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"When will you learn, Daughter." David Cain's voice rings in Cassandra's ears as she remains helplessly frozen on the floor, staring up at her father with her ankle screaming at her in pain. She read his face; no sympathy to be shown. He yanks her up to stand in front of the fully clothed assassin whose name she could not remember, but was forced to fight until either of them forfeit – and forfeiting was not an option for her. "My love for you is purely conditional - if you grow the hell up and defeat him, maybe you will earn some. Now, again!"
After eight years of agonising training and torture followed by another eight years of surviving on the streets then followed by four years of officially being apart of the Batfamily – Cassandra Cain had few memories that remained unrepressed. One memory, however, would not repress itself no matter how much Cass wanted it to. The memory that sticks to her brain, that screams into her ears whenever she spends time with Bruce.
The memory of her biological father telling her that for his love, she had to work for it; that love itself came with terms and conditions that must be firmly kept.
Nothing in life is unconditional.
Humankind is selfish. If they engage in a selfless act, it is often for the belief that they get something in return. There is no give in this world; only take.
This idealism that was planted in her brain is the very thing that influences her daily choices.
Just because humankind is selfish does not mean that she is. For all Cass knows, she might not even be fully human, so why conform to a species she can't relate to?
If a person drops their food in a grocery store, Cass will pick it up for them.
If she spots a victim panicking post attack, she will sit with them until they're better.
If anyone calls, she will always answer.
Cass has learned many things in her lifetime. Fighting, killing, reading body language and emotion; but one thing she was never taught was to be cruel.
The cold, crisp Gotham night wind gently wisped Cass' hair back and forth on the top of a Crime Alley apartment. Her cowl was off, her legs dangled over the edge of the building's roof, vaguely swaying with the absence of thought.
In the direction Cass was facing, she had perfect view of the Gotham sunrise.
Now, yes, Cass wasn't stupid. All Gothamites knew that Gotham was not the most ideal place to live. But at this time of the morning, when it was peaceful and the orange and pink hues painted the sky in a way that would often make the Gothamite question how they ever even considered moving away, Gotham was the most beautiful place in the multiverse.
The sight was so encapsulating that Cass almost missed the sound of someone grappling up onto the roof from behind her. Recognising those footsteps anywhere, she didn't bother turning around.
"Hey." Steph's soft voice carefully spoke, her purple masked pull down minutely so it was just below her lips. The girl slowly walked up to Cass and sat down right beside her with her legs criss crossed, hands rubbing together for warmth in her lap as they both watched the sky. "...Did you want to talk about earlier?"
Cassandra knew the 'earlier' Steph spoke of. It was a memory she had already began working hard on to forget. With her eyes focused ahead and her palms behind her to hold her up, she shook her head.
From the corner of her eye, she sees Steph nod slowly in response. There was a brief pause before the blonde spoke up again.
"Y'know B isn't really mad, right? I mean, you've known him for a while now. He just gets in that shitty mood sometimes when he can't control his emotions or words and just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. I promise you, he didn't mean any of it. He doesn't think any less of you because of your past - none of us do. Please, just come back to the Cave and we can all talk about it-"
"No." Cass sharply cuts her off; the rising sunlight gleaming in her face yet it remained dark and empty. "Batman has a no-kill rule. He does not approve of my fighting methods. He called me violent; feral... You do not just think of that when in a bad mood."
Steph sighs softly, a hand dragging across her face briefly before she turns her head to stare at a Cass who stubbornly won't return the look.
"Look, I get it. B is a complete dickhead whose big mouth moves faster than his tiny brain and sometimes genuinely emotes less than a robot, but he still loves you. He just... overthinks. One time, I found-"
Cass shakes her head firmly, interrupting Steph once more. "He does not love me anymore. Love comes with conditions; love is what you get for following the rules and being good. I was not, therefore, no love right now. I do not want to see his face until I am worthy again."
In her peripheral vision, Cass could see Steph's mouth open in a half attempt of protest though no sound of protest came.
After a moment following her failed attempt, Steph chokes a sigh, her head dropping into a soft shake of disbelief. "Cass..." Her voice cracked softly though continued as if it never happened. "I'm really sorry you had to grow up in a house like that. If I could go back in time..." She cuts herself off with a shake of her head, moving her hand to Cass' jaw and redirecting it to face hers. Steph had a look so intense Cass didn't know whether to look away or if she would even be able to.
"Love is anything but conditional. If you really love a person, you'll love them no matter what, despite any flaws or mistakes or even if they hurt you. Real love is unconditional. It doesn't increase or decrease whenever a person annoys you or does something wrong, it's always there. Do you understand?"
Cass stays frozen, her jaw tensing in indecision. She wanted with her whole heart to agree, but how can you change your entire thought process over something you've had ingrained into your mind since you were old enough to walk?
Steph didn't miss a beat, noticing the hesitance. "Say I punch you in the face right now."
That snapped Cass out of her maze of thoughts.
"Would you forgive me eventually? Or would you hate me forever and refuse to see me ever again?"
Cass furrows her eyebrows in annoyance. "That's different."
Steph shakes her head, her eyes intense but with a softness that only she could have. "No. It's love. Do you understand now?"
Cass pulls her face out of Steph's grip, turning back to face the rising sun. Her shoulders hunched over, the exhaustion from tonight showing.
She feels a soft pat on her back from Steph as she stands. "I'll give you some time. Just... Promise me that you'll call tomorrow. Me or anyone in the family. We care, Cass."
The only movement Cass could force herself to commit to was a small nod, her gaze remaining stuck on the rising sun; unable to pull her eyes away even if it burned.
There was a moment of hesitation before Steph grappled down to head back home.
Then, there was nothing but the crushing weight of silence that unavoidably became comforting over the years.
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Sleep wasn't achieved much for Cass that night. Then again, sleep wasn't exactly something Cass sought a lot.
The night was dark, scary and often dangerous. Most people feared the night. Cass feared that she was the night.
Over the years she had become nocturnal with this lifestyle.
Patrol at night, stay for the rising sun, get home and pass out.
Though most nights, the 'pass out' stage was delayed by uncontrollable, overwhelming thoughts in her stupid brain.
Eventually, she had given up and instead chose to walk around her apartment to get rid of some energy.
Which is why she was currently standing in her kitchen with a knife pointed directly at a masked intruder sitting on her couch.
They were still as a statue, sitting calmly with straight posture and neatly bent legs, facing the tv.
"Who are you." Cass' wavering voice spat out as firm as she could make it. "Why are you here?"
Slowly, they lowered their hood and turned their head to face her.
Chills stung every joint of Cass' body.
He had barely had to lower his hood for her to recognise that face.
"Fa-" She caught herself, hardening her features and glaring at the man monster. "David."
He smirked, taking his time when rising and walking towards her.
The knife weighed as much as an elephant with every step he took closer yet she refused to lower it.
David stopped once he was a few feet from his daughter, grinning down at her with his hands behind his back as if he was assessing her. In the blink of an eye, his smirk dropped.
"Haven't been training, I see. Your skills have turned rusty. I've been sitting for hours."
Cass' glare darkened, though her knife wielding hand grew shaky; almost trembling.
"Why are you here." She repeated herself, hopefully sounding more demanding.
A small smirk tugged on the edge of the man's scruffy mouth.
"To see the disappointing monster you've become, Cassandra. I mean..." He drawls the word for suspense, taking another couple of small steps forward, almost casually. "To be such a beautiful violent creature yet you claim to be 'good'." His fingers mimic quotation marks as he pauses in his slow, dragging path. Cassandra could've sworn she saw the flaming devil himself in the reflection of his eyes as he shook his head. "What a humorous joke. 'Good'. You will never be good. Remember who's DNA you contain within your blood, Daughter. Remember the blood and hurt on your hands."
Just as she thought she couldn't take much more, there was a knock on the door.
From reflex, she turned away, instant panic enveloping her. "David, don't-" She turned back to see him gone.
Cassandra scans the room then herself. The knife in her hand was gone.
For damning sake, maybe she was more sleep deprived than she thought. Her own mind was against her.
Tiredly scrubbing her face, she half stumbled to the front door where the consistent knocking hadn't stopped.
She opens it cautiously only to find Duke standing there awkwardly; changed in casual wear but clearly sweating from early training or the end of his day shift based on whatever time it was.
"Hey," he tried for a comforting smile, clearly underestimating her ability to read people, "can we talk?"
Cass sighed before stepping aside to let him in.
Once inside, she shut the door harshly, double checking the lock before sitting next to Duke on her couch where they both faced the blank face of the TV ahead.
Silence washed over the room - the type of silence that was neither comforting nor awkward. Duke finally spoke up.
"So... Steph told me about patrol last night." Cass stayed quiet. "She mentioned the whole thing with Bruce and... she was really worried so she asked me to check in." There was a long pause where Duke tried to give her an opening, though she refused. After another couple of moments: "Are you okay?"
Cass nodded slowly, her gaze unmoving from the TV.
"I am."
Duke mimicked the sound of an 'incorrect' button from those cheesy game shows that they've watched a couple times for shits and giggles. "Wrong. Would you like to try again?" His mouth had turned upwards in a failed suppressed smile, though Cass doesn't submit to the same action. She shakes her head and leaves it at that, letting the silence return.
After a moment, Duke responded. "Is that a no to the 'are you okay?' question or the 'would you like to try again?' question?"
Cass chewed on the inside of her lip in reluctance before exhaling, almost in relief. "The first one..."
Without an ounce of hesitation, Duke hugged Cass.
Duke's hugs were enough to define him as a person: warm, grounded, caring. Almost instantly, Cass felt the tears cloud her eyes.
Probably as a result from exhaustion, Cass opened up. She talked to Duke about everything; her father, Bruce, yesterday, this morning, her feelings, thoughts, hopes. All of it. For once, she didn't hold anything back. For once, she didn't want to.
Cass shared and Duke listened.
For hours.
By the time they finished, Cass had come to a conclusion she had been fighting hard to avoid: love is unconditional.
With the way Duke and Steph had both taken time out of their lives to comfort her and wash her of all her contaminated thoughts placed by her sperm donor, it was the only conclusion she could come to.
In truth, she barely remembered anything that was verbally meant to convince her. It was their actions that had really jump-started her brain.
Both loved her so much that they thought about her, noticed something was wrong, felt bad about it and did something to make sure she was okay. And honestly, the very thought brought tears to her eyes.
Cassandra wasn't the type of person who received much display of affection in her life. Most people had let her down on that front; ranging from biological family to friends on the streets.
When she had first joined the family, their occasional open declarations left her astounded, especially when targeted at her.
Over the years, she had grown used to it, but to her, it was all conditional.
All that love and care came at a price - if she was good and followed the rules she'd get it. If not, it would be taken away in a snap.
But now, she had messed up, she had lost the privilege to love and care, yet they still gave it to her.
Unconditional.
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"You got this, Cass. I'll be right in the other room, 'kay?" Steph smiled softly, patting Cass' shoulder before walking over to the kitchen whilst Cass turned to face the lounge room where Bruce was.
She stared at the open doorway a moment before walking into it and knocking.
Bruce was sat down on the couch, engrossed in the documentary showing.
It took around three seconds for Cass to realise he wasn't even watching it. He had been listening and awaiting her arrival the whole time. He was just being polite. She didn't know whether that made her feel better or worse.
The man turned to face her, smiling in a way that was so gentle and undeserving to be directed at a person like Cass. He scooched over on the couch to give her room, patting the now empty space.
Cass nodded, head down as she mechanically walked over and sat down next to him, facing the TV just like he was. She almost got dejá vu from earlier with Duke.
"Hey, Cassie..." Bruce shifted awkwardly in his seat, appearing to get into a more comfortable position but Cass could tell he was just physically uncomfortable with the conversation itself. "I think it's time we had a talk... is that okay?"
Cass nodded, lifting her lefts to cross them as she turned slightly to face him, with him turning his body to face her.
For two people who were shit at emotional confrontation, they were nailing this so far. Even if they were unable to make too much eye contact.
Cass was conflicted, unsure whether to speak first or let Bruce share his own thoughts and feelings first. Luckily, he made that decision for her.
"Cass..." He inhaled slowly and exhaled. "I am an idiot."
That statement caught Cass off guard, causing her head to automatically snap up with furrowed brows to stare at the man, though she didn't exactly have a response. Thank damn he lifted a hand to stop her from interrupting anyways.
"Even though I have many children whom I love very much, I don't exactly have much experience with raising them the best that I could be. With Dick, I was basically a disaster." He chuckled gruffly. "Just ask him, he'll tell you. Even with the others, Jason, Tim, hell, even with raising Damian right now, I've had my good and bad moments, but do you know what matters above all?"
Bruce looks down at Cass and she reluctantly meets his eyes questioningly.
"What matters most, above all the patrols and fighting and training, is that my children know that they are loved and that they will always be loved no matter what they do."
Even after her talk with Duke, she wasn't prepared for her fears to be faced to bluntly like that. She felt herself involuntarily tense up, her gaze instantly dropping back down at her fidgeting hands resting in her lap. Bruce didn't falter.
"I feel that I may not have been the best at making that clear with you, especially after our last argument which I am very sorry about. You know that, right? Everything I said, every hurtful word... Well, I've been told it's some form of a coping mechanism. That I use it to reject the hurtful truth about something, and as a deflection, I aimed it at you."
Bruce cups Cass' hands in his own.
"Cassandra... I am very truly, deeply sorry for everything that I said. Even after all my years of parenting, I'm still learning, and I learned a very important lesson; one that you helped teach me."
The intrigue was too much for Cass, encouraging her to lift her head to meet his eyes.
"The lesson that even if something may be clear to you, the other person cannot read your mind. Communication and openness is extremely important, in every situation. I know I seem to forget and relearn that lesson every once in a while, but yesterday, you re-taught it to me clearer than ever before, and I need to thank you for that. I love you."
The dam breaks, tears unwillingly dropping as Cass dives into Bruce's arm in a tight hug.
Love is unconditional.
If you really love the person, you'll do anything for them.
Sometimes, anything can be taken to literally and we do bad things for that love. That is how we know it isn't reciprocal love, because if the person really loves you, would they let you do bad things for them? Would they want you to?
Love has many forms, but only one true purpose.
To love the other person no matter what.