Chapter Text
masters of idiocy (minus Pixal, Zane and Nya)
Members:
FIYAAAH: Kai
nyah: Nya
Husband2Cake: Cole
LightningMcqueen: Jay
LOLyd: Lloyd
IceCreamMachine: Zane
Pixal: P.I.X.A.L
Tuesday 7.02pm
nyah: where is everyone rn
FIYAAAH: sis ur bf just screamed cuz a bug was on his shoe 😭
FIYAAAH: lightning ninja my a**
FIYAAAH: WHO THE F*** TURNED ON EVERYONES SWEAR FILTER
LightningMcqueen: ITS POISONIUS I KNOW IT ISSS
LOLyd: i went to a school for bad boys i know what the f*** word is 🙄
FIYAAAH: LMAO the f*** word
LOLyd: BESIDES IM UR F***ING AGE AND HAVE BEEN SINCE AGES AGO
IceCreamMachine: Nya, me and Cole are patrolling near Chen’s Noodle House. Jay and Kai are patrolling the outskirts of Ninjago City near the Sea of Sand. P.I.X.A.L is at the Monastery. Where are you and Lloyd?
nyah: jamanakai village
Pixal: I turned it on. I understand you know explicit language, however I would prefer it censored, as we refrain from swearing physically. (◠‿・)—☆
LOLyd: 😒
Husband2Cake: who taught her those emojis.?
nyah: me! theyre so cute
Pixal: ^_^
IceCreamMachine: I think they’re beautiful, just like you P.I.X.A.L.
Pixal: (♡ω♡ ) ~♪
Husband2Cake: zanr how r u texting i thought u left ur phone at home to charge?
IceCreamMachine: …Cole. I am a Nindroid.
FIYAAAH: COEL FORGOT HAHAHAHAHAA
LOLyd: LMFAOOO
nyah: yo going out grocery shopping anyone want anything?
IceCreamMachine: The list of necessities is on the fridge.
nyah: yh ik that zane but anything special
Wu has requested tea
Husband2Cake: i thought he drank those gazillion year old hand made teas?
nyah: he likes matcha
LOLyd: nyaaaa where r u
LOLyd: u f***ing walked off with the car keys 🙄
LightningMcqueen: if anneyaone carens i am about to DIE
FIYAAAH: hes freaking out, prepered to write his will over a bug
nyah: lloyd where even r u
LOLyd: near the overly fancy house
nyah: found u
LOLyd: ok i see u
LOLyd: lets go shopping i want candy
Husband2Cake: send a pic of the bug that has conquered the lightning ninja
LightningMcqueen: I AM IN DANGERRRR COLE SYBAU
Pixal: Jay, logically, you cannot be endangered by a bug the size of an ant unless it is poisonous, which is not likely as there is only one poisonous ant species in Ninjago and those are found in the woods. So, do not worry! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
FIYAAAH: hes still freaking out
nyah: jay, i love u, but the bug has moved on and so should u
LOLyd: whered zane go??
Husband2Cake: tackling a robbery
nyah: and ur just. in ur car eating cake.
Husband2Cake: its a one person job
FIYAAAH: cole see this is why i dont patrol with u
FIYAAAH: u js wanna sit on ur a** and eat cake
nyah: we havent even moved yet cuz SOMEBODY isnt putting on his seatbelt 🙏
nyah: lloyd pls
FIYAAAH: LLOYD remember last time u didnt put on ur seatbelt
FIYAAAH: how u flew
LOLyd: out da windowwwwwwwwwww
LightningMcqueen: i BeLieVe i CaN fLyYyYyY 💸
LOLyd: I LANDED ON MY FEET
nyah: WHAT THE F***
FIYAAAH: ok so what happened was that we saw a robber
FIYAAAH: and lloyd wanted to spinjitzu him buttt we were too far and lloyd got impatient so he took off his seatbelt to get ready
FIYAAAH: i swerved to avoid a traffic light and he flew out the window lmaooo
LOLyd: yeah i make bad decisions
LOLyd: wait what am i saying that was the best decision of my life
Pixal: That sounds quite dangerous! :-O
Husband2Cake: this is why i dont patrol with YOU KAI u dont know how to drive
nyah: mmm lovers quarrel
nyah deleted this message
FIYAAAH: WTF NYA
Husband2Cake: WHAT??
nyah: :)
LightningMcqueen: I FOUND THE POISONOUS SPIDER AGAIN
ITS STARING
LightningMcqueen: [PHOTO SENT: F*** A** BUGS - Small specks of black on the white concrete.]
LightningMcqueen: IT HAS FRIENDS I REPEAT IT HAS FRIENDs
LightningMcqueen: UNLIKE ME
LightningMcqueen: KAI IS LAUGHING AND RECORDING M<E
Husband2Cake: kai send it
FIYAAAH: k ml
nyah: “ml” 👀
FIYAAAH: nya f*** youuuu
nyah: ok moving on send it before i start driving
Husband2Cake: holdup zanes back f***
LOLyd: thats a sus reaction
IceCreamMachine: He got crumbs in the car.
Husband2Cake: KAI WHERES THE VIdEO
FIYAAAH: thus is jjays and i delredted the video iuewoqjdsfgbbffeiw9iudoc ivfuhdsa
FIYAAAH: THIS IS KAI F*** U JAY THE VIEDOES GONE
LightningMcqueen: thank the fsm
Pixal: I analysed the image and Jay’s ‘attackers’ were a group of Argentine ants. They do bite but only when threatened, and they are not harmful other than a mildly painful sting.
LightningMcqueen: nya we need bug repellent i have bug ptsd
Husband2Cake: zanes currently freaking out ober the crumbs
LOLyd: yhes hes a neat freak
LOLyd: once i dropped a box of cereal on the floor and he was scanning for cereal 3 days later
IceCreamMachine: I am not.
Husband2Cake: …he spent 5 minutes trying to remove every single crumb and now hes refusing to sit in the front seat
FIYAAAH: jay keeps checking for spiders
FIYAAAH: I SWEAR TO THE FSM I WILL FIREBALL HIM TO MAKE HIM STOP WHINING
LOLyd: nya’s driving
Husband2Cake: zane is about to cry i swear
IceCreamMachine: I am not! You are overexaggerating my simple hygiene protocols.
FIYAAAH: nya my amazing sister TALK TO JAY BEFORE I GO BALLISTIC
nyah: i have heroically returened
LOLyd: girl js parked the car and shes on her phone
LOLyd: shes such an ipad kid
nyah: jay, love, it was a group of ants. its safer than 100% of the world ending s*** u have survived as a ninja
nyah: lloyd f*** u
Pixal: Zane, my love, I understand that you feel anxious around the mess, however statistically crumbs cannot cause harm! (｡♡‿♡｡)
IceCreamMachine: …Thank you P.I.X.A.L. I may have gotten slightly too anxious. I truly appreciate you, my love :)
Pixal reacted with 💜
FIYAAAH: yk how sometimes i hate on u nya …but, like, ur amazing. and i raised you. so im amazing too.
nyah: thats the most self centered compliment ive ever heard
nyah: actualy no it isnt i live with u
nyah: so WHAT DO U WANT FROM THE NINJAMART
Husband2Cake: cake
nyah: no
Husband2Cake: i only have 5 left those WILL be gone in a day
nyah: no
FIYAAAH: the spiciest chips u can find
LightningMcqueen: bug repellent
nyah: jay…
LightningMcqueen: therapy
LOLyd: dont we all
FIYAAAH: he admited his tramua 🥹
LOLyd: yea and itll never happen again
nyah: anything that can be bought AT THE NINJAMART??
nyah: lloyd i swear to the fsm get out of the candy aisle
LOLyd: no this is home
IceCreamMachine: Lloyd.
LOLyd: yes yes MOM
nyah: woah he rlly obeyed 👀
Husband2Cake: thx pix cause of u zane FINALLY got in the car he looks very uneasy tho
IceCreamMachine: I am not uneasy!
Pixal: You’re most welcome ｡◕‿◕｡
Pixal: I have been in your head. I know you are uneasy, and it is alright to be!
IceCreamMachine: …Alright.
Husband2Cake: i have never seen him squirm so much
FIYAAAH: jay has stopped checking for bugs for one second
nyah: im the best i know
Husband2Cake: looks liek self centred compliments run in the family
LightningMcqueen: we love em for it tho
Husband2Cake: yeah i love him
LOLyd: its getting romanticccc in here
nyah: dammit lloyd words out of my mouth
Husband2Cake: FSM 😭
nyah: this cant even be a coincidence
LightningMcqueen: kia js went very very red
FIYAAAH: NO?? I DIDNT??? JAY ILL THROW YOU INTO AN ANT COLONY
IceCreamMachine: Kai is the red ninja, Jay. He is always red.
LightningMcqueen: yeah aroun d cole
Husband2Cake: ….anyways…me and zane r gonna begin driving now
Husband2Cake: distracted drivers die so pls sybau BYE
Pixal: Okay, see you soon! (≧▽≦)
nyah: cole,, soon enough youre gonna have to make ur user Husband2Kai 😏
FIYAAAH: STFU NYA
nyah: no
Pixal: I do not want Zane to die again! Please stop messaging. (*﹏*;)
LightningMcqueen: oh fsm
IceCreamMachine: Cole reassured me it was a joke, P.I.X.A.L. Do not worry, my love! 💜
Pixal: Alright, Zane! (^^)
nyah: kai, cole, learn from these two
FIYAAAH: NYA
LightningMcqueen: kai no attacking my gf
FIYAAAH: she was my sister first b****
Pixal: No arguing. ರ╭╮ರ
nyah: igtg get off the damn phone lloyd we have s*** to buy
LOLyd: f i n e
LightningMcqueen: KAI KICKED ME OUTTT 😭
FIYAAAH: i wont drive you
LightningMcqueen: NOOO dont sarcifice me to the ants
FIYAAAH: u look so pathetic, weak like a baby duckling…
FIYAAAH: FINE GET IN THE CAR
LightningMcqueen reacted with 🥳