Work Text:
*TRIGGER WARNING!!!* *Self Harm*
It was a relatively calm day for being on Whitebeard's crew so (Y/N) took the opportunity to read some books out on the deck.
"Hey (Y/N), what are you up to?" Marco asked, making his way to the other male.
"Oh hey, Marco. I'm just reading" (Y/N) answered.
"That's boring, you should have a drink with me and Ace" Marco offered, flinging an arm over (Y/N)'s shoulder.
"I-I'll think about it" (Y/N) answered, blushing at the name of his crush, not going unnoticed by Marco.
"Oh? Does someone have a little crush?" Marco teased.
"You can't tell anyone! Please?!" (Y/N) begged.
"I won't tell anyone" Marco swore, 'zipping' his lips and 'throwing' away the key.
"Tell anyone what?" Ace asked, walking towards the two.
"Nothing!" (Y/N) rushed.
"Okay?? Anyway, let's go get wasted. You coming (Y/N)?" Ace questioned.
"I-uh, m-maybe later" (Y/N) answered.
Ace nodded and Marco and he headed to the lower deck, where there was a mini bar.
Thirty minutes had passed and (Y/N) had decided to finally head to the mini bar, however when he arrived, his eyes filled with tear. There in the corner sat Ace and Marco, aggressively making out. (Y/N) covered his mouth and ran to the bathroom in the boys room.
"How could I even think he would like me?" (Y/N) yelled at himself, throwing a random item from the sink into the wall.
"Why am I so stupid?!" (Y/N) cried, sliding down the bathroom door and burying his face in his knees.
Now, you might be thinking that (Y/N) was angry at Ace for liking someone else but that is not the case at all. You can't control your feelings, (Y/N) had discovered that first hand. The only one he was angry at was himself. He was angry at himself for not being good enough, for being naive, but most of all, he was angry because he couldn't be happy for Ace. If Ace was happy, (Y/N) should be too, right? (Y/N) knew that but he just couldn't pretend to be happy, nor could he just force himself, he tried, he tried so hard.
(Y/N) itched with the need to feel something, even if that something was pain. Quickly (Y/N) dug into his pocket, pulling out his pocket knife. He knew he shouldn't but he just needed to feel. It wasn't the first time he has done it either, he has done this multiple times but it didn't cease the guilt he felt afterwards.
Pulling up his sleeve, (Y/N) flipped open his knife, dragging the blade across his skin. One cut, two cuts, three...(Y/N) lost count after ten. Looking down at his arm, (Y/N) threw the knife across the room and started to cry harder than he had before. (Y/N) lazily crawled over to the toilet, feeling sick from the sight of his own blood, feeling sick from what he had done. (Y/N) didn't have a problem with blood but when it was pouring out of your own body, knowing you caused it, can make a person feel sick. A few moments had passed and (Y/N) had moved away from the toilet and to the closest wall, leaning against it. (Y/N) had started to feel very tired, he couldn't move to himself to clean up his arms or the bathroom, nor could he carry himself to his hammock, so he just closed his eyes and let himself drift to sleep.
~~~~~
(Y/N) woke up to banging on the bathroom door.
"(Y/N)! Are you in there?" A voice was heard outside the door. Ace.
"(Y/N)? I know you're in there. I've checked literally everywhere else on the ship" Ace said, punding on the door again. "(Y/N) open up or I'm busting down the door!"
(Y/N)'s eyes widened at that. He knew Ace would do it. (Y/N) looked around the bathroom, seeing all of the blood still staining the floor.
"Just a second!" (Y/N) yelled, cringing at how broken his voice sounded. He scrambled to the towel rack and grabbed on, wetting it and cleaning his blood from the floor and his arm, then he pulled his shirt sleeve down and grabbed his pocket knife, placing it back in his pocket. Staring down at the bloody towel, (Y/ N) thought about how he was going to get it past Ace. He obviously couldn't leave it here but walking past crew mates with a towel soaked in blood would be sure to raise some questions. (Y/N) racked his brain for a few seconds until he looked at the towel rack. He grabbed another towel and carefully wrapped the bloody one into it. (Y/N) prepared himself for a few seconds before opening the door. Upon seeing Ace's worried face, he almost cried. He knew it would be hard to face him but he thought he could handle it better than this. Quickly (Y/N) pushed past Ace, trying to hide his face and the towels.
"(Y/N) wait!" Ace called out. (Y/N) stopped walking away but he didn't turn around.
"I-I need to tell you something" Ace said.
"Then just say it already" (Y/N) snapped, back still turned. He supposed he was being too rude but he just wanted to get out.
"Can you please turn around" Ace begged. (Y/N) sighed, but he collected himself and turned around.
"I-I..um I love you (Y/N)" Ace stuttered.
"Don't lie to me" (Y/N) cried out and turned to walk away again, but he was grabbed around his wrist. (Y/N) hissed in pain but was soon shushed by Ace's lips meeting his. (Y/N) stood still frozen for a few seconds before he kissed back, melting into Ace's lips. It was pure bliss until (Y/N) realized he was kissing someone else's man. Abruptly (Y/N) pulled back, confusing Ace.
"What's wrong?" Ace asked.
"I-I can't. You're with Marco, it's not right" (Y/N) stuttered.
"What? I'm not with Marco?"
"B-but I saw you, l-last night. You guys were making out" (Y/N) said.
"No, no, that was a dare. We were playing truth or dare with everyone down there and you know I don't back down from a dare. You have no idea how much I wish it were you instead. Don't get me wrong, I love Marco, just not like that" Ace explained. (Y/N) sure did feel stupid now. Very stupid and guilty. He once again, destroyed his body for no reason. (Y/N) wanted to cry. So he did. He fell onto his knees, clutching the towels he held. He didn't care if Ace was there, watching him. He just felt so stupid.
"(Y/N)!! What's wrong?!" Ace asked worriedly, kneeling down and cradling (Y/N) in his arms.
"I-I love you too, Ace. I love you so much and I was completely stupid" (Y/N) cried out.
"What do you mean?" Ace asked softly.
(Y/N) slightly pulled away from Ace and lifted his shirt sleeve up. Ace was confused until he actually looked down at (Y/N)'s arm.
"Oh my god.." Ace whispered, gingerly taking (Y/N)'s arm and gently running his fingers across the angry red marks. (Y/N) hissed and Ace quickly let go, apologizing.
"This is my fault, if I had just told you sooner, or if I hadn't done the dare. I should've never gotten drunk. I'm so sorry, (Y/N), I'm so very sorry" Ace cried.
"No, it's not your fault. Don't ever say that again. It's completely my fault. I should have just talked to you" (Y/N) said.
"It's not your fault either (Y/N). Just promise me, next time you feel like doing this to yourself, talk to me first, please. I'll help you quit this."
(Y/N) nodded and Ace enveloped (Y/N) in his arms, both of them sitting on the floor, completely content.