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Cassandra was supposed to be healthy now, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t occasionally feel the after-effects of her tumour still. It didn’t happen nearly as often now as it used to, and when it did, she could usually deal with the pain and just push past it, but every so often, she still got debilitating migraines that left her sick to her stomach and barely able to move.
She was fairly certain that the now removed tumour only caused maybe half of her now much rarer headaches, the rest of the migraines – and these ones could get even worse, if such a thing was possible – were triggered by her gift, when there were simply too many numbers for her mind to comprehend. Those episodes could leave her incapacitated for days if her luck was particularly bad.
And during those particularly painful moments, Cassandra sometimes wondered what her life would have looked like if she had taken Estrella up on that offer to transform her all those months ago. It certainly sounded tempting when the pain made it impossible to even move without getting sick, and when she was at her lowest, Cassandra sometimes genuinely considered asking if the offer was still on the table.
But she never actually went through with it. Because even when she was in such terrible pain, she still liked her life too much to give it up, no matter how amazing a pain-free eternity by Estrella’s side sounded – and it truly would have been amazing.
Cassandra’s work with the Library was simply too important to just give it up. Besides, she loved finally getting to travel all across the world, and with Estrella, she would always be stuck in the commune in California and she didn’t think she could deal with that, no matter how idyllic everything there was.
All in all, Cassandra really didn’t regret her choice, though she might have felt differently if she hadn’t been able to go back and visit Estrella whenever she wanted, which meant that she saw her on a semi-regular basis. Those visits were – had to be – enough for both of them, even if Cassandra could never stay long.
She was supposed to be on another mission for the Library right now, chasing down some lost artefact or another with her fellow Librarians, but her head was killing her so she had been forced to take the day off and let the boys and Eve deal with things for once. She was relatively sure they should be able to handle one day without her.
So now Cassandra was all alone in the Annex – Jenkins had insisted on taking her spot on the team for the day, just in case – and trying to figure out how to make it through the day without getting even sicker. She couldn’t even read to distract herself because that just made the headache worse, which was honestly just insulting. Books were supposed to be the one clear escape route when she felt bad, but now they had betrayed her as well.
For a little while, Cassandra was completely fine just waiting it out, but that got boring really quickly, especially because there was no sign that she might get better any time soon. So she dragged herself through the Annex and opened a door to California, stumbling though with the last of her strength.
Estrella must have somehow known that Cassandra was coming because she was already right there, waiting for her and catching her now limp before she could actually fall down. Just like every time Cassandra felt this bad, Estrella was incredibly gentle with her, much gentler than one would expect a creature as strong as her to be capable of being. Cassandra had stopped being surprised by it a long time ago.
It was night in California, which was probably a good thing because, while it couldn’t harm Estrella while she was there, the full force of the sun might have taken Cassandra out completely right now. Even the dim lamps illuminating the compound were like daggers stabbed directly into her eyes so she had to keep looking down, her eyelids halfway closed to shield her from the light.
It would have been easy to magic away at least the worst of the symptoms, but she was trying to cut back on that stuff, mostly so her friends would stop worrying about it. Besides, it was hard to focus with her head like this, and sometimes things got extremely messy when she was distracted while practicing magic. She really didn’t want to accidentally set the Library on fire or something like that.
Cassandra pulled her mind away from its musings again because even just thinking a little was making her nauseous again until she had to close her eyes and breathe heavily through her nose, hoping that the fresh air would make the world stop spinning. Fully gasping for air would have been even more helpful but Cassandra didn’t want to risk opening her mouth because she surely would have thrown up if she had done that.
So she just stood there, trying not to move and desperately hoping that her legs wouldn’t give out from underneath her just yet. Her entire body was weak and shaky and she knew that it wouldn’t last this way much longer, but she still fought past everything bad because she refused to give in, and because she really had no other option right now.
But then Estrella was finally by Cassandra’s side like she had been expecting her. Her hands were gentle but steady, reaching around Cassandra and lifting her up like she weighed nothing. It should have felt humiliating – Cassandra had always hated having to rely on someone else this way, even when she was still a child – but for some reason, probably because she was so exhausted and in so much pain, Estrella’s care was actually more than welcome.
Cassandra let herself finally relax into Estrella’s arms, keeping her eyes closed and just trying to breathe through her pain while she was carried across the compound and into Estrella’s room, where she was placed gently on a soft and familiar bed. Cassandra let herself sink into it with a quiet sigh.
She wasn’t sure exactly what the pillow smelled like – something herbal and flowery, but not overly strong so she could easily breathe past it – but she knew that it soothed not only the nausea but also the pain. Neither went away completely, of course, but they calmed down enough that Cassandra could finally open her eyes again after a few moments of worried hesitation.
The room was dimly lit by candles that were just bright enough to let Cassandra make out her surroundings, the air was crisp and clean, and the silence was only disrupted by the rhythmic sway of a gentle breeze in the trees and on the lake. Cassandra might have smiled if her face had worked right, especially because Estrella was kneeling on the floor beside the bed and looking at her with warm eyes.
They looked at each other for a long moment before Cassandra had to close her eyes again. This time, she only had to keep them shut for a few seconds, and when they blinked open again, Estrella had gotten even closer to her so her face was the only thing Cassandra could see.
Estrella looked worried so Cassandra tried smiling at her to let her know that she was fine, but moving her face hurt so it probably came out as more of a grimace than an actual smile, which just made Estrella look even sadder. She didn’t say anything about it, though, just sat down on the edge of the bed and gently brushed a stray strand of hair out of Cassandra’s face, her hand lingering on her pained temple.
Cassandra let her head turn into the touch more even if the movement made everything start spinning again. It was nice, though, just to be taken care of this way, without any pity or judgement behind it, just affection. Even Estrella’s voice was warm.
“Would you like some of my blood for the pain or do you just want to rest? And is there anything else I can get you?”
It wasn’t the first time Estrella offered Cassandra her blood and she had yet to reject the offer. The first few times, she had been a bit hesitant about it, but it genuinely worked better than any other pain or nausea medicine that Cassandra had ever tried, and she had tried a lot of them. Vampire blood seemed to be the only reliable way to nearly instantly get rid of both pain and nausea, and with barely any side-effects, which was maybe the best part.
Cassandra still always felt a bit weird accepting this kind of help, but Estrella clearly didn’t mind, so Cassandra figured that it was probably fine to accept, just like she had all those other times. All she needed to figure out in order to do that was how to speak without her head splitting apart since nodding clearly wasn’t an option. After a few false starts, she actually managed to get a few words out.
“Blood would be good, and maybe just some water as well…”
Her voice was weaker than normal and even cracked a little around the word blood, but Estrella just nodded and kept running her fingers through Cassandra’s hair, soothing away some of the pain already. Just this would have already been nice, but Cassandra was still glad to know that the rest of her pain would soon be gone as well.
But for a moment, it was still a little sad when Estrella pulled her hand away and carefully lifted herself off the bed. Cassandra watched her move across the room at a dizzying speed, and before her mind could fully catch up with what was happening, Estrella was back by her side.
She helped Cassandra sit up a little, even moving some pillows around so she could lean back, before handing over a glass of cold water. Cassandra took a few sips but left enough in the cup for later, already knowing how this was going to go.
Estrella took it from her hands and placed it on a small bedside table – next to a book Cassandra had given her during her last visit, she noticed – before returning her full attention back to her. Cassandra couldn’t look away from her beautiful eyes even as the rest of Estrella’s body moved around them.
Cassandra didn’t look down even when Estrella lifted her arm, now with a lightly bleeding wrist, to Cassandra’s mouth, holding it out to her and gently placing it against her lips. It was still extremely strange to drink another person’s blood, especially like this, but Cassandra only hesitated for a moment before letting it flow into her mouth.
The taste was definitely something she hadn’t gotten used to yet, and she was always surprised by how warm Estrella’s blood was. Cassandra tried to swallow it as quickly as possible and get her mouth back to normal, but drops of the viscous blood still clung to her tongue and lips even after she released Estrella’s arm again.
All throughout this, Cassandra never once closed her eyes or looked away from Estrella, even when the intensity of their eye contact got almost too much to bear. If nothing else, it masked the metallic tang of vampire blood in her mouth.
Still, Cassandra was glad when Estrella replaced her wrist with the still-cold cup, letting her rinse out her mouth and drink the rest of the mineral-laden water. When the glass was empty mere seconds later, Cassandra already felt much better. By then, only a light pressure remained of her splitting headache, and most of her nausea had cleared up as well.
There was still a little blood clinging to the corner of her mouth – she could feel it, a truly terrible stickiness that always lingered for far too long – and Estrella clearly noticed, too. Before Cassandra could do anything about it, Estrella’s hand was already at her mouth again, her thumb wiping away the blood and then lingering on her lips a moment longer before retreating again.
Cassandra watched with wide eyes and a rapidly beating heart as Estrella brought the thumb – a shining red drop of blood still clinging to it – up and put it into her own mouth, licking it clean. Cassandra kissed her as soon as the finger left her mouth.
They kissed the way they only ever did when nobody was watching them, though they still didn’t rush through anything. There was no need, Estrella had all the time in the world and Cassandra more than she had ever expected. So they both took their time and stuck to just kissing, at least for now. Cassandra was still recovering, after all.
So, after making out for a few minutes and somehow ending up laid out flat on the bed again – Estrella on her back with Cassandra sprawled out on top of her – their lips drifted apart. Their bodies stayed exactly where they were but Cassandra moved her head aside and down so it came to rest on Estrella’s shoulder instead of hovering awkwardly above her face.
It was a really comfortable position, definitely one of Cassandra’s favourites, so it came as no surprise when, after just a few moments, she felt a yawn take shape in her throat. She made no attempt so suppress it, instead letting it bubble out of her mouth and into the soft skin of Estrella’s warm shoulder. Her eyes were already closing on their own, and Cassandra let them.
Estrella’s arms were already wound tightly around Cassandra’s back and neither of them made any attempt to remove them. Even though she herself didn’t really need rest, Estrella was always very understanding and accommodating when Cassandra got tired, especially when she was also feeling unwell.
There was a part of Cassandra – the part that still hadn’t fully realized that she suddenly had a lot more life to live – that didn’t like falling asleep when she was with Estrella because it always felt like a waste of time, but she still let her mind drift off into the land of dreams anyway. She was out and dreaming about all of the numbers that made up the universe within seconds, soothed into unconsciousness by Estrella’s reassuring presence.
She didn’t stay asleep for long – it might have been night in California, but to Cassandra’s internal clock, it was still barely afternoon, so this really was nothing more than a relaxing nap – and when she woke up, they were still in almost the same position she had fallen asleep in. The only change was that Estrella had moved one of her hands from Cassandra’s back to her head, where it was now mindlessly playing with her hair.
Cassandra took her time waking up, something she didn’t usually do if she didn’t have to. There was no time to waste when you didn’t have long left to live, and rushing through the more boring parts of life was a hard habit to break.
But right now, just laying there and slowly letting her mind drift closer to reality didn’t feel like a waste of time at all. Slow and quiet moments like this one were hard to come by as a Librarian, and this was a particularly nice one, so Cassandra was going to enjoy it as much as she possibly could.
Nearly an hour passed without either of them saying anything or moving at all, and it was surprisingly nice to just lie there in Estrella’s arms and do absolutely nothing, at least for a little while. Eventually, though, Cassandra still started to feel restless anyway. She stayed where she was for a few more minutes, but she started moving around a little, trying to get comfortable again, and eventually just gave up.
She sat up on the bed, leaning against the headboard with Estrella by her side, and stretched a little because her neck was kind of sore and she didn’t want to risk another headache so soon. Without even hesitating, Estrella reached out to gently massage the back of her neck, helping her more than any amount of stretching ever could.
By then, the sky was turning grey, indicating that the sun would come up soon. Sunrises were always particularly beautiful at Vida de la Luz, especially when watched across the lake, so Cassandra pulled herself out of the bed and slipped into her shoes and a coat that Estrella handed her. They both left the bedroom together and stepped outside into the cool morning air.
They walked towards and then around the lake in silence, mostly because they didn’t want to wake up any of the guests this early in the morning. Even when they reached the far end of the lake where nobody actually lived, they only spoke in whispers, bringing their heads close together so they could still hear each other.
Neither of them actually said much of anything – they mostly talked about the blooming gardens all around them, and about possible ways to improve them even more – but it was still nice just to have this kind of conversation with Estrella, without a hint of hurry on either side. They could just take their time, because Cassandra now had plenty of that.
They fell silent again when the first rays of sunlight came up across the horizon, playing across the gently undulating water of the lake. It really was a beautiful sight, almost as beautiful as the same sunlight covering Estrella’s face. Her eyes glowed, the colour of honey, and Cassandra let herself look at them, unhurriedly, and take in their beauty for as long as Estrella would let her, or until the sun fully came up – whichever would happen first.
Nearly half an hour passed without any change between them, and without either woman saying another word. They just watched each other, smiling the entire time and just letting the moment pass them by. It really was the perfect morning, at least to Cassandra.
But eventually the sun broke free from the horizon and the rest of the compound started waking up as well. Cassandra decided to use the last few moments they had alone together to kiss Estrella, who was briefly caught off-guard but quickly caught up to what was going on and kissed back enthusiastically.
The kiss only lasted for a few heartbeats before Cassandra reluctantly stepped back. She didn’t really want to leave – she never wanted to leave Vida de la Luz – but she had already been gone from the Library far longer than she had originally intended and there was a lot of stuff she needed to do, even if she would have much rather stayed with Estrella for the rest of the day at least.
So Cassandra reluctantly texted Jenkins to open a door for her and said her drawn-out goodbyes to Estrella, even knowing that they weren’t going to be apart for all that long. Estrella still walked with her all the way to the shed door they were going to use, holding her hand the entire time.
They said goodbye next to the open door, Cassandra lingering much longer than she usually did before returning to the Library. She didn’t want to let go of Estrella’s hand, and Estrella clearly didn’t want to let go either, so they both just kept holding on, standing as close to each other as possible the entire time. And just when Cassandra was about to finally pull herself free, Estrella started talking again.
“Will I still see you on Friday?”
Over a month ago, they had planned a weekend away for just the two of them, and Cassandra had been looking forward to it ever since. She loved her work as a Librarian, of course, but it could get extremely stressful sometimes, so this vacation was exactly what she needed.
Besides, an entire weekend with just Estrella, and absolutely no responsibilities whatsoever for either of them, sounded absolutely wonderful. Then, there really wouldn’t be anything to interrupt their time together and nowhere else for either of them to be. Cassandra was pretty sure that Estrella already knew she wouldn’t give that up for anything, but she still answered her question anyway.
“Of course! You still have to show me where you grew up, after all. I’m not letting you off the hook that easily…”
Just like Cassandra had expected, Estrella chuckled at her response, her entire face lighting up with it just like it always did. Cassandra couldn’t help herself, so she kissed her again before finally stepping towards the door, looking over her shoulder one last time so she could catch what Estrella said next.
“I look forward to it.”
Cassandra would have gladly responded and kept the conversation going a little while longer, but she knew that if she didn’t leave right in that moment, she wouldn’t be able to tear herself away for hours. Usually, she wouldn’t have minded that one bit, but the door was already open and her friends were probably waiting for her, so she reluctantly stepped through the magic and back into the Annex.
Her fellow Librarians, as well as Eve and Jenkins, were already waiting for her on the other side of the door, and Cassandra could tell just from looking at them that at least half of them were about to mock her relentlessly for her unplanned trip.
Usually, she would have just either walked away or made it absolutely clear that she didn’t want to hear any stupid comments before anyone else could say anything, but right now, she was actually in a really good mood – of course she was, after all of those wonderful hours with Estrella – so she just let them say whatever they wanted. She subjected herself to their mockery for a full ten minutes before she even tried to change the topic.