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What does it mean to let yourself be loved?
What does it mean to love without fear, to love without constantly feeling like a cat crouched low on the ground, ready to dart up and scratch at any threat you perceive?
What does it mean to find someone who makes you feel comfortable enough to let all your guards down? To nibble affectionately at the fingers that feed you rather than batting them away? To let them see the most vulnerable parts of you without the fear of them exploiting you?
Does this mean you can now let her have you, all of you, without worrying about how she’ll handle you? Without believing she’ll abandon you? Without being unsure if she’ll come back?
Such questions run through Xiao’s mind as he watches the beautiful silhouette of Lumine sitting at the vanity inside her bedroom in her miraculous teapot. Her back faces him as he sits and stares from her bed, carding through her hair with her fingers to get the last of the wicked tangles from a long day of adventuring out.
“You’re staring.”
Xiao looks away immediately as soon as she calls him out, caught red-handed, his cheeks soon turning the same tone. Of course, she noticed. She’s too experienced to not know when she’s being watched. She giggles as she dabs some sea ganoderma serum on her cheekbones, her laughter always as light as the stars sparkling from above.
“My apologies.”
Xiao looks up when he hears the plush chair scooching backwards and her getting out of it. She walks over to him and stands between his legs, pausing just for a moment to smile and admire his face. Xiao meets her eyes, breath hitching as she gently cups his cheeks with both hands, keeping his head tipped up. It took him so long to stop flinching and snapping his face away from her attempts at reaching out to caress his face, and internally, he gives himself a moment to be proud of that. She rubs his cheekbones fondly, her hands soft and cool from a sweet-flower hand cream Paimon gifted her that she now religiously uses to avoid too many calluses forming. “You know you’re allowed to, right?” She says, a slight hint of a smirk on her face. “I’m your girlfriend; you can look at me for as long as you want.”
That’s true. But Xiao can scarcely believe it—not just sometimes, but most of the time—that the person in front of him can be called his partner. That Lumine chose him, out of all the people she had ever met and created a connection with. That she never chooses anything other than kindness and care when interacting with him. That she chooses to come home to him almost every day, because it is within his arms that she prefers to sleep the most.
He can't believe he is not only given permission to look at her, but actively encouraged to do so. Xiao worries that he won’t be able to stop looking one day if given such liberty. Won’t want to tear his eyes away from those honey-gold eyes, the scraggly battle scars dotted all over her body that mirror his own, the crease lines around her mouth formed from all the sorrow but also tremendous joy Lumine experienced over the many years of her life.
Gods, Lumine’s mouth. Pillow-soft and pink, pouty and just perfect to press his own against, an honour he has now been graced with multiple times. He has been afforded the luxury of being able to bruise and bite them, something he never before even let himself think about, because bringing true harm unto Lumine is a crime punishable only by eternal suffering. But Lumine whines so prettily when he is relentless in his ardour, when he can’t stop himself from trying to show her how much she means to him, and so he gives both of them what they want and lets go of his wariness.
Xiao can’t help but be enchanted by her and everything that she does. He was doomed to follow her the second they crossed paths. And how could he not, when Lumine at her core is fundamentally such a good person? When she is generous, loyal, protective, fiercely attuned to her principles?
And Xiao especially appreciates her patience. Archons, she was so accommodating with him as he slowly let himself become more accustomed to the idea of being able to touch without permanently hurting someone. She taught him that there’s more to him than just violence and distress. She looks at him like he is only capable of giving her pleasure, like the same hands that cover her own now have not been used to exterminate thousands.
Xiao presses his face further into one of her palms, mumbling, “I know.” He can’t help but close his eyes, giving himself a few moments to breathe in the scent of her, warm and freshly showered. She smells like her recently favoured romaritime flower-scented shampoo, and another deeper, spicier fragrance newly acquired by a specialist in Fontaine—valberry and glaze lily, if Xiao detects it correctly.
Lumine leans down and presses those same sweet lips he had just been thinking about to his temple. How lovely, that her lips linger there, simply because they can, because she wants them to. How incredible, that Xiao can have this uncomplicated offer of affection. “Are you feeling sleepy?” She asks in a soft murmur against his forehead.
“Somewhat.” He answers, nuzzling more. Lumine just has this effect on him; she can soothe him with nary a word. Xiao doesn’t know when she learnt this skill or how, but even just being in her presence calms him. Relaxation is not something that comes easy to Xiao, never did at all before Lumine. But around her, Xiao can breathe. He loves to protect her, to shelter her as she does for him, but she is a capable, strong, brave warrior who knows how to take care of herself. And even if she weren’t, Xiao would always feel safer at her side regardless.
“Heh, you’re so cute.” Lumine giggles again, and Xiao blushes but doesn’t say anything, because he has given up on trying to convince Lumine otherwise. “Don’t worry.” She continues, punctuating the words with a peck to each of his cheeks. “I’ll join you soon; I’m almost done getting ready for bed.”
On the occasional nights and days when nothing is expected of Lumine and there is no world-altering quest that Lumine must embark on soon, she likes to do a little bit of a skincare routine. Just something mundane and enjoyable, just to feel like a regular human and not a descender from above.
“Take your time.” Xiao replies, because he too knows just how sacred daily rituals can be for one’s own peace of mind—he himself had just come back from an hour of caring for her plants in the garden. Xiao rarely ever picks up new hobbies, but he finds it particularly enjoyable to curate, cut, and water Lumine’s ever-developing collection of unique plants whenever he’s at her teapot and she’s still occupied with something. Sometimes after she’s back, Paimon and Lumine join him for some almond tofu on the little picnic table set up in view of the beautiful fountain that’s placed directly in the middle of the garden. They’ll play some Genius Invokation TCG and watch the sunset go down, and then they’ll watch the plant and animal varieties that glow in the dark flutter around in the wind till one of them inevitably yawns and declares it time for bed.
Xiao looks up again, and his eyes convey a shy plea for a kiss. He still finds it hard to ask her for things of this nature, but Lumine can read him well, and therefore she wastes no time in fulfilling his request. Languid yet passionate, these are the kisses that Xiao indulges in most. It is easy, to lose track of time like this, it is easy to be heedless of the loss of his breath, it is easy to forget all the trials and tribulations of the world outside when Lumine kisses him like this.
Xiao slides his arms around her waist, and as they kiss for longer and longer, he snakes his hands under her lilac pyjama dress that’s dotted with playful aranara. He rubs the silk flower material between his thumb and index finger before moving onto something even softer: the small of her back and her hips. Lumine is always so sensitive when he traces her waist and lower torso in general, and he delights in the little sounds that expel from her between quick catches of breath. He scratches up and down her back and revels in the way she swoons, her body relaxing into his, how her nails dig into him too, subconsciously marking his shoulders just the slightest bit. She whispers his name, a sighed “Xiao…”, with no intent behind it other than to say it.
His grip slowly becomes harder and his kisses too—Xiao can be wordlessly bold when he finds the courage to be. As the kiss begins to head into the direction of something more fiery, he debates pulling her down with him onto the bed fully, his eternal wish to devour her properly never too far from his mind. But she's not finished with her routine yet, and Xiao knows how to restrain himself.
Lumine does make it difficult to remember how to, sometimes.
When Lumine eventually pulls away for breath, Xiao can hear the stuttered beating of his heart in his ribcage. Even though it’s been a few weeks now since they confessed their mutual love for one another, every kiss still has him dazed and flustered. Lumine, at least this time, looks a bit unruffled with the lopsided smile that grows on her face as she watches Xiao recover from yet another one of her world-shattering kisses. Another peck lands on his nose before she pulls away to go back to her nighttime routine.
Xiao misses the warmth of her already, so to compensate, he crawls underneath her alpaca wool blanket, intending to read a few poems from a new Mondstadtian volume Zhongli bought on his most recent trip there and lent out to the couple. At some point, however, the drowsiness wins over, and he dozes off. Sleep comes so much easier to Xiao in Lumine’s teapot—probably since everything is so distinctly her and Paimon’s taste, but also specifically curated to be as comfortable as possible for her vast array of guests from all over the planet. They both had quite a bit of a fun yet long day in Qingce Village, catching up with the locals and running around doing some errands for them.
When he comes to again, his eyes flutter open to the gorgeous sight of Lumine’s face and her nimble fingers tracing over his collarbones. Bathed in the pale cerulean moonlight, she looks like every bit of the ethereal goddess Xiao thinks she is. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” She whispers, her hand stilling its movement in likeness of Xiao’s own hesitance earlier. But there is nobody Xiao would be more willing to give his body to than Lumine, and if she didn’t know that already, she would surely learn that in time.
Xiao shakes his head in response and reaches over to pull her closer, wrapping his arm over her side and sliding his arm under her head. “It’s fine.”
Lumine hugs him back tightly, burrowing into him. She fits so perfectly in his arms, but that should not surprise anyone, least of all Xiao. Kissing his chest, right over his heart, Lumine hums, “Goodnight, Xiao. I love you.”
Saying it back is no longer as difficult as it was at the start; it now comes out by pure reflex. Mumbled against her forehead as sleep pulls him away yet again, Xiao replies, “I love you too, Lumine. Sleep well.”
