Chapter Text
"i DO NOT use my adventures to torture my guests! Any torment I inflict is one HUNDRED percent accidental! Like any good war criminal!"
I watched Caine 'pout' by shutting his teeth together and crossed his arms, moving his upper body to face away from me.
I felt so frustrated, this wasn't the first time we've had this conversation and every time we did, it would end up with him blabbering on about his adventures! He wasn't going to help me or try understand me, he just wanted to use me for his entertainment! I have had enough!
"We weren't even talking about that!" I spit back at him, "I really couldn't give less of a crap about the adventures."
"Then what is your PROBLEM ZOOBLE?? I'M TRYING MY BEST TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU!–" Caine jabs a finger in my direction "–AND MY BRAIN WON'T TELL ME!"
Caine sounds desperate to understand me, his voice a higher tone while his eyes plead for an answer. His hands come up to stretch those eyes, conveying his stress further. All it did was annoy me further.
"It's me!" I shouted back, coldly. Staring daggers at Caine before I continued. "I hate this stupid body! I hate all these removable pieces! This avatar that..."
I paused for a moment as the thought came to me.
"You gave me."
There was silence. Caine must've felt how angry I was. His eyes darted everywhere, specifically to the side as I stared at him.
The realization hit me hard, Caine did this to me. He made my avatar so that I'd never find something which made me truly happy.
I couldn't help but laugh a little, which made Caine shift in his chair uncomfortable.
"You! It's all you! You made me a symbol of the things I hate the most about myself, then try to cover it up with forcing me on those adventures!"
"Well- that's not what I-"
"NO!" I yelled "Shut up! Shut the f##k UP!"
Caine tensed at my yelling but I could care less.
"Your adventures suck, you can't do anything right and you don't listen to anybody! I can't remember the last time you bothered to look at the suggestions! You make everyone go insane, I bet all the abstractions are your fault!"
I continued to yell, shout, get pissed. I had gotten up from my seat to yell right in his face, boxing him in on his chair and poking my claw-like hand in-between his teeth and-
the whole circus began glitching. I felt fear take over my body as I watched the circus change colours and shape. I could see the textures and shapes of it. How every single part of the circus was made with smaller parts.
I looked back at Caine and he was glitching too. I could see his pupils had gotten smaller, he looked terrified and scared. He also looked extremely saddened at my words.
I moved backwards away from him, stuttering and trying to make sure I didn't accidentally step on a hole in the ground, but then everything went back to normal just as fast as it came.
I stared at Caine, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes faces the floor and his body was rigid. One hand was grabbing the arm of the chair so tight I was surprised it didn't break.
"You really think that?" Caine asked, his voice monotone, it made me freeze in place. He never sounded like that. I stuttered trying to figure out something to say and he cut me off.
"I do so much for you, for everyone. And this is the thanks I get?" Caine looked up at me again, his expression unreadable yet I could feel his anger. God, it was more than anger.
Caine snapped his fingers, and the therapy set-up disappeared. He moved his position, he now levitated off the ground in front of me. Unable to look away from him.
"If I suck so much, I'd like to see you take over!"
Before I could say anything against it, Caine snapped his fingers again. He was gone. I had no idea where he could've went, or what happened.
The circus went grey, and things began falling apart. My head was in instant agony, and my whole body felt tired. I didn't get a moment to become accustomed to this feeling.
I fell to the floor, everything felt as though it was spiraling within my body, I looked down and for a moment I saw my reflection.
I still looked the same, but my chest-piece had been replaced with a bowtie. And the unicorn horn I had attached to my head now wore a small top hat.
Had... Caine passed all his power to me? Where did he go?!
I focused on stopping the circus from glitching, to fix it. It took all my energy but I watched every single small lag stop. Everything was normal again.
I sighed in relief, but it was painful to focus on everything. Making sure every single detail within the circus was perfect.
Every moment I tried to relax my mind, the circus would dim again and I'd feel it ripping my brain apart. So I had to focus on everything. Even the adventure I wasn't participating in!
I realized I didn't have to focus on the other's avatars which was good, but if I wanted everything to stay in place I had to keep it in the back of my mind.
How was Caine able to do all of this without loosing his mind? Well, he was an AI. His mind didn't work like mine, or anyone's. But this hurt so much, an internal ache within my head. It made me feel heavier, like my body was weighted to the floor.
Was this why Caine floated all the time?
I thought about it, and soon I was off the ground, levitating above it all. I floated further up and looked around. This felt go of at least, being able to do what I wanted. But everything else? God no.
Weirdly enough though, I couldn't find it in me to change my avatar's design and how it worked. I had become accustomed to it, even if I hated it. I wanted to keep it, even though that was the reason this had happened.
I also couldn't find it in me to change the circus design, I made everything a little less saturated so it was easier to look at, but besides that it all stayed the same.
I could change it later, for now all I wanted to do was lay down and relax, but even then i couldn't. The circus relied on me paying attention to it.
Was the censorship gone now?
"Fuck"
Yes it was, finally!
That could be looked into later too...
I heard something behind me, and when I went to look everyone had come back from the adventure. They all seemed confused at the circus' new look, then their eyes landed on me.
"Why are you dressed like Caine?" Pomni asked, she was the first to speak. I didn't know what to say honestly, words died on my tongue.
"Well um.. Short answer is I'm the boss around here now?" I wasn't fully sure myself, but I know the responsibility of the circus was mine, so it may as well make me the boss.
I watched everyone look at me then at each other, some of them almost seemed a little scared or unsure.
And Kinger... Well. I had no idea what he was thinking or doing. He stood there with his eyes facing seperate directions, dazed.
I sighed. "Everyone can go do what they want, I'm going to try relax" I announced, focusing on sending everyone to their rooms as I snapped my fingers, then seeing everyone disappear in front of me.
I teleported myself to Caine's office. I had only been in here one other time, and that was for another stupid argument over the adventures that never lead anywhere.
I sat on the office chair, legs perched up on the table and sighed, yeah sure I still had a small headache from all the focus, but besides that I could try enjoy myself a little.
I also thought that I could revamp the office more to my style. I changed the desk and chair size to be normal rather than much bigger than me, the shelves which held adventure memories were wiped out of existence and instead replaced by different types of alcohol, I set up a small barstool between the staircases which had originally surrounded a sofa, and I kept the sitting area because I liked that part. Just changed the colours again to be easier on the eyes.
I had also given myself a laptop, but when I tried to use it at all I'd get a blue screen. It frustrated me, but there wasn't much I could do about it either.
Even with all my focus, it just wouldn't work. Caine must've had limits to his capabilities if I can't get to something with all this power.
I decided the circus was still a little too bright for me, toning the yellow stripes down until they were black. It just looked better in my opinion, I'd rather have black and red stripes then something hideous anyway.
I also gave myself a walk-in closet full of all my different pieces and limbs. I gave myself new ones too.
Different torsos and heads, different eyes, etc. I had new accessories, and I had one singular mirror on one wall. I hated when I had a ton of them, but one was okay.
Maybe my room needed revamping too.
I made it so the way to get into my office was through my room first, creating two doors inside my room that when you opened them, you're greeted with my office. They were the opposite side of my bed.
My bedroom, was completely reworked. The bed was changed into a king-sized bed with wooden poles attached to the sides. I made the room much larger and I took away all the mirrors. I made the walls black and the floor dark brown and made of wood. The ceiling being the same. I made the lights LED which I could change the colour to my liking.
I made my room have another sitting area, I made myself a speaker which could play any song I remembered or liked. Or I could create new ones on the spot.
I also decided to scrap the idea that people came into my room first, so now the door which originally lead you to my bedroom lead to the office. And behind my office chair is how you would get to the bedroom, so if anyone ever bothered me during that time, I knew they were breaking the rules.
Rules? I didn't have to make rules, and why was I thinking about punishing people? I had no need too, well besides Jax.
Plus, a little warning never hurt anybody, right?
No. Don't think like that. They're your friends... Somewhat. And maybe with this new power you could figure out how to leave!
I hadn't even thought of that until now, I levitated over to my bed and sat down then began to think.
I put all my energy into trying to come up with a way to leave, I should have all the knowledge to the circus so there wasn't any way that I couldn't know how to leave.
But I ended up with nothing, I couldn't figure out anything. I was still trapped here. Goddamn it.
I could make it more enjoyable though, at least. That was a positive.
But still, the thought of being kept here forever made me feel dread. I already hated it here, hated myself, but now on top of that I had to care for the very place I despised most.
This was hell.
My head began to pound again, shit, I wasn't thinking about the circus. I reminded myself of every detail and refocused on making sure nothing was displaced.
It had to stay on my mind all the time. I couldn't leave out one detail. I'd have to multitask to do anything. Everything was giving me a headache at this point, simply existing was too much.
I felt so tired... Yet I couldn't sleep. And even then, I never had to sleep anyway. I tried thinking about not being tired, and the feeling vanished.
Could I get rid of my body dysphoria? Well, it couldn't hurt to try. I teleported myself to the mirror in the closet and stared at myself.
I looked across my mismatched body made of all kinds of colours, which clashed with each other and made more prominent due to the dark walls and floors I made.
I focused hard, as hard as I could on trying to get rid of the feeling of hatred I felt toward myself. My biggest insecurities, anything about myself. I wanted to forget it, to get rid of it. To never have to deal with it again.
I wanted to be able to change my body and be able to love it, to fix myself of this cursed self deprivation and be able to be fine.
Yet, no matter what I did I still couldn't stop hating myself. Was I not focusing hard enough? Maybe I never hated myself, maybe I had been lying this whole time for attention! Oh my god, Caine please come back.
Actually no. No don't come back. I can do this, fuck you! I have the ability to do anything I want, why would I want Caine to come back and make me unable to do anything? No. I'm better like this!
Even if I cannot fix my gender dysphoria, I can still be a way better "ringmaster" compared to him, I can control the circus better, I can be better!
Maybe this power is getting to my head... I need a break. And a drink.
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POV SWITCH: 3rd person & A LITTLE TIME SKIP (by like twenty minutes basically)
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Gangle stood outside of Zooble's front door. She stared at Zooble's icon and frowned confused.
It had changed, it was just a circle. Not a mannequin to show it was unused, but was left blank. Not even abstraction's room icons did that. It made Gangle very confused.
Was this what happened when you became a ringmaster? And why? Gangle was so confused.
She looked around the hallway and everyone seemed to have stayed in their rooms except her, she didn't really know why she left her room anyways. She supposed it was because she was curious on what Zooble was doing.
She knocked on the door then waited. She felt anxiety rise in her throat and regretted the decision already, why did she do this? Zooble probably wanted to be alone... And Gangle was butting in.
It was too late to leave though, she had to stay and wait. She counted every second it took for Zooble to answer the door, trying not to focus on the idea that she's interrupting something or annoying Zooble.
Eventually, the door swings open and Gangle is shown Zooble's brand new office. Gangle pauses before she walks through the door, rubbing one ribbon hand over the other as if it would make her less scared.
"Zooble? Where are you?" Gangle asked as she walked further and further inside, shrieking as the door suddenly slammed behind her. Oh god, did she upset Zooble?
Gangle noticed the drinks which mounted the walls and frowned, was this healthy?
Well, did it matter in this circus?
When Gangle walked up the staircase, they saw Zooble slumped in their chair with a bottle in their hand. Gangle couldn't see what was inside, but she assumed it was some type of alcohol.
"Zooble..?" Gangle's voice cracked, she was yet to get her happy mask back from the adventure so she naturally sounded timid.
"What do you want, Gangle?" Zooble asked, words slurring a little. How much did Zooble drink?
Gangle tried to look around to see if she could find any other bottles, she found two shoved to corner which seemed empty.
"I um... Was wondering if you could give me a new comedy mask? Since Jax lost mine..."
Gangle watched Zooble grumble under their breath, immediately worrying and adding: "it's okay if you don't want too! I wouldn't want to bother..."
"No don't worry! It's no big deal" Zooble responded, although it was absolutely a big deal for them. This meant even more focusing and thinking about everything at once, and on top of that they were very drunk.
But they were able to do it, creating another happy mask which worked exactly like the lost one.
Zooble made it float toward Gangle then into her arms. Gangle thanked Zooble while sniffling, then would attach the happy mask back on.
Zooble acted like it wasn't a big deal then would send Gangle away to her room. Gangle didn't mind though, she got into bed and slept soundly. Happy that she was able to obtain what she wanted without upsetting Zooble or anything alike that.
Zooble meanwhile, forced themselves to stop drinking. They also focused on sobering up and could get it instantly. If they wanted it; it would happen.
While everyone else slept, Zooble would spend their time trying to come up with ideas on what to do. They didn't have to make adventures, and they were sure everyone else would be thankful for that. Zooble thought about what they could add to the place instead. What everyone would want.
They could check the suggestion box!
The suggestion box appeared on their desk and Zooble searched it, looking inside for some adventure ideas that they could remake in the circus, sure not as an adventure but it would be good enough.
Zooble went through as many suggestions as possible, throwing away any that could be Jax's and eventually landing on some.
They made the island that the circus laid on bigger, and began to make more things to do outside.
A forest-like area, a fast-food restaurant, a hot tub on top of one of the mountains, a.. School? Well, it was for them to use not Zooble they supposed. Whatever the others wanted.
But all of this creating for others began to stress them out, what if they hated it? What if they started asking for more? What if Zooble didn't do it right? What if as someone was using one of these things, it left Zooble's mind and they fell into the void?
Zooble tried their hardest to focus on positives instead, but it was difficult. So many things could go wrong, they could do wrong. But what else were they meant to do?
How about, they leave the area as it is for now and if someone suggests something new, they'll take it. That sounds better.