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Muzan looked out the window of his car with intense frustration mounting in his body. The man’s mind was firing at a mile a minute without any focus. The only thing that the politician could think about was the past… Again… Muzan loathed it when his brain did that to him. When that happened, he was always oh so aroused. It wasn’t the normal desire for sex either; it was always specific. Something that the man didn’t ever want to experience again, at least realistically.
Muzan’s body wanted to be raped again…
No matter how much the politician’s logic part of his brain didn’t want it, his body craved it. This was due to his past, at least, according to his therapist. Hypersexuality was the diagnosis given to Muzan about two or three years ago when he first started seeing that shrink. Sure, she was a marvelous woman; she did her best. But how could she ever understand the sheer depths of what Muzan went through? Tamayo couldn’t; she would never know how all of that felt.
Tamayo had the audacity to suggest sex therapy for Muzan as a way to cope with the hypersexuality. Medication was often the method, but that only got Muzan so far. Tamayo told the man the best way, as he was single, was to use sex toys when needed. The thing is, Muzan isn't single; he’s in a hidden relationship. It's his personal security guard’s niece. There is a very important reason as to why Muzan didn’t openly say who he was with: she’s 17. Legal, but would be heavily frowned upon as Muzan is 21.
Nezuko often stays with Muzan rather than her uncle. The reason being that she preferred Muzan to her uncle. Michikatsu was in a… even less than legal relationship with his wife. If that was the appropriate word for that relationship. Whereas Muzan and Nezuko got into a relationship not long before Nezuko turned 17, Michikatsu’s wife had probably been 15. That detail wasn’t entirely clear; she was the same age as Nezuko now, though. Nezuko first barged into Muzan’s apartment after a fight at 16. Michikatsu had full custody of Nezuko after a tragic accident killed her whole family when she was two. He did his best but clearly was the worst of Nezuko’s living relatives.
No matter, Muzan didn’t ever bring Nezuko into his sex therapy. They’ve had sex, sure, just not therapy related. Now though, the man might inquire as to if Nezuko was willing to help him this time around. Medicine only worked to a point; self-care couldn’t do as much. Muzan needed something more than what he could do on his own. The man tapped his finger on the door of the car in contemplation. Muzan wasn’t sure how he could have Nezuko help him. Him fucking her would not help whatsoever. Action needed to be done on Muzan, not on Nezuko; that was how this went.
Muzan suddenly got an idea; it would work. However, would Nezuko be up to it? Probably, as long as Muzan explains. The man just hoped that this unconventional feeling wouldn’t get in the way of this. Muzan looked at his driver; he’d never question anything. Muzan still felt slight shame just asking. “Driver… I have a place I need you to take me to before we get back to my home…”
The driver nodded as he awaited further direction. Muzan quickly grabbed a face mask so that he wasn’t recognized by anyone. He cannot let the tabloids know about this; Muzan cannot have that hit on his reputation. Muzan can't let HIM know about any of this… But it was a necessary evil that Muzan needed to purchase.
Muzan sauntered into his home with a slightly flushed face, a paper bag tightly clutched in his fist. Footsteps were firm yet filled with unease. Muzan made a beeline to where Nezuko most likely would be. Seeing as it was the end of the day, she was probably making dinner for the two of them. The politician stepped past the doorframe so he could see the kitchen. Nezuko was indeed in there, but she hadn't started making anything yet. Matter of fact, it appeared that Nezuko had only just arrived here herself.
The teen looked back at Muzan, eyes flashed with recognition. Garnet eyes glistened with affection and excitement. Nezuko tossed her bag onto the counter while making her way over to the man. Nezuko threw her arms around Muzan while nuzzling her cheek against his chest. Muzan couldn’t help but smile softly at her; he loathed that he needed to bring Nezuko into his shit. The teen looked up with bright eyes. “How was your day?”
Crimson eyes looked to the side with hesitation. There was no chance in hell that he was about to tell his girlfriend right away. No chance he was ever going to tell Nezuko his past. She shouldn’t be made to know what demons he faced. This was the closest that he would get to that. Muzan did respond with a gentle tone. His free hand ran through the oil colored hair on Nezuko’s scalp. “Busy, you know how it is…”
Nezuko nodded in understanding. She was aware of how stressful it was being a politician. Muzan often vented about certain colleagues of his, those ones being in his father’s pocket. Blatant corruption, but of course nothing was done about it. It was alright because it was Kibutsuji Enterprises; his sperm donor practically owned Japan. It drove Muzan mad, to think he was supposed to be the one to inherit it all. Supposed being the key word; Muzan was estranged from his father for valid reasons. Muzan’s brother was going to be the heir now, which was good for him. Muzan had no ill will against his younger brother.
Garnet eyes shifted to the side and onto the paper bag. Nezuko backed away just slightly in curiosity. So innocent, naïve…Muzan felt awful that he was corrupting that in a way… Nezuko pointed at Muzan’s occupied hand. Her voice was bright. “What's that?”
Muzan held it up and looked at the item. He knew what it was, its purpose, the end goal. Yet Muzan was just as unnerved as ever. He must persevere, though; he cannot be weak. Muzan smiled gently at his lovely girlfriend. His free hand cupped the girl’s cheek. A thumb stroked the soft planes of flesh. “I will show you in a bit… Before that, why don’t we go to the bedroom, Nezuko?”
Nezuko raised an eyebrow in interest. She pointed at the kitchen counter quickly in confusion. Nezuko’s question was prompt. “What about dinner?”
Muzan grabbed Nezuko by her shoulder. Muzan began to lead Nezuko to their bedroom. Technically, Nezuko had her own, but it was more of a guest room. Muzan and Nezuko slept together all the time. Not necessarily having sex, but just spending time with each other. Cuddling. Muzan lightly pressed his lips against the top of Nezuko’s head. He reassured the girl. “We can worry about that later. I am not that hungry…”
Nezuko nodded far more enthusiastically than she did before. Nezuko had never really had any reservations about sex in the past. Nezuko didn’t push for it as often as Muzan did. Muzan likewise didn’t push as often. It was an occasional thing for the politician. Muzan was bisexual, but he often found sex with women to be more…tolerable? Perhaps it was that there wasn’t an…appendage to pierce him. Sure, Muzan had blown guys before and been the one to fuck them. But he wasn’t ever on the receiving end. Maybe that was it? Muzan was unsure… He knew that he felt horrible about it though…
Muzan brushed those feelings aside in exchange for focusing on Nezuko. Crimson eyes were transfixed on her as they walked to the bedroom. Muzan was unnerved at what the pair was about to engage in. Hopefully Nezuko would be willing to help Muzan out with his therapy session. She might be put off by it, and honestly Muzan wouldn’t blame her. The man just was unsure what he would do if she said no. Also, it would be a waste considering the item Muzan just bought.
Upon entering their bedroom, Muzan turned around, holding Nezuko lovingly in his arms. His eyes were filled with deep affection and slight nervousness. Did Nezuko notice it? Muzan couldn’t tell. The man was gentle as he spoke to his adorable girlfriend. “Now Nezuko… I had an idea about what we can do this time around…”
Nezuko smiled widely in excitement and anticipation. The teen leaned against her boyfriend with need. Her eyes twinkled knowingly in expectation. Nezuko had but one question for the man. “Oh yeah? What exactly is that?”
Muzan let go of Nezuko for a moment. The man stepped over towards the bed with the bag almost against his frame. Muzan refused to let the teen see his profound unease. Nezuko absolutely cannot know what happened to him. The man silently exhaled as he opened the paper bag. Crimson eyes looked down at the object within, ready to grab it. Muzan reached within and grasped the object by the harness.
Muzan pulled out the strap he had bought for Nezuko to use.
Why did he do this again? Therapy? God, Muzan despised all of this. Why did he suddenly buy this? He could have just dealt with this on his own, but he was far too aroused for this. Damn his hypersexuality… This is so utterly dreadful… Nezuko had peeked over Muzan’s shoulder to see what it was that Muzan had. The teen blinked and asked. “Hmm? What is that, Muzan?”
It was now or never, Muzan supposed. Nezuko had seen the strap, and it couldn’t be undone. Muzan turned around and held the strap up to the teen. He was considerate of Nezuko possibly being unnerved. To be fair, the man was also unsure. Muzan was soft in his tone of voice. “This sweetie? This is a strap.”
Nezuko looked down at the strap for a moment. She quickly looked back up towards the man’s face. Garnet eyes were filled with pure innocence. Muzan loathed that he was destroying that in a way. And for what? Muzan’s selfishness? The teen’s voice was cheery still. “A strap? It looks like a dick. But you already have one, obviously. It's hard as well. What do you use that for? I'm confused…”
Muzan shook his head slowly. Muzan presented the strap to Nezuko. He was offering the teen this object. It was meant for her after all. Muzan was gentle as can be so that the blow would be softened. “It's not for me per se. I am not using it on you. I want you to use it on me…”
Nezuko looked up at Muzan with wide eyes in shock. Her jaw was slack as garnet eyes pierced directly into Muzan’s gaze. Did he push Nezuko too hard? Should Muzan have been less blunt about what he wanted? The politician couldn’t help but furrow his lips in profound fear. Muzan shifted uncomfortably as Nezuko kept staring at him with an intense light. Muzan was beginning to suspect that he may need to deal with himself. He’ll just see if he can get a refund later. He should have asked Nezuko before buying the strap…
Nezuko at last spoke up. Eyebrows were pressed into the center of her forehead. Nezuko folded her arms into each other. “Are you sure about me using that? I don’t really know what I would be doing…”
Oh, that was it? So Nezuko wasn’t so unwilling to use the strap on him. That was good; Muzan had been nervous Nezuko would just say ‘no’ to the idea. Muzan shifted the strap so that he could grab Nezuko’s shoulder. An encroaching hand squeezed the flesh and muscle on the teen’s shoulder. Muzan explained and reassured his girlfriend. “I am sure. As for knowing what you are doing or not, just think about what I do and emulate that.”
Nezuko nodded with reluctance, hand reached out towards the strap. Nezuko took it in her hand and examined the item. The dildo was a slightly intimidating size. It was literally the same size as him at nine inches. What was Muzan thinking when he bought this? The man had absolutely no idea, looking back on it. Muzan didn’t even need to act like how he did in there. He was a complete and utter buffoon.
Muzan must have just been desperate to get in and out of the store. It was one thing knowing about such shops; it was different being in one. So many items meant for gratification and arousal made Muzan’s head spin. Muzan also being slightly uncomfortable with sex could contribute. He probably wasn’t recognized by anyone, seeing as all the sex toys and lingerie made his face red as a tomato. That was a blessing but still shameful. God, for a man such as Muzan, he acts like an innocent virgin sometimes.
Worst of all, he does engage in rather kinky sex with Nezuko.
Sure, he was dominant in that, but still.
So why he reacted that way could probably be chalked up to his mental state…
Actually, that reminded Muzan of something else he wished to do with his darling girlfriend. Just an important aspect of this therapy, something that Muzan could never get on his own. Tamayo had stated that it would be good when Muzan does inevitably get a partner. Of course, his therapist didn’t know Muzan was taken. But she had the wherewithal to suggest it. This was what Muzan almost desperately wanted. Hopefully it would actually help the man in the end.
Muzan began to take off his clothes as he stared at the teen. His lips were pressed firmly, and his eyes stared in slight worry. The politician was cautious as can be. Muzan put his free hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder. She was still looking at the strap. Muzan was firm as can be in making this audacious request. “Could you act as if you are raping me?”
Nezuko blinked rapidly as she processed what she was just asked. In a moment it sank in entirely. Nezuko backed away in complete and utter shock. Nezuko flinched, her shoulders scrunched up. Garnet eyes were but dots in a sea of white. Nezuko shook her head, barked out in surprise. “You want me to do what now!?”
Muzan felt terrible for suggesting, but he needed this for his therapy. Perhaps it will finally make him feel better. Muzan had felt so terrible for such a long time now because of what happened to him so long ago. The man was just sick of this perpetual cloud over his head from everything he went through. There needed to be something to cease this depression that Muzan was constantly in. His medicine didn’t help much either; it gave him mood swings. All this effort to fix him, and it meant nothing if he always felt this crappy.
Muzan portrayed this reassuring expression on his face to help Nezuko’s state of mind. The man stepped towards Nezuko again; her shoulders were gripped gently once more. Muzan was confident that he could make the teen understand his desires. His tone was as soft as the seas to tell Nezuko further what he wanted. “You heard me. You don’t need to worry about it; I will be completely fine! Believe me.”
Nezuko was still unsure. Garnet eyes gazed to the side as she thought deeply. Nezuko furrowed her lips. “I… How would I even do that?”
Muzan explained with confidence. “Just act aggressive, say a few cruel things to me. Hold me in place, don’t let me move. And if I scream, cry, or ask you to stop, don’t listen to me. That’s all part of the roleplay.”
“Role…play?”
“It's known as ‘consensual-non-consent’; a good amount of couples do it. It’s related to a kink but also a good way to build trust. Us doing it would be good, wouldn’t it?”
Nezuko frowned as she contemplated what she was being told. Garnet eyes shifted from the strap, to Muzan, then to the bed. The silence was deafening as Muzan stared at his girlfriend in worry. Muzan was worried that he had pushed her too far. Maybe he should have waited longer before he suggested the CNC. The strap was already enough in Muzan’s mind, yet he still wanted more. He was selfish, but he couldn’t help it. After everything that occurred in his life, he needed something to go right for him. Muzan smiled to try and relax Nezuko’s nerves as she thought still.
Nezuko sighed as her shoulders sagged in resignation. Garnet eyes looked up at the man in acceptance. The teen was firm as can be. “Fine. Let me just get ready. If you change your mind before we start, that's alright with me.”
Muzan grinned widely as he continued to work on his shirt from the start. The politician wasn’t essentially ripping his clothes off. He didn’t want to appear as if he were desperate. But Muzan’s libido was driving him mad right now. Muzan has been going through a phase of intense hypersexuality. Muzan has been looking at other men and women and just wanting them to rail him. Muzan kept having vivid images when looking at the men and women who worked beneath him. Some of the strongest were when Muzan looked at Michikatsu.
Muzan didn’t exactly want to cheat on his girlfriend; it was more so intrusive thoughts.
After his past, Muzan always had this desire to be pounded, but his brain didn’t want it either. It was an intense need and a repulsive idea. Even just the mere temptation of touching himself to these thoughts disgusted the raven-haired man. With Nezuko, there was slightly more comfort. Muzan was never so fearful about Nezuko hurting him. She was always considerate of Muzan’s wants and needs. With anyone else, they might betray and bring harm to the man. Nezuko would never do that to him. This was a trust exercise in Muzan’s mind. This was needed for him…
Muzan fully pulled off his vest and shirt; they were tossed to the ground without any reservations. Muzan looked at his chest, then at the slight tent in his pants. God, it was so hot yet repulsive to see that. Muzan was just in the headspace that he craved sex yet didn’t want to feel this way. Tamayo said that it was normal to experience all of this. This contrasting idea with sex and anything related to intimacy was often seen with people who had gone through what Muzan had. But did they experience the exact same things? Did they go through all of that? Muzan doubted it. He felt as if the only one in the world to experience what he did…
Muzan looked back at his dear girlfriend. She was only half naked at the moment. Nezuko had her skirt and panties off; in her hands was the strap. Nezuko appeared to be confused about what she was supposed to do. Nezuko muttered as she moved the object around in an attempt to learn how to put it on. Muzan pointed at the strap and explained. “You put it on like underwear; the dildo faces the front. It's not too difficult to put on. I would say don’t worry so much about it.”
Nezuko still appeared to be unsure about all of this, not that Muzan fully faulted his girlfriend. Muzan just needed to finish undressing himself before anything was done. And Muzan also had another aspect he wished to add to this. Muzan didn’t want to risk him hurting Nezuko during this encounter. Also, he wished to add to the realism of being raped. Resistance but being unable to escape his rapist. That would make things infinitely better with this therapy in the man’s eyes.
Muzan pulled off his pants without much thought; he was barely paying attention anyway. Pants and boxers were discarded to the side with little regard. Crimson eyes glared at his disobedient cock. Many times has it betrayed him in one way or another. From… his past to even the intrusive sexual thought. Muzan could never really control it in the sense that it didn’t obey how he felt. It would react to the stupidest things. Muzan loathed his cock, but he also felt he would hate a pussy as well. Even so, Muzan shifted between feeling like a man and a woman on some days.
Just another aspect to the treason of that logical part of his brain.
Muzan knew that as a man or a woman, life would play out terribly for him. What intimacy he had meant very little, looking at everything that happened to him. Vagina or penis, it didn’t matter. Muzan supposed that he was fortunate that he wasn’t born female; he’d have to worry about having children. But being biologically male wasn’t that good either. Just a different sense of shame.
Muzan looked back at his girlfriend to distract himself. Nezuko was fully nude as well. Delicate fingers were tracing the silicone dildo in profound interest. Garnet eyes were mystified seeing the appendage between her legs. If Muzan had to guess, it was because she had never really seen one right there. It was probably disconcerting. Muzan grabbed Nezuko’s hand and held it up to his lips. A light peck was placed onto her knuckles as Crimson eyes looked down at the teen. Just one more thing to add to this special encounter. “You look ravishing, my dear Nezuko…”
Nezuko giggled as she rolled her eyes. “Really? I dunno about that; I feel strange for having this on. Is it kinda like this for you? I mean the weight and just looking at it, but daily for you?”
Muzan wasn’t sure how to answer that. There were times he tolerated his penis’ presence. Times where he loved to feel the appendage between him. And other instances in which he absolutely despised his cock. This day was a mixture of the second and third feeling. Those situations were the worst as Muzan got frustrated easily. He didn’t want to deal with himself but needed to. Or he was happy to help himself but felt crushing guilt after the fact. It had to do with what his mind showed him during and after the fact. Memories he loathed to dwell on, but they made up a good portion of his life.
It wasn’t nothing…
Muzan continued the rather forced smile as he replied to the inquiry. “Sometimes, but that’s just me. You know how I can be at times. Oh, and before I forget, there is something else I wish to do.”
Nezuko raised an eyebrow to indicate for Muzan to continue on. This was where the demon was most hesitant. This could be where Nezuko shuts this down altogether. Though she may not, seeing as she’s been on the receiving end of this idea of Muzan’s. The man was cautious as he spoke. “I want to be chained to the headboard as you take me from behind.”
Nezuko’s frown was heavy as can be. The teen looked at the ground as that all processed. Muzan stared at his girlfriend as he waited for her response. Nezuko glanced back at Muzan with a reluctant gaze, “I mean I have been handcuffed before, so I don’t see why you can't have the same done. Alright then, can you get on the bed? Can you put your hands against the headboard and I will put the handcuffs on.”
Muzan obeyed at once. There were two parts of his brain conflicting in that second. One part was craving this, needed to be fucked violently by Nezuko. Then the other part was vehemently against this foolish idea of his. But the horny aspect of Muzan’s brain was overpowering all other facets of his mind. Muzan’s broad, tender hands pressed against the boards. In but a second, Nezuko was sitting on the man’s back. The silicone dildo brushed against Muzan’s spine. Muzan’s guts coiled in need and trembled in disgust.
The handcuffs were nowhere to be seen. Muzan was utterly confused about what was going on. What was Nezuko waiting for? The man began to look back at his girlfriend to ask what she was doing. That was when suddenly, an intense grip weaved itself through Muzan’s hair. The man’s head was forced into the pillow. Before Muzan could even react, his left hand was grabbed and a handcuff clicked onto it. Muzan could only stare in shock as his right hand quickly followed suit. Muzan pulled on the chains in confusion for a moment.
Oh right, Muzan did tell Nezuko to act as if she were raping him. This is what he wanted. At least at first, Muzan was regretting this. Oh, this was a terrible idea now that it was starting. Crimson eyes were wide as he felt the tip of the strap against his ass. There was another horrific realization that Muzan was having in that moment. Nezuko didn’t fully know what Muzan does to prepare Nezuko for sex. Also, with what she does know, she is figuring she does the opposite in this case.
Nezuko didn’t grab lube.
Nezuko wasn’t using lube.
Nezuko.
Was.
Going.
In.
Raw.
Oh fuck…
Muzan tried to pull away while looking back. Panic was flooding his face. Neurons were firing at a mile a minute as adrenaline seeped in. Raw desperation was gasped out. “Nezuko! W-Wait!”
Nezuko, in fact, did not wait. She didn’t even hesitate. Muzan had told Nezuko to not listen to his pleas. It was part of the role play he said. So of course Nezuko simply pushed the tip in without much regard. It was harsh, rough, without care. Muzan gasped in agony, his face against the pillow. Back coiled in the vain attempt to pull away from the intrusion. Nezuko pressed in as her hands grabbed the man’s hips with bruising strength.
Why did Muzan think of this!? What the actual hell is wrong with him?! Muzan knew how he would react to this. He had also been a fool to not give clearer direction. Why did he not explain to Nezuko that consent could be taken back at any time? Wait… He also didn’t give Nezuko any safe words… There was no way to stop this. And Nezuko was taking the initial directions seriously. Everything Muzan says will be taken as part of the role play. Oh, this was so bad!
Idiot.
Idiot!
IDIOT!!!
Muzan was a ridiculously stupid moron!
Even so, Muzan tried to get his girlfriend to stop this. He pulled and twisted as the dildo pressed deeper into the man. Muzan could feel ripping inside his walls, just like how- No, no, this was already hard enough; he cannot think about that now. Muzan looked back at Nezuko; tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “Nezuko! I need you to stop! P-Please!”
Muzan’s heart sank looking at Nezuko’s face. She certainly got into the act she was assigned. Garnet eyes were cold and largely fixated on the man’s ass. Perhaps it was just a mechanism to ignore her conscience. Nezuko knew she would stop upon hearing the first ‘no’ from Muzan. But for the sake of Muzan’s request, she was pushing it down, basically becoming someone else. To Muzan, all he could see was…
His childhood doctor…
Logically, Muzan knew it was Nezuko. He could very well see that this was his girlfriend. Yet with what was happening, Muzan could only see all those from his past. The doctor and the other men who had used him. Muzan’s heart raced as his eyes widened in utter horror. Muzan was an adult; he should be able to get out of this, right?
Right!?
Muzan struggled more as he tried to throw Nezuko off of him. But Nezuko wasn’t on him; she was positioned between his thighs. Nezuko was thrusting in and out of Muzan with intensity. Muzan could feel himself beginning to bleed due to Nezuko’s efforts. Muzan was crying into the pillow as he trembled. Muzan still begged Nezuko as he pulled on the headboard in vain. “Please… Please Nezuko… Stop… Please stop…”
Nothing.
Nezuko simply continued on.
If anything, it got worse. One of Nezuko’s hands lifted from Muzan’s hips. There were going to be bruises when they finished. The hand that had been taken off Muzan’s hip struck his ass. Muzan gasped wetly as he flinched deeply. Muzan had struck Nezuko’s ass during sex, but not like this. This was painful and only brought flashes to the past. Muzan sobbed as he struggled to breathe.
Muzan’s hair was grabbed and lifted up. Muzan groaned and hissed as his neck was forced upward. Muzan’s eyes were closed as saline drops plopped onto the pillow. Muzan feared trying to pull off the hand gripping him. Muzan gulped thickly as he waited for what was to come. Muzan’s eyes snapped open, hearing a cold tone from behind. “This is where you belong… Here beneath me, you slut…”
Muzan flinched as those words sank in with great misery. He’s said that to Nezuko during past encounters. It was all in good faith, part of their past encounters. But now it was being used in a demeaning way for the purpose of this foolish role play. Muzan’s lip quivered as he felt even more tearing in his walls. The man pulled his head away from the hand in his hair. Muzan wasn’t left alone, though. The man quickly felt a hand slap the back of his head. Muzan yelped in complete distress.
Muzan felt Nezuko lean closer to his neck. The man was confused about what his girlfriend was doing now. She cannot be about to do what he thinks she is. Muzan’s eyes were wide as the reality sank in. For he had felt teeth against the flesh of his nape. Muzan screamed out the second before Nezuko could dare bite. “WAIT! STOP DON’T-!”
Too late, Nezuko clamped her teeth on Muzan’s neck. Teeth pressed deep into the man’s skin and drew even more blood. Muzan’s heart was beating so rapidly that he feared he was experiencing a heart attack. Muzan was still as can be, barely breathing, as Nezuko lapped up the blood from the bite. The teen was doing this knowing that Muzan liked to do the same to her. Of course, it was never as intense as Nezuko was in this second. Nezuko just didn’t understand how she was behaving. Also, there was the issue of Muzan’s stupid fucking direction to his girlfriend. She was doing what he did but more intensely.
This was all such a terrible idea…
Why did Muzan have to be himself? Why was he so messed up in the head? Muzan didn’t understand why he was made this way. Desiring rape to the point he asks for it. He’s been like this ever since he was a kid, always so messed up in the head. It didn’t matter what Muzan told himself; he was still always asking for it. Such a horrible person… Muzan was a fool to think he could be different. That he could be normal…
The man gasped with a choking sound when he suddenly felt Nezuko grab his cock. She was stroking the man’s penis fiercely; it was painful. Dry skin rawly tugged up and down the man’s penis. Muzan hissed as Nezuko kept going with her actions. She was probably thinking this ended once Muzan came. She wasn’t wrong technically. But such pain made it difficult. Even so, it felt so good, regrettably.
That was just how it was, wasn’t it? Muzan continued crying softly into the pillow. Things became worse now that Muzan was trudging down memories he long suppressed. It was worse than anything that bastard of a doctor did to him. Worse than anything those other men the doc sold him off to did. No, it was a betrayal of the highest order in Muzan’s mind. It had come from a person Muzan should have been able to rely on…
His father…
15 years ago
Muzan stood in front of the door to his father’s office, twiddling his thumbs. Incredible nervousness and fear flooded the boy’s whole being. He didn’t like speaking to his father in any capacity; his father was needlessly cruel to him. Always…. Yet this was something that the boy needed to do. He needed to ask his father about where his momma was; Muzan needed her within the next few hours, and he needed his momma. It was just a pity that Muzan even needed to ask his father about this, but momma was nowhere to be found. Muzan looked everywhere.
Father more than likely knew where Momma was at the moment. Therefore, the boy needed to ask his father. A pity, but Muzan didn’t have any other choice. The boy held his weak knuckles up towards the door. Muzan took a deep breath to calm his nerves. With that final thought, Muzan rasped his fist softly on the dark wood of the door. Muzan waited in profound unease for what his father would do. Fortunately, a voice did ring out; it was filled with annoyance, though. “Enter…”
Muzan opened the door and gazed inside with great fear. Crimson red eyes peered inside with intensity; Muzan was watching the sole occupant within like a hawk. The boy had to be on edge; father was rather volatile. Father looked to be rather calm right now; he was looking at some paperwork on his desk. Had to be related to Kibutsuji Enterprises- people looking for jobs, perhaps? Not that the boy was too interested… Father was the center of Muzan’s attention.
The cold-appearing man finally bothered to look at his son. A heavy frown radiated from the subtle lines on his face. Eyes black as sin stared at the small boy; they looked disappointed. A slightly annoyed, frustrated voice grumbled out. “Oh… It's you… Why are you in here? You better be quick about it…”
Muzan walked further into the office; the walls pressed in on the boy. The boy wanted to vomit out his lungs, both from feeling sick and from being anxious. Muzan stopped right in front of his father’s desk. He may be too close, but what choice does Muzan have in being so close? Father hated non-assertive people, and Father loathed Muzan enough already. So the boy has to act confident; he has to be presentable.
Even so, the boy was nervous as ever. Crimson eyes couldn’t look Father in his eyes. The void colored gaze was too powerful for the child. Father was a very intense man after all; anyone would cower when being stared at by him. Muzan knew he was worse off as he was significantly younger than the other men who met with Father. Muzan gulped thickly as he forced himself to look up at his father. Muzan forced himself to not stammer before his father. “I am wondering where momma is…”
Father raised an eyebrow, almost with offense. Muzan looked down with his shoulders dragged up. This was embarrassing; being stared at like this by his father was shameful. This is why Muzan didn’t dare try to speak to his father. Father openly despised him; well, no, that would be inaccurate to say. Father would scold and demean the boy should Momma not be around. A cruel and malicious man he was. Muzan prayed that he wouldn’t grow up to be like his father; he’d rather be like his momma.
Father maneuvered the papers before him to the side so they were out of the way. Face was firm as can be; hard lines were visible. Pure black eyes were transfixed upon the small child. Hands were folded underneath the man’s chin. Muzan couldn’t help but shift and nearly shiver in dread. Eyes were barely maintaining the neutral expression Muzan was attempting to hold. Father clicked his tongue with annoyance. “Why do you need her?”
Muzan’s mind had become a storm; he needed to explain. It was horrifying to realize that he needed to tell his father why he needed his mother. Muzan didn’t want to tell anyone his reasons. It was shameful, dirty, and a disgusting root cause. But momma could help stop it, right? That was what Muzan hoped. But he had to get through his father first. Muzan still wanted to dodge it all. So Muzan opted to fabricate some of the truth. The boy gulped nervously and flashed a wobbly smile. “I-I want her to be with me for my appointment.”
Father stood up in an instant, hands slammed on the desk. Muzan nearly jumped back in complete terror. This sort of reaction only boded terribly for the child. Crimson eyes stared up at his father. Father was cold as ice as he asked one simple question. “Why?”
Muzan spoke far too quickly for his own good. But it wasn’t his fault; he was so young. And Muzan was panicking now. “I-I am a bit scared of this upcoming procedure! I just want momma to join me this time!”
Father glared at Muzan with a fiery expression; his hands were gripping the edge of the desk intensely. Muzan wanted to shrink away and hide from his father. At the same time, Muzan was completely frozen in place. Father’s tone of voice was sharp as can be. “You're scared of a simple appointment? Seriously? That is such a cowardly thing to feel. It's pathetic of you. But I suppose that makes sense for you…”
Muzan looked down as he attempted to defend himself. “I-I’m not being a coward… I just-”
“Just what? And seriously? You not being a coward? Just look at you crying for your mommy like a pathetic wimp… It's laughable of you to be like this.”
“B-But-”
“You have no excuses, Muzan… Simply being ‘scared,’ as you say, is not a reason to have your mother with you at all times. Grow up.”
“But father!”
“What? What could you possibly be trying to say?”
Muzan’s ears were roaring now; he could barely think straight. The boy couldn’t form a rational idea now. All he could do was blurt out the real reason. “My doctor, he hurts me!”
Father raised an eyebrow as he stared at his son. Muzan looked down at the ground as tears began to form in the corners of his eyes. Fists were trembling as the memories of the last month. Muzan had been hurt by his doctor for a month. Not every single day for sure, yet it was far more often than the boy would like to think about. It was agonizing; Muzan couldn’t scream or cry out. The doctor had threatened him the day he started to violate the boy.
Muzan was done with it all; he wanted to be left alone. So the boy was asking for his momma to be with him. Surely Father will have mercy upon him. Father surely wasn’t that cruel, right? Muzan was unsure but hopeful.
A stupid idea.
“Seriously, that’s the problem? What a pathetic excuse that you have there.”
Muzan snapped his gaze up towards his father. His heart sank into the depths of his stomach as he stared at his father. What? Muzan blurted out in utter misery. “P-Pathetic? But he’s… he’s um…”
“He’s what? Go on, spit it out?”
Muzan didn’t know the proper words to describe how his doctor hurts him. Words failed him as Muzan didn’t know what to call those actions. The boy’s eyes shifted frantically as he attempted to explain it all. Muzan was frantic and didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. “W-Well, he- His hands they grab me in places I don’t want to be touched! He- um! He- uh!”
Muzan was grasping at straws at this point. Muzan knew what he was going through. Yet it felt as if he were lying at this point. It was all true, every little dark bit of it. Suddenly, the boy had an epiphany of what to say. Muzan’s voice was raw with desperation. He just wanted to be believed by his father. “He puts his boy parts into my butt! It hurts every time! Papa, I just don’t want to be alone with him again! That’s why I want mama!”
Muzan was so close to just sobbing now. Muzan could only think of himself in that moment. Was it selfish? Sure, but how could he be expected to act otherwise? Muzan was so young after all. Muzan just stared at the ground as he felt the phantom touches upon his body. Hands were everywhere: face, arms, neck, back, chest, legs, thighs, and private parts. Perhaps that could all end here and now.
But that hope was dashed as well.
“That’s shameful of you, Muzan, to act this way. You let it happen…”
Muzan stared up at his father in disbelief. He couldn’t say anything, could barely believe it as it was. Father kept going with no regard for Muzan’s sanity. In fact, he was walking over to Muzan now. “You let your doctor do what he wanted. You could have fought him, pushed him off, things like that. But you didn’t. You want to know what I think, my stupid child?”
Father was right in front of Muzan now; his eyes were intense. Muzan visibly trembled whilst being trapped in his father’s shadow. What was he about to say to the boy? What vile statement was about to exit his lips? Muzan couldn’t even begin to brace himself. Father was blunt yet filled with venom. “You wanted it. You wanted your doctor to do those things, tempted him. My foolish son, you wanted this from the start, so complaining is asinine of you to do so at this point. You're at fault for it all.”
Muzan didn’t want to believe it; he couldn’t. But the words sank in nonetheless. Muzan wasn’t given much time to think; his father grabbed him from behind and brought him to the desk. Muzan grunted in shock and agony as he was painfully pressed against the wood. His stomach was locked in an agonizing position with his father right against his behind. Muzan felt cold terror wash over him; what evil was about to be unleashed upon him?! Muzan was unprepared for whatever was to come.
Father suddenly pulled down the boy’s pants. Raw, unfiltered panic began to flood the boy’s being. What was his father doing!? Why was he doing this at all?! Muzan was breathing heavily as he tried to get his father to stop this madness. But the words didn’t even exit his mouth. Muzan could say nothing, for father had beaten him to it. Not with his own words but with his actions. A horrifying sensation to feel and one Muzan didn’t want at all.
Father had grabbed Muzan’s private part painfully.
A strong, dry, excruciating sensation on his intimacy.
Muzan almost screamed if it weren’t for Father harshly whispering into the boy’s ear. “You make a noise, and I will only make things worse for you… Just be quiet. If you really don’t want this, then fight back or resist. That’s all there is to it…”
Muzan was terrified of what his father meant by that. His doctor made a similar threat the first time he hurt him; this seemed the same. Muzan refused for anything too foul to happen; he’ll just endure. He supposed that he could just try and resist as his father said. He doesn’t want this, so he shouldn’t be feeling anything! Right? That was how it should work.
Muzan gasped wetly as his father began to tug on his private part. It always hurt every time someone did it. His doctor and now his father. A shameful, disgusting thing to have done. Tears began to plop onto the table as the sensations quickly worsened. Muzan wasn’t feeling disgust as he should be; his body was liking this. It hadn't even been that long and already Muzan was having that wretched, foul coiling in his guts. No! This was bad! It didn’t make sense!
This was his father! He can't be feeling these things about his papa! It was sickening, vile! Muzan tried to pull away. All the while on his lips was simple begging. “P-Please papa! Stop! I don’t want this!”
Father didn’t take too kindly to the question. The hand became swifter but also firmer. The body against him was stronger than before. Father’s voice hissed into the boy’s ear. “For the hundredth time, I hate it when you call me anything but ‘father.’ And me stop? Why? You're the one getting aroused at the feeling of my hand like the whore you are. You could be resisting me, but you aren’t. You really want this, don’t you?”
Muzan stared at the top of the desk in horror. Was it true? Did he want this? It felt as if he did, seeing that he couldn’t stop his father from doing this. Same with his doctor; Muzan reacted all the same. He let out that strange white liquid with the doctor sometimes. And it looks like that will soon be the case with his own dad…
What a disgrace that Muzan is…
Muzan didn’t think at that point, just cried silently into the cool desktop. Father kept rubbing his hands against the hardening private parts. Time passed by so slowly, Muzan didn’t know how long it had been. The coiling felt so amazing in his stomach, such an amazing sensation. It felt so good; there was a part that wanted even more. Yet there was the other aspect of the boy that loathed this. Though the pleasant feelings were even better in that moment.
So good.
It felt so good…
Muzan gasped and breathed heavily as the feelings boiled over. The boy could feel the white liquid pour from his private parts. He gave up the fight so quickly, and it felt horrible. This was his dad; he wasn’t supposed to have this happen to him. It was disgusting, but it was all Muzan’s fault. He didn’t fight hard enough; he just gave in just like that. Muzan was the issue; he always wanted to be hurt by his doctor, he supposed.
And by his dad.
Speaking of, father backed away from Muzan. Crimson eyes dared to look back at his dad to see his reaction. Black eyes were filled with utter disgust and repulsion. But there was vindication within the expression as well. Muzan’s heart was in the very depths of his being looking at his father. An icy voice mocked the boy. “Look at you. You really did want it in the end, Muzan… So why are you complaining about your doctor? You tempted him. You need to own up to your actions…”
Muzan looked away with complete shame flooding his face. His father… he was right… Something must have attracted the doctor to him. Muzan must have done something to deserve all of this. Muzan did, in this case, just look at what his audacity to ask for help got him. Touched by his father, Muzan tempted him as well. Muzan was the problem, no one else.
The boy yelped when he was suddenly pushed to the floor near the spot where the white liquid was. Muzan didn’t want to be near it; that was his after all. Muzan had been forced to taste that stuff before, but it was the doctor’s. And that stuff was rancid. Crimson eyes dared peek up at his father with a nervous expression. Father was unfeeling. He often was, but this was more so than past times. Father’s command was simple. “Lick it up, it's your mess…”
There was no way he was going to do that! Muzan could feel the repulsion in his stomach; he wanted to vomit. But Muzan already knew that he couldn’t throw up; it was part of his medical problems. Muzan looked down at the small, inoffensive pile; even so, it was horrific to look at. Crimson eyes snapped up towards his father. Muzan was panicky. “W-Wait! I don’t want to!”
Father ignored that plea, expected but still. What Muzan didn’t think was coming was the foot on the back of his head. The foot pressed his face into the filthy pile of white…goop… Muzan didn’t know what else to call it. Father’s voice was filled with utter wickedness. “Clean it or else…”
With that threat, Muzan just decided to obey. The boy drifted to another place as he slurped up his own goop. The boy’s mind didn’t even register the taste. His actions were automatic, stiff, and oh so unwilling. It was just a task to get over and done with, at least in the poor boy’s mind. Once Muzan was done, he numbly looked up at the man he called father. Black eyes like midnight looked pleased. He got to his knees and grabbed the boy’s face. A whine rumbled in Muzan’s throat.
Out from father’s throat came one final threat. “You say anything to your mother about your doctor or me, and I promise you will be stuck with that same man until these so-called medical issues subside. Got it?”
Muzan nodded rapidly to indicate as such. He didn’t want to cause any more trouble. Muzan just wanted to sleep for the rest of the day, maybe forever? But that wasn’t going to happen. Especially with what father stated next. “Well then, off to your room. You said it yourself, you have an appointment today. Maybe your doctor will notice what a naughty boy you’ve been and punish you as such. But I don’t really care. Just get the hell out of my office, Muzan…”
The boy got to his feet as swiftly as he could; he didn’t want to be in any more trouble. But even so, Muzan didn’t want to move. His mind was just…cracked… That was the best way the boy could describe it. His father didn’t care what he had done to his son. Father didn’t even give a second glance. There was no worry over the mental state that Muzan was left in…
Present day…
Muzan had been six at the time…
Six when his father molested him…
The constant rapes at the hands of the doctor and even other men continued until Muzan was 15… Nine years of that constant darkness and misery. It had taken Mama accidentally finding out for it to stop. She had been checking in on Muzan before leaving. Father must have forgotten that the doctor was here. An oversight on his end that did save Muzan in the end. Muzan recalled that day vividly as it was the brightest day in his life.
Mama had entered the room looking so happy and cheerful. Her lilac eyes shifted from joyful to horror in a flash. Made sense, given what she saw- such a horrifying sight for any eyes. Muzan had been restrained on the floor, hands and feet tied together. His mouth had been gagged to prevent loud cries. The boy had been sobbing already, seeing as the pain was at its worst. Muzan had been utterly terrified when he saw his mother enter the room. He never wanted her to see this.
The expression Mama wore changed from horror to rage quickly. Mama had grabbed the infusion stand that had been nearby, never used for its intended purposes. She raced forward and began to beat the doctor with it. Muzan had avoided the first swing by pressing his face against the floor. The doctor tried to beg Mama to stop as he backed away; it gave Muzan the chance to prop himself up beside the bed. Crimson eyes still dripped as he watched the scene before him. Mama was basically beating the doctor to death. Blood and rage were all Muzan could see in that moment.
And…
He was thrilled to see it…
The doctor would have been killed by Mama had father not come bursting onto the scene. He had taken the stand away from Mama, yet that didn’t stop her. She resorted to using her fists against the man. All the while, screaming obscenities and curses at the foul doctor before her. It took father picking mama up and off the doctor for her to stop. The doctor was nothing but a whimpering, beaten pile on the floor. Alive, but in worse condition. Slight pity Muzan had to admit.
Father had been trying to calm mama and reassure her that he would handle it. “Megami! Calm down! I will handle him! There is no need for this violence!”
It was clear as day that Mama equally did not trust that statement. Muzan had been disappointed before, even molested. Father would keep the doctor around even with mama now knowing if he could. Mama evidently recognized that same issue. She's been around father for a far longer time than Muzan has. She knew the ins and outs of his behavior.
A haunting expression snapped towards father. There were very few times in which father feared mama; she was terrifying when angry. This was a different sort of fury, one that even father didn’t want to mess with. As evidenced by the nervous look that formed in his eyes. Mama’s voice was eerie. “If you still have him in charge of Muzan’s medical care, Aki, I swear to god I will leave you. I will take both my children and make sure you never see them again. Do you understand?”
If Mama would get far was unclear. Father had resources, whereas Mama had none. The worry was certainly coming from a place of believing Mama would murder him. Father was not about to risk his life over something easily preventable. So in an act of mercy, the doctor was dismissed from the house and never allowed near Muzan again. He was never arrested; Father didn’t want that investigation to happen. But it was a small mercy in Muzan’s mind; he was freed of his tormentor.
Muzan got a new doctor; his mama accompanied him to all appointments. And in even better news, that doctor alleviated most of the problems that Muzan had. Of course, the man wasn’t fully cured, but it was all now manageable with medicine and therapy. That doctor was still Muzan’s current physician; she was an amazing one. Now for Muzan’s therapist, Tamayo; he first met her after he turned 18. He had become one of Japan’s youngest-ever politicians and had the money to afford one. Tamayo was good at her job, but Muzan was stupid.
Just look at what Muzan has gotten himself into…
Muzan hadn't even been paying attention, far too focused on his commiserating. Muzan was suddenly overwhelmed by an intense wave of pleasure washing over him. Muzan had orgasmed thanks to Nezuko’s efforts on his cock. Semen spilled forth and stained the sheets, shameful. Muzan loathed that he always got off to being raped. It was vile of Muzan. Despicable. Utterly disgraceful.
Muzan breathed heavily as he relaxed from the embarrassment he endured. The pain flooded his whole body and radiated from his ass. Tears still poured from his eyes and stained the pillow. It was completely damp from all the weeping Muzan had done; he just wanted to have this be over. Relax. The silence was deafening. It reminded Muzan of the times his doctor used him; he didn’t often speak to Muzan after he finished. If he did, it was always demeaning words spoken his way. Muzan could only think of those times in that moment; he forgot that it was Nezuko in here.
It wasn’t until Nezuko gasped in horror. She only just realized that something was wrong. That this was not mere pretending. Nezuko’s voice was filled with utter panic. “OH, MY GOD! YOU WERE NOT ACTING!?”
Muzan was grabbed by his shoulder; he was turned onto his back. Crimson eyes observed Nezuko above him. Garnet eyes were wide in absolute horror and realization. This whole time she legitimately thought this was part of the act. And she only got an inkling upon noticing the bloody dildo; Muzan could see it now. The amount of liquid on it was alarming, but Muzan didn’t care too much. He was still wallowing through dreadful recollections. Nezuko was frantic; on the other hand, horror filled her.
Her hands were unsure what to do. They trembled near the man’s shoulder unknowingly. Her face was wide as overwhelming guilt seeped in. Nezuko’s voice was raw. “I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS REAL! I DIDN’T REALIZE I WAS HURTING YOU! I- I DIDN’T- HOW COULD I HAVE NOT-!”
Nezuko suddenly surged forward towards the man. Her face was pressed against his chest, tears dripped onto the planes of flesh. Her arms wrapped around Muzan’s body as she trembled in utter remorse. Nezuko’s voice moaned out with full and unquestionable guilt. “I’M SO SORRY! I DIDN’T KNOW! PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I WOULD HAVE STOPPED SOONER HAD I REALIZED!”
Muzan was still rather upset and distressed. But this had never been directed towards Nezuko per se. She didn’t know what she was doing, and it was Muzan’s fault. He didn’t explain, didn’t give clarification; he just let her do what she thought was right. Muzan wanted this all the while knowing he couldn’t handle it. An idiot Muzan was; Nezuko was not at fault in any capacity. Muzan hated that he made his girlfriend feel bad for something he messed up on. He was the one who suggested this.
Muzan brought a shivering hand to Nezuko’s back. His caresses were gentle but filled with unease. The man was still treading down a dark path of memories. His sperm donor being one of the more prevalent. Muzan’s voice quivered, but he tried to sound strong. “It-It's alright, I am not mad at you. This was all on me… I didn’t explain better or tell you any safe words. That was important to the role play, and it slipped my mind… I was the one to bring you into something very personal… And for that… I’m sorry…”
Nezuko was quiet as she took that in. Muzan had not told his girlfriend all that he went through. He never wanted to, and yet here they were. Muzan didn’t feel like explaining everything now. That can be for when the man feels better. It was the least he could do. For now, Muzan just wanted to relax and take his mind off of things. But how does he do that while still being in the place where it happened?
Nezuko was the one to offer a solution. “How about we move to the couch so we can be out of here? I think that would be good for us…”
Muzan nodded in agreement; he didn’t want to linger in the place that conjured up so many foul memories. Muzan couldn’t bear this anymore. Already was Muzan realizing that this was going to be a long conversation with Tamayo in the future. This was not something that could be ignored or forgotten so easily. Muzan stood up from his position on the bed; Nezuko quickly followed suit. She basically ripped off the strap so as to not cause further distress for Muzan. That was what she wanted least of all.
The pair left the bedroom promptly, no second thoughts. Nezuko partially led and walked beside her boyfriend. Nezuko still looked incredibly remorseful; she truly had no ill intentions and just wanted to please Muzan. It failed in the end but through no fault of her own. The couple made it to the living room. Muzan was taken right to the couch, but before Nezuko grabbed a towel. Muzan knew exactly its use; he didn’t want to see it himself, though. Once it was placed down, Muzan lay on the couch.
Nezuko didn’t join right away; rather, she ran her delicate fingers through raven hair. Nezuko was frowning heavily as she thought of what to do. The silence was deafening as Muzan calmed down and Nezuko contemplated. Eventually, she made a suggestion. “Instead of me making something, how about I order takeout on your laptop? I can have it be left outside the door to make things easier. What do you say?”
Muzan simply nodded; he didn’t want to use too many words. Not after everything that happened between the two. But there was one thing Muzan wanted more than food at the moment. So before Nezuko could fully leave, Muzan grabbed the teen’s wrist. Garnet eyes looked back with slight confusion and interest. Muzan looked to the side just slightly as he made his request. “Before that, could we cuddle?”
A stupid desire of the man’s, but it was what he craved most. The past had only provided coldness. There were no hugs or reassuring words in that time. So Muzan wanted it deep down from Nezuko; she would give it to him. Which she did; Nezuko lay down next to the man without a moment’s hesitation. Her warm body pressed against Muzan’s trembling one. She snuggled her face against his flesh.
Muzan’s breathing became calmer. No longer was he so worried or freaked out. Now Muzan felt far more at ease. A small smile of comfort formed on his lips. Arms wrapped around the girl’s frame. It felt so good being here beside his girlfriend after everything Muzan had gone through. Nezuko really was a bright spot in the man’s life.
Muzan never wanted to lose that…