Work Text:
“Did you ever care about any of us?” This forced Helena to raise her head from the pile of letters she’d been working on and look at her sister with exasperation. “What are you talking about Mira? I’m far too busy for this nonsense at the moment and I would appreciate it if you would keep your silly questions to yourself until I’m done working.”
She turned her gaze back to the papers and sighed. Mira stared at her with something akin to disgust. “I asked you a question, sister. However, I have the answer now and have no need to hear your response.” With that she began to leave while her elder sister rolled her eyes and huffed with amusement. “You’ve always been so dramatic, little sister. I don’t entertain your ridiculous interrogation and suddenly I hate you? Most peculiar, wouldn’t you agree? Please, Mira, you know I care about all of you, must I say it? Is my endless defense of your poorly thought out actions not enough proof? Never speak such idiocy again.” Helena rubbed her forehead and told Mira to leave her, sounding far older than a girl of 19. Mira wasn’t done, however.
“You defend me because an attack on me is an attack on the Crown, which you couldn’t possibly allow. You are, after all, the ambassador of Hestoria, how can such a fine and upstanding royal family member even consider doing nothing about the slander that befalls her sister’s name? A filthy, manipulative liar is what you are, Jacqueline has more honor than you, she at least lets us know outright she couldn’t give two shits about us, and we all know she’s a bastard-” A smack echoed through the room. Mira touched her face and turned to her sister in shock.
“Are you stupid? I’m seriously considering the possibility that you might just be.” She started to speak in a lower tone. “You may talk to me or Jacqueline or whichever of our siblings has stroked your ire as you wish when we’re at home. When we are anywhere out in the world, you must act accordingly, we must stand united. What if a servant heard you outright say that your sister is a bastard? News would spread like wildfire, Jackie’s life would be ruined and there is a chance that father would be forced by his advisors to banish her completely, do you want that, Mira?” She shook her head quickly and Helena nodded. “Good.” she said curtly.
The matter of which we spoke was irrelevant, frankly, most of the things I told you were only to scare you. The truth is that as long as Jacqueline is naturalized by royal decree, which she is, seeing as father accepts her as his daughter and gave her the title of princess, absolutely nothing can happen to her, she would likely just be annoyed by the whispers. Even if the truth were to come to pass, it wouldn’t be of any significance. King Darren I wasn’t King Vickar’s child, there wasn’t a drop of Normwood blood in the boy, but he still was named a prince of the Crown and became heir, so I don’t see why it wouldn’t be the same for our dear Jackie. I cannot tell you this, because you are far too immature to use this knowledge wisely and would likely cause a scandal with your sharp tongue. Perhaps when you’re older I’ll ease your worries and let you have the truth of it, but for now, you will remain my silly little sister without a shred of thoughtfulness or concern for anything but yourself. For now I will keep you afraid and wondering.
Mira stared at Helena in horror while she took a sip of her tea. “Your appearance here was a nuisance but it has reminded me that I do have something to discuss with you. Sit down and close your jaw, sister, you look foolish.” What was Mira to do other than obey? “The Crown has need of your service, Mira. You met Lord Jon Caswell, didn’t you?” Mira confirmed that she had. Unpleasant old man, sweet sure, but too talkative. “Father wishes to marry you to him.”
Mira felt ill, but turned to her sister and outright refused. “No. You may ask many things of me but I am not marrying that repulsive, vile, downright senile old man!” Helena stared at her with annoyance. “Are you finished insulting our gracious host? It is most unbecoming of a young princess such as yourself. You did not let me finish before starting to rant-” “If you and father want a marriage that will benefit the crown why don’t you marry him then?” Another smack, this time on the back of her head. “Let me finish.” Mira nodded and gave her sister a motion that said ‘go on’.
“I managed to convince him that the age difference will be far too large and that you would be unhappy, therefore, you will not marry Lord Jon Caswell, but his son and heir, Arthur. He is five years your senior I believe, a kind and honorable man, someone befitting of your status and your personality, I pray he mellows you out, sister. There isn’t a choice, I hope you know this and won’t do something stupid in order to try and change your ‘horrible’ fate. As for why I’m not the one to marry him, it’s simple. I’m heir to the throne, Mira, if I married before I sat on it, I would surely lose all authority, seeing as the realm would rather see a man on the throne than a woman. It would not matter that I am the heir, so long as a man sits beside me, he is more important and will always be listened to, he would be the one to make all of the decisions and his last name would be the one our children would bear, ending the Vontarien dynasty, which we cannot allow. That is why I am not marrying him.”
Mira looked at her with something resembling pity in her eyes, only for it to be replaced by anger at the prospect of marriage. “You could not have allowed me to choose my own husband? If I must be sold of like some brood mare, do you not think I deserve at least that? Lord Arthur may be as kind and honorable as he wishes to be, but I will not have him, I will marry him sure. But he will not bed me, I won’t allow it, and if he tries to despite my best wishes, I’ll gouge his eyes out.”
Helena groaned loudly. How unbecoming of a princess, thought Mira bitterly. “Are you deaf, child? This is not something you have a say in. I am sorry if you feel that I have robbed you of your right to choose, but you know that had I left you to your own devices and to find a husband on your own, it would have been a disaster. You are not 5 anymore, Mira. By now, surely, you understand that some things simply must be done, duty must be fulfilled. An alliance like this one is most beneficial to the Crown, and young Lord Arthur is very kind, and more importantly, very willing to overlook your crass demeanor, a feat few will be able to accomplish in life. Do not disappoint me, girl. I know you can be charming when you must, and now you must. Smile at him, curtsy and bat your eyelashes, dress more like a lady and less like a stable boy. A woman’s grace is her greatest shield, it wouldn’t do you any harm to remember that.”
“Do not speak to me as if I were a child, I’m a woman grown, for Pelor’s sake-” Helena interrupts her. “Are you certain you’re not a child? As far as I’m aware, adults don’t throw tantrums when they’re not allowed to attend council meetings and they certainly don’t run away from their castle and attempt to take a new name by marrying a local fisherman as ‘revenge’.” She spoke calmly with cold eyes that stared right into Mira’s. Mira did not look away, for she felt there was no shame in her actions.
“I only went to endear myself to the people, aren’t you the one always telling me I should spend more time building a relationship with the smallfolk? How is it that you get upset when I listen to you, yet are also upset when I don’t? You ought to make up your mind, sweet sister.” Helena scoffed, the beginnings of a smile had reached her face. “Of course, this is all for me, no selfish and childish desires of your own. Leira forbid.” She sighed deeply, walking up to Mira and wrapping an arm around her. The touch relaxes her younger sister, she burrows her head in Helena’s shoulder. “Why must you always torture me so? Is it impossible for you to do as I say? Do you think I tell you what to do because I enjoy it?” I don’t think, I know you do, the thought had come to Mira before she could intercept it. “I only wish to keep you safe, you are stupid, sweet Mira, stupid and inexperienced, and if I am not around to guide you, will be dead before your time. I do not wish it to be so.” Mira huffed and grasped her sister’s arm. “You need not lie to me.” she muttered.
Helena grabbed her chin and held it so Mira couldn’t look away. “Do not speak such idiocy. I already warned you, didn’t I? By Leira, you are truly the most insolent and spoiled little rat of a child I’ve ever met.” Venom dripped through her words, it made Mira feel 5 again, afraid and alone. Helena sighed and loosened her grip ever slightly, but she did not let go.
“It is my own fault, I suppose. I was always far too lenient with you, far too indulgent. Mother did not care for you and father was too busy so I tried my best to keep you happy, no matter the price. New armor? Of course. A ring made of pure Vhagan steel? How can a person say no to that face? Not marrying until you felt that you were ready? Even that I allowed you, I even went as far as to convince father to let you marry the heir to the Placid Moores instead of it’s current occupant. But you are greedy, sister. Nothing is ever enough for you.” Helena was getting upset again and the fire was returning to her eyes.
“Mother did not love you, you know this. You came to me when you were 6 and I was 11 and asked me why it was so. When I couldn’t come up with an answer, you began to cry. Not just cry, but hysterically sob. I took you in my arms and I promised to you that I would love you enough to fill the void in your heart where our mother’s love was supposed to be. Do you remember that?” Mira did, vaguely, she remembered her mother screaming at her for no reason and she remembered crying in Helena’s arms. ‘I love you’ she’d whispered. She nodded at Helena, who hummed in approval.
“Ever since you and I spoke that day, I became far more invested in your life than I should have been. All reports of your studies with the parheas came directly to me, your health checks with the sagers, who you spend time with, what you could possibly need in the near future. You come to cry in my chambers when you are lonely and you ask for me when you are sick, so far I have tried to be there for you.”
She seems to hesitate in saying the next part, looking at the ground before turning her gaze back to Mira. “But you are not a child anymore.” she said, with such softness it made Mira feel sick. “Neither am I, I have my own responsibilities as heir to the throne and I cannot abandon them so I can indulge your every whim, Mira. Just as you cannot expect it of me. It would be unfair of you, to me and to the realm.” The softness begins to dissipate. “Next time you pull a stunt like that, I won’t come. Not even to look for you and certainly not to defend you, you will be on your own, just as I was at your age. It is as I told you, you are no longer a little girl, you yourself said that you were a woman grown, and big girls don’t need their older sister to coddle them all the time, do they?”
All that Helena said was starting to come down on Mira. I don’t want to disappoint her. She’s my mo-sister. Helena’s my sister and I must make her proud, I don’t need her. She’s right, I don’t need her. “I will always be your sister, and for anything you need, come to me. Only if it is something you truly need. I wish for us to remain as close as we’ve ever been, this time on a more equal level.” Her older sister smiled and so did Mira, despite her stomach turning itself and bile rising to her throat. Helena began to card her fingers through Mira’s hair. “Just because I am unable to be here for you all of the time, does not mean I don’t care about you. Do not forget that.”
The words were already slipping through the cracks of her mind as she hugged her sister for what may be the last time. Big girls don’t need their older sister, a cruel, vicious, correct side of her declared. We are not big yet, no matter what Lena says, a soft, indulgent, traitorous voice chided. She ignored both of them and simply was, in her sister’s arms as she fretted over the state of Mira’s clothes, Helena’s arms never leaving Mira’s back. Not yet, she thought, give me a little more time and I will live. Just a little more- “Come on, let go now. It is late, you must go rest, we’ve many things to get at in the morning.” Mira blinks up at Helena, briefly wondering what her sister would do if she refused to let go, before cutting the thought off and disentangling herself from Helena’s embrace and bidding her a good night. “Good night, sweet sister.” said Helena, smiling fondly. Mira nodded and made her way to her chambers. She wasn’t angry as she usually was, nor was she in tears, just numb. Numb and finally understanding her position within her family and more importantly, within her sister’s life.
I am no longer a child. Lena never had anyone to comfort and guide her when she was young, why should I be given that privilege? I will be her rock, someone she can rely on. I will be useful to her, just as my ancestor Princess Kya was to her brother, King Anwar. Never again will I let her down.