Chapter Text
Jyushimatsu was lying on the ground flipping through one of his baseball magazines when he heard the voice of his second oldest brother.
“Would you like me to help you with your swinging practice, my little Jyushimatsu?”
When Jyushimatsu looked behind him, he had to stop himself from bursting out into laughter at the unexpected sight. Karamatsu was tied to a baseball bat, just like Ichimatsu used to do. Jyushimatsu didn’t really feel like practicing his swings at that moment but it had been so long since he had, and Karamatsu had never offered himself before, so…
A wide grin spread across his face. “Karamatsu-niisan wants to help me?” He asked excitedly.
“(( Yes!)) ” Karamatsu said in English, if his arms hadn’t been tied down, he would have given a thumbs up.
“Alright! ((Hustle! Hustle! Muscle! Muscle!))” He said as he pumped his arms in the air to psych himself up. “LET’S GO!”
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“Did you have fun, Karamatsu-niisan?” Jyushimatsu asked, he was practically vibrating with excitement. It had felt great to have gotten in such good swinging practice and now Jyushi really wanted to play baseball.
“Yes! It was exhilarating! Feeling the wind on my face and the world spin around me! I think I could have gone another thousand swings!” Karamatsu gave a thumbs up with a huge smile.
Jyushimatsu had to admit, Karamatsu sounded very convincing. With those strong words and broad grin, Jyushimatsu almost believed the act. But the slight quiver in his limbs and the greenish tinge of his face betrayed him.
Jyushimatsu brought his sleeve covered hand to his mouth as he pondered this intensely. Ichimatsu-niisan had always said that his eyes looked really weird when he did this, so Jyushimatsu wasn’t surprised that his second oldest brother looked a little unnerved under his gaze.
Finally, he tilted his head to the side as he asked the question that had been bothering him. “Why is Karamatsu-niisan lying?”
“Eh?”
“If you don’t like it, you should say so.” The fifth brother scolded lightly.
Karamatsu protested. “What? I do-”
“It’s okay if you don’t like it.” Jyushi hurriedly interrupted.
Then, with a fond and nostalgic smile he shrugged.
“Ichimatsu-niisan liked it, even if he pretended he didn’t. But then again… Ichimatsu-niisan could be kinda weird sometimes.”
Jyushimatsu noticed the incredulous expression that flitted briefly across his older brother’s face at that statement, but he paid it no mind. He knew that he came off as pretty silly to others at times.
The fifth brother’s smile softened a little, as a sad but understanding look spread across his face. “Karamatsu-niisan isn’t a replacement for Ichimatsu-niisan.”
Karamatsu flinched slightly as Jyushimatsu went to the heart of the matter.
“Karamatsu-niisan is Karamatsu-niisan, and no one else.” Jyushimatsu almost wanted to add ‘duh’ to that statement, it was so obvious to him.
“Just like I am Jyushimatsu and no one else!” He said brightly.
“((Hustle! Hustle! Muscle! Muscle!))”
Although... it hadn’t always seemed that way.
When they were kids they took pride in being identical. They had lived by the motto ‘I am my brothers and my brothers are me’. They used to be happy that people couldn’t tell them apart and would often times take advantage of that fact to play pranks on people.
Jyushimatsu was happy to be with his brothers, and he was happy to be like his brothers. So even though he knew that he was louder, more cheerful, and generally more silly than the others, he tried to downplay those parts of himself, because he wanted to match his brothers.
But all that changed in High School.
For the first time in their school career, the brothers were all in separate classes. Jyushimatsu wasn’t used to being separated from his brothers. For most of his life, he had always been in the presence of at least one of his brothers at all times. It was then that they all started to become different from each other, they grew into different people from sheer necessity. Afterall, You can’t be just one part of a unit all by yourself.
His brothers also found interests outside of the family. Karamatsu had drama club, Choromatsu had student council, and Todomatsu found himself fitting in with the popular kids. So Jyushimatsu felt free to do what he had always dreamed of.
He joined the Baseball club.
Truthfully, he had always wanted to join the Baseball club in Middle School, but he had wanted to be with his brothers more. In Middle School, the sextuplets were a part of the ‘go straight home’ club. Or rather, they were their own club just by themselves.
It was in the Baseball club, however, that he found out how to let loose and be himself. Even though he was without his brothers in class, he still held back. It was getting harder though, since he didn’t have any brothers around to match his behavior with, but he still managed to work from his memory. Holding back had just become habit by that point.
No one had really noticed though, because to them he seemed ‘normal’. The only one to ever say something about it had been his club captain.
“Matsuno, what is your problem?”
“Hai?” Jyushimatsu asked, confused.
A few months into the school year, the team captain pulled Jyushimatsu aside to speak with him.
“Why are you holding back?”
Jyushimatsu shook his head in denial. “I’m no-”
“You are, I can tell. Every time you start to really get into it, you stop and pull back, you tone things down.” The older boy stated. “Why?”
Jyushimatsu paused as he considered the question.
“I… I don’t want to stand out… from them.” He finally admitted.
His buchou blinked, confused. “Who? The other first years?”
Jyushimatsu shook his head again. “No... my brothers.”
“Ah, yes, you are one of the sextuplets, right?” A look of understanding spread across the senior’s face.
“Yes! I’m number five!” The Yellow Matsu said brightly.
“You sure you’re not the eldest?” Buchou asked with what sounded like real doubt.
“No! That’s Osomatsu-niisan!” Jyushi had to suppress a giggle at the thought of being confused with his eldest brother.
“Or the youngest?” The older boy questioned.
“Totty!” He shouted out his baby brother’s nickname happily. “That’s my only younger brother, Todomatsu!”
“So then you are...?” The senior’s voice trailed off and the question hung in the air.
“Jyushimatsu! I’m Matsuno Jyushimatsu!” The fifth born son said proudly.
Bucho pointed his hand dramatically in a way that reminded him of his second oldest brother.
“Right! Matsuno Jyushimatsu! You are yourself and no one else! You need to embrace your true self!
The older boy held up a fist in the air as if lamenting about something truly tragic.
“Matsuno Jyushimatsu! We are in the springtime of youth! We can’t let this precious time slip away just because we are restraining ourselves for no good reason at all.”
Jyushimatsu could’ve sworn he saw a stream of tears on his senpai's face.
Suddenly, the older boy pointed at him again.
“Matsuno Jyushimatsu! Where are your brothers right now?”
The Yellow Matsu was a bit taken aback by the question.
“Umm… Choromatsu-niisan is in the student council, Karamatsu-niisan is in the drama club. I think Todomatsu went to hang out with some classmates and…”
Buchou cut him off. “The point is, Matsuno, that they are not here now, right?”
“No…”
“Then why are you holding back?” The older boy asked with an exasperated smile.
Jyushimatsu looked down, contemplating.
Why was he still doing this?
“Habit? He half asked, half answered.
A strong hand clasp his shoulder and he looked up into his senior’s shining eyes.
“You need to break that habit, pick up a new one. When you think of holding back say to yourself ‘I’m going to ((hustle))! Build those ((muscles))!’ I want you to do this when you practice.”
The older boy said with such confidence.
“((Hustle? Muscle))?” Jyushimatsu’s tongue tripped over the unfamiliar words.
“Yes, they’re English words. I find that chanting can really help you focus.”
“”((Hustle... hustle? Muscle… muscle?))” He tried the chant out, this time the words were easier to say.
“That will work, Matsuno!” The captain clapped him on the back. “Work hard and give it your all!”
“Osu!”
After that talk with his club captain, he would use that chant to remind himself. To remember to stay true to himself, that he didn’t have to hold back to be like his brothers.
Afterall, they were brothers, no matter what their differences were, that would never change.
“I don’t need Karamatsu-niisan to be like Ichimatsu-niisan. I need Karamatsu-niisan to be like Karamatsu-niisan!” Jyushimatsu said firmly.
“Y-You do?” Karamatsu looked astonished.
“Yes!” The Yellow Matsu said brightly. “Karamatsu-niisan is the strongest, kindest, most reliable Niisan that I know!”
The second eldest looked down, his bangs shadowed his eyes. “I… I’m not strong.”
He started to tremble. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t keep it together. I was so weak, I gave up hope and because of that I tried to take the coward’s way out.”
“I-I don’t deserve…” His voice broke as it trailed off.
Karamatsu looked up into his brother’s eyes. His own eyes were red, and there were unshed tears gathering at the corners.
“Why? Why do you forgive me?”
He grit his teeth in self anger. “I don’t deserve it!”
“Why don’t you all hate me? I’m the worse! I was so selfish! Because of my selfishness, Ichimatsu took his life! Why don’t you blame me? Why?”
Karamatsu sounded so lost, so confused. He could literally not understand that they had long ago forgiven him, that they had never actually blamed him to begin with.
“Niisan…” Jyushimatsu’s voice became uncharacteristically somber. “The only one that I blame for Ichimatsu-niisan’s death is Ichimatsu-niisan.”
The Blue Matsu flinched, shaking his head he was trying to deny the truth in the statement.
“Just like if Karamatsu-niisan had died, I would have blamed Karamatsu-niisan alone.” Jyushimatsu finished.
“We make our own choices, and we are only responsible for our own actions. Ichimatsu-niisan chose to take his own life to save Karamatsu-niisan even though there could have been another way.” The Yellow Matsu went on to explain.
“Ichimatsu-niisan knew that Karamatsu-niisan might have gotten a new liver from the transplant center in time. He knew that Karamatsu-niisan might have been saved without him doing anything.” Jyushimatsu stared directly into his elder brother’s eyes, and Karamatsu nearly flinched at the intensity.
“He knew all that, but he still chose that path. Ichimatsu-niisan didn’t just do it to save Karamatsu-niisan, he did it to save himself from suffering through the cancer treatment.
A small nostalgic smile spread across the fifth brother’s face.
“Ichimatsu-niisan was many things, but he was not one to fight for his life and he hated medical treatments.”
It was true, Karamatsu could remember how difficult it was to get the fourth brother to take his shots when they needed to be inoculated. When he was little, he would cry so much and there was little that could be done to placate him, not even candy or a cat could calm him.
The fifth brother let out an exasperated sigh. “Niisan, you forget. We are the same age. You are only 17 minutes older than Ichimatsu-niisan and only about 25 minutes older than me. We may be your younger brothers, but you don’t have to protect us like children.”
Karamatsu let out a little chuckle. “When did my cute little Jyushimatsu get so wise? We don’t give you nearly enough credit, do we?”
“Always keep them guessing!” Jyushi said brightly. “((Hustle! Hustle! Muscle! Muscle!))
The second eldest relaxed at his little brother’s antics. The tightness in his chest easing just a little.
“Ne, Niisan… I have someone I want you to meet.” Jyushimatsu spoke up suddenly, his voice was filled with a mixture of happiness and trepidation, nearly giving his elder brother whiplash at the rapid change of mood.
“Anything for my little Jyushimatsu.” Karamatsu said with an easy smile.
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It was about an hour later that the fifth and second sons found themselves walking to the park.
Jyushimatsu filled the air with chatter about his baseball training as Karamatsu listened indulgently.
Suddenly, the Yellow Matsu’s face lit up, and he sprinted over to the small bridge that marked the entrance of the park.
The Blue Matsu followed behind at a more sedate pace, guessing correctly that his younger brother had spotted the person that he wanted to introduce Karamatsu to.
It was just as he had caught up to his brother that the other person came into view.
He choked in his surprise as he breathed out a name in scarcely a whisper.
“Homura?”