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Carl Grimes rarely ever cries, and his father always warned him "One day, that wall that you built up is gonna break and you'll lose control," Rick Grimes once again was right.
Carl's not exactly sure how it happens though. Maybe it was the little shit that Carl never let bother him--bothered him today, or maybe it was his thoughts eating him alive--thoughts that were clawing their way in Carl's brain, begging to escape the tortured mind. Carl's seen things, no, not murder or anything but things that should usually hurt a person.
He remembers that feeling in his heart when Phillip, his middle school crush had gained a girlfriend. It was this aching feeling, like someone had made a voodoo doll of him and decided to mess with every bone in his body. Still, Carl did not cry, but it took him two more years to get over it.
Carl remembers the time his mother died, the end of his eighth grade year. He watched as everyone cried and wondered why tears had not slipped past his own eyes yet. He thought there was seriously something wrong, it was his own goddamn mother--he should be fucking sobbing, and there he was, not one tear leaking down his face, still, he did feel the same aching feeling--though that time, it was worst.
Then Carl remembers the time he knew he was in love with Ron Anderson. He cried, he doesn't necessarily know why he sobs that day but part of his brain shouts the truth. Carl Grimes didn't want to be in love because he had gotten so used to being alone and depending on himself for happiness. Falling in love with Ron meant that he had found himself thinking about the boy 24/7, even when he didn't want to, he found himself worrying about Ron if the boy said he was going to the store and was an half hour late coming home, fearing that the boy must've crashed and died. That's what was scary for Carl, being in love meant that Carl was now dependent on someone else for his happiness and lonesome, and if Ron left,
There's been times when Carl feels as if he's the most shitty person in the world for not crying, and he never expected to be crying on a Wednesday afternoon for reasons still unknown.
Maybe it was the thoughts racing through his head--maybe the hard rain pouring down on the window was also apart of it, and maybe the terrible thought that Carl's tried so hard to keep down for years, was catching up with him. You don't deserve any of this.
So, Carl Grimes lays on his and Ron's bed, his side squished into the soft bed, arms wrapped tightly around his knees, and his head squished between his skinny thighs, as a choked out sob escapes his lips. Part of his mind is seriously questioning what's wrong with him--but a majority of his mind knows the wall around his heart is slowly deteriorating and the terrible thoughts that Carl had thought he'd forgotten, thoughts of his mother, his first crush, remembering the time he saw his ex boyfriend with a new person--even though he had truthfully thought it was meaningless, but his heart tells him differently. So, Carl lets out another muffled sob, trying desperately to keep them quiet, in fear of Ron coming home and finding him.
But Carl doesn't know that his boyfriend was there behind the door the whole time.
Ron Anderson walked up the stairs quietly, his feet a little damp from stepping in a puddle so deep that the dirty, ground water invaded his boots, wetting his clean, warm socks. He pauses for a second when he hears what sounds like a quiet, cloudy cry. Ron knows his boyfriend, he knows the boy doesn't show his emotions a lot, so it's surprising to hear the crying sound get louder and louder as he gets closer to the door.
The only time Ron's ever seen Carl cry was in secret when one night, Carl didn't come up the stairs after almost an hour later than he said he would. When Ron had came down to see what was happening, Carl was sitting on the floor, surrounded by pictures of his family and at first Ron had thought the boy was having a seizure because of the shake of his shoulders, but as he saw Carl rub his eyes and sniffle, it was obvious the man was crying. Ron had decided, though Carl despises people seeing his emotions, he had walked over and softly laid Carl's head in his lap, stroking his hair while hushing the boy quietly. Ron remembers how tense Carl was at first, until he finally let his body sag and cried heavenly into the lap of his best friend and boyfriend. That night Carl had fell asleep and Ron didn't have the heart to move his peacefully sleeping body, so he grabbed the blanket thrown on the couch and placed a throw pillow underneath Carl's head, laying down beside the man, wrapping his arms lovingly around Carl's. They never really spoke of that moment, Ron knows Carl doesn't really ever want to.
But now, Ron hears the sobs get more severe and he decides even if Carl may not want him to see, he's coming in.
Carl doesn't notice the door opening and that gives Ron the chance to lay on his side of the bed, scooting closer to his boyfriend as he wraps his arms around the fragile man.
"It's okay," Ron whispers pressing Carl closer to his body, placing his chin on top of the brunette's head.
Carl doesn't really know what happens, but feeling Ron tuck him into his side and smelling the boy's wonderful scent, causes him all his walls to break down. Turning his head in Ron's chest, he grips the older man's shirt, letting out a heavier cry.
"I've got you, it's okay," Ron kisses Carl's forehead and let's the boy's tears wet his shirt--which was already pratically damp because of the rain.
Ron doesn't say anything else, he let's Carl get all his tears out, while also rubbing his back soothingly. He listens to Carl's slowly dying sobs, until it turns into soft breathing.
"Your feet are freezing," Carl mumbles suddenly.
Ron let's out a little snort, pressing his feet further up Carl's warm legs.
"Your legs are hot,"
Carl smiles into Ron's chest, pressing his legs tighter together.
"You're hot," Ron adds, loving the sound of Carl's laugh flow into his ears.
"I love you so fucking much Ron Anderson," Carl looks up from the broad chest and grins at the dreamy smile Ron gives him.
And Ron knows he'll probably never get an explanation as to what made his boyfriend cry and now leaves him with puffy eyes and a tear stained face, but he knows eventually Carl will tell him so he doesn't push and decides to leave his questions for another day--instead he'll admire the absolute beauty of Carl Grimes.