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Over the years Yuna has gotten used to watching her son get hurt. He doesn't get in a lot of fights, but hockey is still a contact sport so Shane has ended up in hospital before. Today's hit was different, though. Yuna wasn't at the game, but she's seen replays of it far too often since David got the call that Shane had gotten hurt. She probably shouldn't have looked it up online, but Yuna couldn't help herself. She needed to know what happened to her baby.
Cliff Marleau happened. Rationally she knows the hit was clean, but emotionally she wants that man drawn and quartered.
Shane's celebrity status thankfully gets them a private room to wait in while the doctors are examining Shane. The verdict feels like a relief; a broken collarbone and a concussion. It could have been a lot worse and he's expected to make a full recovery. Shane drifts in and out of consciousness, high on painkillers.
A nurse comes in to check on Shane. His vitals look good and she asks them to call for a nurse when Shane's more lucid.
"We just called his husband and he's on his way. We, of course, take your son's privacy seriously and we won't leak this to the press. We also assure you that we have security present to keep the press out. You can all focus on Mr Hollander's health," the nurse says.
Husband.
His husband.
"Um… thank you," Yuna says, her mind a mess. She looks at her son as those words keep repeating in her mind. His husband. His husband. His husband.
"She must be mistaken, right?" Yuna asks softly. Nurses are busy and while Yuna would love for her full focus to be on her son, she knows the woman has several other patients as well. She must have gotten something mixed up. There's no way her baby is… married.
"I don't know how she could be," David says.
"She has to be. He wouldn't… not without telling us." She's at times suspected Shane wasn't entirely straight, but this is too much. Her son wouldn't get married without telling her.
Or would he?
Shane's entire life has been about hockey and Yuna knows that hockey isn't a welcoming place for queer people. She's suspected Shane wasn't straight before, but has she ever made an effort to tell Shane she would be okay with that?
No.
Yuna's blood runs cold as she realises she's never made the effort to make Shane feel comfortable enough to come out. She doesn't think she's ever said anything outright homophobic, but she hasn't shown support either. She's failed in her job as mother. The longer she sits with her thoughts, the more she's convinced the nurse was right; her son is married. All she can do now is wait to see who shows up, while a part of her still hopes that no one will because that means she hasn't completely failed as Shane's mother.
She sits in silence with David until none other than Ilya Rozanov enters the room. Yuna immediately stands up, ready to kick him out. While she appreciates he's checking in on Shane, he can't be here when Shane's husband shows up. If his husband shows up. The last thing Shane needs right now is an asshole like Rozanov finding out about this.
"Rozanov, you shouldn't be here," she says. "I appreciate you coming here to check on Shane, but he is not in any state for that."
"I…" Rozanov is speechless and he looks nervous. Yuna has never seen the man look nervous before. He must not like hospitals. Under different circumstances she'd respect him going out of his comfort zone like this, but currently she's still too worried about her son.
"Mr Rozanov." The same nurse as before comes in shortly after Rozanov. Yuna really should learn her name. "I know I already told you over the phone, but I want to assure you that your secret is safe here. Our security is working hard at keeping reporters out."
Rozanov nods. "Thank you. Is he… he'll be okay, yes?"
The nurse reaches out to rub his arm. "We have no reason to suspect he won't make a full recovery. He's got a concussion and he's currently out of it because of the pain killers. We'll do a full cognitive exam on him when he's awake again. He is getting the best care possible."
Yuna doesn't know what to think. The nurse called Rozanov? The nurse who said she called her son's husband called Rozanov? Ilya Rozanov, the Russian terminator, he son's cocky rival, got called because her son is in hospital. She knows what this means, but Yuna can't get herself to ask Rozanov for confirmation.
"Thank you, Maya," Rozanov says. He does know the nurse's name. Yuna doesn't know how she feels about that.
"It's no problem. My wife played hockey in college, so I know how painful it is to watch the person you love get hurt on the ice. All he needs you to do right now is to be here for him," Maya says.
Rozanov flashes her a shaky smile. "I can do that."
Maya leaves them and the silence that falls over the group is awkward at the very best. Yuna has so many questions, but she doesn't know where to start.
"I'm sorry," Rozanov says eventually. "We… he was going to tell you. We did not want you to find out this way."
And just like that Yuna can no longer deny this. Her son is married and she didn't know. "How long?" She asks. Maybe it's new. Maybe it was an impulsive decision and they're still deciding whether or not to stay married.
"Four years," Rozanov answers.
Yuna's blood runs cold. Four years. She looks at Shane and her heart breaks. He's been married for four years and in all that time he didn't feel safe enough to tell her. How is she ever going to make that up to him?
"Why?" Why did they get married? Why didn't Shane tell her? She doesn't know which question she wants to ask, there's far too many.
"I got hurt and the doctors said I might not play again. If I can't play, I have to go back to Russia," Rozanov begins.
"Oh," David says. "That would be bad."
Rozanov nods. "No one there knows, but it would be dangerous for me. I am bisexual, so I could maybe find a nice woman to marry, but Shane…" He looks and sounds so soft when he mentions Shane. "No one is like him."
Rozanov clears his throat before he continues. "My injury wasn't as bad as they said, but we already made the plan and we didn't want to change it. When Shane has a plan he has to follow it."
That's comforting to hear. That's the Shane she knows, which means that her son isn't a total stranger to her.
"Do you love him?" David asks.
"He is my everything," Rozanov answers.
"What about your family?" Yuna asks.
"My brother hates me. If he found out about Shane I would be dead."
Yuna knows that Russia isn't a safe space for queer people, but to hear Rozanov say so clearly that his own brother would kill him makes it so much more real. He doesn't just have to worry about hockey, this is a matter of life and death for him. Of course her Shane would do anything to help him. "What about your mother?" She knows his father just passed, but she hasn't heard anything about his mother.
"She died when I was young," Rozanov answers. "Shane is my family."
Yuna didn't know her heart could break more, but it does. She's always seen Rozanov as this big asshole who had no life outside of hockey. He was her son's rival and nothing more. Now she looks at this man whose parents have passed away and whose own brother would kill him. He has no family outside of her own son.
"We are your family," she says. The words come to her so easily. If Shane loves this man enough to risk his hockey career for, he is family.
Rozanov sniffles and he looks down. His shoulders shake slightly. Yuna rushes over and pulls him into a hug. "We are your family," she repeats softly. "It's going to be okay." That is how she finds herself with a giant Russian crying in her arms.
"I'll go out to find us all some coffee," David says. "You can have my seat by Shane." On a day where her entire world has turned upside down, it's nice to have some things remain the same. David is uncomfortable with handling big emotions in front of other people.
She watches Rozanov sit down next to Shane, and she barely recognises him. This giant man looks so small and soft. He carefully runs his fingers through Shane's hair and he whispers something in Russian. "Marleau is sorry for the hit," he says to Yuna.
"Even I have to admit it was a clean hit, but thank you." Yuna wants to ask a million questions, but it doesn't feel right to grill Rozanov when he looks this fragile.
"Please don't be angry with Shane," Rozanov says after a few moments. "It's okay if you don't like me, but don't be angry with him. He loves you so much and he's been scared you wouldn't like him anymore."
That cuts straight to Yuna's heart. She can't imagine ever hating Shane, but clearly she hasn't done a good enough job at letting him know that. "I'm not angry with either of you," she says. She's really only angry with herself. "I'm sorry I made him feel like he couldn't tell me. I'll apologize to Shane when he's awake, but you should hear it too."
"Thank you, mrs Hollander,"Rozanov says. Or Ilya, she should start calling him Ilya.
"Please, it's Yuna," she tells him.
Ilya flashes her a watery smile. "Thank you, Yuna."
David joins them again with coffee and they sit mostly in silence, with the occasional noises from Shane. He wakes up briefly a few times. It puts them all on edge, but Shane drifts off again before he can say anything. It's late at night by the time Shane is able to stay awake for more than a few seconds. The first thing he sees is Ilya and he smiles widely.
"Ilyaaaaaa," he says.
Ilya strokes his cheek and whispers something in Russian.
Shane frowns. "Russian is hard now. Head hurts." That means that Shane must have learned some Russian. There's so much of Shane's life that she's missed.
Ilya's expression softens. "I said that I love you. You worried me."
"I'm sorry," Shane says, frowning.
"We should get doctor to look at you," Ilya says. "Your parents are here. They know. It's okay."
Shane looks around and when he spots Yuna and David he looks scared.
"Is okay," Ilya repeats. "No one is angry. We are here for you."
It seems to calm Shane down for now at least. Yuna has no doubts that he'll freak out later when he's more aware of what's going on.
Shane holds onto Ilya's hand as the doctor examines him and he refuses to let go. Yuna has never seen her son insist that someone keep touching him before. It could be the painkillers, but she suspects it's more than that.
The doctor confirms Shane's concussion and explains the next steps in Shane's recovery. He's out for the rest of the season, which Yuna knows is going to upset Shane. When he gets hurt enough to miss out on games, he usually stays with them. Would he want to stay with Ilya now that she knows about him? Could he even stay with Ilya? He probably can't safely stay there without starting rumors. That thought breaks Yuna's heart. She can't imagine having to be apart from David for so much of the year, and then not even be able to stay with him when she does have time.
"Do you want to stay with us?" she asks Shane when the doctor has left.
"Is that still okay?" he asks softly.
"Oh, honey, always." She strokes his cheek softly. "You are my son and I love you so much. Now and always. We'll talk when you feel better, but I need you to know that I love you."
"I'm sorry, mom."
Yuna shakes her head. "No, you do not have to apologise. I'm so sorry I didn't make you feel safe enough to tell us about Ilya."
Tears well up in Shane's eyes. Usually he does everything in his power to stop the tears from falling, but now he's crying within seconds. It is not fair on Shane to have this conversation while he's in this state.
"Your dad and I are going to get some food and you can stay here with your husband," Yuna says.
By the time they get back to the room, Shane is asleep again. Ilya is still by his side, softly stroking his hair. He looks so incredibly soft and Yuna can't help but feel sad over everything she's missed. "You must be tired," she tells Ilya. "You can go to your hotel and I can let you know if anything changes with Shane."
Ilya immediately shakes his head. "I stay with him."
Yuna can't fault him for that; she's do the same for David. "Okay."
An uncomfortable silence settles over the room. Yuna has so many questions she wants to ask, but it doesn't feel fair to do so without Shane. Selfishly she's glad when David breaks the silence.
"How long were you two together before you got married?" David asks.
"Is… complicated," Ilya says. He can't keep his eyes off of Shane as he talks. "We did not really date before. It was casual and then we got married. For me, I fell in love when I saw him. I saw his freckles and I had never seen someone so beautiful. I kept thinking about him. I went back to Russia and I looked up videos of him playing."
That means that Ilya has been in love with her son since before their rookie season. "Do you know how long it's been for Shane?" she asks.
"I think you should ask him. It's not for me to say." Damn him for being so chivalrous, Yuna wants to know. She has to respect him, though. He clearly has Shane's best interest at heart.
They avoid the subject for the rest of the night. Most of it is either spent in silence, or by talking about hockey. Hockey is a safe topic. They end up spending most of the time debating the Admirals's chances at winning the cup. Yuna thinks they've got a great shot at it, Ilya is convinced Hunter is going to break a hip before that happens. Throughout their conversation she watches Ilya relax and become more animated. It's great to see him become comfortable around them. It bodes well for the future.
The next day Yuna tells herself she doesn't have to talk to Shane about all of this yet, because he's still high on painkillers. The day after that her and David take him home, and she tells herself she'll give him a day to get settled in. On the third day Shane approaches her.
"Mom, I'm really sorry," he says. He's standing in the door to her office and he looks so small. Yuna is immediately brought back to years ago, when Shane was all of eight years old and broke a vase by shooting a puck in the house.
"No, honey," she begins.
"I am. I didn't want to… I tried not being gay. I really tried, but Ilya…"
"Shane, you have nothing to apologise for. I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't make you feel like you could tell me. I am not angry with you at all." Yuna walks over to him and carefully hugs him. "I love you so much and I could not be more proud of what you did for Ilya. I know how much you care about hockey and the fact that you are risking that for Ilya tells me that he's a good man. Seeing him in that hospital also tells me that he's a good man. I wish I had done more to make you feel comfortable enough to tell me, but don't you ever think that I'm upset with you for hiding this from me."
"He really is a good man," Shane says softly. "I know many people don't see that, but he is."
"I know, baby."
"He must have been so scared."
"He was, but you're okay. I got his number and I assured him that you're okay here." Yuna had insisted they exchange numbers before Ilya left. Shane isn't allowed on his phone yet, so she made sure someone could keep Ilya updated.
"You have his number?"
Yuna nods. "Of course. I couldn't imagine not being able to check in on your dad if he was hurt. I'm not going to let that happen to my son-in-law."
Shane pulls back to look at her. "Your son-in-law?"
Yuna smiles. "Yes, he's family whether he likes it or not."
She can see that Shane is holding back tears. "I think he'd like that. He hasn't had a loving family for a while now."
"Other than you," Yuna points out. As sad as she is to have missed it, she is so proud that Shane has given Ilya a family.
Shane nods, a soft smile on his face. "Yeah, I guess."
"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. You deserve better. Will you forgive me for all of it?" she asks.
Shane doesn't even need to think. "Of course, mom."
Yuna feels like a weight has been lifted. "Ilya's playing soon, right? Shall we head to the living room? You can tell me all about him while we wait for the game to start."
Shane smiles widely. Yuna hasn't seen him smile like that since he was a young kid. There's something so carefree about it. How hasn't she seen the effect Ilya has on her son before? "You don't have to…"
"I want to know more about him and about the two of you together," Yuna cuts him off. "He told me that he fell in love with you the moment he saw you. When did it happen for you?"
Shane brightens up at that. "Did he talk about my freckles? He won't stop talking about them. If I want to mess with him I edit pictures of me with a filter that removes my freckles."
Yuna can't help but laugh. "That sounds like when I hide the last piece of your dad's puzzles."
Shane laughs as well. "And then you always 'miraculously' find it."
Yuna shrugs. "It's fun to mess with your man a little. If you ever want to do that in real life, I can help you with makeup to cover up your freckles."
"I may take you up on that if he gets too annoying."
"You didn't answer my question, though. When did you fall in love with him?"
"I don't know. I feel like I've always loved him. I don't know if there was one moment where I fell. I realised when he got hurt and he told me that he would have to go back to Russia, though. I could not even think about living a life without him without starting to cry. I flew to Boston immediately and asked him to marry me. I probably should have told him that I love him before proposing."
"You two haven't had it easy. It makes sense that your timeline looks different from most. But I'm so glad you had each other and that you have your dad and I now as well."
Shane looks so relieved, it almost breaks Yuna's heart. She should have been a part of Shane and Ilya's life for longer now. She's going to make an effort to make up for lost time. "I think Ilya will enjoy having a bigger family again."
"He'd better, because he is a part of this family now and I'm not letting him leave. I hope he can be a part of our summer plans as well now. Do you see him much during the summer?" As she asks the question Yuna realises something. "Your silent retreats…" she says.
Shane nods. "That's when he's at the cottafe. He usually goes to Russia after and then I usually manage to go down to Boston for a week or so as well."
So they only spend a few weeks together. "I'm sorry you have to be so careful about that. I hope this year it can be different."
"It will be. Ilya told me he doesn't see a reason to go back to Russia now that his father is gone. Since you and dad know, I won't have to hide him. He can stay for longer." Shane looks so happy again. Just the thought of spending time with his husband is enough to cheer him up. That is the kind of love she's always wanted Shane to find.
"Please tell him that he can come up here when the play offs are over. I would love to get to know him better before you take him to your cottage."
"That may take a while, he's convinced he's going to win the cup this year."
Yuna scoffs. "Not a chance. Hunter has got it in the bag."
"Don't let Ilya hear you say that."
"We already debated it in the hospital," Yuna says. "He disagrees with me, but I'm always right about these things." She may not know everything that's going on in her son's life, but she still knows hockey.
"He'll learn that one day, I'm sure. Did you know he's scared of loons?"
"No! The big scary Russian is scared of loons? Doesn't he have a loon tattoo?"
Shane laughs. "That's a whole story."
"I have time."
ーーー
If you had told Yuna even just six months ago that she'd be watching the Stanley Cup finals with her son cuddles up to Ilya Rozanov on her couch, she would have declared you a fool. In the present day it feels like the most natural thing in the world. He's shouting at the TV just as loud as she and Shane are. He's sharing vodka with her husband and he spent time in the kitchen with her to prepare snacks for the game. In just a few short weeks Ilya Rozanov has become a Hollander and Yuna already can't imagine a life without him. No wonder Shane fell for him so quickly.
"The Admirals are still up a point," Yuna says. "I told you they'd win."
"No way! Old man Hunter will break his hip any second now. They will not win," Ilya says, though he sounds a lot less sure than he did half an hour ago.
"Isn't he only three years older than you two?" David asks.
"Doesn't matter. He is old in his heart," Ilya says, waving away the comment.
"Mom is always right about this, Ilya. You will see," Shane says.
Ilya huffs. "There is no way Scott Hunter will win a cup."
The last few minutes tick by and… "Ha! I told you mom's always right!"
"Dumb luck," Ilya says.
"He'll have to be careful lifting that cup, he might break his back," Shane says.
Ilya looks so proud of Shane's chirp. It's wonderful to see them interact so easily with each other. The first day Ilya stayed with them they were so awkward and afraid to show too much affection. Now, Ilya has no problem kissing Shane's cheek in front of them.
"What's Hunter doing?" David asks, pulling their attention back to the screen. All the players are celebrating with their families while Hunter is gesturing to someone in the stands. A man walks down to greet him.
"Is he asking a fan to join him? That's nice of him," Yuna says.
They all watch in silence as Scott Hunter kisses the mystery man on the ice, in front of everyone.
"Wow," Yuna says softly. She looks over at Shane and Ilya, they both look at the screen in shock. "Did you know he's gay?"
They both shake their heads.
"This doesn't mean we can…" Shane says.
"No, but it is big. If it comes out we won't be the first," Ilya says.
"Yeah… we won't be first." For a man who's always fought to be first in anything, Shane looks awfully relieved to not be first for once. Yuna can't blame him. Hunter is going to have to answer questions about his sexuality at every upcoming interview. She knows Shane and Ilya don't plan to come out before they retire, but she hopes this will make things easier for them anyway. Maybe they'll even find the courage to come out sooner. No matter what they choose, Yuna is sure they'll make it work. She only needs to look at them both to know that her son has a husband who will always look out for his happiness.