Chapter Text
I startled myself awake, eyes snapping open and hand flying to my chest as if there was some great pain there. My body was slick with sweat, my nightgown clinging to me as I lay there catching my breath. Not the first time a nightmare had awoken me in such a state.
But this had been no nightmare.
It had been… pleasurable.
I closed my eyes, realizing that I wanted to live in the dream a moment longer. I had been on the table at the cabin in the Illyrian wilderness, on my back, splattered in paint. I was staring at the rough, wooden roof, but I smiled at the memory, heat pooling in my abdomen as I thought of the wicked gleam in Rhys’ eyes as he’d knelt before me, a feast for the High Lord’s taking.
I hadn’t seen my mate in months and I ached at the thought of his hands on me again. My plotting at the Spring Court was taking longer than I had hoped, the delegation from Hybern waylaid in their journey by some unknown demands of their king. Whatever it was couldn’t be good. As soon as they arrived, I could enact my plans swiftly and be home to my mate. Home. But until then, I sighed and returned to the dream.
On the table again, I propped myself up on my elbows, eager to see the face of the male that my heart sang out to every moment of every day. Only, the hair that greeted my vision was not dark as midnight, but red.
Auburn. Laced with tones of honey and red wine, gleaming in the soft fae light of the cabin.
Dream-Lucien, one eye brown, one golden, smirked at me from his position between my thighs. As I watched, he leaned down, placing a gentle kiss just above my folds before licking his tongue down my center-
I gasped awake again, the echo of my scream resounding around the room. Before my mind had registered the motion I was on my feet, pacing in front of the bed, hands in my hair, breathing heavily.
Lucien? Of all the males to dream about… to dream about like that…
My mind whirled and I steadied myself on the bed post. I was not attracted to Lucien. Maybe when I had first arrived at this court, and everything about it had been so otherworldly and grand and beautiful… maybe there had been an inkling of desire in my mortal heart.
He had flirted with me, smirking and leering in his clever fox mask until Tamlin had shut him down. And there was no denying that Lucien was handsome; all of the Spring Court warriors were. With his broad shoulders and muscled abdomen, that strong jaw sporting scruff from a few days without shaving. Just today I had seen him sparing with some of the centuries near the stables, sweat glistening off the hard planes of his back…
The ache in my lower belly returned, my muscles contracting without my permission at the thought of.. of…
I pushed the thought away, unable to voice it even in my own mind. I tried to conjure images of Rhysand, holding me, touching me, smiling at me, anything to take away the gleam of that rich brown eye as it descended upon me, but nothing worked. I thought of Tamlin instead, hoping my rage towards him would burn away my thoughts of Lucien, but he remained, golden eye and all. I tried for Rhys again but thoughts and images of him slipped through my mind like a sieve, leaving only burning red hair in its wake, and a burning within me that was ratcheting up by the moment.
It wasn’t as though I’d forgotten my mate, nothing in this world or the next could make me forget him, but I couldn’t access the part of me that yearned for him. I shot my awareness down the mating bond, hoping a whisper of him would cure me of the madness I was experiencing, but it was like swimming in syrup. I stood silently in the darkness of my bedroom, eyes screwed shut as I pushed all my considerable mental power towards that bond, but I could not reach it. I let out a growl of frustration, stroking the tattoo on my palm and trying not to let panic take control as I considered what was happening.
Rhys couldn’t be dead. I know I would have felt that. So this must be…
A different panic set in as I remembered how my powers had been shunted in Hybern, the unbearable squeezing and then pure numbness I had felt as they had dwindled into almost nothing. I checked the wall of hard air I sealed around my room to keep it sound proof and the mental net I was casting across the grounds to protect this court from other daemanti. I let my hands burn with fire then hiss with ice, felt the gleam of claws ready to break through my knuckles.
It was all there, thrumming beneath my skin. Every safe guard I had put in place to protect myself in this wretched court was intact. And yet my bond was…
I could not access it, but as I sent mental probes to it in different directions, trying to escape the trap someone had set in my own mind, I felt, for the briefest moment, a cool whisper of adamant, the scent of citrus… before the syrup enveloped me, dragging me down until I was once again gasping for air. I flopped on my back on the mattress, feet hanging off the bed, my sweaty sheets drying in the cool spring breeze floating through the open windows.
think Feyre think
Rhys was still there, our mating bond still alive, but my access to it had become murky. Everything had become murky except the fire simmering under my skin, the need to be caressed, filled. My nipples peaked at the thought, rubbing against the textured lace of my nightgown, driving me insane with need.
I leapt out of bed as I had before, no rational thought in my brain. I could take care of my own needs, had often enough while I was stuck here, away from my home and my mate. But when I closed my eyes, all I saw was red, and not from anger.
I just needed to get out of this room, then I could-
There was a knock at my door. So soft I thought maybe I had imagined it in my semi-delirious state, until they knocked again and a voice whispered my name.
It wasn’t Tamlin.
My body trembled, trembled with the thought of who I would find behind that door. I didn’t have to answer it. I’d ignore it, he couldn’t know I was awake through the soundproof shield-
My hand was turning the knob of its own accord, the door opening slowly to reveal Lucien. He leaned his arm and forehead against the door frame, eyes squeezed shut, looking as sweaty and haggard as I felt.
“Lucien,” I whispered, not trusting my voice.
His eyes snapped open at the sound of his name, immediately locking on to my gaze, piercing me with their two-toned stare. Time stilled as we stood there, staring. I could hear his heart racing, his breathing as irregular as my own. He stood before me in nothing but a pair of hastily shoved on riding pants, the top button undone.
“I had a dream,” he rasped, peeling himself off the door frame and stalking towards me, looking ever so much like a sly fox hunting its prey.
“About you,” he continued. The door silently snicked shut behind him as he entered my room fully, slowly backing me towards the bed, eyes never leaving mine.
When I could go no further, the backs of my knees uncomfortably pressed into the bed frame, he stopped, towering over me. I could see the defined muscles of his shoulders, his abdomen, my fingers aching to touch them, feel their firmness. I could smell him too, fire wood and dried leaves and the crispness of an autumn breeze - entirely wrong and yet, in this moment, intoxicating. His eyes raked over me from head to toe - my nightgown that left nothing to the imagination, my clammy skin, the loose threads of hair that had escaped from my braid as I had slept fitfully, the wideness of my eyes. He took it all in, gaze returning to mine as a sultry smile spread across his lips.
He leaned down so his hot breath caressed my ear as he said, “You were splayed out on a table before me…”
I let out a low moan, almost a whimper, as my thighs quaked with the effort of squeezing them together so as not to reveal the scent of my arousal to him. He reacted immediately to the sound. As if waking up from a nightmare, his eyes lost their gleam and his face turned ashen as he took in our nearness. In a heartbeat he was across the room, still breathing hard, still staring at me, but this time with guilt and confusion staining his gaze. His metal eye whirled in its socket, the only sound besides our twin, harsh breaths.
I closed my eyes, still seeing him in my mindseye. I took a few deep breaths, trying to recover from his nearness, but his scent lingered in the air around me, my body continuing to react.
“I think,” I said in a shaky voice, avoiding his golden gaze, “I had the same dream.”