Chapter Text
Haru had always been rather stoic. He really only cared about one thing...water. That is, until Rin had come into his life one day as a child and silently challenged him in the water. He didn't know why, but that silent challenge had spurred him on, when usually he would have let it slide. And then Rin had pretty much barged himself into Haru's life from then on. Haru found he didn't mind.
Rin had hung on him a lot in those days, always an arm around the shoulders, or legs touching as they sat. The Shark and the Dolphin, buddy-buddy...and Haru actually liked it, though he would never admit to it. He thought his best friend Makoto noticed...no, he was sure Makoto noticed...but the boy never seemed to say anything. And Nagisa was Nagisa...totally oblivious. His nature was practically touchy-feely, so why should it be out of the ordinary? Even if it involved Haru.
Then Haru's world fell apart. Coming up to the big relay Rin had roped him into, Rin dropped the bombshell that would change Haru's life. Something Haru had never seen coming...Rin was leaving. Not just leaving...going to an entirely different country. Haru had gotten used to Rin in his daily life...and, generally one to not care for anyone's touches, had come to almost NEED Rin's. The weight of Rin's arm around his shoulders, the feeling he got sharing the water with Rin, he'd come to rely on it. His world was a lonely one that Makoto and Nagisa just orbited, really, until Rin had come along.
Haru lived for the water. The way it felt, they way he felt within it, the way it touched him, became his world. Became part of his very core, his very soul. And he had allowed Rin to become part of that. Haru had never felt for anyone before Rin had come into his life.
"I'll show you a sight you've never seen before," Rin's promise that day, that day Rin had torn his world apart. Haru had actually gone home and cried that night, curled up in bed. The next day, no one was any wiser. His cold attitude was normal, so there was nothing to let anyone know that something had sent his orbit off-kilter. The relay came, and Rin had indeed shown him something he'd never seen before...and had also been his first kiss.
A goodbye kiss. And then Rin was out of his life for what he'd thought may be forever. He'd been even more morose the couple weeks following Rin's leaving, and only Makoto had been able to get him out and about outside of hitting the pool. But Haru had kept on with the swim team, knowing out in Australia, Rin was doing the same.
That winter came, Haru had bumped into Rin and had been ecstatic to see Rin return. The wide smile splitting his face felt unnatural across his features, but seeing Rin for the first time in so long had made him unable to stop it. It wasn't long before they'd made their way to the pool, thankfully running into Coach Sasabe as he was closing up, and he allowed them in.
Rin wanted a race. A serious one. Wanted to show off what he'd learned, how much he'd grown in the water. Haru had no problem with that. No problem back being in HIS world, with the only other boy he liked sharing it with. The race was fast and furious, and it had caught Haru off-guard. The water felt...wrong.
His shared world was dark and violent, the ferocity overwhelming. He swam to escape, to get out of it. It pushed him hard, and he beat Rin with room to spare, and wasted no time climbing out of the water. In fact, he was out of the pool before Rin had even reached the wall, which unintentionally added insult to injury that Haru had no idea he'd given. When Rin had climbed out of the water and collapsed to his knees, sobbing, Haru had no idea what to do. His own eyes began to water.
He had moved forward to comfort his friend, hand reaching out to Rin to help him up, to be the first one to reach out and touch for the first time, and Rin stood, brushing passed him, leaving him standing there with shock on his face and world once more cracking around him. The sound of Rin's goggles smacking against the floor echoing in his head, he froze in place, eyes wide. And then without a word, Rin had gone.
Haru had turned, taking Rin's abandoned goggles, holding them in his hands. He looked down at them as Sasabe looked on, Haru's teeth clenched as the tears ran down his cheeks, glad he was still wet so he could claim it to be water from the pool. Rin had walked out, and he knew deep down it was for good this time. He had gone home and immediately quit the swim team.
Surfacing from the water, he took a deep breath and glanced up at Makoto extending a hand to him. He tried pushing away the memories, wondering what had brought on the sudden flood them, he had tried not to think about Rin in a long time. That night had also been when he started spending long periods of time in the tub with his suit on.
"Good morning, Haru-chan," Makoto smiled sweetly.
"I told you to lay off the -chan," Haru sighed as he grasped Makoto's hand, standing up.
"You were bathing with your swimsuit on again?" Makoto's eyes roamed his boyfriend's body, disappointed.
"Buzz off. You're going to be late," Haru dried off as he exited the bathroom.
"That's my line!"
Haru ignored him and made his way downstairs, grabbing an apron once he'd arrived in the kitchen, pulling it on over his suit and tying it behind him. He opened the fridge, staring at all the cuts of mackerel lined carefully inside, deciding which cut to use for breakfast. It took him a few minutes, reaching for different, identical filets of mackerel before deciding on one, slicing it in half and starting to fry it.
"Why are you grilling fish!?" Makoto exclaimed, having expected Haru to at least be dressed by now.
"I haven't had breakfast."
"You're wearing an apron over your swimsuit," Makoto frowned.
"And you're imagining me without the swimsuit," Haru deadpanned, concentrating on the fish.
Makoto opened his mouth and held up a finger, then dropped his hand and hung his head, blushing bright red when the image popped into his mind. Apron. No swimsuit. Damn him. Haru smiled lightly down at the fish when there was nothing forthcoming from Makoto, knowing the boy would be tongue-tied for some time at least.
Haru flipped the fish over and moved to start the toast while the other side of the fish cooked. He moved back to the fish, glancing over at Makoto who had taken a seat at the table, the other boy very obviously trying not to look at him now that he'd implanted that image into Mako's head. Served him right, really. Haru plated the food when it was done, moving to sit across from Makoto, a second fork on his plate.
Makoto looked up and smiled softly at Haru, shaking his head, but reached over and took it, taking a small bite of the fish. Haru ate quietly, meeting Makoto's gaze for a moment over the shared breakfast before he looked away, taking another bite of fish. Makoto was his best friend, had been by his side since they were younger. Makoto had never left him, never abandoned him. And yet...
Haru shook his head to himself,taking the plate to the sink when they were done, washing it off. He made his way back to his room, getting dressed and pulling his uniform pants up over his swimsuit. Never knew when there may be water nearby, after all! He grabbed his back, heading out and inclining his head to Makoto, walking out with the other boy. He walked side by side and allowed Makoto's hand to grasp his own, entwining their fingers. He didn't really react, but Makoto was used to that.
Haru's gaze was drawn to the ocean as they walked, and he just tuned Makoto out really, letting the other boy drone on about their classes, their new teacher. It was still too cold out for swimming, and he didn't like that. He just walked along beside Makoto, hand in hand, until Makoto's words caught his attention.
"I hope it gets warmer soon so you can swim," Makoto chuckled.
Haru looked over and then looked away, flushing slightly at how well Makoto actually knew him. Makoto laughed again softly and leaned in, kissing Haru's cheek, causing the other boy's eyes to widen slightly and that flush to deepen. Haru was always caught off-guard with public displays, and they always made him blush, though he really should know to expect them by now. He turned his head towards Makoto and was yet again caught off-guard, eyes widening a bit more as Makoto's lips caught his own. He kissed back lightly and, pleased, Makoto drew away, letting them walk again.
Haru sighed quietly and bowed his head lightly, eyes on the ground. He felt like a dolphin caught in a net, lost and with no way out. Each little kiss had laid claim, had tossed a new net over him, trapping him even further, until he had no idea how to get back out again. How could he hurt Makoto, who so clearly cared for him? How could he do to Makoto what Rin had done to him so long ago? The answer was he couldn't. With Rin gone, Makoto was all he had. He couldn't cause Makoto the pain he'd been caused and lose Makoto, too.
Their hands part when they draw nearer to the school and Haru stuffs his hands in his pockets. He looks up at the school building as they make their way in. Makoto is all he really has left from that time in his life, honestly. Nagisa ended up going to a different school as well, and with Haru no longer going to the swim club, he'd lost touch. Which, really, was ok with him. Nagisa was honestly loud enough for three people. And he liked scaring Makoto, though Haru had to admit he'd found it amusing.
It wouldn't be long before Haru would find out that today was going to be a day of memories resurfacing. First the flood of Rin memories in the bath tub that morning, then Nagisa showing up that afternoon. Haru was a bit off-balance from it, though he didn't show it. Seeing Nagisa reminded him even more of those days with Rin, days that were trying to push their way back into his forefront for some stubborn reason, and he was having a hard time pushing them back.
So when Nagisa had talked about going back to dig up their statue, he'd flat out refused. No, no thank you, no way, too much damn effort. But damn if the little bastard wasn't persistent, and then Makoto got on Nagisa's side, damn him. And Makoto always knew just the right thing to say to get him to go along with something...
"But there's a pool there."
Eye-twitch. Damn him, damn him to all seven layers of hell...and then some.
"A pool is much bigger than a bathtub..." Makoto rubbed his chin, smirking softly.
Haru turned his head slowly to look at Makoto, his eye still twitching in annoyance, but the acquiescence was there. Fine, he'd go. But he didn't have to be happy about it. After school Nagisa and Makoto followed him home so they could get ready for their little digging expedition. Haru just went to the kitchen to cook up some fish.
"Fish again?" Makoto whined.
"No one's forcing you to eat it," Haru said, faint annoyance tingeing his voice. No, he still was not happy about going.
"Looks delicious!" Nagisa said happily. "Haru always was a good cook!"
"So...are you sure about this?" Makoto asked, and Haru felt his shoulders tense as he cooked.
"Weren't you all for it earlier?" Nagisa peered at Makoto, then grinned brightly. "Are you getting scaaaared?" he teased.
"It's not that...is it okay for just the three of us to dig it up?"
Haru immediately tuned them out, staring at the fish. Rin again. He closed his eyes as the memory came back again unbidden, Rin telling them he'd be leaving. The day after the tournament. He placed his hands against the edge of the counter, squeezing his eyes shut more tightly in an effort to force back the memories. Nagisa and Makoto had been tuned out completely.
"HARU!!"
"HARU-CHAN!"
A startled gasp escaped him as the urgent voices crashed into him on either side like angry waves, causing his eyes to shoot open. Then the smell hit him and his nose wrinkled, turning his gaze down to the counter and to the burned fish. Damn. He ignored the questioning looks and dumped the fish into the trash, no longer hungry. Nagisa and Makoto exchanged confused glances.
"I'm going to go change. You should go and change too."
Haru turned on his heel and left the kitchen, not looking at either of them and ignoring their worried looks.
Haru should have seen it coming, really. First the memories of Rin, which didn't want to go away...Nagisa showing up at their school...going to their old club to dig up the trophy...everything screamed at him that Rin would be there, but he hadn't seen it. And seeing Rin...
I'll show you something you've never seen before.
Romantic, right?
I'm leaving the day after the tournament...
Leaving...
I don't need this thing anymore.
I don't need you anymore.
Haru gasped and jerked awake, opening his eyes. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing his face. Damn it. He got to his feet and walked over to a small bookshelf, taking out a book he rarely read. He opened it up and looked down at the photo booth film strip hidden within, where Makoto would never see it. Four different pictures, taken after the tournament, he and Rin had gone off alone. The first picture was just him and Rin, Rin giving that sharp-toothed grin of his, and he was just giving the camera his usual stoic stare. The second photo had Rin giving him rabbit ears, and he had a small smile on his face.
The third photo was the big one, really. He touched it, blushing even now. His first kiss had taken place in a photo booth, and it was caught right there. Rin had just turned his head and planted one right on his mouth, completely unexpected. The final photo was Rin laughing and flashing the victory sign to the camera, and Haru had been ducking his head, face completely red, but the smile on his lips was...complete.
"Bet you've never seen yourself smile like that before!" Rin had said.
Show you something you've never seen before.
Haru closed the book and put it away, bracing his hands on the wall as he let his head hang between his arms. How long had it been since he'd looked at that picture? It still hurt so much. Each kiss from Makoto took away from the kiss Rin had given him so long ago. Each kiss tightened the net around him. The tears escaped his eyes and dripped down off the end of his nose and he grit his teeth, shoulders shaking with the effort not to just sob, even though no one was around.
Damn it. He'd been holding up so well, for so long. Makoto loved him, wanted him. But he felt nothing for him. Nothing at all. Makoto was just...there. His best friend, nothing more. He'd thought...hoped...differently before, when they first started dating two years ago. He'd hoped something would grow from it. Nothing. But Makoto was clueless, and Haru had hoped to keep it that way. Rin was gone for good.
But now he wasn't. Rin was back, staring him in the face. Rin had changed, and the change hurt Haru to the core. Did Rin hate him? Had he ever really meant anything to Rin at all? Haru was glad he was alone. He sank to his knees and covered his face. What was he going to do now?