta knight swept out his cape in an obnoxious bow, well aware of the many, many times he'd done just that.
The penguin ticked a single brow, unimpressed.
Meta knight straightened out and chuckled. "I mean it. I will come along. I'll begin packing my things soon. However! Know that there will be a rather mean and snarky 'I told you so' should anything go wrong while we're away."
King Dedede snorted. "Something always goes wrong. Bring on the snark, I say."