Chapter Text
Blue had been on edge all morning.
They all had been, to be fair; most of them were still struggling to find work, White was freshly disowned, Red and Purple had a long, long history to unpack and work through; the polycule had certainly seen better days when it came to patience with each other. But Blue, they were usually the calm one. The one who could always see the solution, no matter what - they and Brown were the realistic optimists keeping everyone else together. But ever since they woke up, Blue had been treating everything like it had personally offended them.
Currently, they were staring at their dinner like it had killed their parents and made them watch. Red, trying desperately to inject humour through the thick cloud of malaise that had settled over their beloved doctor, spoke;
“….. you’re supposed to eat it, not stare at-“
“Oh my GOD, Red, do you ever just- stop?!” Blue shoved away from the table, seething, food uneaten, “I’m going out, all of you just leave me alone!”
There was a stretch of silence, everyone sitting there shell shocked. Even Lime, who’d known Blue since school and usually knew them like the back of their calloused hand, was struck dumb and wide-visored by the sudden outburst of emotion. There was a pregnant pause.
Yellow recovered first, turning their attention to the food again, before speaking,
“… Somethin’s up with Blue.”
“‘Something’ is up with all of us, Yellow.” White remarked miserably, eating their food slowly - going from someone given life on a silver platter to what was, in their eyes, slumming it, had done a serious number on their demeanour.
Yellow shook their head.
“No, not like that - I mean, yeah, but- think about it. They’ve lost their appetite, they’re bigger, they’ve got mood swings….. sound familiar?”
Red gasped, putting both hands to their face, and shot out of their seat while blurting out -
“Blue’s depressed!”
“What? No, what Yellow meant was-“
“I’m back!”
Blue entered the dining room sheepishly, so used to Red’s dramatics they didn’t question the former captain standing bolt upright like someone had lit a fire beneath their seat,
“I’m sorry about my… outburst, everyone. We’ve all been stressed lately, but that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t be lashing out at any of you; I love you.”
“Blue! You’re back! It’s totally fine, just- here, sit down, I’ll call someone!”
Purple, wondering why they hadn’t left when given the chance, shook their head as Red tried to herd an increasingly bewildered Blue to the couch,
“Call someone?! For what?”
“To help you!”
“Help me?”
“With your depression, obviously! It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Blue, we want to help you!”
Blue turned their visor from Red to the rest of their - still seated - partners, and received a shrug in explanation. Putting their hands between themself and Red, Blue began to explain.
“Red, I’m not depressed.”
Red, teary visored, looked at Blue like they were a baby bunnymate half flattened by a car,
“That’s the first thing someone with depression would say!”
“Is the second thing ‘seriously, I’m not depressed’?” Blue asked, still just as dumbstruck as before. When Red nodded, nearly crying, Blue merely sighed heavily, “I’m not depressed, I’m- you know what, can we just- alright, house meeting everyone.”
Obediently, Red returned to their seat, still anxiously watching Blue. Green rested a hand sympathetically over one of Red’s own to soothe them, and then ten gazes turned to Blue.
Standing at the front of the table, for the first time since any of the crew - or indeed, maybe anyone at all - had met them, Blue seemed to be struggling for words.
“Everyone, I’m not depressed. In fact, my ailment isn’t mental in nature at all. I’m-“ they hesitated. Fidgeted. Then they kept talking, “I’m- well- life is a.. gift, you know? Life is a gift. It’s wonderful, a miracle, a statistical anomaly, even if our current government makes creating and maintaining life sometimes tedious, it’s a precious, beautiful thing, and-“ they wrung their hands, looked away, and the words tore out in a rush; “and I’m pregnant and I want to keep it and I know we’re in a financial tight spot but I truly want to be a parent and and I think we could do it if we just put our minds to it, I mean we travelled outer space and faced MIRA together what’s a babymate right but if it’s not unanimous then of course I won’t force any of you to raise it…” they seemed to realise there was nothing more to say, then, and lifted their gaze to watch their partners, chest heaving.
The group watched Blue, surprised for a whole different reason, and Cyan spoke first.
“I knew something was different about you! You were giving off totally different vibes than usual, but if I knew it was a babymate then I would’ve mentioned it so much sooner! How’re you feeling? Are you feeling sick yet? Ooh, I know a great natural remedy for nausea-“
Black rested a hand on Cyan’s, recognising the mounting overwhelm in Blue’s visor and wanting to nip the risk of even more stress right in the bud, and Cyan settled again, remembering the situation they were in. That seemed to open the floodgates well enough, though, and Blue returned to their seat and the group talked through it, coming to the conclusion that yes, raising a baby would be hard, but given the fact there were eleven of them and most of them were employed, and the fact that Green always had their village to fall back on if they were seriously struggling, they came to the same conclusion. They wanted this. They all wanted to be a family, no matter which one of them had biologically sired the kid.
Then, with the serious discussion out of the way, the conversation eased; they started eating again, talking more light heartedly about the baby. But, while listening to a few of their partners good naturedly debate on whether it was a better idea to lend a baby name book from parents or buy a more modern one, Blue noticed something glaring.
White had left.
They stood up, excused themself, and followed in their lead to find them.
The air outside was brisk, but not unbearable. Dusk was beginning to give way to evening, pinks and purples giving way to the vast black of night, and Blue found themself greeted with the familiar urge to wax poetic about the beauty of nature to no one in particular. They thought, a little warmed by the idea, that they did, in fact, have someone to wax poetic to, and they would for the next few months. They rested one hand over their little passenger for a moment, footsteps stilling as they basked in the idea. A baby. They would be a parent, and they’d do it with the ten people they loved more than anything. They could already imagine it so clearly;
Lime teaching the little one all about how anything they show even a little interest in works before they’re even old enough to understand it, waving a pencil around as they gestured loosely around hurriedly made diagrams, showing off the intelligence that so many missed but was what had drawn Blue to them in the first place; Red, wearing a baby sling or pushing a stroller and treating it like the most solemn duty, just like he had when he was the captain; they’d get to see that focused expression they found so endearing, when Red was totally concentrated and their brow furrowed as they murmured to themself - or, in this future case, perhaps the baby; Yellow and Brown teaching them to cook, lifting the little one up to help them reach the counter, helping them clean up spills and other mistakes with gentle, guiding hands that would make for moulding an adult who didn’t fear failure, but welcomed it; Cyan dancing with them, ribbons twirling as music and light pulsed, holding their little hands to help them spin; Green telling them all about the worm farm where they’d grown up, backtracking midway through stories when they abruptly remembered nature endings; Orange helping them with homework, with all their experience with paperwork priming them for the task, explaining with glee how multiple choice and graphs work, filling in any blanks that teachers left; White-
“Are you going to stand there staring into the distance, or did you need something?”
White’s voice, for the first time since Blue met them, was as cold as ice; there was no warmth, no bounce. When Blue met their visor, their gaze was similarly cold and haggard.
“White, why did you leave?” Blue approached, rested a hand on White’s. They tried not to flinch when White snatched their hand away, scoffing.
“Why did I leave? I’ve just lost my whole family, Blue! They hate me, all because of you and the others!” Blue began to think that White’s voice must’ve been made of ice, too, because those words felt like frostbite, piercing them from the inside out, making ice crystals in their blood. White, unknowing or uncaring or both, continued, “and if that thing-“ here they gestured widely to Blue’s midsection, and the doctor reflexively shielded it “-is born while I’m anywhere near it, my family won’t ever want anything to do with me again. The fact that I fraternised with people like all of you is bad enough, but one of you having my baby? It’s just wrong, Blue, you have to see that.”
Blue stepped away. Their visor was welling up but they didn’t think to wipe it clean. People like all of you. The words stung, if only because they were that familiar. Being in academia for over a decade as someone not of a perfect pedigree will do that to you. Their parents had always tried to give them thicker skin, tell them they were just as smart as people who lived in manors with personal assistants and ate caviar with every meal, but that didn’t make the overwhelming feeling of not belonging any less sharp, even after so many years.
White, seemingly beginning to remember who they were speaking to - the person they loved, the person they’d gone through something that nearly killed them both alongside - softened and held their hands in front of them.
“Blue, you know that’s not what I- come on, don’t be like that, I didn’t mean-“
Blue turned around, and they walked.
“Blue! Come on, please?”
They paused, just for a moment, at the front door of the borrowed home they’d lived in since their life fell apart. Listened to the familiar verbal backspacing of someone realising that they’d gone too far.
Then they took a deep breath, went inside, and closed the door behind themself.