Chapter Text
A 'normal' day in the Amazing Digital Circus had changed a lot in the last few weeks, but somehow, against all odds, it seemed like things were actually settling into what Pomni had been tentatively calling her life.
Instead of her days being filled with running for her life or terrified of losing herself, Pomni suddenly found herself with more freedom than she could remember having since... ever. Even before the Circus, life had been far from sunshine and rainbows, and the constant cartoon nonsense she'd been assaulted with since the moment she arrived had Pomni almost forgetting what being relaxed felt like. But since Caine had returned and made good on his words, everyone had really started taking advantage of the benefits of living in a digital world.
Most days, Pomni would walk with Ragatha to breakfast, the two of them chatting about what they might get up to, before being joined by the rest of the group for a meal as chaotic as it was delicious. Caine, ever enthusiastic, always begged to hear what everyone was enjoying most about the different worlds, as well as taking down notes on bugs that needed fixing. Despite their practice, none of the humans—except maybe Kinger—had Caine's natural instinct for conjuring, so a lot of the structural work was left up to him for the time being.
During the day, everyone splintered off into whatever plans they had made, which Pomni spent on anything from picnics with Ragatha and Kinger to a solo spy mission through a goon-filled skyscraper to 'group art therapy', a tradition Gangle had suggested that everyone had liked so much they did it every week.
Regardless of how the day went, it always ended the same, with everyone coming together for dinner, tired and excited from the day, making plans for the next one, and wishing each other goodnight (on the nights they didn't go stargazing).
Pomni often found herself with a smile on her face for several minutes after parting ways with her friends, laughing to herself about something that was said or giddy for an adventure coming up soon. When she lay in bed and stared at the canopy, she sometimes had the thought that things were almost... perfect.
And then she would remember.
Hundreds of eyes turned to her.
Inhuman screeching as it charged.
An embrace.
"I don't want to go."
"Stay with me."
A flash of light and—
She didn't know what she expected to happen. She was happy when she still had two eyes to open and see her friends all looking down at her after she got thrown back in the blast. She was happy when they came together to help wrangle him into a new and improved pillow fort, where he curled up and looked somehow peaceful. She was happy that none of the abstractions were locked in the cellar anymore, and that she could see him in the pillow fort whenever she wanted.
But Pomni still missed Jax.
She had tried putting the hurt of missing him into the same box in her mind as the hurt of missing the real world, a constant but dull ache, but it didn't feel the same. The traitorous “what if”'s whispered in her ear.
What if he had held off on abstracting just a little longer?
What if Caine had come and fixed things sooner?
What if that last time she saw him, she knew the words to make him stay?
What if, what if, what if?
She did her best not to let it drive her crazy. She knew it was completely pointless. Even if Jax had managed to hold out until Caine had come back, knowing him, he'd find a way to push everyone away and abstract anyway. The only reason he had let her in at all was because he was already fading.
At least, that's what she told herself. She guessed she'd never know.
Still, sometimes she turned these thoughts over in her mind as she tried to sleep. And some nights they were louder than others. On the rare nights when she felt like she couldn't sleep at all from the looping chatter in her head, she would sigh, get up, and head to the pillow fort in the main room of the tent.
She'd woken Ragatha the first few times, just to talk to her about how she was feeling. Outside of Pomni, she understood Jax the best out of anyone in the Circus, and it was comforting to have a friend to cry on who understood that missing someone wasn't the same as forgiving them. Eventually, though, the tears ran dry, and Pomni preferred the pseudo-isolation of the fort to let the emotions wash over her before going back to her room.
On this particular night, she grumbled a bit to herself in frustration as she made her way over. Not that she had to worry about being tired in the morning, but her mind being stuck on Jax when she wasn't sure exactly how much he'd care if the roles were reversed made her scoff in a fond way.
You found a way to get my attention even after you abstracted, asshole. She thought with a small smile as the entrance of the pillow fort loomed over her, the shadows of the night swallowing everything inside. No glowing eyes meant he was probably asleep. Not that it mattered, he wasn't much of a host either way. But as Pomni looked closer, she noticed a distinct lack of the hulking, shifting form all abstractions shared.
Her heart leapt as she scanned the darkness, hoping she had somehow missed the giant monster and Jax wasn't running rogue around the Circus. Why would he have left the pillow fort now when he'd never done that in the past?
Just as her thoughts were beginning to spiral into a panic, her eyes landed on something that made her freeze, breath catching in her throat. It couldn't be real, but curled up on the floor in the centre of the pillow fort with his back to her...
“Jax?”