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Husk sighed as he watched Alastor pack. “You don’t have to go,” he told him.
Alastor looked up. “I know that.” He turned his attention back to his bag as he folded his clothes and tucked them inside.
He let go of another sigh. “Niffty and I can go by ourselves.”
Alastor stopped and met his gaze once more. “Do you not want me to go?” he asked firmly.
He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m saying-”
“Then I’m going,” he cut him off as he turned his attention back to his packing.
Husk sighed again. “Alright.” He didn’t see any point in trying to argue, so he just left the room. He’d let Niffty deal with his attitude when she got home.
***
“What’s for dinner?” Niffty asked as she stepped into the kitchen. She dropped her purse on the counter and came up behind Alastor, wrapping her arms around him. It was almost comical to see her short stature compared to his. Standing behind him, her head rested almost in the middle of his back.
“Just chicken parmesan,” he answered.
She giggled. “You say ‘just’ like it’s not gonna be the most delicious thing I’ve had all day.” She paused. Husk had mentioned Alastor’s sour mood to her the moment she stepped through the front door. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“I’m fine, dear,” he answered.
She was quiet for a beat before she replied. “Are you sure?”
Alastor took a deep breath and let it go slowly. He knew he had a temper, but he’d worked hard on keeping it since the moment the two of them had walked into his life. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he finally answered.
She nodded. “Okay.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his shoulder. “I’m gonna unwind with Husk for a bit. Let us know when dinner’s ready?”
“Of course, dear,” he answered before she disappeared from the room.
Alastor sighed. He was not looking forward to this trip. Every summer, they went on a camping trip of some kind or another and every year, Alastor swiftly declined. He was a homebody, always had been. Sometimes he was still surprised that Husk and Niffty had even managed to come into his life, but here they were, five years together and counting. He tried to join them in activities they enjoyed, just as much as they tried to do for him, but their annual camping trip was something he’d never accepted an invitation to, but this year was different. For reasons he hadn’t even admitted to himself yet, he didn’t want to be alone.
"You want to go?” Husk asked when he said that he’d join them this year.
“Am I not allowed to?” he asked in turn.
Husk quickly shook his head. “No! No! That’s not what I was saying!”
“You’ve just never wanted to go before,” Niffty chimed in next. “We’re just surprised, that’s all.”
“Well, I’d like to this year,” Alastor stated. “If that’s alright with you?”
“Of course it is!” Husk answered. He enjoyed camping and he liked having a weekend just him and Niffty, but he always missed Alastor when they were away; he was more than happy to have him join them this year.
***
Alastor was quiet as they set up their campsite. Niffty chatted away excitedly as she worked. Husk watched Alastor; he knew it was best to leave him be and let him come to them when he was ready to talk about something, but he hated letting it fester. “I’m gonna get some wood,” Husk said once everything was pretty much set up.
Niffty giggled. “Can I get some wood later?” she asked.
Husk just grinned and rolled his eyes playfully. He then looked at Alastor. “You mind tagging along to help?”
“Of course, I can.” He kissed Niffty on the cheek. “We’ll be back in a bit, dear.”
“Take your time,” she replied. “I’m not going anywhere.”
With that, Husk and Alastor headed out into the woods. Alastor remained silent as he and Husk gathered fallen logs. Husk gave it a little time, but finally turned to him and asked, “So, what’s going on?”
Alastor turned to him and blinked. “What?”
He set down his armful of wood. “What’s going on with you? I’m not complaining, I love having you with us, but you’ve never wanted to come camping with us before, so, what gives?”
Alastor lowered his gaze. “I just thought it would be nice for a change.”
Husk scoffed. “You’re so full of shit. Come on, talk to me.” He rested a hand on his arm, but Alastor pulled away.
"There’s nothing to talk about,” he insisted. “I just wanted to be with you and Niffty, that’s all.”
Husk shook his head and sighed. “Fine, keep it to yourself. I don’t care.” He picked up his bundle of wood and headed back to their campsite.
Alastor stood there for a moment to regain his composure. He knew he should talk to them, but he didn’t know what to say. He was still trying to process his feelings on the matter; he certainly didn’t yet have the words to discuss it. He sighed, grabbed another log, and followed Husk back to camp.
After roasting hot dogs over the fire for dinner, they discussed their plans for the following day. “Husk and I usually go fishing in the morning and then we take a hike in the afternoon.”
“Sounds riveting,” Alastor replied noncommittally.
Niffty considered him for a moment. “You don’t have to come with if you don’t want to,” she offered. “I know you’re not much of an outdoors kind of guy.”
“I said I’ll go,” he snapped.
“Hey!” Husk hollered. “You can yell at me all you want, but don’t you dare raise your voice at her!”
“I didn’t raise my voice,” he argued. He let go of a deep breath. “I’m going to bed.” He stood up. “Good night.”
Husk sighed. It was one thing for Alastor to take his frustration and anger out on him but he’d be damned if he let him treat Niffty badly because he was in a mood. He pursed his lips as he watched the other man head to their tent. He knew he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t do it. “I love you,” he told him.
Alastor stopped. It was something they’d agreed to when they’d first gotten together; no matter what was going on, hurt feelings of any kind, they needed to say ‘I love you’ before they went to bed. Alastor glanced back at him. “Love you too, Husker.” Then he looked at his other partner. “Night, Niffty. Love you.”
“Love you too,” she replied. Alastor disappeared into the tent.
In a hushed voice, Husk asked Niffty, “You have any idea what’s going on with him?”
She shook his head. “You know Al, he’s never great about talking about things. He keeps things bottled up unless he doesn’t have to.”
Husk sighed. “I know. I just… I kind of hoped he’d be open with us by now.”
Niffty nodded in agreement. “He has gotten better.”
“Yeah,” Husk replied. “He has.”
Alastor laid down on his sleeping bag and sighed into his pillow. He knew he shouldn’t be snippy with them, but he couldn’t stop it. All his anger that he’d stamped down was finally bubbling up now and he hated it. He thought he’d let go years ago, but it seemed he just pushed it aside and it was waiting to come back up when the time was right.
***
Niffty woke with a start. She sat up and listened. “Oh, fuck,” she whined. Water was pounding down on their tent. It wasn’t supposed to rain!
Alastor woke up; he was always sensitive to when his partners stirred from sleep somehow. “You alright, Nif?”
She sighed. “It’s raining.”
Alastor sat up and listened. “I suppose it is.” He paused as the realization came over him. "I guess we won’t be doing much hiking or fishing, will we?”
"I guess not,” she pouted.
Alastor smiled. “Cheer up, cupcake,” he said as he put his arms around her. “Think of all the fun we can have inside.”
“Bet you’re pretty happy now,” she lamented.
He sighed. “Not at all, dear. I know how much you and Husker were both looking forward to fishing and hiking,” he said the words as if needing to spit them out.
Niffty pulled away and looked right at him. “Why did you come, Al? I love you and I’m happy you’re here, but you obviously don’t want to be here, so what gives?”
Alastor looked away. He was never good at keeping things from Niffty. “I just… I didn’t want to be alone right now,” he whispered.
The answer caught Niffty’s attention. “Are you scared of hurting yourself again?” she asked in worry. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d been vigilant about keeping an eye on him for that reason; Alastor was manic depressive and if he hit rock bottom, it was a scary place for him to be.
He shook his head. “No,” he answered. “Maybe a little,” he admitted. “I just…”
Husk rolled over to put his arms around Niffty. He blindly reached when he realized she wasn’t there; that woke him quickly. He looked at both his partners. “Everything okay?” he asked as he sat up groggily. “Fuck! Is it raining?!”
"It is,” Alastor answered. “I suppose that ruins the rest of our weekend plans.”
Husk sighed. “A little.” He looked between Alastor and Niffty. "Everything alright?”
“I was just asking Alastor that myself,” Niffty answered.
Alastor took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I’ve been so… I don’t know how to talk about it.”
Husk opened his arms. “Come here.”
Alastor knew once he was caught in between his lovers there was no way he was going to be able to hold any of it in, but he could also see how frightened his honesty about his state of mind had made Niffty. He sighed and moved to lay between them, nestling himself in Husk’s arms. He nuzzled his face against Husk’s chest as the smaller man wrapped his arms around him. Niffty laid behind him and wrapped him in her tiny embrace as well. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel,” Alastor whispered; he was holding back tears.
"About what?” Husk asked as he began combing his fingers through his partner’s hair.
“Mom called the other day,” he began. “She told me… My father died.”
It all made sense finally. Alastor had had a strained relationship with his father for years. The man had been a drunken abuser his entire childhood. Even after years of sobriety, Alastor never did learn to trust him again; there was too much hurt from the past for him to let go. “I’m sorry,” Husk whispered.
Alastor scoffed. “I’m not.” He paused. “And that’s where it all begins. I’m angry that I have a right to not care that he’s gone and I’m angry that I’mnot upset about his death.” He took a quivering breath as tears filled his eyes. “I don’t miss him, but I miss… The father he was supposed to be. He was never going to change no matter how many fucking A.A. meetings he attended… I’m angry that now he can never change.”
"Everything you’re feeling is understandable,” Niffty assured him.
Those words were what Alastor needed to let the damn of tears break. He sobbed. Husk pulled him closer. “I just… I’m so angry! And I’m sad! I shouldn’t miss him and yet I do! I hate him because he never fixed it! He never made things better! I deserved his love!”
Husk stroked his hair affectionately. “Yes, you did,” he agreed. “It’s not your fault that he wasn’t the father he was supposed to be.”
He sniffled. “I’m so angry,” he repeated. “I have all of these mixed emotions and I don’t know what to do with them and all I want to do is…”
Both Husk and Niffty clung to him tighter. The fact that Alastor now had two amazing partners in his life, he would never actually end it; he would never want to hurt them in that way, but it didn’t stop the thoughts and desire from being there. He cried as they held him, none of them knowing what more to say.
After some time, Alastor finally got his tears under control. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to either of you,” he whispered.
"We understand,” Husk assured him.
“You were scared of disappointing us,” Niffty noted.
Husk continued the thought. “And you weren’t even sure what you were thinking and feeling. So, how could you expect yourself to even talk about it?”
Alastor wiped at his runny nose. “I know, but I still should have said something. I shouldn’t have shut you out and been such a prick.”
Husk chuckled. “You’re always a prick,” he teased.
Niffty reached around Alastor and punched him in the arm.
"Ow!”
"Don’t be an asshole,” Niffty told him.
Alastor chuckled as he rolled over to face her. “Oh, my knight in shining armor,” he teased. He kissed her softly, then he pressed his back into Husk’s chest. “Thank you, both of you, for being here for me.”
"That’s what we’re here for,” Husk reminded him.
Niffty smiled. “Always.”