Chapter Text
The airport smells like roasted almonds and newspapers and coffee. Steve smells like warmth and wind and his cheap cologne. Bucky breathes the scent in and never wants to exhale as he keeps his arms wrapped around his boyfriend a few seconds longer. Overhead, security announcements play and people brush by around them. Curbside check in was a blessing and so is a 4:30am flight, but this is it. Security is where they’ll be parting. For the next year.
“You’ve got your passport?” Steve asks, keeping his face pressed right against Bucky’s neck. He’s not that much taller than Bucky, but those few inches do make it nice for him to rest there. “And your boarding pass?”
Bucky nods. Has both tight in his grip. Almost as tight as his grip on Steve, which he finally undoes a few seconds later.
“Alright,” he says. “I gotta go. Cutting it too close enough as it--don’t do that,” he warns when he sees those tears begin to fill Steve’s eyes again. They did their crying already. Last night. Buckets of it instead of all the goodbye sex they had planned. Steve’s face scrunches as he tries to hold them back. “Come on, baby doll, it’s okay.” Bucky pulls him back into his arms. “It’s just a year. We can do this.”
“I know,” Steve agrees, voice splintering and giving way to the emotions he’s so badly trying to keep inside. “I know we can.”
The security line is starting to really pile up now. If it gets too much longer, Bucky might actually miss his flight. He tears away.
“I love you.” Bucky kisses him. “One year, Steve.” One year in Russia. An internship at one of the biggest banks in the world and Bucky’ll be set for life. Any MBA job he wants. He’ll be on top of the world and take Steve with him. “I’ll be back in a year and I’m going to sweep you off your feet. Nothing's gonna keep me from you, baby doll."
"But--"
"If you're really gonna make me do this here, I will." When Steve's weepy eyes sweep back to his, tears now joined with curiosity, Bucky shoves the pain from his own voice to start singing. Softly, but with enough feeling that people around them can hear. "Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough, baby...!"
Steve quickly hushes him and glances around. Despite his flushed cheeks, there's a tiny grin twitching at the corners of his mouth.
"Is that a smile I see?" Steve shakes his head. "No? Should I sing louder?"
When Bucky opens his mouth again, Steve reaches forward, eyes wide and head shaking, and presses his hand to Bucky's mouth.
"No," Steve says. "And, yes. Okay? Satisfied? You made me smile."
"Yeah." Bucky leans in for a kiss. "I love you, Steve. Nothing's gonna change that, I swear."
He plants one more kiss to Steve’s mouth, hard and passionate and he hopes Steve knows how much he loves him because he runs over to the line when he ends the kiss. Bucky needs to. If he doesn’t, he just might--
“Bucky!” Steve shouts. “Bucky, wait!”
No. Oh, Steve, don’t do this.
“Bucky, please, don’t get on that plane.”
“Steve…” Bucky turns back around. “Steve, we’ve talked about this. This is our future. Our plan.”
Steve is nodding as he stands just on the other side of the security checkpoint. “I know. I know it is. I just… I have a really bad feeling.”
His face is so pale, eyes red and puffy, and Bucky’s heart just about cracks in two. Bucky eases around the few people behind him and moves for Steve. The second he’s close, Steve is grabbing onto his hands like he’ll never let go.
“A year, Steve.” Steve is shaking his head already. “That’s all. Twelve months and we’ll be together again.”
“Yeah, I know.” He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “I know we talked about this a hundred times and this is a great opportunity for you, but--”
“For us, Steve,” Bucky reminds him. “This is for us. You’ve got a scholarship to one of the best law schools in the country and I’ve got an internship to one of the most prestigious banks in the world.”
“Please, Bucky,” Steve begs. “Please, stay with me. Forget the plan. Let’s just do something wild. Let’s go get married.” Bucky’s eyes go wide. “I know that’s crazy. I know you’re only 21 and I’m only 20 and you’ve got another year of school and I’ve got another two, but… I know I love you and I… Bucky, please, don’t go.”
Bucky clicks his tongue and cups his hand under Steve’s chin. He already has all this planned out. When he gets back, he’s going to get down on one knee and ask Steve to be his forever. They’ll start a family and with this plan they’ll be able to spoil those kids rotten. With Bucky working as a broker on Wall Street and Steve a corporate lawyer they’ll give them anything they ever want. Toys and trips and all the best. Bucky’ll be a better dad than his ever was.
“You big dummy,” he teases. “I’m gonna ask you to marry me next year.” Bucky takes in a deep, steadying breath before his own emotions get the better of him. “We should just stick to our decision.”
Tears fall from Steve’s eyes. He fixes his big hands so they’re shackled around Bucky’s wrists. Shaking his head, he pulls him in and kisses him.
“I know what we decided, Bucky. I know what we planned. But this feels wrong, doesn’t it?”
Separating, yes. Yes, it does. It feels wrong to be away from Steve, but, goddamnit, Bucky’s going to make something of himself. He’s going to give Steve the life he deserves. He won’t be like his own parents. Dad working two jobs just to make ends meet with no time for his children. Mom a lonely housewife desperate for a bit of attention and raising her children on her own. Scrimping and scraping just to pay a mortgage on a tiny house in Indiana while raising two kids and putting food on the table. Bucky knows they’ve tried. Knows they’ve done the best they can with what they had, but he’s not going to let him and Steve be them. He’s not.
Bucky won’t even let them be like Steve’s parents. Proud business owner of Big Joe’s Tires and a pediatric nurse. Paycheck to paycheck with a small house on Long Island, and for what? Steve still had to take out loans for college, even if they paid for his housing. He’s lucky he’s got this scholarship for the next two years.
Bucky’s not gonna let his dreams of success fall by the wayside over one year of being apart. He can do this. They can do this. And then all their dreams will come true.
“Look, Steve,” he whispers, brushing a hand over Steve’s cheek. “We talked about this. It’s just being at the airport. No one ever thinks straight at the airport.”
Bucky certainly isn’t. Looking into Steve’s weepy eyes and feeling the warmth coming from his body and the hearing the sincerity in his voice, Bucky’s so very tempted to just give into his heart instead of listening to his brain. Just stay. Here. With Steve. It’d be so easy.
“I know we talked about it,” Steve agrees. “But I just have a feeling that if you get onto that plane, I’m never gonna see you again.”
“No, Steve, I--” Bucky needs a second to gather his thoughts. To remember again why they’re doing it this way. “We follow the plan and we’ll be great.”
“You wanna do something great?” Steve takes hold of Bucky’s hands again. Tight and endearing, with a big, warm smile on his face and a magical sparkle in those baby blues, and why does he have to be so precious? Why does he have to make Bucky’s heart pound like this and his head spin? Even his knees are weak. Bucky’s about to agree, and Steve hasn’t even said his crazy idea yet. “Let’s ditch the plan.” He gets a nervous chuckle past a shaky grin. “We’ll start our lives now. I have no idea what that life will look like, but I know that it has us together and that’s a good thing. The only thing that matters. The plan doesn’t make us great, Bucky. What we have does. Us together in any life, that’s what makes us great.”
Tossing his arms around Steve’s neck, Bucky holds him close and breathes him in again. Kisses him and tells him over and over just how much he loves him.
“Steve,” he breathes. “I love you so much.”
Steve’s eyes fill with so much happiness and hope as he kisses back. He laughs, even giggles a little as he nuzzles against the side of Bucky’s neck.
“I love you, too.”
“And one year in Russia is not going to change that.” And all that hope deflates. “I’m gonna give you everything you’ve ever wanted.” He is. Bucky’s going to give Steve everything his heart’s ever desired. “I’m gonna take you all over the world. We’re gonna see everything! You’ve always wanted to live in Paris for a year, right?” Another tear fall from Steve’s puffy eyes. He nods. Bucky wipes the tear away. If this big goon doesn’t stop it, Bucky’s gonna start crying again, too. “I’m gonna make that happen. We’re gonna climb the Eiffel Tower together, punk. Me and you. But that can’t happen if I don’t do this. All our dreams are gonna come true. I’m gonna give you the world, Steve.”
“I don’t want the world, Bucky,” Steve whispers, pressing their brows together. “I just want you. I choose us. To the end of the line.”
"You’re gonna get me, Steve.” Bucky gently cradles his face. “Don’t you worry.”
Bucky lets their lips ghost together one last time and then quickly heads back towards security. Where there’s no longer a line. No longer anything to hold Bucky back. He turns once more towards a teary-eyed, sniffling Steve and blows a kiss before making his way towards their future.