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Six o’clock came without any fanfare, Medic looking down at his watch and waiting for those last tired minutes to crawl by before he could rightfully relax. The past two days had been long, unexpectedly so, and after working multiple consecutive shifts he was wondering just how long it would take Gazelle to recover. He’d been more than happy to take up the man’s shifts after Gazelle sprained his elbow while out on the field, but as Medic shuffled back to the small staff lounge he thought that maybe he might be in a little over his head. Thankfully the infirmary hadn’t seen too much action as of late aside from the occasional broken bone or busted lip from training, but that didn’t keep Medic from investing more energy than he had into his daily tasks. He had to learn how to say no sometimes or, better yet, just stop whining so much.
Medic smiled to himself at that and shouldered his way into the lounge rather unceremoniously. The room was cramped and hot even without anyone else inside, but the stuffiness and near overbearing smell of latex did little to keep Medic out. He wasted little time in heading for the old, green couch shoved under the window and sunk down into the cushions with a groan. Checking on patients and filling out paperwork wasn’t hard work but walking back and forth across the long infirmary hall for hours at a time was nearly enough to kill a man. Medic sighed heavily as he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the aching of his feet. He should probably change out of his coat and gather his things to leave. A hot shower would do him some good too but he couldn’t bring himself to move just yet. Maybe a few minutes more. It wasn’t like anyone was waiting on him anyway. He’d just relax a little longer…
“Vern? What are you doing way back here?”
Medic jerked awake at the sudden sound of a familiar voice and the feeling of a hand on his shoulder. He blinked rapidly against the bright panel lights and squinted in order to see Jay clearly.
“I’m-I’m sorry, what?” Medic stumbled over his words momentarily, his voice slow and thick with sleep. He gave his head a little shake and rubbed at his face to wake up. “You need something?”
“No, no, I don’t need anything,” Jay said and gave Medic’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. “Sorry to wake you, but your shift ended forty-five minutes ago. We were starting to wonder where you wandered off to...But, of course you’re still in the medical hall.” She sighed.
“Forty-five minutes?” Medic frowned down at his watch and groaned when he saw the time. “Shit. I didn't mean to fall asleep back here. I should get going...” he shifted to stand, the couch creaking with each movement.
“You feeling alright?” Jay reached for him when he swayed on his feet but he waved off her concern and managed a smile.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little worn out. It’s nothing a little sleep won’t fix,” he insisted and walked across the room to discard his white coat in a large laundry bin for later disinfecting. Beside the bin was a wall of lockers where each physician could store their stack of two or three coats and whatever other personal items they chose to shove in it, but Medic sidestepped the lockers altogether, more interested in heading out.
“Well, if you say so…but, hey! You’re not going back right now are you?” Jay followed Medic to the door where he stopped to give her a curious look.
“That was the plan. You sure you don’t need anything?”
“No, no I’m fine. But...you haven't eaten anything yet, have you? Why don't you swing by and grab something to eat first,” Jay said and looked up at him expectantly.
“Well…” Medic hesitated and shrugged a little. “I could, but, Jay…” Medic sighed and gave her a pathetic look he hoped really captured the essence of his tired suffering. “I just want to sleep.”
“I know, I know, but just humor me. A small bite to eat and you can go about your business,” she insisted and gave his chest a pat. “Come on, big boy, I think you can manage it.”
Medic looked down at her and found it nearly impossible to say no. He knew Jay was just trying to look out for him and he had to admit that he was grateful for it. Without some of her insistent nudging every once in a while he’d likely wear himself down to nothing.
After a few moments of mental whining, Medic finally nodded.
“I guess it wouldn't hurt,” he said and chuckled at Jay’s triumphant grin. “But I haven't had a chance to shower...I’m a mess, Jay.”
“Yeah you are, but we’ll forgive you for it, promise.” Jay gave him a playful pat on the back and he snorted in amusement before shuffling out the door and making his way through the infirmary.
“Is that the only reason you came in? Just to drag me out for dinner?” Medic held the door open when they reached the entrance and stepped out behind Jay into the muggy evening air.
“Sort of. You know, someone has to make sure you don't work yourself to death. It’s not an easy job but I think I manage it pretty well.”
“You do a fine job. Truly impressive,” Medic said. “Don’t know where I’d be without you, honestly.”
“Probably passed out in a corner of the infirmary.”
“That sounds about right, actually.” Medic managed a tired laugh and slowed as they both waited for a Jeep to bump past them on the uneven road before continuing on to the mess hall.
“You know what they’re serving tonight?” Medic asked as he glanced around at the rest of the camp. Everything seemed pretty quiet aside from the small cluster of soldiers hopping out of the newly parked Jeep. A dispatch mission? Medic eyed them closely as they dispersed, studying each soldier as best he could and only returning his attention to the conversation at hand when he didn’t see any obvious signs of injury.
“What?” He looked back when Jay stopped at the mess hall door, not having heard her answer.
“I said I’m not sure, but I heard it’s pretty good,” Jay said and made no move to open the door. Medic glanced from her to the door and back again, arching a brow.
“Ah, alright. Ladies first?” He reached out to open the door for her but Jay shook her head quickly.
“Nah you go.”
Medic eyed her curiously for a moment before shrugging and swinging the door open.
“Suit yourself. I just hope it isn’t pierogis again. I like Shark and Armadillo and all, good guys, but I have to wonder if they know how to cook anything else,” he said as he stepped inside and absently glanced around the room. The mess hall was large, easily large enough to hold the whole staff with a few spots to spare; the interior a grid of long tables and bench seats like an old school cafeteria. It was rare to see more than a few clusters of soldiers inside at one time due to their various hectic schedules, which made it difficult for Medic not to notice the group huddled at a nearby table; everything else, however, didn’t quite register in time.
He turned to head towards the kitchens but stopped when Jay caught his arm and pulled him back.
“Medic!”
“Hey, what? What’s the matter--” Medic stumble and frowned down at Jay in mild agitation but she was looking elsewhere and--
“Happy Birthday!” The chorus of voices wasn’t necessarily loud but echoed in the large space nonetheless, leaving Medic to stare at his laughing band of colleagues in utter confusion.
“What?”
“Happy Birthday, Vern,” Jay said from beside him and he had to take a moment to count the days in his head.
“The monthly party isn’t for another week--”
“Well, this isn’t the monthly party, it’s your party.” Medic looked from Jay back to the others who were laughing and waving him over.
“Mine.”
“Yup!” Orca piped up from among the group and the rest shuffled around the table to let Medic see what they had for him. It was a simple set up with a small cake and a single blue balloon that Medic could not believe he hadn’t noticed. Medic shook his head in mild disbelief and rubbed at his face, wondering if he might still be sleeping.
“I mean--well, I wasn’t expecting anything, ya know. I--you guys didn’t have to--”
“Oh my god, Vernon, please . Just come on,” Jay said, interrupting his mumbling and giving his arm another pull to drag him to the table.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! This is just kind of a surprise.”
“Well good, that was the intention.” Another wave of quiet laughter rippled through the group and Medic looked around to pick out faces.
Mocking Jay, Orca, Gazelle, Stingray, Armadillo--
“Oh, shit, Armadillo.” Medic cringed a little. “Hey, about the pierogis thing…”
Armadillo, a large yet quiet man just shook his head and shrugged it off, smiling all the while.
“You’re right,” he said and Medic had to strain to hear him over the group's amusement. “But I’ll have you know this cake will be the best you’ve ever had. Promise you.”
Medic laughed and looked down at the table, stepping a little closer to get a good look at the cake. It was a small, round layer cake with the smoothest frosting Medic had ever seen and a simple Happy Birthday in blue lettering. It was obvious Armadillo put a lot of time and care into making it.
“It looks great,” he said and smiled at the man before Jay stepped up beside him with a single thick tea candle.
“Well, you see, since you’re getting pretty old , V, we didn’t want to bother with all those candles , so we just got you one big one.” Jay offered him the squat little candle and he held it in his palm with a roll of his eyes.
“I’m not that old,” he insisted with a shake of his head when Jay looked less than convinced.
“How old are you, though?”
Medic glanced up at the question, taking a moment to find Orca half hidden behind their larger friends.
“Uh, well, you know…” Medic frowned and narrowed his eyes in thought. He kind of stopped counting for a while there after he hit thirty-five but doing the math was simple and not altogether pleasing.
“Well,” Jay insisted when he didn’t offer a response and Medic glanced around at all of the expectant and all-too-amused expressions.
“You know…forty or so…”
“Speak up, I didn’t hear!”
Medic waved off whoever was hassling him and won a few chuckles.
“Forty...two, I guess.” Medic’s voice dipped to mumble the last bit.
“What was that, birthday boy?”
“Forty-two, okay? Forty-two. That’s not that bad--hey, come on.” Medic sighed without any real frustration at his friends’ snickering and flashed Jay an accusatory glare for getting him into this mess.
“Forty-two sounds fine to me,” she said and the group quieted as she produced a box of matches and struck one. “Old but not too old to make a wish, and that’s what matters.”
Medic arched a brow as he looked from her down to the small flame. It trembled with his next sigh.
“A wish?”
“Yeah! A birthday wish. You know, blow out the candles and think of something you want,” Jay said decisively and the others nodded in agreement, leaving Medic to stare at the tea candle slowly dripping wax toward his palm.
“Alright, a wish then…” Medic hummed, narrowing his eyes at the candle as if it might offer some suggestions. He didn’t quite believe in wishes but somehow he felt like this was important, if not for him then for the others waiting around him.
His first thoughts were a little serious; wishing for the safety and health of those close to him, easy jobs, and for Gazelle’s elbow to heal quickly, but then he realized that this kind of thing wasn’t meant for those sorts of wishes. It was a childish practice meant for childish dreams. He smiled to himself and gave a nod.
“Okay. I think I got it,” he said and glanced up at everyone with a sudden spark of anxiety. “Just--please don’t sing.”
The group laughed at that but all seemed more than willing to forego that particular part of the ceremony.
“Alright, here goes nothing.” Medic took in a deep breath, making a real show of it, and nearly dropped the candle when a bright flash went off nearby, making him flinch.
“Hey, you didn’t blow it out.”
Medic blinked away the bright spots in his eyes and watched as Kaz stepped up with what must have been a camera in one hand and a piece of paper in the other.
“But at least I didn’t miss it.”
“Kaz…what was that?” Medic frowned slightly as hot wax touched his skin but didn’t pay it much attention, too busy eyeing what turned out to be a photo that Kaz held in his hand.
“Ah nothing, just snapping a picture. Wouldn't want to forget such an important day, right?” Kaz grinned and left Medic staring at him with a mixture of confusion and mild dread at the thought of embarrassing birthday photos floating around camp.
“That’s a camera?” Medic glanced down at the oddly shaped device and leaned over to get a peek at the photo when Kaz got close enough. “And you just took that?” He openly gaped as he watched the image slowly appearing as if through a thick gray fog.
“Pretty neat, huh?” Kaz glanced at him and smiled. “It’s one of those fancy Polaroid ones, you know, they print out the picture right after you take it. Pretty innovative.”
Medic was amazed. He stepped up close behind Kaz, holding the candle out away from them, and tried to get a good look at the oddly shaped camera.
“How did it do that?” Medic glanced up when no one else seemed to be nearly as curious as he was. “It just...spits it out, just like that?”
“Well, it’s got a pretty interesting setup. I’ll have to sit down and show you sometime; it’s easier with a pen and paper.” Kaz turned the camera around in his hand and hummed in appreciation.
“That’s really something.”
Kaz’s smile only grew. “Tell you what, I’ll show you how to use it once you finish up here,” he said and nodded at the melting wax in Medic’s hand.
“Oh, right, right. I’m sorry.” Medic looked out at the others with an apologetic smile but they didn’t seem to mind, obviously finding his surprise more than worth the brief wait.
The next few minutes were spent making wishes, peeling wax off his hand, and trying to convince the others that he didn’t need a piece of cake that big, but there was no use arguing. The party was small and quaint, made up mostly of teasing and mild conversation that Medic appreciated after a long day of work, until, one by one, his colleagues had to leave for their next shifts. There were a few mumbles here and there apologizing for the lack of gifts but Medic waved them off with easy reassurances. He was forty-two years old; he didn’t need presents to make a party enjoyable; just the thought and company was enough for him. And the cake. Medic really liked the cake. He’d always been a sucker for chocolate.
“So, this picture…” Jay said, making Medic look up from the few remaining bites on his plate to watch her study the photo Kaz had taken earlier. “You look outrageous.” She bit her lip in a poor attempt at containing her laughter and Kaz reached out to snatch the photo from her hand.
“Not outrageous ,” he said “just…”
Medic propped his elbow on the table, chin-in-hand, and looked thoroughly unimpressed with their teasing, though it was difficult to hold the expression when Kaz started to laugh.
“I’m not sure what you expected, taking a picture of me at such an inopportune time, but I’m glad you two enjoy it,” Medic said and popped the last of his slice of cake in his mouth with a hum of satisfaction. He hadn’t had chocolate in ages.
“It’ll make for some good memories,” Kaz offered and eventually set the picture down in front of Medic so he could see. He groaned in embarrassment and quickly flipped the photo over.
“Memories, right…” He shook his head but perked up when he thought back on the camera. “Have you taken any other pictures with it? It had a flash earlier...it’s built in?”
Kaz looked up from where he was nudging his cake around, not looking entirely interested in finishing and smiled at Medic’s thinly veiled excitement.
“Nope. That was the very first picture right there. And, I have to say, I couldn’t ask for a better one than that,” Kaz said and Medic found himself returning his smile. “The flash is actually a separate piece. I wasn’t sure how the camera would handle the lighting in here so thought I’d use it to be safe.”
His first picture. Medic shouldn’t feel as happy as he did about such a meaningless detail but he couldn't help it. He grinned like a fool and hardly noticed Jay standing up across from them.
“Alright, boys, I’m off to join the evening shift,” she said and glanced between the two of them before addressing the Commander directly.
“Just be sure birthday boy doesn't stay up too late. He’s running on empty despite his cheery mood.”
“Yeah, I know. I saw the schedule. I won't keep him long.”
“Good. I’m counting on you.”
“I’m a grown-ass man,” Medic said as Jay stepped around the table. “I’m sure I can manage to get myself to bed without extra supervision.”
“I’m sure you can , but it’s always nicer with a handsome fella helping, right?” Jay winked at Kaz and managed to avoid Medic’s glare entirely.
“But in all seriousness, happy birthday. And take care of yourself, okay?” Jay offered a small, genuine smile and Medic nodded.
“You don’t have to worry about me. Thank you for this, Jay.”
Jay waved off his thanks.
“It was a group effort.”
“Either way…” Medic turned to watch her head towards the doors.
“No problem, Vern.” Jay offered a final wave before slipping out the door and leaving Medic alone at the table with the Commander. There were a few other soldiers sprinkled here and there in the mess hall but the dinner crowd hadn’t quite hit yet.
Medic glanced at Kaz and shrugged a little.
“Guess you’re stuck with me now. I won’t hang around much longer, though.”
“It’s not a problem. I don’t have any pressing business at the moment,” Kaz said and Medic nodded in understanding before glancing back down at his empty plate smudged with frosting. He should say something...
“I think it would be nice to get a picture or two of everyone; maybe on the weekend or something,” Medic said after a moment of reorienting himself to the one-on-one situation. He looked up and found Kaz nodding in agreement. “The flash...you said it was separate?”
Medic tried not to look too curious when Kaz took the camera out again but he couldn’t help himself. He'd never seen anything like that before. It looked flat and rectangular when it was closed and somehow had enough room inside to not only fit the camera itself but photo paper as well.
Medic slid closer on the bench seat to watch Kaz open it.
“You just lift and it all folds out?”
“Yup, pretty simple,” Kaz said.
“Well, how do you use it? Probably this button here but, do you have to do anything else for the photo to come out?” Medic eyed the thing closely but never once reached out for it until Kaz turned toward him, straddling the bench.
“You want to try it out?”
Medic started shaking his head before Kaz even finished his question. “What? Really?”
“It’s new and probably expensive,” Medic said. “I wouldn’t want to break it or something.”
Kaz snorted in amusement. “You’re not going to break it,” he insisted but Medic was unconvinced. “Medic, you deal with some of the most delicate procedures and operations almost on a daily basis yet you’re afraid of busting a camera?” Kaz shook his head and held it out to him. “You’ll be fine. Here.”
Medic hesitated still. “Well, I wouldn’t want to waste your film either, Kaz--”
“You won’t waste anything, I promise,” Kaz interrupted and reached out with one hand to grab Medic’s wrist and make him take it. “You’re overthinking it.”
Medic frowned slightly with concern but took the camera nonetheless, not really having a choice in the matter. It had some weight to it and Medic turned it over in his hands, watching the room’s bright panel lighting gleam on the lens.
“How many shots?” He glanced up as he asked and arched a brow when Kaz rose to his feet.
“Ten altogether. Nine now, since I snapped that beauty.” Kaz nodded at the photo on the table and smiled down at him expectantly. “But, honestly V, don’t worry about it,” Kaz insisted and went about gathering their dishes to drop off near the sinks. “I’ll take care of these and then we can head outside and see what we can find.”
“Outside?” Medic swung his legs over the bench so he could join him but paused to pick his photo up off the table and slip it safely in the breast pocket of his uniform. He’d rather not leave something like that lying around for others to see.
“Well, yeah. I doubt you want to take any pictures in here,” Kaz said as he stepped away from the table. “I’ll show you how it works and you can pretty much do what you want from there.”
Medic made a low, uncertain sound as he watched Kaz walk across the room. The dinner crowd would be coming soon so at least he wouldn’t feel too bad leaving the last few slices of his cake behind, but he still couldn’t shake the discomfort that came with holding something so valuable. It really was a marvel and certainly a rare opportunity for him and he was grateful for it, but he was a field doctor not a photographer. The best he could do was probably a picture of the beach or the trees; though he figured there wasn’t much else around to photograph anyway. Maybe if it were the weekend he could take a few pictures that mattered. Maybe at the monthly birthday party even. Those were the kinds of things that were worth remembering, in Medic’s opinion; the people and the pleasant times. He wondered what Kaz would take pictures of.
“Alright, let’s head out.” Kaz clapped Medic on the shoulder, making him jump and clutch the camera close to his chest lest he drop it. Medic couldn’t help a small glare of disapproval when Kaz laughed through his apology and headed for the door with his hand moving to settle between Medic’s shoulder blades. It was a casual gesture, leading him out of the mess hall and into the evening air cooled by the ocean breeze, and one that Medic appreciated a little more than he should.
Kaz dropped his hand once they stepped away from the building and he stopped to look around at the rows of cabins and muddy paths touched orange with the light of the setting sun.
“Huh...I don’t know how the pictures will turn out with such odd lighting,” he said and shrugged. “We’ll try it out anyway. Here.” Kaz turned back and waved Medic closer so he could show him what to do. Medic watched closely despite how simple Kaz’s instructions were, and brought the camera up to look through the viewfinder. The world was shrunk down to a small window of bright orange light and Kaz’s smiling face. Medic brushed the button with his finger but thought better of it and let the moment drift by as he lowered the camera and Kaz turned away to look at the camp again.
“So, where to next?” Kaz waved his hand out in a sweeping motion. “Can be anywhere you want.”
“Anywhere…” Medic considered his options, following the sweep of Kaz’s hand and watching MSF soldiers go about their business. He wasn't really sure what he was looking for or where to go but Medic stepped out towards the main street anyway with Kaz close behind.
He walked slowly, taking his time to avoid mud patches and to watch camp life go on around them. More and more soldiers could be seen heading towards the mess hall or showers as they finished their shifts, and a few Jeeps rumbled by as they dropped off this or that and soldiers waved at their friends. The place was alive and washed in light and Medic found himself wandering off the road so he might fit as much of the camp into one photo as possible. He was very precise with his angle, took time to get the focus just right, and could feel a small thrill of excitement when he pressed the button. The camera snapped the shot and made a low whirring sound as it produced the photo right before his eyes. Medic shook his head, still amazed by it and held his new photo out to watch it develop.
“A picture of camp.” Medic glanced up when Kaz spoke from over his shoulder, trying to peek at his very first picture. Kaz smiled. “Can’t say I’m surprised,” he said.
“Oh?” Medic cast him a questioning look. “Why’s that?”
“It’s no secret you’re a big softy, Medic. You care about this place and these people a lot. Seems fitting you’d want a shot of them.” Kaz arched a brow at him and held out his hand for the picture so he could get a better look. Medic handed it over.
“Seems like you have me all figured out,” Medic said and Kaz’s smile grew.
“Maybe I do.” Kaz looked at him and Medic couldn't see his eyes through the glare on his glasses and decided it was probably for the best. He took back the photo when it was offered and turned away to keep walking through camp.
Medic made for the beach, though he wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted there, and stopped only once to eye the infirmary. Perhaps it was a little silly to take pictures of things he saw every day but they were important to him and getting the medical hall and the few members of staff milling about by the doors into focus was extremely satisfying. Another click and a new photo was produced. This time, however, he kept walking as it developed and smiled at the familiar faces that emerged in the light.
“I’ll have to label them,” Medic said after a few moments of walking in silence and looked up to find Kaz dutifully walking beside him, his hands in his pockets. “Remind me to. I don’t want to forget.”
Kaz chuckled. “Sure. I’ll make sure it gets done,” he said and nodded towards the beach. “Plan on taking a picture of the ocean?”
Medic turned back towards the fading sun and could hear the waves as he and the Commander finally reached sand.
The beach was important to him. There wasn’t a soul on base who hadn’t seen Medic standing beneath the palms during his breaks or walking the shoreline when the tides came in. It was soothing to listen to the gulls and rush of water and everything about it felt calm and stable. The ocean would always be there regardless of what happened in the infirmary or out on the field and Medic chose to take whatever comfort and consistency he could get. Medic smiled to himself and looked down at the camera in his hands. He would have liked to use the film to take photos that mattered ; ones of the soldiers and staff, of time spent together and work being done. Taking a picture like this, one of the sand and waves, felt selfish somehow; maybe even a waste.
Medic’s uncertainty must have shown on his face because Kaz sighed heavily beside him and leaned over to nudge Medic with his shoulder.
“You’re over-thinking it, I can tell,” he said in a surprisingly patient tone, his usual teasing melting away in order to offer more honest support. “Don’t worry about any particulars or about film or any of that. Just...take some pictures, Vern. Pictures that you like.”
Medic looked up when he heard his name and felt a little embarrassed for needing so much encouragement but Kaz hardly looked bothered by it. He nodded towards the water and took a step away when Medic was slow to react.
“You don’t have to take it if you don’t want, but maybe it would be nice,” Kaz offered and shrugged as he turned to walk down towards the wet sand and rising tides. Medic watched him go and found himself wondering how this could be happening. It seemed too much for him, too good to be real and yet there he was. He loved the beach and when he lifted the camera for another photo he found that the ocean wasn't the only highlight of his shot. Seeing Kaz through the viewfinder made it somehow easier to press the button; it was easier to commit to an image when he knew it held significance, and when he lowered the camera to look at his latest photograph he knew that it meant something. Even as simple as it was, with Kaz a small figure beside the wide expanse of the ocean, Medic felt justified in taking it if only for the Commander’s presence. He could look out at the ocean on his own any day, but every moment with Kaz could only happen once in a lifetime; such was the nature of human interaction. It was a shame Medic was such a sentimental person; he’d never have enough film to capture all the things he truly cared for.
Medic’s journey down to the shoreline was slow; stopping every once in a while to look around and consider what mattered to him most. He managed to take three more photos along the way, quietly cataloguing his favorite spots on the beach and a few small crustaceans that scurried across the sand, before he finally reached the Commander who stood with his hands in his pockets watching the waves roll in.
Kaz looked calm and content in a way that made Medic hesitate to interrupt whatever peaceful moment he was having though it seemed too late to avoid. The Commander smiled when Medic finally joined him and nodded at the photos in his hand.
“Figured you’d find something out here. You’re always roaming around on the beach,” he said and paused a moment before holding out a hand. “Can I take a look? I have to wonder what you find interesting. You’re not an easy man to read, you know.”
Medic handed the photos over but not without a little hesitation.
What would his pictures say about him, he wondered. What would Kaz see in them? What would Kaz see in him ?
“They’re just scenic shots,” he said, trying to shrug off whatever importance Kaz might read into them despite how meaningful they actually were.
“They’re nice. I especially like this one.” Medic arched a brow when Kaz held up the photo of a crab hurriedly kicking up sand as it ran away.
“Yeah?”
Kaz hummed and flipped through the others again. “They’re all very...pleasant. It’s a nice change of pace,” he admitted and Medic had to agree. Their work was rough, deadly, and draining in every way imaginable so that even a simple picture of a palm tree felt relaxing, like some soothing escape from it all.
“Why don’t you keep it?” Medic glanced from the photos up to Kaz’s face. “The one with the crab, I mean. Keep it.”
Kaz looked a little surprised by the offer. “Medic, it’s your birthday, not mine. You’re not supposed to be giving me things.”
“Yeah, well if it’s my birthday then maybe I should be able to give you things if I want to,” Medic countered and won an honest laugh in return.
“Well, I can’t argue much with that,” Kaz said and smiled down at the picture for a moment before shaking his head. “But I can’t take it. It’s yours.” Kaz held up the few photos Medic had managed to take and reached out to slide them into his pocket with the embarrassing picture from before. “Hold on to these, alright? I want you to keep something for yourself for once.”
“Even if I want to give them away?” Medic arched a brow when Kaz’s hand lingered, giving his chest a pat and resting there so Medic could feel the warmth of his palm through his shirt.
“It won't hurt you to keep some things for yourself, I promise,” Kaz said and Medic narrowed his eyes as if he were skeptical though he didn’t manage to get a word in edgewise before Kaz continued. “Listen, just...do this for me.”
Medic paused, whatever joke or teasing comment he meant to say disappearing as he noticed Kaz’s statement for what it was. Kaz was asking him to do this; he was asking because he thought it would be good for him and knew that Medic would listen this way. Medic sighed softly and lifted a shoulder.
“I can’t really say no to that,” he said and glanced down when Kaz’s hand finally dropped from his chest. “I can do that for you.”
“I wish you would do it for yourself, but--” Kaz held out his hands in a hopeless gesture.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was so difficult.”
“Well you should think about the effects of your excessive generosity more often.”
Medic couldn’t help but grin at that, guilty as charged.
“I don’t think it’s excessive ,” he said in some weak attempt at arguing, though he knew Kaz had him beat in that regard. Medic was a softy at heart, always had been, and generosity was second nature to him.
“Oh please. How many shifts did you pick up for Gazelle this week? And don't get me started on your trips into town. I heard you were talking to the other members of staff about volunteering at hospitals?” Kaz’s brows arched above his glasses and Medic had to stifle a laugh.
“Ah, well--”
“And that is all on top of your usual work,” Kaz said and his teasing tone faded. “You’re wearing yourself out for everyone else’s sake. How many hours did you work today?”
Medic’s smile dissolved as he recognized Kaz’s honest concern, and glanced away out at the ocean to try and avoid any guilt he might feel for making the Commander worry. He didn't really have anything to say to that. He had been working long hours and was looking into potential volunteering opportunities in the nearest hospital--Kaz was right about all of that and while Medic could see why he might be concerned, his generosity was a habit Medic wasn’t sure he could break.
A moment went by with only the sound of waves to cushion the silence between them before Kaz sighed again.
“That was uncalled for,” he said and Medic looked up to find that Kaz had returned his attention to the tides, obviously reconsidering what he had said.
“It’s fine.”
Kaz frowned at Medic’s easy acceptance but didn’t mention it.
“I’m sorry if I caused you any...concerns, Commander.” Kaz’s frown deepened at the use of his formal title but Medic kept going. “Believe it or not, you’re not the first person to mention something like this to me. I’m working on it.”
“Don’t apologize,” Kaz said and left the two of them in another awkward gap in conversation before he could figure out what to say next.
“Just keep the pictures you take; if not for yourself, then do it for me. That’s all I meant to say.”
“I think I can manage that.” Medic tried to offer a smile and felt more than a little relief when Kaz returned it. “I really have to thank you again for this. It’s…” Medic gave his head a little shake and Kaz shrugged off his thanks easily enough.
“Don’t mention it,” he said and returned his hands to his pockets as he looked back out at the horizon.
The sun had nearly disappeared into the ocean by then, its fierce orange hues muted to a gentle glow that colored the clouds pink and purple. Everything looked much softer in the low, dusky light and when Medic glanced at Kaz beside him, even his thoughtful expression looked different from before. Medic did his best not to stare and instead closed his eyes to focus on the soothing sound of the waves.
“Vern?”
Medic peeked an eye open at the mention of his name, still getting used to the sound of it. He’d never really imagined Kaz would call him that and certainly didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as he did. Being called by name was such an interesting feeling; very intimate after years of code names and titles, and Kaz seemed to know just how significant it was.
“Hm?”
“I’m curious…” Kaz paused a moment and seemed to contemplate his next words. “If you could ask me for one thing for your birthday, what would it be?”
Medic frowned, a bit thrown off by the question and opened his eyes to look at him directly. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you could ask me for anything what would you ask for?”
Medic let the question sink in and shook his head. “I couldn’t really ask for anything more than you’ve already given me…”
“Oh, come on. Your commanding officer offers you the chance to ask for anything you want and you can’t come up with something?” Kaz didn't look convinced and Medic had to chuckle at his persistence.
“Well…” Medic took a moment to actually consider his offer and looked down at the camera in his hands. He wasn’t sure what Kaz was expecting and while there was plenty he would love to have or to ask for, he had too much respect for Kaz to make him do anything that might cross boundaries. Instead he thought of simpler possibilities.
“Yeah?” Kaz leaned over to nudge Medic with his shoulder. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking I could really use a day off tomorrow,” Medic said and did his best not to laugh at Kaz’s apparent disappointment. He wasn’t sure what the Commander was expecting but apparently it wasn’t anything quite as mundane or, perhaps, innocent.
“Too late, we already adjusted the schedule for tomorrow so you won’t be working. Mockingjay was supposed to mention that to you...must’ve slipped her mind.”
“You’re kidding?” Medic groaned a little at the odd inconvenience of it all.
“Nope, so try again, buddy,” Kaz said and grinned at him expectantly.
“What else is there to ask for?” Medic shrugged, honestly unsure what more he could logically ask for. A day off and some extra sleep sounded like all a man could ever want and yet he knew Kaz wouldn’t let him turn down his offer entirely. Best to think of something small…
“It’s not that difficult. You’ve got to want something , Medic.”
Medic hefted the camera in his hands and looked at Kaz when a thought struck him.
“I guess there is something I could ask for,” he said and chuckled at Kaz’s wide grinning.
“So, what is it?”
“Well...your picture,” Medic said rather bluntly and studied Kaz’s reaction, watching confusion cross his face along with hints of disappointment.
“My picture?”
Medic nodded and glanced away briefly at the dimming world around them. Perhaps not the best setting for a photograph.
“That’s it?” Kaz gave him a peculiar look before sighing and flashing him a smile. “A picture. You know, you could do that any time; you could ask for something else if you wanted,” he offered but Medic just shrugged.
“That’s all I have. I’m not really sure what you were expecting.”
“I wasn’t expecting anything in particular,” Kaz said. “Honestly, I didn’t know what you would ask for, but...a day off and a photograph. Yeah, that sounds about right. That sounds like you.” Kaz nodded to himself and Medic hummed in curious amusement.
“Sounds like me?”
“Mhm. Simple and...innocent.”
“Huh.”
“Unless you’re looking for a special kind of photograph,” Kaz said and Medic felt a rush of embarrassment just at the suggestion.
“No, no, nothing like that,” he insisted despite Kaz’s coy grin. “Nothing particular just…” he looked around at the beach and shrugged. “Just you as you are…”
Kaz’s grin ebbed a little and Medic could feel his gaze on him, curious and perhaps mildly confused.
“Just like this, then? Right here?”
“Sure.”
“This hardly seems like an exciting gift for you,” Kaz said but made no sign of turning down his request. “But, hey, whatever you want.”
Medic fiddled with the camera a moment and hoped that the lighting would be enough for a decent shot. It wasn't until he lifted it up to look at Kaz through the viewfinder that he realized he had one more request.
“Oh.”
“What? Too dark?”
“No, just...your glasses,” Medic said and looked up from the camera. “Can you take them off?”
The look Kaz gave him was decidedly uncomfortable but brief as he smiled through his surprise.
“My glasses...sure, if you want.” He hesitated despite his words and Medic almost felt bad for asking but ultimately the glasses were removed and Kaz looked at him with eyes that seemed far sharper than before. Without the thin shield of his aviators, Kaz’s stare seemed to cut right through him and made Medic freeze in place.
“Like this?” Kaz looked as charming as ever though it seemed his confidence had suffered a blow from his exposure. He held up a strong front as usual but Medic could see the difference.
“Yes that’s perfect,” Medic said and managed to look away long enough to lift the camera again.
“This seems a little ridiculous,” Kaz said as Medic adjusted the focus and watched the subtle changes in his expression; the slight narrowing of his eyes and his cautious glances toward camp said a lot about his concerns.
“Why is that?”
Kaz shrugged and looked back at the camera. “Just a picture of me from this close up?” Kaz stared at him through the camera and Medic could feel his heart beat a bit faster. “This is what you want?”
Medic held his breath, watching Kaz’s expression soften as he considered his own questions and seemed to meet Medic’s stare through the camera.
Yes .
Medic brushed his finger over the button, waiting for just the right moment.
Yes, this was exactly what he wanted.
He snapped the photo and closed his eyes for a brief moment before lowering the camera to look at his new photograph. It felt as though it was slow to develop, that the gray fog took its sweet time in revealing Kaz’s face but when it did Medic felt something swell up in his chest. Kaz stared at him through the photo with those piercing blue eyes but his expression was kind and lacking his usual coyness. There was a hint of shyness in the slight quirk of his lips, a small glimpse of a smile that felt so rare and intimate, in a way. This was a Kaz he rarely got to see and it wasn’t just because of his glasses.
Medic looked up when Kaz drew closer to look at it, his aviators still in hand.
“Well…” he said and took Medic’s hand with the photo in it to draw it closer to his face. “Could be worse.”
Medic frowned and looked from the photo to Kaz’s face now close enough for him to make out the faint shadows under his eyes and the pale sweep of his eyelashes. He was a beautiful man by all respects and Medic felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into feelings he knew had no place here. The Commander teased and joked, even flirted on occasion as he did with just about everyone, but Medic knew better than to let these things get to him. He knew better than to let this happen, and yet…
“It’s a good picture,” he said after a moment and wasn’t entirely ready to meet Kaz’s stare when he looked up. He tried to keep everything contained, neat and tidy and stored away where no one could see. He wasn’t sure if he was successful.
“You think so?” Kaz smiled a gracious smile that was nearly Medic’s undoing. “You’re too generous, remember?” Kaz huffed but looked honestly relieved by Medic’s gentle praise.
“I’m honest,” Medic countered. “It’s a good picture. Thank you for letting me take it.”
Light was fading fast, now and Kaz seemed to second guess putting his aviators back on.
“Still doesn't seem like much of a birthday gift to me, but if you like it, then…” Kaz smiled. “I can’t complain.” There was a moment’s pause where they looked at each other without speaking and Medic hadn't felt that tormented in his life. He was the first to look away, had to, and carefully closed the camera.
“Getting pretty late,” Medic said and stared down at the camera intently, trying to ground himself. “Won’t be taking any more pictures today.”
“That’s alright. There’s always tomorrow,” Kaz offered and gave Medic’s shoulder a pat as he took a step towards camp and waited for Medic to follow suit.
“Oh, I don’t know about tomorrow,” Medic said, finding the idea of interrupting Kaz’s work just to ask to use a camera to be a bit embarrassing. Maybe he would ask for it on the weekend when they spent their free time around the bonfire.
Kaz shrugged. “Whatever you want, V. I might suggest just relaxing tomorrow. You know how to do that, right?”
Medic hummed in response to Kaz’s teasing.
“I think so. It’s been a while, but I’m sure I remember a thing or two,” he said and welcomed Kaz’s grins and playful chatter as they walked across camp towards the Commander’s cabin and the staff housing beyond.
It was bittersweet to have this kind of alone time with Kaz and the closer they got to his cabin, the more Medic could feel it weighing on his chest. His unease mingled with far happier feelings and gratitude beyond all else, but that uneasiness was just enough to gnaw at him. He knew better than to get wrapped up in these feelings, he knew better than to make things complicated but that didn't make a difference when Kaz was leaning on him and teasing and spent his free hours celebrating his birthday, of all things.
Medic hadn’t anticipated the extent of Kaz’s thoughtfulness and as they reached the Commander’s cabin, he couldn’t help but think about how to express his gratitude. Words felt so insufficient but there was little else he could do.
“Alright, Medic, this is my stop.” Kaz let his arm drop from Medic’s shoulders and stepped up to his door. He hovered there awhile and looked back at Medic with a hopeful expression.
“You know, this is the most I’ve seen you smile since we met. Or, I guess, the most expressive you’ve been, at any rate,” Kaz said, with laughter in his voice.
“Is that a bad thing?” Medic couldn't help but worry a little, but smiled through it nonetheless. If Kaz had noticed a change then it was likely he noticed something else as well.
“Not at all. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your guard up, especially in this line of work, but seeing a little emotion every now and again is good. Reminds us that we’re all human…” Kaz drawled off and Medic pondered that thought.
“You tend to be pretty reserved but I’m glad you could loosen up a little for your birthday at least.”
“Am I really that uptight?” Medic couldn't help but chuckle a little despite Kaz shaking his head in response.
“Nah, not uptight really, just...mild mannered. Cautious, maybe. It’s a good quality to have, but it’s also good to let your guard down every once in a while.”
Medic hummed and managed a small nod. It was easy to say that but he knew the potential consequences of showing too much and wasn’t keen on experiencing them first-hand. Regardless, he understood where Kaz was coming from. The Commander was such an outgoing man, charismatic and personable in a way that it wasn’t surprising that Medic’s quiet composure might come off as cold at times, or perhaps impersonal. The fact that Medic was a doctor probably didn't help much either. Maybe he would try to open up more in the future.
“But, hey,” Kaz said to draw Medic’s attention back to their conversation. “You had a good birthday, right?”
Medic huffed at the question. “I would definitely say so.”
“Good,” Kaz said and Medic was glad to note his satisfied expression. It had been a good day despite his long hours in the infirmary and the fact that it was coming to an end was bittersweet. Medic glanced down at the camera in his hands and stepped a bit closer until he was practically on the Commander’s doorstep.
“Kaz, I really appreciate all you did for me. The time you spent…” Medic drawled off, not quite sure how to express himself. “I’ll keep the photos,” he said with a certainty that made Kaz chuckle.
“I should hope so. Don’t go showing everyone that picture of me, okay? It’s just for you.”
“Just for me…” Medic took in a deep breath and tried not to read too much into that statement. He stared down at the camera to pull himself together and held it out to Kaz.
“Thank you again, for the photos. I think it would be nice to take more some time, if the opportunity presents itself,” Medic said and could feel the intensity of Kaz’s stare before he looked up to meet it.
Kaz reached out but didn’t take the camera, instead gently pushing it back into Medic’s arms.
“I don’t think you understood me when I handed this to you,” he said and smiled at Medic’s confusion. “This camera is for you. It’s your birthday present, Vern.”
Medic frowned at him in confusion and a growing sense of disbelief.
“No...no, Kaz, I can’t accept this.” he shook his head. “Kaz, this is too much for me. I thought you bought it for yourself--for the camp maybe, I don’t know. It must have cost a fortune,” Medic said and tried to offer Kaz the camera again but Kaz hushed him.
“Don’t worry about it, alright? It’s a gift; I want you to have it. You deserve something nice.”
“Kaz…” Medic wanted to argue; he wanted to explain why something like this was beyond him and what he deserved, but couldn’t bring himself to utter a word of opposition when Kaz grinned at him with such boyish happiness.
“You like it, right? I can tell that you like it,” Kaz said.
“Like it?” Medic sighed at such an understatement and paused to carefully turn the camera over in his hands. “It’s honestly amazing,” he said and found Kaz’s expression to be far more comforting than he had expected. “But, Kaz--”
“You just let me know when you need more film; I have a couple extra cartridges inside.”
Medic glanced past Kaz at his cabin door and back again, uncertain of what to say.
“Thank you.” Medic spoke in a voice that was quiet but thick with gratitude. “Honestly, this is an amazing gift. Thank you.”
Kaz tried to wave off his thanks but must have realized how important it was to Medic because ultimately he nodded in understanding.
“You’re welcome, V.”
Medic held Kaz’s gaze in the silence that followed, feeling all those excited emotions from before trying to bubble up in his chest. Their close proximity didn’t help and where Medic knew he should just say his goodbyes and leave, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. Kaz just looked at him through the silence, and something about his stare was so magnetic, it tugged at Medic’s heartstrings.
“I should go…” Medic said with some difficulty, but his reluctance was obvious and Kaz seemed to find it amusing.
“You could always bunk here if you wanted. Boss is out so there’s a free bed.”
Medic couldn't help but laugh at the offer, more so because of how cruel it would be to put himself in that situation than anything else.
Kaz looked at him questioningly, obviously not expecting that kind of reaction and Medic had to shake his head to ward off any misconceptions.
“I’m sorry, that’s just…” he sighed. “You’ve done enough for me already. But thank you for the offer.”
Kaz shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
Medic managed a small smile but made no signs of actually leaving. He found it difficult to turn away and while he didn’t even consider Kaz’s offer to stay, he did find himself wanting something more than he had any right to ask for. Kaz looked at him with an easy patience that made Medic wonder just how much he knew. The Commander had said that Medic was difficult to read but that hardly seemed right when he continued to stumble over his feelings and linger as he was doing now; invading Kaz’s space and taking more than he deserved. It was his birthday but that was no excuse for recklessness.
“Medic?” Medic held his breath when Kaz reached out to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. “I’m serious about you sticking around if you need to,” he said and Medic felt honest fear at the thought. He’d make mistakes if he stayed. He didn’t trust himself.
He shook his head but couldn't look away from Kaz’s eyes.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Kaz.” Medic took in a deep breath and felt Kaz’s thumb rubbing circles on his shoulder, his hand sliding up to his neck. “I can’t,” he whispered even as he leaned in closer and silently crossed an important threshold. He went too far. This was a mistake, a misstep, but Medic wasn’t stopping. “I shouldn’t…”
He watched Kaz’s lips part as he closed the gap between them. Perhaps he meant to say something or maybe it was the invitation Medic had been hoping for; either way made little difference in the end. Medic sighed as their lips met in a soft, chaste kiss. Kaz’s breath was warm and inviting, and the brush of his lips was everything Medic had ever hoped for; surprisingly gentle yet eager despite Medic’s restraint. He wanted more but he was far from a greedy man and the simple half kisses and brushing of lips was more than enough for him. The moment was there and gone, both too fast and yet surprisingly slow at the same time; leaving Medic in a hazy state as he pulled away.
It took a while for him to open his eyes but when he did he was relieved, in a way, to find Kaz in a similar daze. Medic could still feel Kaz’s palm against his neck and wanted more than anything to keep it there; to keep them both there in that quiet moment of intimacy while the world grew dark around them and the sound of insects and distant voices felt so far away.
“Commander…” Medic was hesitant to break the silence between them but knew that they couldn’t stay like this; that they couldn’t risk someone seeing. “I should go,” he said and watched as Kaz seemed to pull himself together before his eyes and smiled at him like nothing had happened.
“Right.” Kaz’s hand lingered on Medic’s neck a moment longer before it dropped down to give him a playful shove. “Get outta here, then. Go get some sleep.”
Medic couldn't help but laugh as he staggered back a step and watched Kaz nod towards the staff cabins. “And don’t let me see you anywhere near the infirmary tomorrow, you got that? No working,” Kaz said and stared at him expectantly until Medic smiled and nodded.
“Okay, okay. I understand.”
“Good.” Kaz turned to open his door but hesitated. “Hey.”
Medic stopped, having already started down the road. “Goodnight, Vern. Happy Birthday.”
Medic felt heat well up in his chest and he knew for certain in that moment that there was no escaping these feelings. He’d fallen too far. He lifted his hand in a quick wave.
“Goodnight, Commander.”
Kaz’s smile was the last thing Medic saw before the Commander disappeared into his cabin and left him to wander deeper into the thick Costa Rican night. Medic could hear the blood rushing in his ears, feel his heart pounding, and heat rising to his face as the full significance of what he had done finally set in. He was an idiot, a complete fool, and yet Kaz had smiled at him nonetheless. Smiled like everything was fine in the world and Medic hadn’t breached the boundaries of friendship. Kaz had smiled and Medic didn’t need a photograph to remember how that moment made him feel.
He was love-struck and suffering, and could feel the exhaustion from work creeping back into his limbs. Whatever excitement and adrenaline had kept Medic going for the past couple hours was fading fast and making it easier and easier to ignore everything in favor of sleep. Sure he might have made a mistake or two but there was time to worry about that later. For now, he was tasked with relaxing and that was exactly what he planned to do.