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Kazuya woke up alone.
Again.
The only reminder of his husband was his haphazardly thrown off blanket and the now cold imprint of his body in the sheets.
With a sigh Kazuya searched for his glasses and slid them on, then got up to find Eijun. This was the third time this week, but his husband refused to talk about what was keeping him awake at night. Though it wasn't especially hard to guess, after all Eijun had suffered a traumatic injury just 4 weeks ago and had just been allowed to return to work full time.
Of course Eijun was seeing a counsellor, so was Kazuya, but still every morning he woke up alone. Which made his heart ache, after having nearly lost Eijun, not being next to him all the time made Kazuya more anxious than he would like to admit (though he had admitted it, alright? He was a grown man and tried his hardest to face his fears, namely losing Eijun. However, fear had this annoying characteristic of being very irrational)
Grabbing Eijun's blanket from the bed, Kazuya padded over to the living room. There, as expected, he found his husband curled up on the couch, his face crunched up but clearly asleep again. Gently, as not to wake him, Kazuya draped the blanket over his shivering form - sometime during the night Eijun had apparently taken off his top, Kazuya saw it lying in a corner. He walked over and picked it up, as previous nights it was still damp from sweat, a sign pointing towards the nightmares that were bothering Eijun. Of course Kazuya knew about the nightmares, after all they had been married for quite a while now. And he had been woken a couple of times by Eijun's pained gasps, sobs and screams. It left him feel incredibly helpless, as he could do nothing to ease the pain and at the same time Eijun had shrunk back into a version of himself that would refuse to let Kazuya carry some of the emotional load.
He tossed Eijun's sweaty shirt into the laundry hamper, something to take care of after breakfast.
Since Eijun was still sleeping, Kazuya made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast for both of them. It was a Sunday and he was off shift. However, Eijun would have to be at school in a little more than two hours as his middle school baseball team had a home game. And so had Kazuya. Now that their relationship had been more publicly exposed (all their friends had known and they haven't ever really made a secret of it, but baseball moms usually had assumed he was just a good friend), Kazuya greatly enjoyed watching as many games from the sidelines as possible. Sometimes Eijun even let him help coach the kids, which was fun. Mostly, Kazuya always felt a bit awkward around small children especially as a some of them cried when he gave them what he considered helpful advice. Eijun scolded him that he had to be nicer but honestly, the way middle schoolers talked to each other, Kazuya wasn't especially mean in comparison! (Just taller and maybe a bit scary. Maybe.)
With skilled hands, Kazuya cracked some eggs into a pan, then continued chopping some vegetables. He greatly enjoyed feeding Eijun good food, after all his husband would eat roughly anything barely edible (apart from natto) and even though he was a sports coach his grasp on nutrition hadn't much evolved from “you need to eat 3 bowls of rice every meal”. A mantra they had taught him in highschool.
“Good morning”. Eijun padded over, now wearing his blanket as a cape. Some of his hair was sticking up to one side and he would have looked very cute - if not for the still bright red scar on his exposed torso and for the dark circles under his eyes. Okay, Kazuya was biased, Eijun still looked amazing and he would have done everything to worship him in bed, show him exactly how much he loved him, but then they would be late for the game and then Eijun would shout at him. (Which again was very cute and Kazuya would find a way to also turn this into a bedroom activity and…) …he was getting distracted.
“Good morning, did you sleep well?”, Kazuya replied on autopilot - still distracted by Eijun's naked upper body. Maybe he should leave a bright red spot next to the scar to remind Eijun…
“No, not especially”, Eijun's face scrunched up and Kazuya winced at his own tactlessness. Then Eijun spotted the obvious tent in his pants and let out a breathless laugh. “Oh my god Kazuya, stop thinking with your dick. Here I am, wanting some comfort from my husband and you…”
“It's not my fault you look delicious every day “, Kazuya replied and left the stove for a moment - the eggs would hopefully not burn that fast - to take two steps towards Eijun and pull him into a morning kiss. Which might have escalated a bit, as Eijun was suddenly shoving him away with a “Let me breathe! The eggs smell funny!”
Which, in fact, they did, as burnt eggs tended to do.
When Eijun returned from his shower and Kazuya had managed to clean the mess in the kitchen they (he) had caused, he was sadly very clothed. Just some sweatpants and another t-shirt that actually belonged to Kazuya. He low-key loved his husband's tendency to steal his clothes and after already having upset Eijun once today, he decided to not comment on his choice of wardrobe.
“Big game today?” He asked as Eijun joined him at the table.
“It should be an easy one, actually. The team is in great form and the opponent struggled these past weeks. But you never know, we will always try hard no matter who we are facing!” Eijun loaded his plate with some vegetables and the second, non-burnt version of eggs. As Eijun didn't seem to want to talk about his night, Kazuya didn't force him to. Eijun was seeing a counsellor, he reminded himself, a professional who was helping him. The best Kazuya could do was give him time to heal and his love and support.
After finishing breakfast, they cleaned the table and continued their respective morning routine - Eijun doing some weird breathing exercises and stretching, Kazuya shaving and packing them lunch for the day. When it was almost time to go, Eijun disappeared into the bedroom again and reappeared in what was probably Kazuya’s favourite outfit on him: his school's baseball uniform, something he as a coach also wore to official games. The white pants hugged Eijun's butt nicely, very nicely.
“Come here”, he called Eijun over to where he had just finished packing their bags. Unsuspecting as he was, Eijun trotted over and gave him a small peck. Kazuya took his chances and wrapped his arms around his husband, pulling him into a sweet kiss, all while letting his hand wander lower till he finally could grab Eijun's butt.
With an immediate shrieked “Miyuki Kazuya!” he was shoved off, Eijun scowling at him.
He raised his hands in defence. “What? Am I not allowed to kiss my husband anymore?”
“Not like that, no touching! We have a game to get to and you will make me late if I let you continue “, Eijun huffed, though his flushed cheeks betrayed him.
“Alright, Alright”, they both knew he was right. “But tonight, let me take care of you.”
Eijun gave him a shy nod, then ushered them out of the door.
Kazuya loved seeing Eijun in his element, cheering for his team with incredible enthusiasm, none of his exhaustion obvious anymore. His team was currently leading and his husband looked so proud. As was he.
“Are you by any chance the coach's lovely husband?” A voice interrupted his ogling of Eijun's nice butt in his lovely tight white trousers. A baseball mom, similarly not focused on the game, similarly focused on Eijun. Kazuya couldn't help but fight down a spurt of annoyed jealousy. She was aware they were married, so was she, likely, or at least a mother.
“I am.” He replied, trying to keep the interaction to a minimum.
“I heard about his accident from my boy. Such a terrible tragedy! I am so glad he is alright now.”
Kazuya nodded along, this was not the first time one of the parents commented on it. As if he needed a reminder, the empty bed in the morning was reminder enough.
“So am I.”, he replied courtly.
“And you were the police officer on scene, weren't you? How did you find out it was your husband who got shot? It must have been such a shock!”
Pictures of Eijun's wallet on the floor, the bloodied sweater, sirens flashing. Chris trying to calm him. The panic. The grief.
“This is a private matter, please refer to the newspaper for more details.” He snapped, harsher than he wanted to be - but she deserved it. He hated being reminded of that day and he knew it was even worse for Eijun.
Talking of Eijun, his husband was eyeing him from his place in the dugout, he was frowning. Kazuya waved a hand, trying to signal that everything was alright. Eijun gave him a long glance, then nodded and went back to watching the team. Another small boy went up to bat, carrying a bat that looked comically big compared to his small statue. Someone laughed. Before Kazuya could send that person an angry glare, the young boy thankfully hit the ball with a satisfying clang and sent it flying. Again the field was shouting and running and slightly chaotic. Eijun, too, was shouting and jumping with the team. Honestly, Kazuya just loved him so much.
The game was called after 7 innings and Eijun, incredibly pleased, jogged over to where Kazuya was standing.
“Shouldn't you be with your team?”, he asked. The small group of students was still collecting their stuff, happily chattering amongst them.
“I will be in just a second. How about a ‘well done on the win?’”. Eijun crossed his arms and glared at him, though there was a playful twinkle of mischief in his eyes. He was obviously teasing Kazuya.
“Well done on the win.” Kazuya leaned forward and ruffled his hair. A soft “awww” was muttered from the sidelines but Kazuya ignored it in favour of leaning closer to his husband and whispering a “I can't wait to reward you later!” into his ear.
As expected this made Eijun go bright red and shove him away.
“Miyuki Kazuya!”, he screeched, then, noticing that everyone was looking at them, lowered his voice into a whispered “Not here, this is totally inappropriate!” (Eijun was not especially good at whispering and his sputtering and blushing was a dead giveaway for everyone around them.)
Kazuya just laughed and with a grip on Eijun's shoulder spun him around and gave him a small shove towards his team who was obviously waiting for their coach.
“This conversation is not finished!” Eijun shouted over his shoulder and jogged over to find his team.
However before Kazuya could reply with a flirty “I know” a loud banging sound rang across the field. Kazuya tensed, but having heard many loud banging noises in his career he could easily identify it as the sound of a car engine misfiring. Eijun, however, couldn't.
In horror Kazuya watched him fall to his knees right in front of the dugout. Before he even realised what he was doing, Kazuya had jumped the fence and was sprinting across the field. When he reached Eijun his curled up form on the floor was surrounded by small boys, all worried about their coach.
“Oh…Eijun.” Kazuya breathed out, his heart clenching at the sight of his panicked husband. Thankfully the boys recognized him and let him trough.
“Eijun, it's me, everything is alright, that was just a car!” Gently he placed his hand on the shoulder of the crumpled form in front of him. Eijun was shaking and Kazuya could hear breathed sobs. “I'm here, everything is okay!” He gently pulled Eijun into his arms. Thankfully his husband let it happen and actually pressed his tear stained face into Kazuya's t-shirt.
“You're okay. It was just a car.” He gently stroked Eijun’s back.
“Why is Sawamura-sensei afraid of a car?” One of the boys still surrounding them asked. Kazuya gave him a sad smile.
“The car reminded Sawamura-sensei of a bad situation. You know he was in an accident, right?”
“Yes a bad man shot him. I was in the hospital to bring him flowers”, the small boy reminded him.
At least Eijun seemed to have calmed down a bit.
“Yes, those were very pretty flowers”, he replied with a shaky voice and pushed himself into a sitting position. His face was splotchy and his eyes still watery. With an angry scowl Eijun tried to wipe the tears away.
“Thank you, I’m okay now” He turned to Kazuya and gave him a shaky smile. Always trying his hardest to appear brave and unbothered.
“Is everything okay here?” Another voice. Everyone turned, at least it was a baseball dad and none of those helicopter baseball moms that liked bothering Kazuya (and Eijun, he assumed).
“Yes, everything is okay. I apologize for my unprofessional behaviour” Eijun scrambled to his feet and bowed.
“Nothing to apologise about.” The baseball dad replied. “How about you go home and let your assistant coach and us parents handle the rest? Good job on the game.”
“That would actually be…really nice.” Another shaky smile from Eijun. Kazuya could still see how tense he was.
“Thank you very much”, he added and wrapped an arm around Eijun's shoulders, remind him that he was here, that he was okay. Instantly he felt his husband lean into him. “Let's go home”, he whispered into Eijun's hair.
“I hate it. I hate it so much.” Eijun was pacing their living room, still wearing his now dirtied baseball uniform. His face was still splotchy and again tears formed in his eyes.
“I know…” Kazuya got up from the couch and wrapped his arms around Eijun's waist, pulling him into a hug.
“It's just unfair”, Eijun sobbed into his t-shirt, “I get shot and as an extra bonus I get nightmares, it's all everyone talks about at my games and now this stupid thing happened. Everyone must think I am stupid and ridiculous now. Not fit to be a teacher!”
Kazuya continued stroking his back, just letting Eijun rant. Maybe it would help a bit. As expected his husband continued.
“You know the worst is, every night I see his face and then he shoots me and then he shoots you, why are you even there, and then I wake up and when I finally fall asleep again the whole stuff starts again in some other weird variation. And you know the most stupid thing?” Eijun let out a wet laugh. “I don't even know what his face looks like, he was wearing a mask.”
“You should wake me” Kazuya mumbled into his hair, “If you feel bad and need a hug and a reminder that I am here and I love you.”
“But then you would also not sleep. And it's kinda killing me, I am so tired all the time but sleeping is even worse”, Eijun replied in a defeated voice. “You know I talked about this with my counsellor but she's a bit useless, offers me no real solution, just prods me to think about ”what would make me feel better?”.”
“Is there anything that would make you feel better?” Kazuya had to ask.
“I meant…it helps when you hold me”, he mumbled. “But I really don't want to wake you every time and I also know you are not super into cuddling at night, you always used to complain about a stiff neck. Sex helps. When I don't have to think and kinda pass out and…hey I can feel you smiling. This is really not funny!”
“I am sorry!”, Kazuya did not feel sorry at all. “But you know I'll happily make time for you every evening if it is for medical reasons. And..any other reasons are also okay!”
Eijun hmpfed but at least he had stopped crying. They both loved having sex but in the thrills of adulthood (shifts, long work days, cooking, laundry) they not always had the energy or time for it.
“I can try to cuddle you more, but I can't promise to not roll away at night. But, I will try.”
“That sounds perfect”, Eijun admitted with a smile. “And..I know I don't look sexy or anything right now, but..you know what you promised me this morning..?” He looked untypically lost and unsure. Kazuya would change that!
“You're always sexy and I will get to work right away.”
Later, when Eijun was napping on his chest, clearly spent from the day, Kazuya ordered the nicest heated and weighted blanket he could find online. Maybe it could help.