Chapter Text
“No, wait...” Sebastian put his hands on Sam’s chest, who was currently hovering above him on the couch, pushing gently to get some space between them. His heart was racing in his chest, as he struggled to find the right words. Trying to explain why ‘We’re just friends helping each other out’ just wasn’t cutting it anymore. And Sam wasn’t even drunk right now, what was Sebastian supposed to think?
“Seb...” A warm hand cupped his cheek gently and while Sam didn’t bring their bodies closer together again he dipped his head down to place another kiss on Sebastian’s lips, running his tongue along the lip ring. Sebastian’s eyes fluttered close, being fully aware of just how turned on Sam was right now and trying to resist the inevitable pull.
He could feel Sam’s hard cock pressed up against his own. They were both straining in their jeans and they had done this a thousand times before, usually while being inebriated. Sebastian rarely indulged in alcohol and only sometimes smoked weed, whereas Sam ended up drunk every time they went out together. It had started a few years back and it had never gone beyond them jerking each other off one way or another. They were just friends and that was it.
“No, wait,” he tried again, more determined. “I want—”
The words were somehow lost in his throat as he locked eyes with his best friend. Blue eyes stared into his own as he tried to grasp any coherent thought that flittered through his mind.
“Want what?” Concern started to show on Sam’s features and it was clear to Sebastian that he was going through any number of possible answers inside his head.
“Look, I just...” Sebastian really tried to express his feelings, but he failed miserably. The words slipped away every time he tried to form them on his tongue and he bit his bottom lip. “I just want—”
“What, do you want me to fuck you?” The distance between them grew wider as Sam lifted himself off of Sebastian. The gesture as well as his words - accusation, really, the way Sam had said it - pierced Sebastian's heart with such a force, he couldn't breathe. Tendrils of anxiety threatened to strangle him as he looked at Sam, his friend, the slightest hint of shock evident on Sam’s face. Sam got it all wrong, well not all of it but some of it.
“What— no! I mean—” stumbling over his words Sebastian heard his heart pound in his ears.
“We are friends, I can’t do that!” Sam scoffed, his usual sunny disposition had disappeared and Sebastian scolded himself for being so damn complicated. Couldn’t he just be normal for once? They had enjoyed a perfectly fine Sunday afternoon before, watching movies, playing video games and just hanging out. Until Sam moved on to making out with Sebastian and despite his body’s appreciative reaction to the familiar situation, anxiety flooded his mind, prompting him to stop his best friend. He didn't want this. Not like this anyway.
Sebastian wanted everything. Sure he enjoyed it when they made out occasionally. And he certainly didn’t mind doing more than that but Sebastian found himself wanting more. Sam always reminded Sebastian that they were just friends and he shouldn't read anything into it. How was he supposed to not read into this? Even worse, why couldn't he just be casual about it? Why did he have to behave like an idiot?
Without another word Sebastian got up and pocketed his phone, cigarettes and lighter, earning him an annoyed sigh from his friend, who flopped back onto the couch. “Come on, Seb, where are you going?” He felt Sam's eyes on him until he was in his own bedroom, forcing down the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. Hurriedly he pulled out a travel bag, mindlessly stuffing some of his clothes inside.
“Seb, look. We had such a nice afternoon!” Sam whined, but Sebastian wasn’t listening. He couldn't stand to be in Sam's vicinity any longer. Rushing into the bathroom he grabbed his toothbrush and any toiletries he might need. It was a struggle to form coherent thoughts. He was really trying his hardest to be as nonchalant about it as he could, he knew he was probably failing. “Where are you going?” Sam came to the bathroom but Sebastian quickly pushed past him.
“Anywhere that isn't here.” Sebastian spat, unable to look at Sam. Then he proceeded to put his laptop inside the bag.
“Seb, please, don't go. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to but I need my friend? I had a rough day.”
A dry laugh escaped Sebastian's throat. Sam was having a rough day, what in Yoba’s name would you call Sebastian’s day then? “You only need me to jerk you off and I'm not doing that right now. Find somebody else. Go online, find another dude there.”
“I don’t want that!” Sam spluttered weakly, putting his hands up defensively and Sebastian seethed at that comment. Of course.
“You’d rather use your best friend and put your dick in his mouth to suck you off, is that it? Because it’s easy, I get it!” Sebastian looked at him sharply, voice low and noted how Sam flinched visibly at his words. Good.
His heart was thudding wildly against his ribcage, all Sebastian could do was hope it wouldn’t jump out of his throat. His breath came in short, shallow gasps, his chest tightening as the tension made his nerves spike.
Without another word he laced up his boots as quickly as he could despite his shaking hands and stormed to the door. Sebastian barely managed to keep his tears at bay. He really didn’t want to cause any more of a scene than he already had.
Sam hadn't said anything in return and Sebastian wasn't going to wait whether he did, or dared to look back at Sam again either. Those soft eyes would only weaken Sebastian's resolve again. He left their apartment, not bothering with the elevator and taking the stairs instead. Quickly, he made his way down into the parking garage to his truck. Throwing the travel bag onto the passenger's side, Sebastian climbed into the driver's seat, put his hands on the wheel and let his forehead thunk against the back of them.
How was it possible that he’d ended up in this situation? Why had he let it get so complicated? Sebastian wasn’t even sure he wanted more with Sam especially because he was his best friend and Sebastian had never thought he’d had romantic feelings for him. But this whole pattern that they had going? It was messy and it blurred the lines between them completely. Sebastian just couldn’t handle it anymore.
If he was honest - which wasn’t really an option - Sebastian knew exactly what he wanted, as he’d once again been reminded the other day. Even just thinking about it, took him right back.
The music in the location they had chosen for that particular night had been way too loud, he remembered. Still, Sebastian had managed to be ahead during their game of pool, despite the noisy distraction. “Your turn.” Sebastian had smirked confidently as he took a sip of his soda. He’d always beaten his friends Sam and Abigail at pool, even way back when they were still living in Pelican Town and played every Friday night at the saloon. Tonight would be no exception. Abigail had long since abandoned playing with them. She rather played arcade games or watched Sebastian destroy Sam.
“Aw, Seb, can't you go easy on me for once?” Sam whined, well into a few beers already. Abigail sat on a couch nearby, snorting at Sam's plea as she was flipping through a comic book, only half invested in the pool game unfolding in front of her.
Sebastian waited for Sam to take his turn, leaning against the wall cue in hand, his eyes wandered idly across the room until his gaze locked onto a guy. He was tall and really well built with dark brown hair which looked soft to the touch. A grin tugged at the corner of the man’s mouth when their eyes met for a moment. Sebastian tilted his head and chewed on his lip ring as he let his gaze wander up and down, slowly and deliberately. He felt a familiar tingle. That guy sure reminded him of—
“Seb? Hello? Earth to Seb! Your turn!” A mullet of blond spiky hair appeared in his line of sight, yanking Sebastian out of his thoughts. Sam was smiling brightly as he always did, tugging him over to the pool table once more.
While Sebastian considered his next move, leaning over the edge of the table with his cue, his eyes flicked over to the stranger again. He was leaning against a wall now, drink in one hand, running the other one through his hair. Several people surrounded him, his friends probably, but that didn't deter him from focusing his attention solely on Sebastian.
Even with his mind preoccupied Sebastian managed to pocket two balls in one move, earning a dejected sigh from Sam and a chuckle from Abigail. She twirled one strand of her long purple hair around her finger before she got up and announced she would get the next round of drinks.
“None for me, thanks, I'm gonna take a smoke break,” Sebastian declared as he had - maybe deliberately - failed his next shot and it was Sam's turn once more. In addition to needing a smoke he also needed to get some fresh air, and most of all some peace and quiet. Silence was hard to come by in the city as it was constantly annoyingly noisy. He would probably have to wait until they were home to get some respite.
He didn’t miss the look on Sam's face wanting to contest his need for a break right now, when they hadn't even finished the game yet, but luckily Sam wasn’t one to argue a lot. Lately it’d been rare enough for Sebastian to spend his nights outside among all these people, so his friends were happy that he had shown up at all.
Outside at last, Sebastian sighed in frustration as he struck his lighter, inhaling deeply as he lit his cigarette and turned his eyes upwards to look for the stars in the night sky. He rarely found any in the city, the artificial light was so bright that it obscured most of the natural light. Sebastian’s thoughts briefly strayed to the mountains, forests and the beach of Pelican Town. His brow knitted tightly when he found himself missing his hometown unexpectedly. Where had that come from?
“Rough night?” An unfamiliar voice drew Sebastian out of his confusing thoughts and he welcomed it. Although his first instinct had been to scare off anybody who dared to interrupt his solace, his eyes found the stranger from inside standing next to him.
He was tall. And broad. His body was well-toned beneath his t-shirt, his biceps straining against the fabric in all the right places. Sebastian swallowed thickly, quickly taking another drag of his cigarette, needing the nicotine now more than ever. He wasn’t into tall and strong men anymore, he told himself firmly. He chewed on his lip ring before answering with a slight huff.
“Weird night, actually.” Sebastian was intrigued enough and his eyes wandered up the other man’s body, stopping at his face. Brown eyes. Hm. He sharply blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth.
“Maybe we can do something about that,” a suggestive smirk spread across the stranger’s lips and Sebastian’s pulse quickened at the suggestion, he knew he could use a good hookup.
“Seeeb!” This time a familiar voice caught Sebastian's attention as Sam stumbled over, Abigail in tow.
“Sorry, Seb. I tried to keep him from coming outside,” Abigail apologized with an eye roll, probably knowing Sebastian was out here for a reason, he hadn’t been very subtle earlier, checking the other man out. Sam grabbed Sebastian's arm playfully, before putting his own around his shoulders, so it was hanging possessively over his friend’s body. Sebastian tensed a little at the touch. “I think he's had too much beer already,” Abigail sighed, adjusting her bag on her shoulder.
“It's fine, I'll get him home, can you call a cab?” Abigail nodded at Sebastian's question. She didn't live with them, although when they started out their first year of college they had discussed moving in together. Ultimately they had decided against it and Abigail had moved into a dorm on campus which she had since left behind. She did have her own studio apartment now. It was small but it was hers, or so she said. Usually Sam or Sebastian would take her home but that was out of the question right now.
“I'm sorry,” Sebastian muttered to the man, although part of him was glad they had been interrupted. The slight flutter in his chest and stomach when he looked at the stranger hadn’t really vanished and stirred up memories he didn't want to follow right now.
“Don't worry about it, your friend looks like he needs to get into bed,” a small chuckle left his lips as he turned to leave. “Maybe until next time,” he winked at Sebastian who sighed in turn and tried to support Sam’s body somehow.
Abigail pinched Sam's cheek. “Behave, will you?” She then turned to Sebastian. “Call me if you need me.” That earned her a scowl from her friend and a pat on the head from Sam.
“I'll be a good boy, I promise!” A bright and dopey grin crossed the blond man's features and Sebastian dragged him away after making sure Abigail got into the cab when it arrived for her. They didn't live too far from each other but still in opposite directions from the bar.
“I didn't know you were still into jocks,” Sam mused as they arrived at their apartment building after having spent the way home mostly in silence. Somehow Sebastian doubted Sam was as drunk as he claimed to be and his words left a bitter aftertaste. They waited for the elevator, Sebastian pressing the button repeatedly, just wanting to get into the tranquility of his own home as quickly as possible. “I mean that dude looked an awful lot like—”
“Can we not talk about this?” Sebastian snapped at his friend who didn't seem too bothered by his reaction. “Relax, Seb, I’m just looking out for you,” Sam purred into his ear, the sensation sending a shiver down Sebastian's spine.
Finally the elevator arrived and he dragged his drunken friend into it. To get Sam home after a night out was usually quite the endeavor as Sam was not only taller than Sebastian but also of a bigger build. Sam didn't work out as much but in comparison to Sebastian who didn't work out at all, it made enough of a difference. Sebastian had always been small and somewhat scrawny, even when they were still children. He wasn't as scrawny now but he was still slender.
“Mm, Seb…” Once the elevator doors closed behind them Sam was all over him. Okay, so he was as drunk as he claimed. “You're such a good friend…” Sebastian felt a hand in his hair, lightly tugging at it so Sam had better access to his neck.
Sebastian didn’t know if he wanted that right now, his thoughts were completely scattered from the evening, every touch from Sam sending a spark through his body but the current moment clashing with the return of old feelings, he had long thought buried.
“Sam?” Sebastian caught his friend’s wrist, stopping Sam’s hand from roaming over his body as the elevator dinged and they had to get out anyway. “I know that’s kind of… our thing but I just don’t feel like it tonight.”
“I’ve been cock-blocked by a random jock,” Sam sighed theatrically but nodded with a lopsided grin as Sebastian unlocked their apartment door and they stumbled inside.
“It’s not—” Sebastian started to say, as he got rid of his shoes and helped Sam. “Maybe, I don’t know.” He finished and led his friend to his bedroom.
“Look, I’m not telling you who to hook up with but… maybe you should… go for another type.” Sam sat down on the edge of his bed, starting to undress himself down to his boxers.
“Goodnight, Sam.” Sebastian rolled his eyes as he left Sam’s room and went to get ready for bed. When he finally vanished beneath his covers he rubbed his palms over his face and turned on his side, wanting to disappear.
Returning to the present moment, Sebastian pushed himself off the steering wheel and finally started the car and pulled out of his parking space with renewed determination.
He was on autopilot as he drove and soon left the city behind and found himself bound eastward. Once out of the asphalt jungle and onto the highway, high buildings gave way to a sea of trees and mountain ranges far ahead. Sebastian hadn't noticed but he seemed to have held his breath for too long and let it out shakily at the sight of the scenery surrounding him. Biting on his lip ring, tears welled up in his eyes, blurring his vision, but he refused to let them fall.
By the time Sebastian had left the highway, the sun was still up, even though it was quite late already. It dipped the whole valley into a golden light, illuminating everything with a natural glow and flooding Sebastian's mind with memories from summers past.
Late nights out at the beach, stolen glances and hushed laughter ringing in his mind. Late visits to the mountain lake, looking for frogs, the wildlife sounds surrounding him and soothing his anxious mind. Skinny-dipping in the cold water, more hushed laughter and sweet whispers.
He pulled into the driveway of his childhood home and parked his truck, as another rush of worry suffused his body. Not really sure if he’d made the right decision by coming to Pelican Town, he killed the engine and pulled the keys out of the ignition with unsteady hands. Before he could entertain the thought of just driving back into Zuzu City he noticed the front door opening. Robin appeared, worry written all over her face when she spotted her son.
Hesitantly getting out of the truck, Sebastian hadn't been prepared for his senses to be overwhelmed by the familiar smells. Although their house stood in the mountains above the town, it smelled like the beach and ocean for some reason he couldn’t quite explain. Then again it was the height of summer and the breeze always carried the sea air up here.
Being back in his room in the basement wasn't as soothing as he’d hoped. Most of his stuff was back in Zuzu City. So the room looked a little bleak now, his shelves and desk almost empty save for a few keepsakes like books and CDs and a few video games and movies. Sam’s and his apartment wasn't too big, so naturally a bit of their stuff had been left in their respective childhood homes.
Sebastian sat on the edge of his bed which still stood where it had always been. Right leg bouncing up and down, he chewed on his lip ring. About to get ready to go outside for a cigarette, Robin knocked and appeared in the doorway. In her hands she held bed sheets.
“Here you go, Sebby,” her brow creased with tension, each small crease revealing layers of unspoken concern. Sebastian tried to ease her mind by telling her everything was fine, that he just needed a little time away from city life. “I was about to make dinner, would you like to join us?”
As much as Sebastian wanted to decline - mostly out of habit - and just get outside he felt himself nodding at his mother's offer.
“Yeah, thanks,” he confirmed once more, because even Robin looked a bit surprised in the face of his agreement. He took the bed sheets from her, eager to be doing something to take the edge off, his mind racing. He already dreaded the upcoming dinner because ‘us’ certainly included Demetrius, his stepdad.