Work Text:
[Before]
Robert Oppenheimer and Ernest Lawrence were sprawled out underneath the vast New Mexican sky. Robert points out various stars and cosmic phenomena, and anxiously explains one of this theories. Ernest smiles. While he has not the slightest idea as to what exactly Robert was discussing, as theory never had been his strong suit, he was pleased that the younger man was so excited.
That's how the story always goes, is it not? A starry-eyed theorist, mind lost in the quantum realm, and a determined experimentalist, using all his abilities to push forward technology to open that realm. To uncover its secrets.
Tonight, the theorist and the experimentalist unify. Robert nervously grabs for Ernest's hand, and Ernest squeezes it reassuringly.
A distant crow calls. Robert turns to face the man lying by his side. "You know, Ernest. There used to be jaguars in New Mexico. Not anymore, though. We drove them out, but people sometimes claim to see one... I always wanted to see one. They're so beautiful." They remind me of you in many ways, he wanted to add, but could not bring himself to admit it, even subconsciously.
Truthfully, Ernest was like a jaguar. Bold and cunning, yes, but gentle. Shiny, slick hair, much like the cat's sleek coat. Sturdy build. Beautiful eyes that one can easily get lost in.
"Robert? I bet you'll see one, sugar. I promise you that you will. We'll see it together." Ernest's sweet voice starts to trail off as he starts to drift into sleep.
Robert's pulsar eyes spark once more. While it was little more than a distant childhood wish of his past, it would mean a lot.
"Together."
They fall asleep in the grass, full moon illuminating their faces through reflected sunlight.
They didn't see a jaguar that night.
Robert figured as such. The species was extinct in this region.
One can always dream, though.
At least he has Ernest.
[AFTER]
He had Ernest, anyway. He thought he would always have him. But now Ernest Lawrence is gone.
The news was sudden. They hadn't even spoken in what seemed like an eternity, but a small part of Robert's heart was still hoping they would be able to make amends.
His heart fissioned that night, much like the dreadful bomb several years prior. He would always feel regret.
Always.
And now, he has two major regrets in his life, the other being that he and Ernest never made up.
It was too late now.
In a spur of the moment choice, he decides to go to New Mexico again. He wants to get away from it all, and New Mexico was the closest to a second home he had. He'd be able to think about Ernest in peace. Alone.
Like he now was.
Robert feels his vision get fuzzy as his eyes start to water. His mind is clouded with grief and nostalgia, and as a star flickers, he thinks back to their camping trip all those years ago.
His theory of "dark stars" was now much more accepted, and they were since dubbed "black holes". A lot of the subjects he'd contributed to had, actually. He remembers he'd done key work on the theory of antimatter, and that was experimentally proven back in 1933.
Sure, he'd never won a Nobel, but he was still successful scientifically, and that made him feel almost worthwhile.
If only Ernest could see him now.
Robert pulls his car to to the side of a dirt road and climbs out. He can't drive any more, he's too upset.
The moon is full, and Robert is once again reminded of that night with Ernest. His hands are shaking, and he twitches when he hears a branch snap. He's not alone here.
A dark outline looms in the distance, emerging from a cluster of trees.
At first Robert assumes it is just another mountain lion, but as it approaches him, it becomes clear it is not. It is too big, too sturdy of a build. He wipes his eyes, and as they adjust to the dark, he can see dark rosette splotches on shimmering fur.
A jaguar.
The cat wasn't scared of him, it knew he meant no harm. It prances gracefully by, tail lightly flicking Robert's frail body.
Robert collapses onto his knees, shaking.
Stars create tragic sparkles as they reflect off of the tears now streaming down his cheeks, and he struggles to control his violent sobs.
Ernest promised he'd see a jaguar.
The elegant beast was Ernest saying goodbye.