Work Text:
A knock stirred me from my thoughts, I had been staring at the wall for a while just lost in thought. It happened a lot more recently, I would zone out and fail to realize I should be doing something.
I walked over to the door and opened it a crack, everyone was supposed to be asleep, or so I thought. A familiar face stared back at me through the crack, Brandon.
“Can I come in?” He asked in a whisper, something in his voice made me nod and open it more to allow him to squeeze inside.
“I don’t think we should be playing at this hour.” I started, closing the door behind him. He had a few papers laid out on a section of my floor that was surprisingly clear, pens and pencil crayons scattered around it.
“I don’t wanna play, I wanna talk!” He smiled, but it reminded me of my own, not quite happy. I sat on the edge of my mattress, grabbing my lamb plushie and watching him begin to sketch something, a person maybe.
“Talk? About what?
“Do you ever miss your dad? The one that hurt you?”
I paused, my grip momentarily tightening on the lamb. Where was this leading? I thought for a moment, before deciding to be truthful.
“Yeah,” I nodded, “I do miss him sometimes, even if I hate him. Even though he hurt me, I miss him a lot sometimes.”
“Me too. I was thinking about my papa a lot today. I know he lied to me, I know he used it as an excuse to hurt me, but I miss him, and I don’t exactly hate him, even if I want to.”
I understood, it was easy to say I hated Him, but even I couldn’t fully, because even if He was bad, I was still happy back then.
“What was your papa like?”
“He was loud, I remember when I was a lot younger it was a happy loud, he and mama would dance while I played on the floor. I don’t know what changed.”
I nodded along to his speech, I had memories like that with my dad too, my actual one, not the glass man. I had good memories with that dad too though.
“He never changed that he was loud, he just became angry, scared. He was always so absorbed in the tv, watching shows that told him the end was coming, that he could save us. After that he changed. He became strict, mean. I always thought it was just to help us prepare.”
Brandon had finished the head on his sketch already, though I didn’t put in the energy to recognize who it was. It was just nice to watch the repetitive motion of pencil strokes.
“I always kept hoping that if I listened, if I was good enough, maybe he’d go back to being happy. He never did.” Brandon reached up to wipe his eyes with his sleeve, drying some stray tears and wiping back a bit of the blood that consistently dripped down his forehead.
I instinctively brought my hand to my own face, then stopped myself. I didn’t want to ruin my sweater with whatever had hidden what happened to my face.
“Your turn! What was your dad like? The fake one, I mean.” Brandon looked up at me, his smile was a little more his own now, happier. It was probably good that he finally got all that out. Maybe it would do the same if I got it out of my system.
“Well, he was a fraud. But before I knew that, I loved him. He provided me with the comfort I wasn’t getting from the outside world, presents to show he wanted me there, and the attention I wasn’t getting from my household. He was my primary comfort when my mom ran away, when I had to resort to getting a job and selling my things to pay bills, when I’d go days without eating a proper meal.”
I took a deep breath, already tearing up at the good memories, knowing that they had all been fake.
“He took me away from my only friend. I didn’t realize it at the moment, but I started isolating myself more for him, I stopped going to school, I stopped calling Lucas. He made me believe that if I joined him, everything would magically be better. Now I’m here, and nothing is magically better, and I know he’s a liar now.” I sighed, staring at the floor, the piles of clothing that surrounded my bed.
“Are you upset you’re here?”
“Yes, and no. I’m upset that I’m dead, I’m upset that I can’t see Lucas again to say goodbye. I’m happy I ended up here though, you all help.” I admitted, looking back to him.
Brandon was doing the lineart now, though I still didn’t fully process who he was drawing. I assumed it was one of his friends, he’d been drawing them and then taking pictures, then going to the computer to do… Something. I wasn’t quite sure what he’d do with them, maybe he had a folder just of drawings in case he lost any.
“I’m happy I’m here too, I don’t think Paradise would be everything I was told it would be.” He huffed, shaking his head a little.
I laughed in response, a quiet, genuine laugh. It was nice to finally bond with someone here, I had been isolating myself since I got here. It was good to know someone trusted me enough to talk, to stay. I had never felt like I was good enough for anyone to stay, my mom didn’t, why would anyone else.
Now I could hear those words in my head and remember that Lucas stayed, that Brandon is staying, that everyone in this house is staying.
“Maybe this place is our Paradise, our respite after all the bullshit we’ve been through.”
“Don’t swear.”
“My bad!”
We broke down laughing after that, not caring about our volume and waking anyone else up. It was getting later in the early morning hours anyway, Sean would be up soon.
We continued to talk about our lives before, about our friends, our mothers, anything. Brandon asked if I could teach him photography one day, I promised him that I would.
“I finished my drawing!” He finally cheered, he had gone over the lineart one more time after colouring, making the lines pop.
He reached it out towards me, and I set my lamb aside so I could take it. I froze once I did, it was me. He had drawn me. It was beautiful, I adored it, I wanted to hang it up immediately but I handed it back to him.
“...Thank you.”
“Of course! You can keep it by the way, I just wanna take a photo.” He hummed, taking a quick photo before sliding the paper back towards me.
I felt my tears well up as I grabbed it again, careful to not get anything on it as I hung it up on my wall beside my collection of photos I’ve taken.
“Do you actually like it? You don’t have to say yeah.” Brandon asked, looking a little nervous. I turned back to him, smiling even though I knew he couldn’t see it.
“It’s beautiful, you really captured my likeness well! The colours are so vibrant, and work so well together, I adore it!” I assured him, pulling the youngest into a big hug.
He laughed and hugged back, pretty much crushing me. I kept forgetting that the kid was relatively strong.
“Alright, you should get some sleep before Sean wakes up, okay?” I said, and Brandon nodded. I brought him up to his room and tucked him in, sending him off to sleep for a while.
I went back downstairs after, but instead of going back to my room, I turned on the TV, allowing noise to fill the space. I walked to the kitchen and started to make tea. I wanted to hang out in the living room today, talk more with everyone, let them get to know me properly.