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Parrot ran as fast and as far as he could after Saparata had taken his Kingdom. It wasn't very efficient, and it wasn't under any thought-out plan. He just went as far as his legs would go until he collapsed in a forest. Breathing heavy, legs shaking- trying to get air in his lungs.
He felt his chest tighten as the day flashed when he closed his eyes. The blood, the bodies, the innocent people, how his own people turned against him for Saparata.
Everything could have gone differently if only he had tried harder, is what he told himself. If he had believed harder, done more, then maybe everything would be different.
The light of a new day was right there, within his grasp, but it was snuffed out by the greed and rage of selfish people. Of the people he failed to protect. They would have never felt this way if he had just done something more.
He could have done more.
His people could have stayed by his side. But they chose..
Him.
Saparata.
Who was off right now, slaughtering them like animals- new and old.
Surely they knew this. Surely.
But they went- and chose-
He ripped the crown off his head, the sudden weight being too much to handle. Parrot raised the crown above his head and began to slam it into the ground, tears falling with every deafening crack of the gold and gems.
He didn't stop.
He probably should have when the gold broke and cut his hands.
At least this way he didn't have to look at the mistake he created, that he is responsible for.
A pained cry erupts out of his chest as he throws the crown deep into the forest, shards of jewels and gems leaving a faint trail.
Breathing heavily he stood there, vision blurry from the tears. Parrots head spun as his body shook, eventually collapsing against a tree - the bark digging into his shoulder.
He felt his chest moving up and down rapidly, air no longer getting in effectively. Screwing his eyes shut he curled up in on himself as his wings, one torn from the fight he just ran from, covering him as best as they could.
It didn't help.
It made it worse.
Instead of the usual softness and warmth of his wings, all he felt was drying blood and enclosed space that he was creating for himself.
Poetic, is it not?
‘Why now? Why now am I panicking?’ He thought, his talons digging into his shoulders as his head hung low. His chest, already sore from running, tightened with the extra stress of hyperventilation.
He needed to calm down. He had to think. That's what he does, he thinks, he plans, he acts.
But how? What is there to do?
‘You are alone.’ A small voice reminded him, sounding too much like someone he longed to forget.
The other sounds he could hear was the thumping of his rapid heartbeat and his uneven breathing.
He was alone.
He’s always going to be
A l o n e .
‘What is even the point of any of this?’ Parrot thought bitterly, the blood seeping from his hands staining his white top, ignoring a new blossoming pain that came from where his hands gripped his arms.
He had no say in anything.
The script was written from the start. The direction was already predetermined. The universe had already planned his ending.
And it was never going to be something soft, something gentle.
He knew that the day he started to fight for justice on this server. That his death was never going to be sweet.
It was going to be something ruthless. Something that would make people shudder.
A scary story to tell kids. A reminder to those who think about rebelling.
Rebel against the ways of the server.
He never stood a chance.
Everything
Was
Ruined.
And it was all his fault.
The world cut to black as Parrot passed out on the ground, the exhaustion overtaking his body as it mixed with the panic attack– a recipe for a disaster.
Leaving him out in the open, vulnerable, unaware of the snow that began to slowly drift to the ground.
∙∙·▫▫ᵒᴼᵒ▫ₒₒ▫ᵒᴼᴼᵒ▫ₒₒ▫ᵒᴼᵒ▫▫·∙∙
Parrot wakes up with a start, gasping with a hand clinging to his chest in fear. His hand went to his sword without thinking, struggling to his feet to have a better chance at defending himself from–
Snow?
There was snow. Everywhere. (This reminds me a lot of the mountains.)
Blinking once, twice, three times he let out a breath only for him to see it, white and hot.
Had he fallen asleep in a snowy forest? It must have been what caused him to wake up suddenly, a jolt to his already paranoid system. (This wouldn't have happened if you stayed, you know.)
He shook the snow off his wings and shoulders before putting his sword away, taking another deep breath. The cold air soothes his system, even if it stung his beaten lungs.
Without much thinking (again?) he began to walk further into the forest. (You should head back the way you came. That's the smarter move.) Going back meant death, he reasoned. With Saps on the lookout for him, he should stay as far away from the capital as possible.
A shiver ran up his body as the snow began to melt into his clothes and skin. He wasn't prepared for the cold, his outfit ripped and slashed in more places than one, letting the freezing air in. He began rubbing his hands together to try to warm himself up. (You know better than this Parrot.) It gave him the idea that he was at least slightly warmer.
Another shuddering breath escaped him.
He painstakingly traversed through the snow while trying to see if maybe there was a house he could take root in so he could come up with a plan– (is there really a point? You're alone, Parrot. Don't put yourself at risk.) –once he figures that out, he’ll be fine.
He has to be.
For the sake of Theo, for Reina–
(Do you seriously think they're still alive, Parrot?)
Snapping his head up he looked around for the sign of– someone. Quick to shut down the idea he noticed then the snow began to fall heavier onto the ground, piling up to his knees. (If you planned ahead this wouldn't have happened.)
Cursing to himself he raised an arm to try to shield his eyes, only able to notice the small outline of a cave. Maybe this was the universe’s way of apologizing. (I doubt it. Fate does not exist.)
Parrot made it towards a cave, gathering whatever sticks he could find along the way, nearly tripping on multiple jagged stones on the way in. (This is starting to get sad Parrot.)
“Shut up.” He whispered to no one.
Sitting down he placed the sticks accordingly before using some flint and striking a weak fire.
Only when he had properly sat down had he then noticed the fresh blood that was coming from his arms, and how the marks aligned with his claws.
He chose not to think about it.
(Come on Parrot. All you do is think.)
“Shut up.” He repeated. The howling wind was the only response he got.
Leaning closer to the fire to warm up his hands, ignoring the blood staining them. He felt guilty twist inside of him, nawing at his gut and threatening to make him sick.
Does it truly matter now though, whether the guilt is there or not? Their body is long gone, piling in with the rest that accompany his ever growing list. (So, are we going to talk about it?)
Now it was his turn to stay silent. Yet, he was persistent. He always was. (Look Parrot, I’m sorry for being so harsh before. But it's not my fault that you keep making mistake after mistake.)
Parrot wants to retort, to yell and snap and say everything he wanted to before but never had the chance. But that meant giving him what he wanted, and he was nothing but stubborn. With a sigh he curled up in on himself, resting his arms on his legs as his wings let limp behind him.
(Your wings…) He sounded almost, upset, at the state they were in. He tucked them fully behind his back, ignoring the sticky feeling of blood that pressed into his feathers and back. (I remember you used to let me preen them…)
He remembers that too.
Parrot sat in silence yet again, trying to rest his eyes for just a moment, but all he could see was the massive craters in his kingdom, blood pooling out of them as the bodies piled up.
Bodies and bodies and bodies.
How many people died?
(Too many.)
“I know that.” He murmured, almost lost to the sound of the blizzard. (Yet, you let it happen.)
“I didn't let it happen. It happened because of–”
(You always jump too soon without checking if you’ll survive the fall?)
“No, no, it was–”
(How many people have to die before you learn Parrot?)
That made Parrot flinch. “Learn what?” He asked, not wanting to acknowledge the tremble in his voice.
(Learn that I was right from the moment I built us that prison.)
Screwing his eyes shut, Parrot tried to ignore what he was saying, not wanting to give in further. “You’re wrong.”
'Am I?' The voice was in front of him now.
His eyes flew open and there– right in front of him–
Was Wifies.
Or at least, he assumed it was him. He could tell by the chest plate that had his Director armour trims, and as his eyes traveled down to his feet he noticed the blood soaking his feet where Parrot assumed the TNT–
He shut his eyes again.
'Come now Parrot. I’m here, won't you least look at me while we talk?'
“I am not talking to you. Because you're not actually here.” He whispered, voice shaking more. “Please, Wifies, leave me alone. Just leave.”
The man chuckled, hollow. Not the one he grew to love. 'What happened to not remembering me as The Director?”
“I’m not." Parrot snapped, though when he opened his eyes he still couldn't look him in the face. He’d tried so hard to forget The Director that, in turn, he couldn't even look his former best friend in the face.
Maybe he was being a coward. He probably was.
But, it didn't matter. Wifies was dead. He died when he stepped off that pressure plate to… chase after him? To get the spyglass? He’ll never know.
And that thought keeps him awake more than he’d care to admit.
“Can you just leave? Please. I don't want you here.” He asked yet again, this time his former best friend sighed in response. Though instead of disappearing like he had asked, he chose to sit next to Parrot on his left.
He opened his wing to block him from view. It was his wing that wasn't hurt during the fight.
Wifies chose that on purpose. That's the Wifies he knew.
'If you think I'm leaving now, then maybe you hit your head a lot harder during the fight then you realize.' Wifies joked flatly, though Parrot was starting to think that was the reason for all of this. He had been in a lot of TNT explosions these past few weeks, surely that would have caused this.
But when he looked between his feathers he spotted the armour trims sitting beside him splattered in blood, cracked and digging into where there was visible skin, it made him second guess himself.
They sat in silence, the fire crackling reminding him of a softer time, of a place that no longer exists. Because The Director killed it.
The man sitting beside him was not Wifies, but a twisted version of him that Parrot had created. Through ideas he came up with that never existed. But maybe he created them to feel special, to feel like he could do something good for once.
And deep down, he had always known that. He was just way too stubborn to ever see it.
“Why are you here?” Parrot asked suddenly. Like this wasn't some twisted game his mind had come up with when at his lowest. 'Why do you think I'm here, Parrot?' He doesn't know. The silence gave that away.
The lump grew in his throat. It was all too familiar. The choice of words, the scenery, how defeated he felt- how defeated he is. Sitting up he rested his head against the cave wall, looking up at the ceiling. He watched water drip down onto the floor slowly, beginning to count the seconds between the drips.
'Do you really think that ignoring me is going to make me go away?'
Maybe it will. What does hallucination Wifies know? He's not some God.
'I’m pretty close though.'
Parrot shot a glare his way, seeing the back of his stupid helmet with his stupid white trims. “No you’re not bro.” He said simply, his wing growing sore from holding it open for so long. 'You can fold your wing close. I know you’ve gotten tired from holding it open for so long.'
And God he was right.
He was always right.
How cruel the universe was to show him that Wifies was always right in some way this time and time again, yet being unable to change the outcome.
'Do you miss me, Parrot?'
That made him freeze, his feathers puffing up on instinct. That made The Director laugh slightly. 'That's my answer then.'
Parrot sat there in silence, unable to bring his mouth to open to say what he wanted. For if he could, he’d be yelling at The Director and telling him everything hes ever wanted to say.
He felt his throat go dry.
“I thought I was doing… doing the right thing.” He instead said, his wing faltering in its stance. “I thought leaving the Paragon would be better. For both of us. I didn't think…”
'You didn't think I'd go that far, did you?'
Parrot silently nodded his head.
A beat passes.
'You said you thought I'd snap out of it. That I’d realise what I did was wrong,' Wifies said, the softness in his voice returning. And God Parrot would be lying if he said he didn't relax even a little at it.
'What I don't think you realize is that I don't regret what I did. Not fully. I did what I thought was right, just as you did.'
He curled more in on himself.
'Parrot,' Wifies spoke as if he was a rabid animal about to bite. 'Everything you’ve done has to serve as a lesson for the future. No matter what, it doesn't matter what you did yesterday or the day before–'
“That's rich coming from a dead guy.” Parrot grumbled, making Wifies laugh- really laugh. 'Okay, okay. But you know as well as I do that my words hold some truth to them.' He didn't disagree, but he wouldn't say that out loud.
'The real question is; what are you going to do about all of this?'
He spared a glance up from his arms, noticing the soft grey jumper that has replaced the netherite armour. His heart skipped a beat, quickly looking up to see his best friends face–
Was not there.
Or, it was. Just not fully. His face was blurry, mixing different features that never seemed to fit right. 'What is it?' Wifies asked, yet only briefly there was a mouth. His voice seemed to distort the more Parrot looked at him, stomach twisting with only something he’d describe as utter despair and grief.
In forgetting The Director, he had forgotten what his former best friend looked like.
That broke something in him. Tears streamed down his face uncontrollably and rapidly. He brought his hands up and began rigorously wiping the tears away, body shuddering with each heavy exhale.
“I.. I don't know what to do.” He weakly admitted, making Wifies eyes widen. “I thought I was leading my people to– to peace…” The echoes of TNT haunted his mind as flashes of purple mixed with white and red. “But maybe… maybe– maybe this is the truth. That I was never going to be enough for anyone.”
Wifies listened. He was always good at that.
His wing went numb as it swiftly fell to the ground. A silent message to Wifies. Who took it upon himself to sit closer to Parrot, going to rest his hand on his shoulder -
He flinched.
Wifies moved his hand away.
Parrot continued all the same, unable to stop himself. “I tried to know what I was doing. But– I never knew. I didn't. I– I thought I did...” His voice cracked again, he could make out Wifies furrowed brows in between the tears.
He now knows all he’s done is delude himself into thinking he could be something good. Someone who could fix things. And he spread that like an infection towards everyone. Because that's what he was;
A disease.
His entire being was rooted in disaster and destruction. And no amount of good deeds could ever save him from that.
Wifies knew that, but he chose to be his friend– and in some twisted way, so did The Director.
And he exploited that. He exploited peoples weakness. And then he exploited the lie that Wifies–
That Wifies died.
The memory was sharp and harsh, only furthering the tears that fell.
“So many people died. Time and time again under my rule. And I couldn't do anything. I ruined everything Wifies. I ruined everything.”
'Parrot I’m sure that's not true–'
He felt the ghost of Wifies hand over his shoulder, quick to smack it away. The usual comfort of it disappearing with the snow of the mountain.
Emotions he longed thought dead beginning to rise again the more he talked to Wifies. He turned to face the dead man, the tears slowly beginning to ease. “Why didn't you stay?” He asked, almost a whisper.
'What?-'
“Why didn't you stay?!” Parrot was suddenly on his feet, tripping over himself as he stood. “You could have been by my side! We could have fixed everything! But you– you– you left me!” He yelled, stumbling back as Wifies stood up with his hands outstretched.
'Parrot–'
“You got so obsessed with protecting me yet you ended up hurting me anyway!” Hurt crossed over Wifies face, making Parrot falter in his anger.
It didn't last longer than a second for the rage to boil back over.
“All I wanted was a friend to be by my side, to have someone to lean on, but you– you faked your death! And- and manipulated all my friends!” Running a hand through his hair he waited for Wifies to retort, to start apologizing, but all he did was stand silently.
Parrot had thought this over time and time again, late at night when he felt the weight of everything. When it was as if an immoveable wall was pressing against him. Not only what he himself could have done differently, but what Wifies could have done.
He may have helped created The Director, but Wifies was just as much to blame for making it come to life.
'I did what I had to do! I don't understand why you can't see that!' Wifies said, voice raising to match Parrots. It bounced against the walls, echoing down the dark tunnels of Parrot's mind.
“Because we could have sorted everything out!” He protested, digging his hand in his hair, threatening to break skin. “You could be standing here with me right now, at my side! Instead you– you killed yourself trying to protect me!”
He blinked and suddenly Wifies was in front of him.
'I gave you the opportunity to be by my side.' Wifies snapped, Parrot turned his back to him and covered his ears, hands shaking. 'And you destroyed everything we had the moment you left me in that room.'
Parrot is a coward. He knows this.
But maybe he thought he was braver now, brave enough to face his trauma.
He shut his eyes.
It didn't stop the feeling of leathered hands grabbing his face - making him flinch away instantly, tripping over himself again and catching the edge of his tail feathers on the fire.
Yelping he took out his bucket and put himself out, putting out the fire in turn. Leaving him in the dark with the ghost of his past.
'I didn't kill myself, Parrot.' Wifies cooly said, Parrot looked up to see him standing right in front of him. He wore his Director armour, blood actively seeping from his face down onto the ground, barely visibly if not for the light seeping into the cave. 'You killed me.'
“I didn’t!” He yelled, backing up further, back now pressed up against the cave wall. 'You did. You wish you didn't. But deep down, you know you are the cause of my death.'
“Stop, stop it!” His voice broke as he slid down the wall, tears falling yet again, making him feel nauseous.
'Stop what?' He slowly took a step forward, the clinking of armour echoing with him. 'Was losing me easier than all of this?'
“No! Please Wifies, this– I don't want to remember you like this–”
'You killed me, Parrot.' The words echoed in the cave, in his skull, wrapping around his heart like a snake finding its prey. 'Admit it and this will be over.'
He didn't want to.
In admitting it, then it meant that he was doomed from the start. It meant all he's done was for nothing.
It meant that Theo and Reina are probably dead somewhere trying to protect him and his fake crown.
It meant that Wifies was right. And he will always be right.
He never stood a chance alone.
“Please.. please just– leave me alone…” Parrot nearly begged, hiccuping as he hid his head within his arms. “I can't- I can't do this, I can't. Please Wifies, please...” He heard a sigh above him as his pathetic cries filled the cave, body trembling violently.
'You’re never going to get anywhere with you cowering away from me. From what happened.' He heard shuffling, making him push himself further into the wall, like he could simply merge with it.
'One day, you’ll really have to face the consequences of what I did. And I hope for you and your friends sake, you’re ready when that time comes.' He heard the sound of armour clinking as it got further away before disappearing entirely.
Parrot stayed there for what felt like a millennia, shaking and sobbing against the cold stone wall, until he eventually passed out yet again.
When he awoke to the sound of dripping water from the cave ceiling, he slowly moved his arms away to see if what happened had really happened. He hoped, he prayed that it was all some horrible nightmare. He opened his eyes to see--
There was no Wifies, no Director.
Just a put out fire, and the stinging sensation of burnt feathers.
Parrot curled up against the wall with his wings shielding him, no tears left in him to cry, hoping he’ll pass out again.
Being asleep was the closest thing to peace he’s ever felt.