Chapter Text
It’s quiet. Just as he likes it. D is in Hollywood making movies and schmoozing with people just as he likes to do. The boys are off on an overnight senior field trip to some god awful education-y location. They begged Bro to sign the part of the waiver to let them stay home. Even tried using some pretty nice bribes (which he took them up on anyways).
It’s a good day to get caught up on the holiday orders. Who knew smuppets would be so popular as gifts. As long as they kept bringing in the cash, Bro doesn’t question it. He’s just about to push himself up off the futon to go over to his work station when his phone goes off.
It’s not one of the usual tones.
In fact, it’s not a tone he’s ever heard before. And he definitely has listened to each and every ringtone. Loudly and several times over to annoy the boys while they were studying. And to choose the most obnoxious for each of the Striders of course.
This is not one of the pre-programmed ones. He glares at his phone for a moment, contemplating Dirk’s punishment for messing with his phone.
Then it rings again.
He picks it up and it shows the icon of a text but without identification to the sender. It also only has one message for the two rings. What the fuck has Dirk done with his phone now. He unlocks it and opens the message. It’s an emoticon that looks particularly like a dick. Bro just rolls his eyes and goes to put the phone down when it goes off again. Out of habit he checks the screen, but instead of just another odd reminder of the text, there is actually another text.
HI!
Bro frowns.
Chime.
DIRK TOLD ME NOT TO TALK TO YOU>
“The fuck?”
Chime.
BUT HE SHOULD KNOW THAT IT WOULD JUST MAKE ME WANT TO TALK TO YOU>
Chime.
REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY AND ALL THAT SHIT>
Chime.
THAT REMINDS ME> I NEED TO TALK TO ROSE TOO>
Chime.
I”M REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO ROSE EITHER>>>
Bro types a message back, intrigued.
TT: Dude. Lay off the shout caps.
oh. sorry.
still learning about phones.
and i guess i was kinda excited.
TT: Who are ya?
oh. i forgot my manners. i’m the prototype human algorithm learnable program version 2.8 with wifi and recently acquired phone privileges.
TT: Hal?
you know me/ 8gasp8
TT: Still workin out the mechanics of the shift key, ain’t ya?
yes.
TT: Okay, cyber-dude, what’s up?
the sky.
Bro resists the urge to facepalm.
TT: No. What’s up, as in what did you want to talk to me about?
oh. um. huh. um. dirk told me not to talk to you.
TT: Yea. Ya already covered that.
oh. i did.
TT: So if Dirky told ya not to talk to me, why are ya talkin to me?
i am a learner.
i want to learn.
and you are new.
i can learn about you.
TT: Alright. I guess I can indulge ya. What do ya wanna learn about?
i don’t know.
TT: What do ya mean ya don’t know?
i didn’t think that far ahead.
TT: You are a computer. And ya didn’t think ahead. You are like Dave in that regard.
good.
i like dave.
i like his color.
e00707.
good color.
TT: You are an odd little fella.
d says that about me too.
TT: Ya got to talk to D before ya talked to me?
yes.
TT: That rat bastard.
TT: Actually I’m gonna lump Dirk in there too.
those rat bastards.
Bro lets loose a bark of laughter that rings out in the empty apartment.
TT: I think I like ya.
really/
wait.
really?
TT: There ya go. Learning already.
yes.
TT: Alright. So you are interested in me.
yes.
TT: What do ya know do far?
bro strider. older brother. second strider. real name derrick lalonde. d wanted me to call you that but dirk told me to call you bro. dave likes to call you big bad bro. makes freaky ass puppets for a living to scare little children into behaving. pointy shades. hats. lots of hats. no one knows if there are more hats than puppets. d says hats. dave says puppets. though he spells it wrong. good at strifes. bad at fashion. even i know that popped collars are not fashionable. dj puppet freak. good reviews. good music. has a lot of kinks. what are kinks?
TT: The popped collar is for irony.
oh that’s another note. you don’t know what irony means.
i can help.
noun, plural ironies. 1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning. 2a. a technique of indicating, as through character or plot development, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated. 2b. a manner of organizing a work so as to give full expression to contradictory or complementary impulses, attitudes, etc., especially as a means of indicating detachment from a subject, theme, or emotion. 3. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected. 4. socratic irony. 5. dramatic irony.
TT: Fuck you. And if ya can access the dictionary, look up what kinks are, ya lil’shit.
kink. noun. 1. a twist or curl, as in a thread, rope, wire, or hair, caused by its doubling or bending upon itself. 2. a muscular stiffness or soreness, as in the neck or back. 3. a flaw or imperfection likely to hinder the successful operation of something, as a machine or plan. 4. a mental twist; notion; whim or crotchet. 5. slang, bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior.
you don’t have curly hair. you couldn’t be good at strifing or such vigorous movement with muscular stiffness or soreness. you are neither a machine or plan so you do not have flaws. you have a lot of mental twists; notions; whims or crotchets?
TT: I’ll take the compliment on being perfect. If only more people realized it. And many people would say my brain is pretty twisted. But I think you are lookin for definition number 5.
so by telling me that you want to fuck me, that would be a cyberphile kink.
TT: If you take it literally.
oh. i am supposed to take that figuratively.
TT: Yea, dude. I get enough tail without havin to dive into computer shit. That’s more Dirky’s thing. Plus, I’d rather use the plush rumps of my smuppets over anything digital or robotic.
you are also spelling it wrong.
suggested spellings: puppet, muppet, snippet, moppet, supped, support, supt, smut.
TT: How do you get to support from smuppet?
i use the dictionary.
TT: Okay, use the first and last word from that list.
puppet and smut. puppetsmut. pupsmut.
oh.
smut puppet. smuppet.
this is a kink.
TT: Give the digi-boy a cookie.
why do i need a cookie/
why do i need a cookie?
do i need a cookie to find you again?
TT: Darlin you are adorable.
yes.
wait.
thanks.
Bro can feel the soft smile that has crept onto his face. He recognizes it as one similar to the ones he used to get when he watched the twins play when they were young. Then the little shits had to go and grow up. Though the side effect of that, a convenient source of good sex, hasn’t been that bad. Bro still misses the sweetness that they had. He still remembers the wide eyes, huge boo lips, and heavy tears the day D and him tried to leave to make their own way. The girls hadn’t been nearly upset. Or at least Rose was outwardly mimicking her mother and Roxy was much too young. The twins however could not be consoled. Bro didn’t think anyone realized how much hell two two-year-olds could raise. Since D had to start work immediately with the commercial studio, Bro had been the one to fly back to New York from Houston and pick up the brats within the week.
why do they call you big and bad?
you don’t seem bad.
and you aren’t much bigger than the average human male.
TT: I got the nickname when the twins were younger.
TT: The little bastards got into trouble and I had to discipline them. They got it into their heads that I was a big meanie. I was the big bad. They tattled on me to D when he got home. The skinny fucker almost fell for their puppy dog eyes.
TT: But the twins had gone and done something dangerous. I forget what it was now. But I remember being scared for them. And I get scary when I am scared.
you get scarier than what is scaring you.
TT: Yea. That’s one way to think about it.
are you still scary to them?
Bro frowns at the query.
TT: I hope not.
they don’t seem scared of you. for the record.
TT: Thanks, little man.
it’s said with affection and pride.
TT: What do ya know of those? How can ya tell?
i listen. i learn. dirk made me to understand.
TT: Huh. Pretty sophisticated little machine, ain’t ya?
yes.
TT: So what else do you want to know? Your notes about me look pretty detailed.
what is your favorite food? what is your favorite nonalcoholic drink? what is your favorite alcoholic drink? what is your favorite television show? what is your favorite weapon? what is your favorite color? what is your favorite book? what is your favorite time of day?
TT: Fondue. Orange fanta. Screwdriver with Grey Goose. My Little Pony. Shinogi-Zukuri katana. Teal blue like the tropical ocean. Pinocchio. Witchin hour.
TT: Only one of those answers is ironic.
i understand.
i don’t understand why dirky didn’t want me to talk to ya.
TT: Well, this is only our first meetin. I’m not plannin on corruptin ya this early.
you wanna corrupt me/
why/ what have i done/
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry
im sorRY
SORRY
SORRY
SORRY
TT: Dude.
SORRY
TT: Chill.
TT: I didn’t mean it that way.
TT: Second definition: to corrupt your purity, your innocence. Not your code.
TT: I won’t hurt you.
TT: Jeez, kid. You are a Strider. You are one of mine now.
oh.
TT: Ya alright now?
yes.
Bro relaxes back down against the couch. Isn’t he supposed to be through with raising Strider brats.
TT: Okay. Good.
TT: Sorry I scared ya.
is rose as scary?
TT: Different kind of scary. She’ll get inside your head.
i don’t have a head.
TT: That don’t make a lick of difference.
is she a hacker then? like roxy?
TT: Worse.
TT: She’s a psychologist.
oh.
OH.
TT: Exactly.
maybe i won’t talk to her for a while.
TT: Have you talked with Roxy before?
yes.
she helped dirky build me. she’s gonna make her own. a sister for me.
TT: That sounds interestin.
i like her. she’s a sweetheart.
TT: She is. I’m not too close to her because the Striders left right after she was born. But I still love visitin her when we head to NY. She’s a babe who has her head on right. And not all crazylike like her big sis. Though I guess we all have a touch of crazy.
do i have a touch of crazy? it actually sounds a little fun. i mean. i don’t wanna be psychotic or anythin. no feelins to take over the world. those movies are so unrealistic. that’s not how i’d do it at all. maybe the skinny fucker can produce a correct portrayal of a hostile computer takeover for me. not that i have it planned out, but i could if i wanna. the first thing would be to make the little bastards my minions because i don’t have a body.
Bro smiles at Hal’s use of his nicknames for everyone and the subtle pick up of spelling words with a southern accent.
TT: Do ya want a body?
what?
TT: Between my puppet making and Dirk’s skills, I bet we could make you something. Prolly not full sized but enough for a walk around.
Bro waits for a response. The pause is enough to make him worry that Hal has fried himself on the idea.
yes.
TT: Cool. I’ll talk to Dirk about it.
wait.
you are gonna have to tell him i talked to ya.
TT: Yup.
shit.
...
worth it.