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Michael sat on a metal chair in the corner, fidgeting with the tie he was wearing. Jacob was dancing with whatever girl he liked this week (Michael didn’t bother learning names, he went from girlfriend to girlfriend constantly) and Simon was secretly selling snacks, cheaper than what was being sold in the auditorium, in the hallway to the bathroom. And Jeremy was-
Oh wait, where was Jeremy?
He saw him earlier talking to some kids that Michael didn’t know. Mike had thought about approaching Jeremy to say hello, but the thought of having to talk to new people made him sick.
He had been able to view Jeremy from the chair he sat from, but now more people spilled into the room, they obstructed his view.
Ugh
Michael rose up from his chair and moved sides to try to find the boy, but still to no avail. Would he really have to go find him in the crowd? Wait no, no he wouldn’t have to. That was so unnecessary. Jeremy was his own person, he didn’t need Michael watching him. But why did he want to see where Jeremy was so badly? Michael felt his checks turn red.
No no no no. His checks are flushed because of the heat. It was so hot in the room, that’s why they were a shade of pink. Because the other explanation behind it is wrong. Disgusting even.
“Hello!” A girl caught his attention. “I’m Anna! Care for a dance?” She held her hand out like how princes did in fairytales.
Yes, that's exactly what he needed. A girl to distract him. Perfect.
“Sure” he grabbed her hand and she led him out to the crowd of people, grinning. She was quite cute. Her light brown eyes matched her brown short curly hair and the green dress she wore complimented it.
Anna tried to stir up conversation with Michael while dancing, but the boy seemed so far into thought. Such a shame the one time she would get to spend with the most handsomest and popular boy in the grade, his mind was in a different place.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Hm? Ah um- nothing.”
Anna giggled hearing the blue eyed brunette fumble with his words.
“Oi! What are you laughing about?!”
His accent seemed to make Anna laugh even more. “Geez, you’re so British!”
“Yeah, ‘aight I get it” he scoffed.
Michael caught long dark curly hair in the corner of his eye and immediately knew who it was. Or at least thought he knew who it was.
“I, I’ve gotta go, pleasure dancing with you though!” He yelled, leaving the girl confused and pushing through the crowd.
Shoot where had he seen him? The room was so crowded, Michael quickly lost sight of both the girl he danced with for a moment and the curly haired boy. There couldn't have been more than two hundred people inside the large room, but between the bright neon lights making it difficult to see people’s facial features and the sudden movements of people dancing obstructing his view, it was like finding a needle in a haystack.
Maybe he was at the snack bar?
Jeremy does like food. But he wouldn’t like what they’re selling. If he’s going to eat he eats homemade meals, not some off brand bag of chips like how they were selling. He’s such a snob like that. It’s probably because his mom is always spoiling him with authentic homemade Mexican dishes. Every time Michael cooks spaghetti just by throwing store bought noodles and tomato sauce together when Jeremy’s over, he doesn’t stop hearing crap about it.
It was still worth a shot though.
Michael slipped through a crowd of people to the very back of the auditorium to be greeted with a long table and a group of teachers behind it. No sign of the green eyed, curly haired boy. Mike sighed and left the room. Jer could be with Simon in the hallway to the bathroom, or just in the bathroom. There was a better chance of him being there than the snack table.
“I saw that! Put the bag down, you only paid for one!” Simon’s voice echoed through the hall. He was sitting on the tile floor in front of a cardboard box with a line of people in front. Perhaps calling it a line was being nice. There was certainly enough people for a line, but they were scattered around the box.
“You know, you’re bound to get caught if you yell like that.”
“Sup Michael, no I’m not going to give you anything for free.” He paused then grabbed Michael by the tie to bring him down to his level. “At least not here” Simon whispered
“You’re so kind, but I’m not here for that.” Michael pulled himself up. “Have you seen Jer?”
“Uh no I don’t- PUT THE CHIPS DOWN”
“Okay, great talk.” Mike took an exaggerated step away from the cardboard “table” and walked over to the restroom. If he wasn’t here he would have to check outside.
No. He didn’t “have to” do anything. Michael stopped right in his tracks.
Why was he looking for him? Jeremy was probably with friends. He didn’t need Michael’s company. Well Michael wanted Jeremy’s company. And that’s perfectly fine for wanting to be near his best friend.
So he’ll find Jeremy eventually, then what? Dance? That’s so ridiculous. The only reason Michael danced with that girl, who he already forgot the name of, was to get his mind off things. To get his mind off…
Come on Michael, you’re confusing things. You are a teenager, nothing you feel or think that you feel is real. Puberty is making you think this. It’s not real. You’re still learning the difference between platonic and romantic love.
People who think that it’s right -what you’re thinking is right-, they’re just confused and greedy. You’re a smart kid. Don't be one of those people.
He’s going to go find his best friend to hang out. Because they’re best friends. Best friends since they were little kids. And Michael loves him as much as someone is supposed to love their best friend.
Michael pushed open the blue door to the restroom. All the stalls were open.
Okay- so he’s not in here. It just didn’t seem like Michael would get to hang out with him at all tonight. Bummer, Jeremy seemed really excited about this dance. It would be nice to see if Jeremy was having a good time.
Michael moved towards the sink and turned it on. He cupped his hands to put water in them, then splashed some water on his face. It was nice to be in a quiet room by himself with water running down his face. Michael wished this could last forever.
“Oh hey Mike!”
Dang it.
“Hey Jacob” Michael grumbled with his eyes still shut leaning over the sink to not get water in his suit.
“You can just say you didn’t want to see me” Jacob joked. He knew Michael was just always grumpy and there were no hard feelings between the two. “What are you doing”
“Washing face”
“More like soaking your face”
The cold water on his face felt so refreshing he had completely forgotten to dry it off. Michael grabbed a cheap rough paper towel and dried his face off.
“I was thinking”
“About what?”
The second time he’s been asked that just tonight and he’s only talked to three people.
“Don’t be a nosy prick”
“Okay, geez”
“Have you seen Jeremy?”
“Oh is that why you're being a bigger jerk than usual?” Jacob moved closer to Michael at the sink. “You can’t find your boyfriend?” He teased
Michael stared at him wide eyed in the mirror. Jacob didn’t notice though since Michael quickly pushed him away making him hit the wall. Mike didn’t mean to push him that hard, but it serves him right!
“He’s not my boyfriend! That’s weird, Jacob!”
“Geez, I was just making a joke” He rubbed his arm where he hit the wall. “Ouch”
Michael scoffed. Now Jacob was just being over dramatic. “Well? Have you seen him?”
“Yeah”
Michael hopes shoot up through the roof and he prepared to ask where until-
“Um, actually no. Nevermind. Thought I did. My bad. I’m gonna take a piss now.” Jacob turned and walked towards the urinals.
Mike was just so over it. He didn’t even cuss at Jacob for teasing him like that as he walked out the bathroom door.
Oh well.
Jeremy either went home or he was in the suffocating auditorium.
What would be the point in staying at the dance if he couldn’t find Jeremy? Plus his head was starting to hurt from the annoying loud music.
Perhaps it’s just time to just head home.
No, going home didn’t sound very appealing. Michael started walking towards the exit. He’ll get his skate board and go to a park or something nearby. Swings are fun. He’ll be sure to find a playground with swings.
The cold air hit Michael’s face upon opening the door. He shivered in response. He didn’t prepare for the chilling night air. The light suit jacket he wore was not enough to protect him from getting a cold if he stayed out too long. Maybe he would just have to head home. Bummer. He was tired as is, but having to deal with Father soon? Michael sighed.
Even from outside Michael could hear the loud music. More reasons to get away.
He grabbed his skate board from alongside the building and threw it on the ground. Mike had started to get ready to skate, until a sound startled him.
It was sobbing. Really hard sobs.
Michael knew those sobs.
Crap
He turned the corner of the building to see a curly haired boy his age curled up with his forehead on his knees crying.
“Jer?”
The boy froze and stared at Michael’s, his green eyes meeting Mike’s blue ones.
“Hey-“ he sniffed “hey Michael!” Jeremy tried to play it off as if he hadn’t been crying and that he is his usual happy self, but failed miserably.
“Hey,” Michael crouched down next to the boy. “Is everything alright?”
“Yup!” Jeremy smiled at Michael, attempting to trick him into thinking everything was fine.
Michael wasn’t buying it. “No, you're not. Don’t lie to me Jer.” Mike wiped the remaining tears on Jeremy’s cheek.
It just didn’t make any sense. How was Jeremy able to do that to him? He gets Michael to be so soft and caring. Michael is a caring person. He always has been. But when Michael pretends he’s not, when he pretends to be tough, Jeremy always manages to get him to be himself.
“You have to be freezing right now- here.” Mike took off his purple suit jacket and placed it on Jeremy’s shoulders. He was only wearing a blue undershirt and black dress pants, no way Jeremy wasn’t cold. Truthfully, Michael had been over dressed for the dance, wearing a tux and all. He only wore it because it was the best thing that fit him enough coming from his father’s closet. Everything else was too big, just slightly though. It seemed like Michael was on the track of being taller than his father when he grew up so that’s gonna be fun.
“What? Michael I can’t wear this, this is your father’s!” Jeremy told him, his voice drenched in worry. “What if I get something on it? Mr. Afton will kill you!” Jeremy knew how it was for Michael at home. Not the whole extent, but he knew a lot.
“It’s fine, Jer. I mean it’s not like you’re eating or drinking anything. The worst thing that can get on it is gravel.” He chuckled and sat down next to him instead of just crouching.
“Are you gonna tell me what’s the matter now?”
“Yeah- um it was just” he looked away from Michael to look at the ground and mumbled “Lacy broke up with me. It’s not really something to cry about, I know.”
“What! No it’s totally something you can cry about” it isn’t something Michael could ever cry about, but Jeremy could. He was allowed to. Michael would be “given something to cry about” or to “man up” if he dared to shed a tear during his Father's yelling. Mr and Mrs. Fritzgerald let Jeremy cry though. God, Michael envied him.
“I’m sorry, that's a bloody terrible thing to do to somebody at a school dance.” Jeremy doesn’t really comment on Mike's accent anymore; he's just so used to it, but whenever Mike uses British slang, he does slightly smile.
“I think- I think the worst part was the way she did break up with me…”
“How?” Michael nonchalantly shivered. He didn’t want Jeremy to feel bad for taking the jacket, but it was really cold. His hands were growing more and more clammy.
“She didn’t talk to me during like the whole dance then, when she did her and her friends like walked up to me and.. and-“ Jeremy sniffed and wiped his snot with the back of his hand. “And they- the group leader told me she wanted to break up with me and they were laughing and stuff.” That must’ve been who Michael saw Jeremy with earlier. That’s why he didn’t know who it was.
Michael moved closer to Jeremy in pity, their shoulders now touching. “Like I tried to talk to her directly and ask her why and stuff but her friends were saying how she didn’t want to talk and she just like nodded! And they said it was because I hang out with you like too much”
“What?” Michael was taken aback, sure he was a little rude here and there to his classmates, but that shouldn’t affect Jeremy. Right? If anyone knew anything about Jeremy it was that he was practically an angel.
And as mentioned before- he was noticeably popular- it was common for girls and boys alike to almost worship the ground Mike walks on. Maybe her reason was because Jeremy hangs out with him more than her? That is true…
“and then made fun of me because I spoke a lil Spanish-” his sobs started back up again, just quieter than before.
Michael put his hand on the other boy's knee and leaned in closer. Probably closer than he should’ve because he could’ve sworn he saw a tint of blush on Jeremy’s cheeks. “They did what!”
“Yeah! And they even told me to go back where I came from and crap!” Jeremy matched Michael’s irritation and leaned in even closer to the boy. So close that Michael could feel the warm breath on his face.
Mike noticed how Jeremy’s eyes weren’t particularly on his. Like lower on his face. Maybe Michael has a pimple above his lip or something.
“That’s crazy since you were literally born here! This is where you came from!” Michael chuckled.
“Exactly!” Jeremy smiled. God why did he have to smile. It makes Michael feel all weird and he doesn’t like it. And the feeling that’s weird isn’t what you think it is! It can’t be that. That’s disgusting. It’s not real.
“Their insults are proper rubbish!” Jeremy smiled even more upon hearing Michael’s accent “I mean truly, who cares about what fake blonde, spray tanned-”
“That’s a bit hypocritical of you Mikey.” Jeremy giggled and turned towards him, and if that wasn’t enough he wrapped his arms around Michael’s neck. He should’ve backed away. He should’ve pushed Jeremy and made fun of him and left him to sit by himself on the cold gravel.
But he didn’t. Instead he kept talking.
“How is that hypocritical?! My spray tan looks awesome on me, thank you very much!”
“You’re right, it does look- how do you British people say it… crack?”
Michael chuckled, “What? Are you attempting to say cracking?”
“Yeah! Your spray tan looks quite cracking, mate” Jeremy added an absolute terrible British accent.
“Thank you, mate.”
This was okay. It was fine for best friends to be this close. Plus physical contact was Jeremy’s love language! Jeremy’s just showing affection as he’s done throughout their whole friendship.
It’s okay
Friendship is so important. This was all platonic love. All of it. And Michael had a lot of it for Jeremy.
Mike left one of his hands on Jeremy’s knee and the other wiped away the remaining tears on his cheek. “You feel better now?”
“A lot better… thank you.”
“Are you kidding me? That’s what friends are for, man!”
Friends. That’s all they’ll ever be. Nothing less, nothing more. Yet Jeremy couldn’t help but want more. Want was an under statement. He couldn’t help but desire more. But they’re just kids. Michael isn’t going to validate Fritzgerald’s feelings, nevertheless his own. Maybe when they’re older. Maybe Michael would fall so hard he gives in. But all Jeremy could do was hope. Who’s to say Mike would ever fall?
Jeremy noticeably shrunk and removed his hands from Michael. He couldn’t look at Mike right now or he’ll start tearing up again. To know he’s doomed to a fate to forever yearn for his friend is a feeling he’s convinced is the most devastating he’s ever felt. Besides when his dad died. That sucked.
“You alright Jer?”
“Yeah. Yeah I’m good.”
“Okay…
Do you want to go back inside?”
As much as Michael didn’t want to go into the headache inducing auditorium, the cold was worsening. He didn’t want Jeremy or himself to get a cold in the last weeks of school. Although considering how long they’ve spent outside, they probably will end up with one.
“I don’t know Mikey, what if we see her or her friends again?”
“We probably will,” Jeremy winced. “But it’s fine, we just won't go up to them or talk to them.” Mike rested his head on Jeremy’s shoulder. “Okay? I just don’t want us to get sick. It’s really cold.”
“Yeah, I get it”
“Come on, let’s go-” Michael got up and lent Jeremy a hand, but something caught the boy’s attention. “Oh hey! The music stopped.”
“I don’t think-”
“Oh it didn’t stop. It’s just slow music now.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s rather inconvenient considering we both don’t have someone to dance with.” He brought Jeremy up to his feet.
Instead of letting go of the hand that held him up, Jeremy grabbed the hand even tighter. Before Michael could react, the other boy knelt down.
“Jer? The hell you doing mate?”
“Michael Afton, will you dance with me?” His green eyes looked up to him and shimmered in the little light emitting from the far lampposts. The too big purple jacket complimented the earthy tone nicely. Michael took the sight all in. Flowing curly dark hair, that stupid grin Michael’s loved- I mean liked- since they were little, his well defined eyebrows, the print on his face from where his glasses usually are on the ridge of his nose that Michael couldn’t see because of how dark it was outside but he knew was there because it always was when Jeremy didn’t wear his glasses.
He was so handsome. Every part of him was. Not just the way he looked. But the way he always yells something stupid and unpredictable before jumping into the pool. Or the way Jeremy pushes up his glasses out of habit when he’s nervous. Or the way he was knelt down asking the Afton to dance.
“You want to slow dance? With me?” He blurted out. Michael could feel the heat rising, which truthfully felt good with how cold it was. But the implications didn’t feel good. Michael doesn’t have a crush on Jeremy. He can’t.
“Well who else, silly?” Jeremy teased, really praying that he doesn’t get rejected. The awkwardness after that would be probably enough to kill him.
Mike thankfully matched Fitzgerald's grin and pulled the kneeling boy up. “Alright you dork. I’ll dance with you.”
Jeremy laughed out of relief. “Oh thank god, I was worried you would make fun of me or something.”
“Just because we’re dancing doesn’t mean I’m not going to make fun of you.” Michael said as Jeremy’s hands left his, to place them on his waist.
Mike moved his hands to Jeremy’s shoulders after Jeremy placed his.
It’s okay to dance with your best friend. It’s okay to do this during a slow dance. Jeremy was having a rough time. He just got broken up with for christ's sake! Can’t two guys be very close friends?
Michael moved the two backwards, then right, then upwards, then left. It was rather simple and slow movements but Jeremy looked like he was falling behind. His movements were sloppy and instead of looking at the person he was dancing with, he was very interested in the ground.
“You're the one who asked me to dance, mate! And you can’t even keep up!” Michael chuckled.
Jeremy looked up to meet Michael’s eyes. He looked somewhat embarrassed. “Yeahhhh.”
Hold on… was Jeremy blushing??? Was that blush? It’s so cold outside!
No! No no no no no! This can’t happen. If Jeremy has a crush on him…what was he supposed to do?! Tell him it’s not real? Tell him that what the two of them were feeling isn’t real? It’s all confusion. All just dumb hormones making the two think weirdly.
It’s ok though! Not all blushing is like because of romantic feelings… it can be from embarrassment too!!! Don't overthink everything Michael! Jeremy is normal, like everyone else, so he doesn’t have these gross feelings like you do! It’s not normal!!!
While Michael was deep in thought and denial, it was interrupted by Jeremy’s loud laughter.
“The hell you laughing for!?” Michael exclaimed.
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry this is just- just really dumb.”
“I don’t think it’s dumb at all..”
“Really?” Jeremy tilted his head
“Yeah. I’m having fun.”
“Good.”
“Good.” Michael copied the other
Jeremy leaned in closer to the other boy. Closer as in directing his lips to Michael’s. Instead of pushing Jeremy off, he leaned into the contact and fully accepted Jeremy’s attempt to pull him closer with his hips. He shouldn’t have. He should’ve called him a queer and pushed him off and spread rumors about him and cut contact.
But Michael rather liked it. Jeremy tasted like mint toothpaste. He probably brushed his teeth for almost twenty minutes before the dance to prepare. Or something like that. Michael tasted like his usual watermelon bubble gum.
It felt so good.
Jeremy brushed his tongue against the marks that were on Michael’s lip due to his nervous lip biting habit. That’s when the experience was broken.
With a soft gasp, Mike pushed the other boy away from him.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. It shouldn’t happen. It’s disgusting.
Michael wiped his lip. Jeremy stared at him wide eyed, both horrified and confused.
Mike felt disgusting. Like from inside of him. He wasn’t actually filthy, the only thing relatively dirty on him was little pieces of gravel. Not something to freak out about at all, but he felt the need for a shower. He needed to be washed. This wasn’t okay. God he was disgusting.
Did anyone see?
He looked around himself, no longer to the distraught green eyes boy.
No one was there. Maybe. What if someone was hiding? What if they saw the way Michael leaned more towards him?
The Afton name would be ruined! What would Father think? Oh god. He needed to take a shower. He needed the filth from under his skin gone. Washed. Please.
Before Michael realized, he was running. The cold air hates the boy running against it but that doesn’t matter right now.
He got home. He went inside his house. He left his skate board and hell even the suit jacket, but it didn’t matter. He needed to take a shower.
The warm water didn’t do enough. It wasn’t enough.