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my love, you should know the best of me left hours ago
so shove it right into my mouth and let me smolder
fallout and the damage done
i can't unsing the things i've sung
Maggie leaves after losing ten racks of eight ball, paying her tab and hugging Alex awkwardly, platonically, carefully, and Alex slumps down onto a barstool to watch her go. It’s a different bar, humans only and only half as dive, a compromise of neutral territory that Maggie had proposed at the last minute. For even footing, she’d said, and no history.
Maggie leaves, and Alex orders a glass of whiskey. Kara texts to ask how she’s doing, and Alex orders another whiskey. An hour passes and at least two different men have tried and failed to talk to her, and the line of empty whiskey tumblers in front of her is up to four.
Someone pulls out the barstool to her left and settles on it, rapping on the bar sharply to get the bartender’s attention. A fresh glass of whiskey-- on the rocks instead of neat, a paler gold than the speyside standard she’d been wallowing into-- it settled in front of her.
“Not interested,” Alex grumbles, pushing it away.
“Oh, please. I know your drink, Danvers.”
Alex’s head snaps up and sure enough, that’s Major Lucy Lane sitting next to her.
“What the--”
“Nice to see you, too,” Lucy says, saluting Alex with her own glass and draining it.
“Where have you even been? You just disappeared on some assignment months ago and said you’d come back eventually and that was that-- Kara was so worried--”
“I didn’t just vanish into the night,” Lucy says mildly. “Don’t be so dramatic. I sent updates.”
“Redacted two line emails from proxy servers in Bangladesh do not count as updates.” Alex downs her whiskey and glares over the rim of the glass at Lucy.
“Don’t tell me you missed me,” Lucy says with a wink.
“Shut up,” Alex mumbles. “So are you back?”
Lucy shrugs one shoulder, delicate and lazy, and flags the bartender down for another round. “Not really,” she says after a long moment.
“How long, then?”
“I’m on a plane to DC at 0930 tomorrow.” Two fresh glasses are settled in front of them and Lucy hands one to Alex, tapping her own against it before swallowing half of hers.
“What are you even doing now?”
“It’s classified,” Lucy says with another shrug.
“I have clearance.”
“It’s messy,” Lucy clarifies. “Cadmus is a lot more than just Lillian Luthor’s bullshit, in a lot more places than just National City.” She rotates her glass slowly on the bar, focusing on the liquid in it for a long moment. “I spoke to J’onn earlier. He said that Kara saw your father there.”
Alex doesn’t say anything, instead finishing her drink in one go and taking Lucy’s to finish as well.
“We’re going to get him back, Alex,” Lucy says quietly.
“So I keep hearing,” Alex says. She laughs, flat and unamused, and turns the empty glass upside down on the bar with the others. “Everything’s going to be okay and it’s going to get better and life will be just perfect, right?”
“Okay,” Lucy says, drawing it out slowly, eyebrows raising. “What’s up with you? This isn’t really your normal hardass behavior.”
“Yeah, well.” Alex accepts another drink from the bartender and raises it in a salute to Lucy. “Useful and functional Alex Danvers left the building hours ago.”
“And, what, left emo sad sack Alex Danvers to drink herself into the ground?”
Alex shrugs, raising the glass to drink from it; Lucy takes it from her instead, sliding it out of reach behind her. Alex glares at her, reaching anyways, but Lucy swats her hand away.
“Wallowing doesn’t suit you,” she says.
“Whatever,” Alex mutters, slumping back down onto her barstool.
“So what’s the deal?” Lucy waves the bartender over and orders a glass of water. “I know you aren’t sulking in a bar because of your father and Cadmus, and if it was something with Kara you would be at the DEO punching things, so it’s either something with your mom, or some mystery person or another. Did you get dumped or something?”
“Getting dumped would mean I at least had someone to dump me instead of getting shot down right out of the gate,” Alex says, sighing and dropping her chin into her hand.
“Say what now?” Lucy squints at her.
“How much explanation do you actually need, Lane? You’re a big girl, surely you can figure it out.”
“I’m just-- confused,” Lucy says. “Someone turned you down? Are they blind?”
“Har har,” Alex says flatly. “Salt in the wound, major.”
“Hey, don’t get pissy at me when I’m literally sitting here saying it doesn’t make sense to me that someone would turn you down.”
“Oh,” Alex says. She clears her throat and drums her fingers on the glass of water in front of her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Lucy says. “So, come on, tell me what happened. Do you want me to arrest ‘em? I can blacksite anyone you want, you know.”
It pulls a laugh of some kind out of Alex, and Lucy smiles.
“No thanks,” Alex says after a moment. “They-- she-- it’s not her fault.”
“I mean, I guess a lack of taste isn’t her fault,” Lucy says with a shrug. “But it’s pretty dumb, still.”
Alex blinks at her, her forehead creasing briefly. “You--”
“Danvers, if you even try to say that you thought I’d be homophobic because I’m military, I don’t care how drunk and brokenhearted you are, I’ll drop your ass and leave you unconscious in an alley somewhere.”
“No--I just-- you knew?”
“Knew what?”
“That I’m gay?”
“I mean, I’m pretty sure the rainbow flashing over your head can be seens from space.” Lucy smirks at her, and Alex gapes right back at her.
“How?” Alex blurts out. “I mean, I didn’t even know and--”
“What?” Lucy says. “You what now?”
Alex sighs and drops her head into her hands.
“Wow,” Lucy says after a long moment. “I just figured-- but you didn’t-- how did that even happen?”
“I don’t know!” Alex says, throwing her hands up dramatically. “I just-- I don’t know, Kara showed up when I was a teenager and suddenly there was just so much to do and worry about and I never really cared about dating and I just figured I would get around to it when I had time but then I started grad school and then there was the DEO and now Supergirl so there’s just never time but then Maggie showed up and--”
“Opened your eyes to the way of the gay?” Lucy says drily.
Alex huffs out a sigh and shrugs, somehow putting all of her frustration into one angry movement.
“So is Maggie the one who turned you down?” Lucy asks gently.
“Apparently I’m ‘fresh off the boat’ and she’s not into that,” Alex mutters. “Which you can file under the heading of Unexpectedly and Horrifyingly Humiliating Things To Be Told.”
“Well,” Lucy says. “She’s a dumbass.”
Alex grumbles noncommittally, raising one shoulder in a shrug. “She’s not dumb just because she doesn’t like me,” she mumbles.
“I mean, she kind of is.” Lucy elbows Alex gently in the side. “Because you’re pretty awesome, even when you’re being a pain in the ass, so she’s missing out and for a really stupid reason, too.”
Alex is quiet, staring at Lucy for long seconds; Lucy raises an eyebrow at her and waits, her face carefully neutral and her thumb tapping methodically on the bar.
“Oh,” Alex says after a minute. “You-- really?”
“Yep,” Lucy says. She smiles, a little sad and a little forced and exactly like she did when she’d started working at the DEO after she and James split up.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because the first time we really met I interrogated you, arrested you, and sent you to be a science experiment at Cadmus?”
“But-- why?”
“Seriously?” Lucy rolls her eyes so dramatically her entire head moves. “Hypercompetent superagent badass with a PhD in bioengineering and an MD who’s an expert marksman and at hand to hand combat and is crazy hot? Come on, Danvers, even you have to know that you’re a catch.”
“Oh,” Alex mumbles. Her cheeks heat up and she coughs, staring down at her hands and the way her fingers are knotted around one another.
“I’m not asking anything of you, Alex,” Lucy says quietly. “Like I said, we started off at odds and I made some bad choices, and we both have complicated, messy lives, and I know all of that and don’t expect you to have any interest in me, and that’s okay. We’re friends and I like that. All I’m saying is that this Maggie chick, whatever her deal is? She’s missing out.”
“Oh,” Alex says again, faint and wavering. “Okay.” She rubs at her eyes tiredly. “I didn’t know that you were even-- you were with James for so long--”
“I know you’re new to this, but you’re also a smart kid so I’m sure you know what the B in LGBT stands for,” Lucy says.
“Right,” Alex mumbles.
“Also, the idea that she can’t date you because you’re just now figuring out that you’re gay is bullshit,” Lucy adds. “Everyone figures their shit out at different times and sure, she’s allowed to be all protective of herself but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for her to say shit like that to you just because you figured things out at a different pace than she did. Honestly, that’s just crap, everyone was new to this at some point and she can--”
“Lucy,” Alex says suddenly. Lucy cuts herself off abruptly, teeth clacking shut audibly. “Thank you.”
“I’m just stating observable facts here,” Lucy says, even as she flushes minutely and focuses sharply on the empty water glass in front of her. She takes a deep breath and checks her watch. “Let’s get you out of here.”
“Huh?”
Lucy hands the bartender a stack of bills and points at Alex. She hops gracefully off of the barstool and crooks an arm out for Alex to take. “It’s midnight, Agent Danvers, and you were always the only person who got to the DEO before I did. You need to sleep.”
“I can pay my own--”
“Nope,” Lucy says over her. “You get one night to mope and sulk over getting rejected, on your friend’s tab, and then you start moving on. That’s the rule.”
“Who came up with that rule?” Alex says even as she slides to her feet and pulls her jacket on. Lucy brandishes her elbow at Alex once more, until Alex sighs and tucks her hand into it, motioning for Lucy to lead the way.
“So how did you even end up at this place?” Lucy asks as she pulls the door open for Alex. “It’s not the usual, if I remember correctly.”
“I was playing pool with Maggie,” Alex says through a yawn.
“You were playing pool with the lady who just shot you down?”
“She wants to be friends,” Alex says. Her steps slow the more they walk, shoulders drooping tiredly.
“Wow,” Lucy mutters. “That girl really needs to figure her shit out.” She flags a taxi down and manhandles Alex into it, sliding in after her. “Danvers, give the man your address.”
Alex slumps into her seat, half asleep, and Lucy rolls her eyes. “Fine, be difficult. But don’t try and punch me because I’m not feeling you up, okay?” She grunts as she manages to twist Alex around so she can dig out the wallet in Alex’s back pocket. Alex flops back down, head drooping onto Lucy’s shoulder, and Lucy sighs and rattles off the address to the taxi driver.
Alex wakes up sprawled across her bed, early morning sunlight shining bright into her eyes and the knocking on her door piercing through her headache. She’s still in her clothes from the night before, but her boots are settled neatly by her bedside table and there’s a bottle of water on top of the files she’d meant to read after getting home from playing pool with Maggie.
“I’m coming,” she mumbles into the blankets, stumbling to her feet. She’s too old to be sleeping hungover in her jeans, and she groans at how uncomfortable they are.
Kara has already flown around and into the window by the time she makes it out to the living room.
“Wow, you really do look terrible,” Kara says, wrinkling her nose.
“Superpowered aliens who don’t get hangovers shouldn’t throw stones,” Alex says. Kara pushes her until she drops down onto her couch with a groan and hands her a Gatorade from her bag.
“Hydrate first and then you can have coffee,” she says.
“How did you--”
“Lucy told me,” Kara says with a shrug. She makes her way into the kitchen and starts preparing coffee for them. “She stopped by this morning to say hi before she flew out and told me she’d run into you last night and that you were plastered.”
“I wasn’t plastered,” Alex mumbles into her Gatorade.
“Supersmell isn’t one of my powers, but I can still smell the scotch on you,” Kara deadpans. She starts the coffee maker and hops up to sit on the counter. “You want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?”
“Maggie and the fact that you seemed like you were doing okay about her, but then got wasted on a Wednesday night?”
“Not really,” Alex says. Kara glares at her, and Alex sighs. “She wants to be friends. We’re going to be friends.”
“Really?”
“I guess,” Alex says. She picks at the Gatorade label. “We’re both adults, and we’re going to wind up crossing paths at work anyways, and-- I don’t know.”
“You’re allowed to be hurt,” Kara says quietly. “And to take time, without beign around her, to be hurt.”
“I know,” Alex says, not looking up.
“And anyways, it’s her loss and I can also throw her to Saturn if you want, because she’d be lucky to have you,” Kara adds cheerfully. It rings true and familiar, Lucy’s words from the night before flashing back to Alex, and she clears her throat.
“Right,” Alex says. She downs the rest of the Gatorade. “So. Coffee?”
“Shower first, you stink,” Kara says, pointing towards the bathroom. “Don’t make me hose you down.”
“You’re such a brat,” Alex mumbles, even as she pauses to hug Kara tightly on her way to the bathroom.
There’s a stack of papers from work are still waiting for her and she winces because she’s already starting off the day behind. Fluttering atop the file folders is a sticky note that she hadn’t left, a note written on it in familiar, precise handwriting.
Take care of yourself, Danvers. This is the direct line I’m using these days, call me if you need someone to kick your ass out of feeling sorry for yourself.
There’s a phone number scrawled under it, and Alex takes a slow breath.
Her phone beeps-- Lucy must have plugged it in before she left, because of course she did-- and there are work emails waiting for her, a voicemail from J’onn, and a text from Maggie about playing pool again later in the week.
Alex takes another slow breath and squares her shoulders, smiles the smallest bit, and heads to the bathroom to shower after texting Maggie back.
Rain check. I need some time. Next week?