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Kara’s love for Christmas grew every year that she spent on Earth. It was, admittedly, a rough start at first. That is to say, her first Christmas was overwhelming for her senses. By the time she excused herself from the supper table, she felt exhausted and found herself leaving her bedroom window open as she crawled onto the roof. She had spent all day blocking out extra noises and focusing on fitting in as Kara Danvers with Danvers relatives that she had never met before. It was more overwhelming than she expected. Clark and Lois were supposed to be there, but Clark had worried about something big stirring in Metropolis. He promised to visit soon. She couldn’t blame him for staying. He was saving people, and he did not need her to save him.
Kara shook her head and readjusted herself a little. The roof wasn’t particularly made for this sort of thing, but staring at the stars usually relaxed her. She was surprised to realize she was crying a few moments later, but her thoughts had landed on how she missed her family and Krypton. Also, everything was still so loud. She was never going to fit in.
She was still trying to listen less the way that Clark had mentioned to her over the phone, but she just didn’t really get it. Suddenly, a noise was much closer to her than any of the others. She knew it was Alex for so many reasons before Alex seemed to find a graceful way to climb through the window and settle next to Kara with her arms full. “I brought pillows,” she offered as a greeting along with a quick smile. Alex had been talking to her more lately, but this was the first time that she joined her on the roof. When Kara said nothing, Alex elbowed her lightly until Kara lifted her head. Alex quickly slid one of the pillows under her head before lying down on her own.
Alex turned her attention toward the stars after that. When Kara realized that Alex wasn’t going to say anything else, she found herself whispering, “I don’t know how to listen less.”
When Alex turned to look at her a few moments later, her eyebrows were furrowed. Kara thought that Alex didn’t understand what she meant until Alex admitted, “I’m not sure either.” She looked off to the right for a moment before turning back to Kara, “I heard you talking to Clark on the phone.”
Kara looked toward the stars. The tears that began to prickle her eyes were almost instantaneous. Suddenly, she felt a hand begin to cover her right one. It moved slowly before lacing their fingers together. In her shock, Kara didn’t react for a few moments. When she did, she turned back toward Alex while also unconsciously tightening her hold. Alex’s wince was miniscule, but it was present.
Immediately, Kara pulled her hand away. “I’m so sorry, Alex.” This is why she didn’t initialize contact with anyone still.
“Kara, it’s okay,” she said simply as she took Kara’s hand back in hers. “Maybe you should listen more?” she offered in a voice smaller than Kara had ever heard her use.
“Why would I ever want that?” There was no bite to Kara’s voice. She was genuinely confused.
Alex’s right hand twitched where it lay on her own stomach before she quickly drummed her fingers in place for a moment. “I don’t mean to everything.” She breathed in quickly one before continuing. “Maybe just focus on one thing mostly? And turn down everything else?” When Kara said nothing, she rushed out, “I mean, I obviously don’t know if it could work like that.”
Kara didn’t know either. Is that what Clark meant? “What would I focus on?”
Alex paused. Then, she offered a half-shrug. “What’s loud and close but not obnoxious to listen to?”
“You,” Kara offered bluntly.
Alex looked mildly offended. “I’m loud?”
“Your heartbeat mostly,” Kara explained. With that, Kara heard Alex’s heart speed up.
“Don’t listen to my heartbeat!” Alex blurted out, and Kara’s face fell. She tried to ignore the heartbeat.
“I didn’t mean to. I just…” She trailed off unsure of how to apologize for another blunder. They were both quiet for several minutes.
“Would it help?” Alex asked quietly.
“What?”
“Listening to my heartbeat.” Alex looked back at Kara at that. Kara copied Alex’s half-shrug from earlier. Alex continued just as quietly as before, “You can try if it would help.”
Kara nervously waited for Alex to tell her that she was joking, but she didn’t. She just looked at her seriously. After a minute, Kara closed her eyes. Kara could hear Alex’s heartbeat as well as all of the conversation going on in the next town. A few people snoring. So much honking. Listen less. She focused on Alex and less on the chatter in the nearby town. She could still hear all of the neighbors’ conversations and a nearby dog barking. Less. She focused on the steady beat of Alex’s heart. It was still beating a little fast. Kara managed to turn the conversations to murmurs. Eventually, she could still hear it, but it was in a much different way. It was quieter. Less overwhelming.
When she opened her eyes, she found Alex looking at her. Alex looked away quickly, but she kept their hands intertwined. She looked back a few second later to ask, “Did it work?” The words were rushed. The heartbeat that Kara was listening to so intently began to beat faster after Alex asked her question.
Kara simply said, “Thank you, Alex Danvers.” The smile that she received in return let her know that Alex understood.
Christmases got better for Kara after that. Although she still missed her family, Kara loved every part of Christmas. The joy and love that surrounded her. The bright lights and beautiful decorations. The Christmas movies and the customs that the Danvers’ family had. Although Alex had explained to Kara that the customs her family kept at Christmas weren’t quite the same as the ones that Kara’s family had on Krypton, Kara adhered to them best she could.
For instance, she helped with decorating the Christmas tree and the Christmas cookies. She had also memorized so many Christmas songs that her knowledge of the lyrics far exceeded Alex’s. She tried not to start singing them until at least after Thanksgiving anyway.
There was just one custom that Kara knew but hadn’t been able to cross it off her unofficial Christmas to-do list. She had never kissed anyone under the mistletoe. When Eliza had agreed to let them have some friends over at the beginning of winter break, but before Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, Kara made it her mission to make it happen that year. After all, next Christmas would be different. Alex was graduating that school year, so next year she would have to come home for Christmas from college. If Kara wasn’t going to be seeing Alex every day, she wasn’t sure that she would want to have a party with a bunch of other people around and have to share her. No, this had to be the year.
When she decorated for the party, she was sure to include mistletoe above the entryway to the living room. Alex noticed it and rolled her eyes before walking away. Kara grinned because she knew that it was surely a spot to catch couples throughout the night. She was right. Multiple people had been caught in couples under the mistletoe. Some had been actual couples, and some not. All of them had adhered to the custom of a kiss though.
Kara’s breath caught in her throat when the location of her conversation with her friend Luke seemed to drift toward the mistletoe. Luke also took notice of their location. “So…” and he chuckled while pointing up.
Kara felt panic rush through her body, and she moved away quicker than a human probably would have. “I’m going to get a snack.”
She didn’t talk to Luke the rest of the night. Her conversation with Dan, a football player at their school, ended similarly with a rush of, “I’m going to get some water!”
When everyone was leaving at the end of the night, she was glad that Alex hadn’t seen any of her failed attempts. She was so embarrassed after having made such a big show of hanging the mistletoe up, and she didn’t even use it. Those times with Luke and Dan near the mistletoe just felt…strange. She didn’t get it.
She was thinking and staring unconsciously at the decorations on the Christmas tree when she felt Alex bump her. “Penny for your thoughts?”
After several years on Earth, that was one of the sayings that Kara now understood. Despite being disappointed in herself, Kara allowed a small smile. “I think they’re worth more than that.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” After a beat, Kara’s look turned serious, and Alex reached out to touch her forearm. Kara had watched Alex with her other friends. She wasn’t this tactile with them. Kara certainly wasn’t going to complain. Feeling frustrated, Kara let out a frustrated groan and closed her eyes. “I couldn’t do it, Alex.”
When Kara’s eyes opened, Alex’s eyebrows were raised, and her hand was still on her arm. “Do what?” Her eyebrows furrowed together as she asked her question.
“Kiss Luke!”
“You want to kiss Luke?”
“Or kiss Dan!”
“You want to kiss Dan too?” Alex’s hand tightened a little more on Kara’s arm with each name. “Why?” she sputtered.
“I don’t really want to kiss them.” Kara looked at the ground rather than at Alex. “I ran away from them.” Kara was pretty sure she heard Alex giggle at that, and she looked up aghast. “Alex!” Alex let out a full laugh after that. “How is that funny?” Kara tried to sound angry. It was clear from Alex’s subdued giggle after that that she noticed the attempt, but it was also clear that Kara had failed.
Alex squeezed their intertwined fingers. When had that happened? “I don’t mean to laugh, Kara, but I’m a little lost.”
“It’s a Christmas tradition!”
“Running away?” she teased.
“No!” Kara replied, and Alex’s eyebrows shot up at her distraught tone. “Kis-kissing…underneath a mistletoe,” she finally muttered while looking at her feet.
“Oh,” Alex replied stupidly.
“You saw me hang it up,” Kara added quietly.
“I did,” Alex admitted. “I, uh, guess I just didn’t think about…why.” When Kara looked up from her feet, she noticed that Alex was rubbing at the back of her neck and wasn’t looking at her either. Alex sighed in a way that Kara didn’t understand and looked up. When Kara was sure that looking up must be straining her neck, Kara looked up too to see what had caught Alex’s attention for so long. Most of the party decorations were down, but the mistletoe was still hanging above them in the entryway.
“Oh.” This time it was Kara. Kara was suddenly aware of the fact that they were still holding hands. She didn’t run away. Instead, she stepped a little closer without thinking about it. She wondered if Alex noticed, but she was distracted when the other girl licked her lips. Kara looked down at them at the same time her hands found purchase on Alex’s hips. She heard the quick intake of breath and noticed the glance at her own lips. “Can…” Kara began as she leaned down a little. “May I…” She halted her forward action and instead adjusted her glasses and faltered again.
For several seconds, Kara wondered if they were just going to be pressed into this embrace with Alex’s breath tickling her face forever. She waited. Then suddenly, Alex placed her right hand against Kara’s check and leaned up until her lips brushed against Kara’s. Kara’s breath shuddered before she leaned into the kiss too. It was over after a few seconds when Alex pulled away with wide eyes. Maybe Kara looked the same because Alex let out a tight chuckle, “I guess you have that one covered.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” and there was that strange laugh again. “I better get to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, Kara.” With that, Alex was moving away from their embrace and walking away. Kara didn’t understand the rapid pace of her heart or the way that Alex’s heart rivaled Kara’s in speed even as she walked evenly toward her bedroom.
They didn’t speak about it for a year. At least, not really. Kara had tried to broach the topic once or twice, and Alex changed the topic immediately. Then, Alex left for college. Kara didn’t get too much time to talk to her. When they did, it was mostly filling each other in on what had been going on in their lives. She missed Alex. By the time that Christmas rolled around, Kara was nearly bouncing with excitement to see her. Alex appeared much more subdued than usual when she came home. She did hug Kara immediately, though, so there was that. Kara didn’t want to let go, and when she considered the way that Alex kept her hold on Kara loosely for several seconds even after their hug ended, Kara wondered if maybe it was the same for the brunette.
When they had parted and gone to the kitchen where Eliza was, Alex’s grim look was back. Kara wondered if Alex’s attitude had anything to do with the fight that had ensued between Eliza and Alex at Thanksgiving. When Eliza did not receive an immediate hug from Alex, Kara decided that she was probably right.
The rest of the day was okay, albeit a bit frosty between Eliza and Alex. The conversations were stilted, but there at least hadn’t been another fight. Kara had tried to fill the gaps in the conversation with stories about school and her friends. After they had exchanged presents, Alex found a reason to retire to her old bedroom for the rest of the night.
Kara found herself knocking on Alex’s door soon after. Alex didn’t seem surprised to see her and tilted her head to the side while swinging her bedroom door open a little more. Kara moved a few of the books spread across Alex’s bed to make room for herself, and Alex settled back at the head of the bed again. She gestured at the books and laptop spread across the bed. “I wasn’t lying when I said I was going to study.” After a beat of silence, she added, “Okay, I maybe don’t need to study right now, but I am going to take an extra class in January. I’m preparing for that.”
Kara made a noncommittal noise, “Hm.” She eyed the sweatshirt lying next to her on the bed. It looked comfortable. “You did tell me when you were taking finals. You slept for almost an entire day after you took your last one.” Alex nodded in agreement, and then Kara seized the moment. She was sliding the MIT sweatshirt on before Alex could protest. After all, Alex had just given Kara an MIT sweatshirt of her own, which Kara loved, but it wasn’t here currently. Also, hers…probably wasn’t as cozy as this one.
When Kara turned her attention back toward Alex, she expected to be chastised. Alex just raised her eyebrows and straightened a few strands of Kara’s hair that were still caught underneath the sweatshirt’s fabric. “I got you something else,” Alex admitted.
“What?”
Alex pulled out a few items from her bag and dropped them onto Kara’s lap. She settled down a little closer to Kara than before. Kara unwrapped them to discover the brushes and paints that she had mentioned to Alex several months ago before she had realized that they were too expensive. Kara gasped, “Alex,” as she looked at the gift on her lap. “You didn’t have to do this.”
Alex let out a little laugh, “No one said I had to, Kara.” By now, Kara was looking at Alex, even though her mouth was still hanging open a little.
“I can’t believe you remember that I mentioned these.” Before she could properly form words to thank her, Kara was surging forward and kissing Alex. Kara heard Alex’s quick intake of air right before their lips met. When Kara realized what she had done, she moved to pull back and apologize, but then Alex’s lips were moving against hers. The willpower Kara had melted away with that. After a few seconds, Alex pulled back. In retrospect, Kara wondered if it had been more than a few seconds because Alex’s lips were red and slightly swollen from kissing. Her hair was slightly messed from where Kara’s right hand had found itself, and her breathing was irregular. Kara wondered if she looked the same. “Alex,” she began.
Alex ran her left hand against her bottom lip before beginning to straighten her hair. “You’re welcome.” Kara’s eyes widened, and she found herself speechless. “For the gift,” Alex added and gestured at the brushes and paint that had spilled to the floor at some point during their gift.
“Oh,” Kara murmured and looked down at the items on the floor even as Alex bent to pick them up. Kara didn’t quite understand the pang in her heart.
Alex brushed a strand of hair behind her own ear as she dropped the supplies on the bed next to Kara. Kara wondered if she was nervous. Alex turned toward the laptop on her bed. “Do you want to pick out a Christmas movie to watch?”
It wasn’t quite what she wanted, but Kara nodded anyway. She didn’t really know how to express what she wanted anyway. “Can I pick?”
Alex smiled and rolled her eyes playfully. “Obviously,” she replied as she pulled up Love Actually on her laptop. She gestured toward the screen, “Is this…?” She didn’t finish her sentence as Kara grinned. When Alex let Kara sidle up beside her on the bed, she placed the laptop on the blonde’s lap. Kara was hopeful and moved her arm onto the pillow behind Alex. A few minutes later she was rewarded when Alex sighed purposefully loudly but moved to rest her head against Kara’s chest. Kara’s arm wrapped around to rest lightly against her ribs as Alex’s arm gently lay across the blonde’s stomach. Alex had initially fought against cuddling in this position years ago, but with their heights…it just happened to work the best. After Alex fell asleep there for the first time, she found that she couldn’t argue against it much anymore. When Alex left the next day, she even hugged Eliza good-bye.
There was apparently no talking about that either. Although, that was around the time that Kara didn’t hear much of anything from Alex for years. Both were busy with school, and Alex, as Kara now knew, was also busy partying before getting involved with the DEO. Kara didn’t like dwelling on those years. The phone calls weren’t frequent enough for her liking, and the visits were even fewer.
Things were different now though. Alex and Kara were both living in National City, and Kara knew about the DEO. Also, the world knew about Kara, well, Supergirl. In fact, it was nearing the second Christmas after Kara had come out. It hadn’t been so long since Alex had come out in a different kind of way. In fact, it had been about four months since Alex and Maggie had realized that they were better as friends. It had been a little longer since Kara and James had realized the same.
Alex and Kara planned to visit Eliza, but their plans had been postponed due to several different locations in the local mall being hit by armed robbers. It was Christmas Eve and full of last-minute shoppers. Kara rushed off as Supergirl as Alex contacted J’onn to find out what he knew. When unidentified weapons were reported, J’onn allowed Alex to go with a team to check it out. Alex was already halfway there by then.
Upon her arrival, she noticed Kara was disarming one man while some shoppers fled from the door’s behind him. Alex noticed another man struggling to lift a large gun onto his shoulder. It was larger than typical guns, and it had a strange glow. Unsure of what it was, Alex yelled while firing her weapon at him. She hoped to distract him away from Kara. When she managed to shoot his right hand, he fumbled the heavy weapon. In that amount of time, Kara managed to tie up both men. Alex turned her attention to other areas and noticed DEO agents assisting other shoppers by bringing them to safety and others fighting some of the other robbers. Alex gave the weapons a look, and they appeared to be self-manufactured. She wasn’t sure if that necessarily meant alien or not. Supergirl needed their help either way.
Soon enough, they were down to just one remaining burglar, and Kara was diving in to take the weapon right out his hand while Alex was helping some civilians to safety. As they neared an ambulance, Alex heard a slight whirring noise. She turned in time to see another burglar appear from the exit of a different store. Alex shoved the woman who was near her away at the same time that Supergirl turned another robber over to the police. Alex hear Kara scream her name, but she missed the blast of laser vision that hit her foe a second later.
Everything seemed like a blur after that. J’onn reminded Supergirl that she couldn’t carry Alex back to the DEO. It would be safer if her neck was stabilized, and the DEO’s ambulance brought her. It would be safer for Alex. Supergirl rode along in the ambulance and felt helpless as the doctors examined her. Upon arriving at the DEO, Kara had only left Alex when the made her. It was mostly while Alex got x-rays. After gaining a cast for her right arm and some stitches near her shoulder blades, the doctor and nurses disappeared. They left Kara with a reminder that they needed to check for a concussion once she woke up and that Alex would have to rest her bruised ribs.
“But she will wake up?” Kara had questioned.
They assured that she would, but they didn’t know how long it would be. They informed her that she hadn’t actually been hit by the weapon that the DEO was already busy analyzing in another area. They were still fairly certain that it was just modified, not alien. The man had only had enough time to fire off one shot before Kara had hit his hand with her laser vision. The blast had hit a vehicle near Alex, and the explosion from that had caused Alex to fly backward into a nearby minivan.
For a while after everyone left them alone, Kara just watched Alex and waited while holding her left hand. She sat in a chair that she had pulled up next to the bed. When Alex was still asleep, Kara began to talk to Alex. “Alex, you have to be okay….I’m just going to wait here with you while you sleep.” Kara used her other hand to trace patterns on the back of Alex’s hand. “You can sleep as long as you want, okay? In the meantime, I’ll keep you updated.” She paused for a moment. “You’d probably want to know what happened after you were hit, huh?” Kara paused like she expected Alex to respond, but she didn’t. She continued, “We got the rest of them. Maggie and some other officers took them in. J’onn and some of the others are looking at the weapons that they confiscated.”
Kara paused and took a deep breath. “The woman you saved is okay.” Kara’s voice wavered, “That’s one of the things I love about you, you know?” Kara’s voice was strained, and she wiped at her tears with the hand that had been tracing shapes on Alex’s arm. “You’re so brave, and you think about other people first.” Kara was quiet for a few moments. “Sometimes I wonder if you forget that some of us think about you too. Your mom, J’onn, Maggie, Winn…me. I think about you so much, Alex.” Kara wiped at her cheeks again.
She glanced at the clock. It was past midnight. “It’s officially Christmas, Alex.” She rubbed her hand over Alex’s. “You don’t know how many times I wish I could get myself to talk to you about…some of our previous Christmases. We’ve both grown up since that first time you came home for Christmas from college. Now, I think we’re closer than ever…I still think you’d run away though.”
“Kara,” Alex said quietly, and Kara’s head shot up.
Kara immediately moved her hand up to touch Alex’s cheek. In her haste to be closer to Alex, she moved onto the bed next to her as well. “Alex! You’re awake.”
She watched Alex lick her lips a little after smacking her lips together. Kara got the hint. “Do you want some water?” Alex nodded a little, and Kara grabbed the glass of water on the stand near the bed and put a straw in it. Alex leaned forward for a sip before leaning back against the pillows again. “Better?” Alex nodded again. “I was so worried,” Kara admitted.
“I’m okay,” Alex promised. Her voice didn’t sound as scratchy as it had previously.
“I just…” Kara looked helplessly down at their hands. Alex squeezed her hand a little.
“I really am okay.” Kara looked at the various equipment and bandages currently adorning the other woman. She raised her eyebrows a little in question. “Okay, I’ve been better.” When Kara’s eyes started to look glossy, Alex added, “I’ve been worse though, too.”
“That really doesn’t make me feel better.” Kara’s hand went back to Alex’s cheek, and Alex’s eyes closed at the gesture. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Alex took a deep breath, and Kara wondered if she was getting tired. Before she could ask, Alex blurted out, “What if I didn’t run away?”
“What?” Kara’s eyes were wide as she considered the question. Absentmindedly, she placed a strand of Alex’s hair behind her ear.
“You heard me,” Alex added more quietly.
Kara cleared her throat a little as she considered what to say. Her hand stilled on Alex’s cheek before dropping to Alex’s arm. “Is this the morphine talking?” She asked seriously.
“No,” Alex promised. She paused and scrunched her nose a little in thought. “Maybe a little for bravery,” she admitted.
“Alex Danvers, you’re already the bravest woman I know.” Kara scooted a little closer.
“Not always,” Alex admitted as she glanced down at Kara’s lips.
“No?” Kara questioned as she leaned closer to Alex hoping to coax out any remaining bravery from earlier.
“I…” Alex leaned her forehead against Kara’s. “I think I’m ready to talk about it now.”
“It took you long enough,” Kara teased softly.
Alex’s head jerked back a little, and Kara was afraid that her gentle teasing was going to backfire. Then, Alex was suddenly surging ahead and bringing her arm that wasn’t in a cast up so that her hand could slide around Kara’s neck. Kara gently placed one hand next to Alex’s pillow as a brace and the other lightly against Alex’s collarbone.
Distracted as she was, Kara noticed the approaching footsteps before the doors slid open. She moved back a few inches and moved her hands back to cover Alex’s uninjured one. She knew she had only a few seconds. “Do you promise that we can talk later?”
Alex’s eyebrows scrunched forward a little in confusion. “Not now?” she questioned. Kara shook her head briefly, and before she needed to explain her actions, the door slid open. J’onn walked in with a nurse. Kara could see the relief cross their faces when they noticed that Alex was awake.
Before they walked too close, Alex promised a quick, “Later,” to Kara as she squeezed her hand lightly.