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"Hmmm," Phil pressed his lips together, eyes narrowed in focus.
It was late. Really late. His eyes had already adjusted to the darkness from the fallen sun, blinds drawn and door closed.
If he lifted his gaze from his bright screen, he might have been able to make out the patterns of his walls across his bedroom, or even the lumps of clothes cascading from a long cold basket of laundry.
The pile of pillows behind him were warm from how long he'd been sat here, knees aching from being drawn up and pressed down by the weight of his laptop.
He stared at the screen, watching as his cursor bounced between the recorded clips.
"—pretty fit to—"
"—the shining—"
"—need to stop—"
Adjusting his earphones he bit his lip again.
This was stupid.
He just couldn't stop looking at him.
The way his eyes blinked slowly up at the camera. How his face shifted when he flicked his hair back and how the ripples of his skin caused light to strike across his neck like a bolt of lightening. The electric tug of his memories blurring into heady desire.
Dan.
He was the reason Phil was up editing in the first place. After Phil had dropped him back at Piccadilly station, they'd been messaging each other non stop. Enough that Phil had to send a goodnight text and still stay up to finish editing.
It was addictive. Every new DM or @ reply on twitter meant that there was another moment in the other boy's life that he spent thinking about Phil. And sure, it might have just been about what movie they could see next, but it felt… different.
Phil's breath quickened at every glance Dan would give the camera. Like the Dan of the video was looking right at him. Giving him a little wink when video Phil wasn't looking, eyes roving up and down the camera like it was another person.
He hadn't really thought much about editing the Q&A either. It was supposed to just be another video. A bit of banter between the questions from strangers and capturing whatever jokes formed from it.
But of course it was going to be different with Dan.
Phil had already cut out the breathy bits, the parts where one of them had left to get something from across the room, the silent walking parts between the clips of them around his house, everything that wouldn't make for a very entertaining watch.
A part of him felt terrible for cutting them out, that those tiny moments that had made up his day with Dan would get thrown away and lost in cyberspace forever.
He wanted to hold onto them. Paste them all over the walls of his mind and encapsulate himself in the softness those memories gave him.
Remembering the feel of silken hair slipping from his fingers. The sound of zippers cutting through their giggles when Dan almost slipped over a stray sock.
How Dan's lips scrapped across his. The softness of his mouth. His body pressed against his own.
Phil looked at the footage of Dan with his face right up against the camera. Wide brown eyes blown open at the sound of Phil's voice in the background.
In a daze, he felt his hand twitch, as if to caress the face in front of him.
It didn't take long to find a clip of them kissing.
He'd almost forgotten about it.
After Dan had licked Phil's Wall-E figurine and stared sensually at the camera, Phil had completely cracked. He watched himself laugh and Dan stare at him. The small smile on the other boy's face faltering.
He mumbled something to video Phil, incomprehensible to the camera.
Phil remembered it well.
"Sorry, was that too much?"
The silence between the two of them fell heavily on video Phil's shoulders. Phil watched his own brows twitch, head quirking to the side to look over his shoulder at Dan, Wall-E on the floor now.
"What? No." He smiled, "It's good for the video. I think you're funny."
Video Phil's face betrayed himself with even just the part of his face that was visible.
So in love it made him look silly with it.
He knew exactly what he'd been thinking in that moment, happily seeing Dan's face light up again with that mischievous grin.
You could never be too much. I like that you're weird like me. I think you were made for me. I think I lo— like you too much… I'm afraid that I like you more than I should.
Dan was charming, passionate, funny, and hot. Of course Phil had assumed while waiting for Dan at the station that he'd been fake all along.
None of the guys at uni were like him. In fact, Phil had gone through the entirety of his degree without meeting any guy worthy of more than a handful dates or a romp in the sheets. Not for lack of trying, mind you.
He paused the video, swallowing down the lump in his throat.
To distract himself he scrubbed through the video timeline, clicking clips to randomize until it felt right.
Phil could've uploaded the whole thing unedited and it still would've been more fun than any other collab video he'd done with his friends.
Which was incredibly scary.
He barely knew Dan in the technical sense. Like the basic stuff of his hometown, his family, his interests, sure, that he knew like the back of his hand. But, the smaller threads that made up Dan. The intricate wiring that made him distinctly… him. How every expression was tinted with some kind of Dan-ism that made him all the more endearing. The little ums and awws before he'd speak. When his lip would twitch before speaking. How his eyes would widen slightly when Phil said something that amused him.
And here he was, getting to sit through and watch it all happen in front of him.
The minutes ticked by as he continued to stare at his screen, rubbing his eyes under his glasses when he could feel the way his lids began to stick together.
Then, it happened.
Right after video Phil had kissed his lion plush, Dan had asked him with his face off the screen, "Is it fun being a man now?"
Video Phil responded immediately to the camera. "Yeah. Especially now that I have my cordless hammer drill."
A gift from his father who he knew was trying his best to understand him, even if that meant getting him a gift that Phil did not trust himself to operate.
"So manly." Dan had sat back into frame, scooting closer into video Phil as he flexed his bicep.
A cut.
"Oh yeah," Dan joked.
"Oh yeah," Video Phil egged on.
But the video didn't stop there. It was then that the buzzing tension between them had risen.
His own ears whooshed, remembering how his stomach swooped when Dan had looked at him like that.
How odd it was to watch himself be aroused. It was funny to see how big his pupils had gotten, much clearer on video than Dan's.
Video Phil turned to look at Dan again, the two of them giggling under unheard words. Phil, however, knew exactly where this was going, seeing himself be the first to lean much closer to Dan.
There was a tenderness to his pixelated expression. Too open and wide for prying eyes to peer into and see his heart lain bare across the rocks of his oceanic eyes. His heart sunk a little as he created the first cut and let the rest of the clip play out.
Dan raised his brows slightly, the way Phil began to learn was a sign that Dan wanted to kiss him.
A few murmurs under the buzz of silent audio, something playful flickering over the both of their faces… and then it happened.
Phil didn't mind that Dan was a bit more shy than him. Honestly, it was pretty sweet. So confident and boyish when the two of them were hanging out together, to the coyness of flirtation, and the earnestness melting from every pore of his skin.
They kissed slow and sweet. First a gentle peck interrupted by a snort of laughter, high off young love in a way Phil had never felt before.
Tipsy off of Dan, he saw himself press further into the younger man, opening his mouth and lifting a hand to caress his face.
Dan's eyelids fluttered, curious hands seemingly afraid to touch video Phil back.
It didn't last long though, soon enough they parted, the camera catching the pop of lips separating that it was almost like it was happening in his room again.
Desire curled itself low in Phil's gut, and he shifted the pillows on his bed to let him lie down easier, the laptop cool on his naked chest. He kicked his blanket and sheets off, already sweating from how long he'd been curled up under the covers.
He let the video play while he shifted, the wires from his headphones brushing the side of his face. The touch as light as when Dan had let the tip of his finger slide and tuck his hair behind his ear as they parted.
"D—"
"Yeah," Video Phil jumped before Dan could finish the question, the kiss turning more sloppy than Phil had remembered.
On some level, it was a bit embarrassing. But the creep of self consciousness up his spine had been electrocuted by the zap that spiked through his core.
The two of them were on the bed now, the very pillow Phil was lying on now under him again. His cock twitched in his pajama pants, the threadbare cloth doing nothing to stifle it.
Lying down like this, it was easy to forget about the world outside of the screen. The video replaced his reality, and his pleasure had replaced his body. Phil sucked in a sharp breath as he let one of his hands glide along his loose waist band, nothing but skin underneath.
In the video, Dan was sat on top of him with his legs over video Phil's hips. Dan's body hid Phil's but he absolutely didn't mind with the view he'd gotten. Clad in a black sweater and grey jeans, Dan's ass was front as centre, swaying with every slow undulation of his back. Cascades of fabric and skin, his jeans slung low revealing mounds of flesh covered sheerly by dark boxer briefs.
They were too far away for the camera to pick up the noises, but Phil's mind blissfully filled in the rest.
Little breathy moans that Phil wanted to eat whole, Phil's shallow sighs as Dan lavished his neck. Slowing down around thin skin, cherishing every slice he could get.
"Careful," Video Phil moaned, knowing the camera was still filming.
Phil let his feather light touches dance across his happy trail as he watched, the hair whispering across the pads of his fingers. His jaw clenched, and he blinked slowly at the screen.
And when that comment seemed to spur Dan on, video Phil pushed him off of him. Dan's confusion only lasted a second before Phil laughed and pulled Dan under him.
Maybe it was the age thing, Phil having the urge to boss Dan around every now and then. Maybe it was because Dan listened, ever so eager to impress him.
It was so fucking cute.
Phil wanted to bite him.
He slid over his PJs, pressing a hand down on his throbbing erection. Phil inhaled sharply, teasing his length with the palm of his hand. When the paper thin material scratched at the tip his toes involuntarily curled.
They were still making out on screen, and Phil stopped rubbing, afraid that he'd cum too quick. Instead, he pressed the weight of his hand against himself, mouth dropping open and legs twitching with strain.
He was keeping himself as quiet as he could, tightening his throat to stop himself from groaning.
By this point in the video, the two of them had separated, giddily crawling back to the camera. The rest of the video would be normal, minus the tackle and make out at the end, but Phil had pressed pause.
He stared at the frozen visage of Dan. Chin tucked and looking up at him through his eyelashes on the bed behind video Phil.
Fuck.
Phil had blown him in his bed after filming the video, watching him melt into a warbling pile of speech and sound. Drew out noises that brought a deep flush to Dan's face and caused the sweat to stick his fringe to his forehead.
It was all too much, and Phil couldn't stop himself from roughly tugging down his bottoms, raising his ass to get the material under him. The thin band pressed up against his ass, but the discomfort was no match for the warmth of his own tight grip.
"U—uh," he stuttered, the noise escaping of its own volition. He attempted to suck in a breath, but opening his eyes to see Dan looking back at him almost had Phil choking on his own spit.
He's so fucking hot. Unreal. Beautiful. Baby. Fuck. Jesus.
He was quick to loosen his grip, sliding higher until he could coat his hand in pre cum and drag it down to where fist met base. His other hand clenched his sheets, white knuckling the poor fabric that Phil had half a mind wondering whether there'd be claw marks written all over them after.
Phil's mouth dropped open, a silent moan cresting over his lips. He pumped his hand faster, fuelled by both the paused expression of the other boy and the vivid memory of how he had felt below him, on him, everywhere he could get Dan.
His eyelids twitched, back curling momentarily before he sharply removed his hand away. Phil's fingers flexed with the agony of restraint, his breath caught inside the lump in his throat.
He gulped, the heat still crawling along his body. Flushed from head to toe. Little wriggling ants of electricity marching along his skin until goosebumps had consumed it all.
Phil's fist unclenched, and he let his shaking fingers run along the damp fabric. Remembering. Savouring. Finding new ways to etch the leftover spirit of the other man in order to satiate how deeply his soul craved him.
He started stroking himself again, his weeping cock hidden behind the laptop. It didn't take long for him to be just as aroused as he had been before, his mind frantically flipping though every sound that Dan had made when they had fucked.
"Ffff— ughhmmm" Phil garbled, unable to hold back as he let the video play.
It cut to Dan moaning as he stuffed printer paper into his mouth, and Phil knew he had to close his laptop and shove his headphones off of him.
His orgasm caused his whole body to convulse, back bent and throat stretched. Phil swallowed, his mouth rung dry from how long he'd kept his lips parted.
Fuck.
He laid there staring up at his ceiling, mind blissfully quiet after hours of restlessness from Dan teasing him over the phone.
Phil raised himself up on his elbows, looking down his chest. Cum dotted over his moles, seeping into the dip of his happy trail, cock just as spent as he himself had felt.
His hand stuck together as he almost ran it though his sweaty mess of hair. Without any tissues he reached blindly below his bed for whatever old t-shirt he could use to wipe himself off.
When the adrenaline had worn down, coldness replaced where warmth had held him so dearly.
It was only a few days of waiting to see Dan again, but his heavy heart made it feel as though he'd never come back. The ache grew stronger, stretching out from the depths of his chest to the tips of his limbs.
How had he lived so long without the man he had come to know over the past few months.
It seemed impossible.
Phil reached out to get his laptop back, opening it up to see he'd never actually finished selecting the clipped segment to delete.
The kiss, the tenderness, all of it would be gone.
He debated it for a while, knowing that he was neither ready to come out this publicly, or that he had… something… with Dan. It was better off forgotten in case this really didn't work out. When none of his other relationships or flings had worked out, why should Phil expect Dan to stick around?
He's on his gap year, but what's to say he won't pick somewhere else for uni? Not that Phil would stop him or anything— God, no. But… it made him nervous. The future. Of not just his own, but whether he could envision Dan within it.
The crazy thing, was that somehow it felt like a future without Dan was inconceivable.
Video Dan looked at him, smiling wide and unabashedly.
Phil wanted to hold onto that feeling. Of hope. That perhaps one day, the very smile he was looking at could keep his future just that bit brighter.
It might have been the middle of the night, but Phil didn't think twice in uploading the clip of them kissing by itself, unlisted of course, onto his channel. A keepsake. Something for Phil to look back on when Dan had to go home, when his life felt so static in a world that continued to turn without him.
And hopefully Dan would see in this clip, a piece of them both that he would want to keep just as sacred.
From: [email protected]
Subject: lol
mymovie_25_10_09 [LINK]