Chapter Text
The ambulance started moving down the road, but all I could think of was Philip. My dad sat at my side, my hand clutched tightly in his. Faintly, I could hear the ambulance driver radioing in that they were taking me back to the hospital in Poughkeepsie. I groaned at the mere thought of going back to that place. Had it really been less than a day? Had it really only been hours since Philip came flying back into the ward in a state of panic with my clothes and yelling at me to get dressed, and that we had to run. Only a few hours ago, Philip and I were in a hotel room together making love for the first time. The events of the last half day thunder through my mind like a raging torrent, and it only makes my head hurt.
Philip…
Philip wasn't here. He should be here. Why isn't he here? I groaned in distress, tears beginning to fall, and my dad immediately refocused his attention on me.
"Lukas? You okay, son?" He asked, his caring tone only taking me slightly off guard.
"D-Dad… where's P-Philip?" I asked tearfully, "I-Is he okay? P-Please t-tell me he's o-okay…"
The heart monitor started speeding up as my heart rate increased.
"Lukas, you gotta calm down…"
"W-Where is h-he?" I asked again as I started growing hysterical, "W-Where is my b-boyfriend? He h-has to b-be okay…"
"Lukas, I'm sure Philip is fine…"
"B-But y-you don't k-know that!" I sputtered, "H-He has t-to be, d-dad… He j-just has to be…"
I dissolved into tears, and his grip on my hand tightened. The ambulance sped up, which I assumed meant that we had turned back onto the main road. Dad didn't say anything else for a bit, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb in an attempt to give comfort.
"H-How long?" Dad asked.
"H-How long what?" I asked in confusion.
"How long have you and Philip been… you know…? Together?" He asked, and I tensed.
I looked at him fearfully, but instead of anger and disgust, I saw only a slightly uncomfortable look of nervousness and curiosity.
"D-Dad…" I croaked, "I-I'm s-sorry…"
"You ain't got nothing to be sorry for, son." Dad interrupted before I even finished my sentence, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like I should have been. I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me these things…"
"I tried not to be this way." I told him tiredly, "I tried to stop. I tried to change. I tried to like Rose, I really did. It just… didn't work. I didn't want to be this way… but Philip's changed all of that."
"I misjudged him." Dad admitted, "Badly."
"Yeah, you did." I agreed, "It was my fault he was even involved in the first place. He was helping me film footage of me on my bike and afterwards we went to the cabin. We were making out when the shootings happened. Philip saw the guys face…"
"And because of that you survived." Dad said, "He saw him coming and got you the hell outta there. He did good."
"He's gotta be okay, Dad." I repeat, "I couldn't live with myself if he wasn't."
"Okay, I'll tell you what." Dad said, "I'll call Gabe and ask him. Okay?"
"Please."
Dad pulled out his phone, and dialed the number. After a wait that seemed like forever, the call finally went through, and dad put it on speakerphone.
"Bo? What is it? We're right behind you guys." Gabe's voice answered.
"Lukas wants to know if Philip is okay." Bo responded, "He's panicking."
"Shit, okay. I'll give him the phone." Gabe said.
A few seconds later…
"Lukas?" Philip's voice asked. It was shaky, and I could tell from his tone that he was just barely holding back tears, "I'm o-okay. I promise. I'm not even hurt."
The overwhelming sense of relief I felt was unbelievable. It felt as if an inferno had just been extinguished.
"Philip… Is he…?" I asked.
"He's dead." Philip said, "I'll tell you more about it later. We're right behind you. Gabe, honk the horn."
From outside I heard the horn sound as Gabe laid on it.
"See? I'll see you in a minute."
I sagged against the gurney from relief.
When we got to the hospital, Philip was taken off for a checkup of his own. I could hear him protesting as I was wheeled off to my room.
Minutes later, Philip thundered into the room with Gabe hot on his trail. His gaze landed on me, and not even a second later, he practically leapt on me to hug me tightly to him. I threw my own arms around him, hugging him back just as tightly. Gabe excused himself, shooting me a relieved smile as he went. Philip pulled back, and we stared at each other for a split second before I lurched forward and connected our lips. I knew my dad was standing there, I just didn't care anymore.
"You're alright." I whimpered as we separated, resting our foreheads together, "I was so scared."
"So was I." He said softly.
"We all were." Dad agreed.
It was at that moment Philip remembered that my dad was still in the room, and he pulled away to sit on the edge of the bed. Philip eyed my dad nervously.
"Mr. Waldenbeck." Philip greeted with a polite nod.
"Philip…" Dad said gently, "After everything you've done, you can call me Bo."
"Uh… Okay, sir." Philip said, "Sorry… it's kind of weird."
"Yeah, I get it, kid." Dad said, "How you feeling?"
"Shaken." Philip said, "Relieved. God… I can't believe it's actually over. All the fear, all the trouble… it's over. We're safe. Lukas is safe…"
"And that's thanks to you." Dad said, "You did good, Philip. Getting him out of here when trouble came knocking, taking care of him like you did… You did good."
"…Thanks." Philip said.
"You're always welcome at our place." Dad continued, "It's the least I can do to thank you for keeping my boy safe."
"I love him, sir." Philip said as I stared at him with wide eyes at his confession, "I'd do anything for him. Hell… to be honest, I already have."
"Yeah, he will be treating you better from now on, believe you me." Dad said, focusing narrowed eyes on me, "I haven't forgotten about all that yet."
I winced.
"I was scared…"
"And I get that kid, but that's no reason to treat people that way." Dad lectured, "You hit him, called him names, and then you told us lies about him making him sound like some criminal. That was unacceptable on every single level."
"I-I know it w-was." I said tearfully, "And I regret every minute of it."
"Good. Learn from it, then." Dad said, "Make sure it doesn't happen again."
"It won't. I…" I started to say, clearing my throat before I continued, "I don't know if I'm ready to just, come out to everybody when we go back to school, but I'm not gonna treat him like dirt again. I'm not gonna let anybody else do it either. And when we're not at school, I don't care who sees us anymore. They don't like it, they can shove it."
"Good boy." Dad said, "I'm gonna head home and get some stuff. You need anything?"
"My iPod would be nice." I said, "And my laptop."
"Sure thing." Dad said, rising from his seat and heading towards the door, "I'll be back in a bit."
With that, Dad took his leave, leaving Philip and I alone. Philip slid off the bed and into the chair my Dad had just vacated.
I exhaled loudly.
"I told you that you were the only one that had a problem with it." Philip said in a smug voice.
"Yeah, yeah." I said, waving it off, "I know when to admit I'm wrong."
"Were you serious?" He asked, "About being out outside of school?"
"Yeah. I promise." I assured, "And I'm not gonna make you wait too long to come out at school either. Give me a little time, maybe a month, and I'll be ready. I promise."
He nodded.
"I told you in the hotel room that we would do what you wanted to do." Philip reminded me, "I still mean it."
"I know you do." I said, remembering the events in that room with a smile.
Philip noticed my smile and deduced what I was thinking about.
"Really, gutter-brain?" He said with a roll of his eyes.
"Yeah, really." I teased back with a smile, "Can you blame me for smiling about it? It was… It was great."
"It was?" Philip asked.
"Yeah."
"I was… scared I was going to hurt you the whole time." He said.
"Hey, you didn't hurt me." I assured him, "You took care of me. I've never felt that loved by anybody before."
Philip blushed, and we both fell silent until a question that had been nagging me since earlier had sprung back to the forefront of my mind.
"Hey, uh, can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Sure, go ahead." He said.
"Um. How did you get away from him?" I asked.
Philip looked at me for a few seconds.
"He couldn't do it." Philip said.
"What?" I asked, "What do you mean?"
"In the end, he couldn't do it." Philip continued, "He couldn't kill me… he just let me go."
"Seriously?" I asked, my jaw dropping.
"Yeah. He raised the gun at Helen, then she shot him." Philip went on, "When she checked his gun, the damn thing didn't even have a clip in it. After everything, he couldn't do it. He told Helen he couldn't do it, that he couldn't kill me…"
"Why?"
"He didn't want to do that to her, I think." Philip explained, "He said he couldn't do it to me because I was her boy."
"Shit. That's… lucky as hell." I said, not knowing how else to put it.
"Yeah and… and he was crying." Philip recounted, "He was friggin crying."
"…I guess even monsters can feel things." I said.
"Yeah. I guess." Philip agreed.
"What I can't figure out though," I continued, "How the hell did he even know where we were going? How did he know we'd be at your old place?"
I looked to him for an answer, but I was alarmed at what I found. His eyes immediately filled with tears and his lower lip started to tremble. He choked back a sob, and wiped his eyes furiously.
"Because he was the one sending the message." Philip said, his voice wobbling dangerously.
"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion, "They were coming from your mom's phone…"
"I know they were… it was still him." Philip said, trembling violently.
I stared at him for a second, before I realized what he was implying. I gasped in horror, and reached for his hand to hold it tightly in mine.
"Philip… Is she…?" I asked.
Philip stared at the blankets. Slowly, he made eye contact and nodded.
"He did it." Philip said shakily, "He did the same thing he did to Tommy and Tracy. Made it look like a h-heroin o-overdose."
No sooner had he finished his sentence than it became too much for him to handle. The sobs began as the floodgates burst. I pulled on his hand, and he stood from his seat and crawled into the bed next to me. He curled into my side, burying his head in the crook of my neck. I put my arm around him and hugged him to me.
"I'm so sorry, Philip." I said sadly, "I know how it feels. I'm here for you. Whatever you need."
"Just… just hold me and don't let go." Philip said quietly.
"I promise." I said softly, placing a kiss to the top of his head.
I started stroking his hair softly.
"Philip?" I asked.
"Hmm?"
"Did you mean it?" I asked.
"Did I mean what?" He responded.
"When you said that… that you love me." I clarified, "Did you mean it?"
"…Uh, yeah. I did." He admitted.
I placed another kiss to the top of his head.
"Remember when we were sitting under the tree?" I asked, "And you said that thing about a stomach ache being a sign that you're in love?"
"Yeah."
"I think I know what you mean now." I admitted, "Because it does. It does ache, but it's a good ache. I… I love you too, Philip."
His hold on me tightened, and he released a shuttering breath. I placed a kiss to the top of his head and he snuggled up to me. We lay there together, and a few minutes later, he fell asleep. I watched him sleep, not remembering the last time I had seen him so relaxed or at peace.