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It made sense. They worked together when they tried to determine whether ALIE was lying about the nuclear reactors. Whether someone was “ready” for a relationship didn’t really seem to matter when the world was ending. And so, they fall into it easily, like it’s how they always were.
Neither is sure who decided to stop. Just like everything with them, it seemed to happen naturally. After testing the nearest three reactors for volatility and coming up negative, they just stopped.
They still saw each other every day. They still sat beside each other by the fire, and leaned close together for warmth and comfort. But at night, they went separate ways. They didn’t hold each other and talk until their voices were hoarse about a future that seemed impossible. Bellamy hadn’t even kissed Clarke since just after Raven gave the all clear.
Which is why it was such a surprise when she kissed him.
They were finishing preparations for the frost. They had traded their technological knowledge for a better understanding of how to get through the winter. They had plenty of furs, they’d lined their cabins and tents. They knew how to prevent and (god forbid) treat frostbite.
So, after a hours of planning in Bellamy’s quarters, when Bellamy was going through every possible contingency to avoid disaster, Clarke rolled her eyes at him, stood up and stretched.
“Bellamy, I love you, but this is getting ridiculous,” Clarke sighed. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”
After which she leaned down, cupped his jaw and kissed him. She shook her head to herself as she walked out of his tent.
So, here’s the thing. Bellamy knows that Clarke loves him. Even the fondness that was clear in her eyes, didn’t really faze him. But the kiss-- that was something else.
In the two months since they realized ALIE’s threats were just desperate lies, Bellamy had accepted this new stage in their relationship. He understood it was better for him and Clarke to step back before building a new relationship. It was the better option long-term. He reminded himself of that each time he got distracted by the slope of her neck when she drank a glass of water, the curve of her smile when he teased her, the press of her body against his when they hugged.
After staring after her for a minute, Bellamy runs his fingers through his hair, and collapses back onto his bed. It must’ve been an accident, he convinces himself. She was tired and distracted. It was just an old habit that came to the surface. She probably didn’t even realize that she did it.
_____
“Holy shit,” Clarke says out loud. She just kissed Bellamy. She had been chuckling softly to herself as she walked back to her quarters when she realized… holy shit.
She wakes up the next morning, and decides she has to just go about her day as usual.
She walks to the mess hall, and grabs a mix of nuts and berries along with two eggs. Determined not to dwell too much on kissing Bellamy last night, she strikes up a conversation with Harper about improving the netting on bandages.
She has a perfectly normal meeting with Fatima discussing how to leverage their comparative advantage without thinking about how Bellamy’s lips felt a bit chapped against hers.
She meets her mom for lunch, and doesn’t notice Bellamy a few dozen feet away eating an apple like he’s being paid to do it. When she heads outside with a determined set in her shoulder, Bellamy smiles at her in passing. She nods back. Relief floods through her. They’re fine, she thinks to herself. They’re going to be fine.
Clarke was worried, though, that Bellamy might not be. The night before when he was obsessively going through contingencies, Clarke knew it was in part to distract himself from the fact that Octavia has been visiting their new settlement for the last week. Since she was cleared from wrongdoing in Pike’s death, Octavia has only met with Skaikru twice. Bellamy argued passionately for Octavia’s freedom to former Pike supporters looking for blood. Instead of recognizing his efforts on her behalf, Octavia wouldn’t hold a conversation with Bellamy longer than a few minutes. Clarke supposed this form of cold anger was better than acts of physical violence, but she saw how hard this was for Bellamy. How much it pained him that he couldn’t find a way back to his sister’s trust.
That evening, Clarke and Bellamy are sitting by one of the fire pits discussing her upcoming trip to Azgeda when she feels his eyes drifting behind her. Clarke doesn’t need to look over her shoulder to know it’s Octavia, but she does anyway.
She lifts her mouth up in a sad smile. Bellamy starts, “I’m gonna…”
“Yeah,” Clarke answers, “I’ll catch up with you later.”
She watches as he walks tentatively towards his sister. As she sees him try to talk to Octavia only to be met with snapped short answers, Clarke feels her heart tightening in her chest. She yearns to comfort Bellamy, or to grab Octavia by the shoulders and scream at her. Everyone has made mistakes on the ground. And if anyone deserves forgiveness, it’s Bellamy.
She fights against the urge, though. That’s not her place. That’s a level of intimacy they’ve stepped back from. She knows that he feels the same responsibility for her safety, her comfort, that she does for his. Even before they were together, Bellamy and Clarke felt this strange pull towards each other. This discomfort when the other was upset or in danger. Even before they really got along.
But she sits silently by the fire. Waiting for him to come back. When he does, a half hour later, and they go back into conversation about the Azgeda trip. Both not mentioning anything more significant than the meeting plans with Roan.
______
Clarke has only been gone for three days, and Bellamy already feels restless without her. He knows she can take care of herself. Knows she can handle Roan. But selfishly, he can’t help but wish he was there with her. Bellamy just wishes he knew what she wanted from him. Clarke kissed him. She kissed him! What does it mean that she kissed him? What does it mean that she hasn't mentioned it?
He pulls his bag tighter over his shoulders, and heads back towards the settlement. Fortunately, the recent scouting missions haven’t been life or death. It’s quite a change from when they were first on the ground.
Bellamy’s looking forward to spending the rest of the day in meetings. He could use a distraction, and he does love his job. After the first hellish months on the ground, Bellamy discovered he wanted to bring some hope back into the Skaikru. So, that’s what he does.
He helped Maria plan courses for history, mathematics, earth sciences, and ethics. He ensured Lupita had all she needed to plan spiritual services. He worked with Bryan on beautification for the settlement. And, he is in talks with a half dozen others on further projects.
That afternoon, he works with Tihana to develop sports programs. They spend some of the day brainstorming what sports would require the minimal difficulty in getting items together to gauge interest. In the end, they decide that soccer made the most sense. Tommy-- who is good with materials-- spends the next day fashioning a soccer ball.
As he watches his people with huge smiles on their faces, bundled up in the cold, but running like mad after the ball, Bellamy feels content.
_______
Clarke has barely been in Azgeda for one full day before she and Roan are alone together.
They spent the morning discussing their trading plans. Roan’s economic advisors discussed Azgeda’s more effective strategies for engaging different clans. Much of it was beyond Clarke’s understanding - and Roan’s, if the distracted look in the distance was anything to go by - but luckily Fatima and Josephine led the discussion.
Later in the evening, after the advisors had gone to bed, Clarke and Roan were sitting in chairs warmed by a fire, as Roan pours Clarke a glass of wine.
After a few moments of comfortable silence, Roan raises an eyebrow at her, and asks, “so how's Bellamy doing? I'm surprised you're here without him. You two were practically glued together the last time I saw you.”
Clarke rolls her eyes. “No need to be coy, Roan. Everyone knows we were sleeping together. We shared a tent on the expedition. You think you're being cute, but you're not.”
At her response, Roan’s eyes widen in surprise. “Were? He is no longer your lover?”
Clarke cringes. She thought if she brought it up, and addressed it. Roan would move past it. Old news and all that.
She sighs and responds, “it’s complicated, Roan.”
He looks ready to say more, but Clarke stops him.
“Listen-- I appreciate that the Skaikru and Azgeda worked well together when the world was ending. And that now, we’re learning from each other. We do appreciate everything you’re doing for us. I even do like you personally, but…”
“I get it,” Roan reassures her.
Clarke breathes out heavily. “Thanks.”
They sit in silence for a few moments before Clarke asks, “Is Trishanakru is coming to join the summit next month?”
Roan, apparently willing to accept this dramatic subject change, replies, “yes, they confirmed last week.”
______
Bellamy finally breaks and decides to tell Raven. He has been replaying the kiss over and over in his head and it’s driving him crazy, and Clarke’s still not going to get back for another five days.
Bellamy finds Raven in her workshop, where she is trying to perfect her new weather radar system when he sits down in a chair in the corner.
“What?” Raven asks while rewiring the diodes in a makeshift FR4 board.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing. See if you wanna grab dinner in a few minutes,” Bellamy responded.
“Then why does your face look like that?” Raven counters, still not having looked up at him.
Bellamy protests, “my face doesn’t look like anything.” At this Raven looks up at him with an arched brow. “Fine,” he deflates. “Clarke kissed me before she left for Azgeda.” Raven’s eyes widen briefly, which pleases Bellamy. It’s hard to surprise Raven.
Raven schools her features and teases, “was it a desperate kiss right before she left you behind forever? Wait did I say forever? I meant for two weeks. Literally just two weeks.”
Bellamy laughs. This is the level of support he was expecting from her. Honestly, he just needed to tell someone. He also knows that of everyone, Raven probably knows the both of them best. And, after she makes a few jokes, she’ll give him either hope that moves him to act or a reality check about moving on. It could go either way.
Raven pulls up a chair next to him and kicks his foot. “Why the disgruntled expression? I would expect tap dancing if you guys got back together. The ‘stepping back until we’re both ready’ nonsense would finally be kaput.”
Bellamy narrows his eyes, “I would have assumed you understood. Clarke and I got together a month after Gina died. It was too fast. It was crazy, really.” At her skeptical look, he adds, “isn’t that why you broke up with Wick?”
She scoffs. “I broke up with Wick because I wasn’t ready. He wanted something serious, and I didn’t. What you and Clarke are doing is completely different than that.” Bellamy starts to interrupt, but Raven continues. “You guys are just trying not be together because you think it’s the right thing to do, not because either of you want to. She has this backwards-ass idea that she needs to give you time to grieve Gina. And you are in way over your head trying to understand what the hell went on with her and Lexa. Plus, you can’t get a handle on your guilt with Gina’s death.”
Bellamy takes a weak breath and rubs the back of his neck. “You think I should be over what I did to Gina? How could I be?”
Raven’s gaze softens, and she puts her hand on his knee. “Bellamy, I’m not saying you should be over Gina’s death, but I do think it’s time to forgive yourself. You cared for her, you did. What you felt and feel for Clarke doesn’t invalidate that you were good to Gina.”
He peers into Raven’s eyes, looking for something that will make him doubt what she just said, but doesn’t find it. “You really think she’s ready?” Bellamy asks, unable to keep the hope out of his voice.
“Yes, she's ready. You're ready. This is the fucking ground, man. You never know which day might be the last.”
He spends that night thinking of what he's gonna say when she gets back. They aren't really big gesture people, but this is special. It needs to be a clear sign that they're going to do this. For real.
When he says as much to Raven later that night in the mess hall, she suggests he wait for Clarke naked in her bed. Which, while funny, is not the message he's trying to send.
It's not until the next day that he gets the idea. Miller is going on about how children should be exposed to the beauty in life, and how everyone from the ark doesn't appreciate Shakespeare’s genius. Bellamy lets Miller finish his rant before saying, “we could make an arts center.”
He spends the next four days gathering and making canvases, working with Waqas to make paints and pencils, developing a library of plays and music, and re-purposing the old classroom. The night before she’s set to return, he breathes a sigh of relief when everything is set up.
Raven and Miller have needled him endlessly since he started work on the center. And now, with her coming back the next day, their banter is starting to make him nervous. “Do you think she’ll think it’s too much?” he asks them while they’re sitting by the fire.
Miller rolls his eyes, and says, “I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to bed.”
Raven laughs and looks over at Bellamy. “There’s no reason to be nervous, Bellamy. Do you think we would be teasing you like this if we thought there were any chance she’d say no? She’ll love it Bellamy. You know she loves you, right?”
Bellamy smiles. “Yeah. I know she does.”
Raven claps her hands together. “See, nothing to worry about. You just have to wait one more day.”
Bellamy heads to bed not long after. He lays his head on his pillow, closes his eyes, and thinks of tomorrow.
______
Clarke is beyond ready to get back to the settlement. They should arrive in four hours if they continue at the same pace. Clarke can’t help but think of how much faster she’d be going if she were walking back by herself. She’s thankful for their help and insight on the Azgeda trip, but she has learned that economists aren’t necessarily built for battling through terrain.
She made a decision the day before they started their trek back. She is going to talk to Bellamy about the kiss. She’s going to tell him she’s ready for them to be together.
If he’s not ready, she’ll wait. But god, she really hopes he’s ready.
When she arrives back at the settlement, she wanders for fifteen minutes searching for him. She thought, bizarrely, that he would be there waiting for her. Like he would sense she wanted to talk to him about something monumental.
After a couple more minutes, she runs into her mom, almost literally.
“Welcome back, Clarke!” Abby exclaims.
“Hey, mom. Thanks, good to be back,” she responds.
“Looking for someone?” Abby asks innocently.
“What? No! I’m just…” Clarke trails off.
Abby just smiles. “He’s probably in the arts center. He’s been there since the morning.” At Clarke’s confused look, Abby continues, “oh that’s right. It’s new. Well, it’s over there in the old classroom. I’ll catch you later sweetie.” Abby kisses Clarke’s cheek, and saunters off towards the mess hall.
Clarke walks in a daze over in the direction her mom pointed not knowing what to think. When she walks in, she finds Bellamy organizing some of the art they were able to salvage from Mount Weather.
“Hi,” she greets weakly.
Bellamy’s head turns towards her so quickly, she’s afraid he hurt himself, but he’s smiling. He stands and folds her into his arms. She burrows her face in his neck and takes a deep breath. She really missed him.
They pull apart, and Clarke starts to look around the room. She is in awe of everything. There’s a blank wall to the left, but the other three walls are filled with art supplie, musical instruments, and books.
He sees her looking at the half empty wall, and clears his throat. “Yeah, I thought you might want to make a mural or something here. I don’t know.”
She looks up at him with glassy eyes unsure of what to say. She runs her hand along the wall and looks at the reconstructed violin, and the playbooks, and the paints.
He clears his throat, and she looks up at him. “I guess this is a little weird.”
Clarke walks quickly over to him. “You’re kidding, right? This is amazing. How did you do this? ” There’s a slight pause before she adds, “Why did you do this?”
He huffs out a laugh. “With a lot of help.”
She shakes her head and leans towards him. “You didn't answer my last question. Why did you do this?”
He shuffles his feet a bit before responding. “Well, you know Miller loves storytelling. He goes on and on about Lin Manuel Miranda and Maya Angelou and Sophocles.”
Bellamy’s looking away. He clears his throat and runs his fingers through his hair.
“Bellamy,” Clarke puts her hand on his shoulder, “look at me.”
He takes a deep breath and looks at her with a gaze so intense, so overflowing with emotion, that it almost knocks her over.
“Bellamy,” she repeats.
He raises a brow, and looks at her with a half smile. “Not all of us can just kiss people whenever we feel like it.”
A slow grin spreads across her face. “But it's so much faster that way.”
Clarke's hand that had been on his shoulder has now slid down and their hands are tangled together. “It's a shame that neither of us can use words,” Clarke notes.
Bellamy outright grins as he uses his other hand to cup her jaw. “Nah, that would be too easy. Don’t you think?”
“I suppose so,” she agrees, as she leans in.
Her lips are chapped, and his are too, but the kiss somehow feels so soft. Clarke captures his bottom lip with her teeth, then Bellamy groans and moves his hands into her hair. She forgot how this feels being with him. Like she's surrounded by warmth and hope and happiness. His tongue teases the entrance of her mouth, and she responds greedily and pushes him against the blank wall. His warm body surrounds her as they trade lighter kisses. He moves back just a fraction, and can feel his half lidded gaze on her before she opens her eyes. Their breaths mingle together, and she can’t believe she went without him for so long. She moves her hand to his ass and squeezes it playfully, then they both giggle.
“So, I love you,” Bellamy remarks, “in case you hadn’t noticed.”
Clarke smiles widely. “I did notice. I love you, too. In case you hadn’t noticed.”
Bellamy laughs in response. “I also noticed. So, are we gonna ‘get our heads out of our asses,’ as Raven called it?”
Clarke squeals in delight, “you talked to Raven?!”
Bellamy crosses his arms over his chest, but the effect is diminished because he’s still smiling. “You kissed me out of nowhere, and then left for two weeks! I was desperate. What was I supposed to do?”
Clarke is still laughing. “Build me an arts center I guess.”
Bellamy goes to start biting her ear, kissing her cheek, down her neck before mumbling, “I didn’t actually build you an arts center.” Clarke chuckles softly.
“Okay, okay, you didn't build an arts center just for me,” she admits.
Bellamy pauses in kissing her neck, but doesn't stop carding his fingers through her hair. He considers before responding. “I was actually referring to the term build. I'm not sure the origin of the word, so I can't be sure it's inaccurate. I constructed some shelving sure, but the structure was already intact, and…” Bellamy pauses at her amused expression.
“Only you would talk about the origin of words in the middle of making out,” she shakes her head. “I don't know why I love you, but I do.” She smiles softly, almost to herself before raising an eyebrow. “I think we can both agree you did something very sweet. Now, would you rather stand here and have a conversation about what build means, or do you want to come to my room?”
Bellamy smiles widely, and leads the way. Neither of them seem to care much about semantics at that point.